Getting a divorce

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Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
When a 'married' woman sleeps with a man that is NOT her husband...
in my humble opinion that makes her poisonous.
My point was not against your opinion of her IF you knew as a FACT that she did that.

My point was that you don't know what she did / did not for a FACT. We have only 1 side of the story from only 1 of the 2 persons involved.
(You're behaving as if you were there and have seen the situation with your own eyes.)



Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Again, get rid of that piece of trash woman. She is up to no good and is poisonous if she does that to her loyal husband.

AGAIN - do you KNOW the OP personally? how do you know he told us the 100% truth? how do you KNOW he was loyal?
(you're at this stage, ASSUMING everything - based on a post on the forum)
 
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First thing. I've been there. In 2003 my ex-wife left and I learned she was having an affair.

Second point, the actions of another person in breaking her vows are NEVER your fault.

You certainly played a part in the state of your marriage. However, you played no part in her decision to betray her vows to you and make things really bad for your child.

Third, a wayward spouse cannot be trusted. I suspect this affair has been going on for a while and this is her convenient excuse she is using as a smokescreen to justify her affair.

Don't accept ANY blame for her choices. Don't trust her, don't give her the benefit of the doubt. She is proving by her actions of betrayal that she is not worthy of such things.

I'm not saying don't offer forgiveness. I'm saying forgiveness is something that is earned and she is not doing the work.

BTDT, so I know a bit about where you might be. You want to blame yourself and own this. There were two adults in your marriage and you didn't hold a gun to her head and force her to have an affair, or to withhold the full truth about how she felt, etc.

Don't own one gram of her responsibility for what is happening.
 
Best advice is gonna be to not cry about it, not be polite about it, and not compromise and do what you think is best. Get a lawyer because you're about to go to war if its really going that way and know that you deserve what is best because you never started the problem.

Yeah it sounds harsh and brutal but spending the next ten years with none of your assets paying your ex-wife most of your income because you settled and wanted to be fair about it is an all too common occurrence.

But that's me; I'm the cynical type; the law is swift and brutal if you let it roll over you. Obviously it depends on the situation but its important to remember you're in a situation where you can be highly, highly vulnerable to long term legal ramifications and that's not something really worth just "settling with".

Edit: This is just me saying don't let yourself fall into a position where you feel at fault or feel like you just want to politely slink away and let things be, it happens a lot and people fall into a huge trap they spend years digging themselves out of.
 
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Some more important steps.

1. Do not leave your marital home.
2. Do not let her take your child.
3. If you want to control the matter, file the divorce yourself. Even if you don't want a divorce. If you file, you control much of the timing of the process. She has to respond to you, not the other way around. You can file for custody of the child.
4. Gather facts. Let your lawyer hold the facts. Phone records, computer records, etc. Anything that is on mutual property such as a cell phone in your name or a computer in your possession is likely free game.
5. Document your parenting. If you take your child to school, daycare, doctors appointments, etc, you want documentation in a custody fight.

I'm sure a good lawyer will have more advice. You need to operate on logic, not feelings here. If you can't keep your cool around her, then let your lawyer or someone else do the talking.

If she wants to move out, let her. However, don't let her take your child.

If she is an authorized user on your credit, cut off her access today.

If she has moved out of the marital home, seek both custody AND child support from her.

Many of these things may let her witness the reality and legitimate consequences of her actions.

Do not act vindictively, you need to protect your child from the drama she is bringing to your family.

She is free to go, but you must protect your child from her drama.
 
The only thing that i ask if i am having a problem with someone the best thing to do is to talk it out and come to a solution.If a spouse just gets up and starts an affair behind the other ones back well that is underhanded.If a wife does,nt come to a husband and say we need to work some things out,then that poor guy was never given a fair chance.Maybe the intention is i will try to find something better and if no one will have me i can fall back on old hubby(2nd best choice)that is an ego killer if i ever saw one.And you are right 1 side of the story is not the whole story.Innocent until proven guilty.The brothers are just looking out for you.Good luck.
"Some people just need a check up from the neck up"
 
I just wanted to add to the recommendation to "lawyer up". I've seen two guys decide to not spend the money on a lawyer. Both felt that they could just explain things to the judge and reason it out. They had their backsides handed to them and most of their assets as well as future earnings handed to their ex. All their buddies urged them to lawyer up and some offered to even kick in some $ to help. Both guys didn't want to spend the money and are now kicking themselves in the backside everyday.

You can either pay a lawyer thousands now or pay your ex hundreds per month for a very, very long time.

One card to keep in your back pocket is that if your spouse is active duty military, she can be punished under UCMJ for adultery if she's living with another man not her spouse.
 
Definatly get a great lawyer. My curant gf went through a nasty divorce 10 yrs ago. Her husband was cheating and not doing much for the. houshold. My gf lost everything she put into it including her house.
 
Originally Posted By: BrownBox88
And she's already sleeping with another guy, not sure if anything sexual is going on but she admitted to sleeping in the same bed with another guy, one of her friends from high school.

My advice would be to share as little of such details on the internet as possible. Hire a lawyer and only discuss it with him/her.
 
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Originally Posted By: BrownBox88
And she's already sleeping with another guy, not sure if anything sexual is going on but she admitted to sleeping in the same bed with another guy, one of her friends from high school.

My advice would be to share as little of such details on the internet as possible. Hire a lawyer and only discuss it with him/her.


As RW1 pointed out, the soon-to-be-ex could potentially be looking at a year of incarceration. She's in the military, so it could work in your favour that she has acted in a manner befitting a scum sucking waste of biomass. You need a lawyer to help figure out how to use this and other thing to reach a favourable outcome. Don't talk about it too much here or elsewhere until you have proper legal advice.

All of us armchair quarterbacks can tell you what we think makes sense but we're not the ones who have a future and a child's future on the line.
 
Marriage is a sacred bond between a husband and wife.

If she is married and hopping in bed with another man then you need to file divorce ASAP !!!
If she is doing what you say she is doing that means she could care less about her marriage, has ZERO respect for you and her child.

Take javacontour's free advice as he was once in your shoes. It's a shame when a woman is unhappy in her marriage and just forgets about her husband and child to be with some character thinking it's going to be all sunshine and roses. Good luck in divorce court.
 
Sorry to hear this.

I am especially sorry a child is involved with their parents issues. I hope it all works out in the best way possible for your child whether you guys stay together or are apart.
 
Originally Posted By: BrownBox88
Is there anything I can do as far as her being a military member?


Talk to her superiors, talk to someone in JAG is what I would do.
 
Engage a lawyer first and discuss any contact with her chain of command with him, first. He should be able to advise on the best way to engage the chain of command and with what means.

At this point, I would not initiate contact without legal advice from my lawyer first.
 
Originally Posted By: BrownBox88
After three years of being together and having a child, wife wants a divorce. Of course, I'm the one to blame for all of it. And she's already sleeping with another guy, not sure if anything sexual is going on but she admitted to sleeping in the same bed with another guy, one of her friends from high school. She hasn't filed any divorce papers yet though, called the courthouse to check.
And my family wonders why I have such a huge problem with getting married. It's because women are raised and conditioned to hate their husbands and to leave them whenever something better - whether real or imagined - comes along. It makes me sick, and it's enough to keep me out of the game.
 
Sorry to hear Brownbox. As others, been there, done that. Ask around for a good lawyer and interview him/her. You need to feel comfortable with them as you will be telling them things that you'd only talk about with close friends. That said, try mediation assuming they have that by you. Lawyers are very expensive.
 
Get a lawyer. Do this NOW. Document where you are, what you do, and who you see EVERY SECOND OF EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY! Clean out your back accounts and cancel all joint cards...deal exclusively in cash. Expect her to accuse you of hitting her, molesting your child, or both. At least consider grabbing the kid and skipping the country.
 
^^^ LOL @ Jarlaxie - grab the kid and skip the country ?
way to remain organized and deal with the matter in a lawful, logical manner...not to mention avoid other lawsuits and accusations !
 
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
When a 'married' woman sleeps with a man that is NOT her husband...
in my humble opinion that makes her poisonous.

I wonder what two people who are in lust (and sinning) are doing in the bedroom ???

Again, get rid of that piece of trash woman. She is up to no good and is poisonous if she does that to her loyal husband.

I gotta agree wholeheartedly, get rid of her asap.
 
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