Doing alright. Basically it was a slow drift toward an iceberg and it is finally happening. I don't want to post too much on hate or blame here, and I've done enough with counseling, psychologist, and lawyers to know that I'm actually coming out ok mentally and financially, and have a good custody arrangement, and I'm not in a bad relationship with my ex (she's a good mom just a bad wife) and our kids will have little to no impact. I would say this is the result that most divorcee could dream of and better than in a broken marriage to someone I cannot trust in my life again as a spouse.
So, some serious questions for the wise men and women on BITOG:
1) Assuming I'm practically having an arrangement that's full custody (ex live in walking distance and kids go between us, but prefer to stay with me since I'm actually doing most of the heavy lifting on raising them in the past and will be in the future), the workload will still be about the same as being "married". How do people in situation like me find time for possible future relationship?
2) I'm satisfied being single, I do feel like if I want to date again I would be able to get someone I want. However there may be compatibility match in 2 more dimensions with 2 more kids involved (I have 2, and potential candidates may have either more, want more, or are younger and won't be mature enough to understand), how do people actually deal with this? (I look about 15 years younger than my actual age, even to other people with baby faces I look about 10 years younger).
3) Let's say I find staying single with 2 kids a better choice in my life, and have way to satisfy my need without having to invest in a relationship, my main concern will be if I'll turn into an old sad man as I age without someone I have to negotiate with in life (marriage or live together girlfriend would be about constant negotiation), and loses communication skill, turning into the equivalent of a "crazy". How do people avoid this? Is it worth going through all the dating, relationship, negotiation, etc just to not turn crazy?
4) Financially, I have a good nested egg even after divorce (I actually come out ahead, way ahead, in the divorce), that I can live well and pass down to my kids, and I can spend my time in career, workout, travel, etc. I don't know if guarding it too well is going to work if I were to spend my life with someone else again, and if I do that, it wouldn't make a good future committment. Asset planning would be complicated as $ is always the elephant in the room between step mom / dad's girlfriend vs step children. How do you guys deal with it?
So, some serious questions for the wise men and women on BITOG:
1) Assuming I'm practically having an arrangement that's full custody (ex live in walking distance and kids go between us, but prefer to stay with me since I'm actually doing most of the heavy lifting on raising them in the past and will be in the future), the workload will still be about the same as being "married". How do people in situation like me find time for possible future relationship?
2) I'm satisfied being single, I do feel like if I want to date again I would be able to get someone I want. However there may be compatibility match in 2 more dimensions with 2 more kids involved (I have 2, and potential candidates may have either more, want more, or are younger and won't be mature enough to understand), how do people actually deal with this? (I look about 15 years younger than my actual age, even to other people with baby faces I look about 10 years younger).
3) Let's say I find staying single with 2 kids a better choice in my life, and have way to satisfy my need without having to invest in a relationship, my main concern will be if I'll turn into an old sad man as I age without someone I have to negotiate with in life (marriage or live together girlfriend would be about constant negotiation), and loses communication skill, turning into the equivalent of a "crazy". How do people avoid this? Is it worth going through all the dating, relationship, negotiation, etc just to not turn crazy?
4) Financially, I have a good nested egg even after divorce (I actually come out ahead, way ahead, in the divorce), that I can live well and pass down to my kids, and I can spend my time in career, workout, travel, etc. I don't know if guarding it too well is going to work if I were to spend my life with someone else again, and if I do that, it wouldn't make a good future committment. Asset planning would be complicated as $ is always the elephant in the room between step mom / dad's girlfriend vs step children. How do you guys deal with it?
