Bachelors - Pressure for marriage

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Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Originally Posted By: javacontour
That is why you don't fight in court. Finally, after 10 years, my daughter is coming to live with me.

She asked for all sorts of stuff. Didn't get anywhere near what she wanted. Instead, we have joint custody, I kept the house and two of the three cars and 80 percent of the debt since my income was 80 percent of the household income. I kept all my 401k that I documented I had before we married. She got half of the increase from our wedding day to the day she moved out in 2003. I paid zero of her legal fees and zero alimony. Child support was easy since it was far less than she was spending each month.

Fiscally, I came out on top. Since she was a stay at home mom for the first 4 years of our daughter's life, joint custody was a pretty good win. The income disparity ensured I would pay child support.

But in a bit less than four years, that will be done too. No obligation to ex wifey after that. I will work directly with my daughter regarding any help with college.


What do you suggest then? His ex wanted everything. House, bank accounts, kids, retirement, rental property, things he was getting in his Dad's will, and on and on. She actually made more money then him but also wanted support for her in addition to child support.

Was he supposed to just give it to her without any fight? He fought mostly for his kids because in truth she is a horrible Mother and only wanted them to force child support. He pretty much said give me the kids and you can have the rest but she would only settle for EVERYTHING! Losing his kids is what devastated my friend. I really worry that he will do something to himself out of despair wherever he is.


Only possible way to come out ahead there is to clean out all accounts, max out all credit cards, take every cent he can find in cash, grab the kids, and skip the country.
 
Lots of good advice here, and some bitterness as well.

Their are idiots on both sides of the aisle. My sister wants to marry a real idiot next year who has no job, no money, can't even get money from his family for the wedding because he took a bunch for school and never paid it back. Anyway at least he enjoys cruising around in her car that I paid for half of. Now he can be picky and pick out a nice expensive place that my parents can pay for them to get married in.

Anyway I hope it works out but its a train wreck.

I hope to find a girl someday that is worth marrying but I haven't yet. If I do I'll make sure my assets are protected with trusts and prenups.
 
Originally Posted By: JethroBodine
One benefit to marriage is that you can have as much sex as you want any time you want it...
lol.gif




You either are not married or havn't been married for long, my friend, or just told a really good joke!
hooked.gif
 
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Originally Posted By: javacontour
I agree with don't breed them if you won't feed them.

But what of the guys like me who were the faithful ones, but because wifey thinks the grass is greener, and the general opinion is if wifey is cheating, it must be hubbies fault, the kids go away with the unfaithful mom.

Realize that 66 to 75 percent of all divorces are sought by women. It's not because men are worse behaved. After all, if men are having affairs, is it with other men? Of course not. So all of the social hand-wringing about absent dads is largely a red herring. Stop giving moms custody of their kids when they decide they are tired of dad and you'll find more and more women willing to work on their marriage instead of disposing of their husband while hoping to keep the house, get alimony and child support.

(My ex even wanted me to pay for her lawyer for a divorce I didn't even want. I suggested she have her lover pay her legal fees since she was cheating. It was ugly.)

I simply wonder how many single moms either volunteered or created the situation by removing their baby daddy from the situation?

So let's not just blame the men. As far as marriage goes, women end them up to three times as often as men. Yet we still keep hearing about the absent father.

When will we begin to hear in relative proportion about the wife who is unfaithful and/or simply wants to end her marriage? I for one am tired of men getting the blame for something that in 66 to 75 percent of cases, he didn't even choose, but was forced upon him due to prevalence of No Fault Divorce.


Your story sounds quite familiar....
 
Originally Posted By: exranger06
and none of you are going to talk me out of it.

Huh? Where did that come from? This thread is not about talking someone out of marriage. It's about not letting someone pressure you into it unless it's your own decision. We should all be allowed to make our own decisions in this matter.
 
Originally Posted By: Kuato
Originally Posted By: JethroBodine
One benefit to marriage is that you can have as much sex as you want any time you want it...
lol.gif




You either are not married or havn't been married for long, my friend, or just told a really good joke!
hooked.gif


Exactly what I was thinking....lol.
 
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Originally Posted By: exranger06
and none of you are going to talk me out of it.

Huh? Where did that come from? This thread is not about talking someone out of marriage. It's about not letting someone pressure you into it unless it's your own decision. We should all be allowed to make our own decisions in this matter.

Apparently you missed the 10+ pages of almost everyone saying marriage is a horrible idea, and one would be foolish to even consider getting married. And then one poster specifically told me to "run," unless she's really rich.
 
Yep ! Often with plenty of bagggage too. My philosophy, if you want fresh unspoiled fruits, pick them off the tree yourself instead of pick them from the market.


The older ones just get nuttier with age![/quote]
 
Needs a better lawyer. I had a good one. My ex wife went throught two. Seems any money she got from me ultimately went to pay them. There was a lien on our home wben I went to refinance into my name that she had to clear before I got the house in my name only.
 
Fella's, after reading all of these posts on this thread, I'm lead to believe I got the last peach on the tree. My wife is good to me, very good to me. For 28 years she has been by my side through thick and thin. We've worked together, struggled together, starved together and been happy together. When I was sick, she nursed me. When I was depressed, she cheered me up. When I was frustrated, she calmed me down. When I had ideas on how to make our life better, she supported me.

No doubt, someone will reply she is the last "Edith Bunker." Far from it. She is a strong woman with drive and determination. She is well respected and admired at her place of work. Because of her intelligence and wisdom, she has risen through the ranks to a place of respect and responsibility.

Have we had our arguments and fights? Yes we have, (in the early days I grew to be an expert at catching dishes and coffee cups). But we were both young and immature. Yet the one thing neither of us would ever consider was divorce. We didn't settle for being mad or living in anger, we worked it out and we worked through it. Over the years, the arguments have gotten less and less and when they do happen, it takes hours or minutes to work out rather than days.

I know there are good reasons for divorce, but I firmly believe too many run too quickly to the divorce solution rather than try to find a middle ground solution to a problem within the marriage.

I'm not saying the original poster should run out and get married right away to the first girl who says "yes." What I am saying is that there are still good women out there that will make wonder wives and lifetime partners. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with waiting to get married till you're 30, 40 or even 50. There is nothing wrong with staying single your entire life. But lets not scare the OP into thinking that all women are money grabbers whose sole purpose is making men as miserable as possible.
 
Originally Posted By: GreeCguy
Fella's, after reading all of these posts on this thread, I'm lead to believe I got the last peach on the tree. My wife is good to me, very good to me. For 28 years she has been by my side through thick and thin. We've worked together, struggled together, starved together and been happy together. When I was sick, she nursed me. When I was depressed, she cheered me up. When I was frustrated, she calmed me down. When I had ideas on how to make our life better, she supported me.

No doubt, someone will reply she is the last "Edith Bunker." Far from it. She is a strong woman with drive and determination. She is well respected and admired at her place of work. Because of her intelligence and wisdom, she has risen through the ranks to a place of respect and responsibility.

Have we had our arguments and fights? Yes we have, (in the early days I grew to be an expert at catching dishes and coffee cups). But we were both young and immature. Yet the one thing neither of us would ever consider was divorce. We didn't settle for being mad or living in anger, we worked it out and we worked through it. Over the years, the arguments have gotten less and less and when they do happen, it takes hours or minutes to work out rather than days.

I know there are good reasons for divorce, but I firmly believe too many run too quickly to the divorce solution rather than try to find a middle ground solution to a problem within the marriage.

I'm not saying the original poster should run out and get married right away to the first girl who says "yes." What I am saying is that there are still good women out there that will make wonder wives and lifetime partners. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with waiting to get married till you're 30, 40 or even 50. There is nothing wrong with staying single your entire life. But lets not scare the OP into thinking that all women are money grabbers whose sole purpose is making men as miserable as possible.


Again, as with earlier posts from guys married for a long time, it was a far different world when you got married. Current day is a whole new woman. It just is not the same as when you were dating and got married.

Just as it is not the same as it was when my Parents got married( 45 years - Mom passed or it would be 63 today )or my Grand Parents got married( 55 years before Grandfather passed - could have been 78+ ). It is not even the same as when my siblings got married ( 30+ ). You just can't equate experiences from your marriage with modern day. The world has changed big time and not for the better when it comes to family and marriage.
 
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To those who believe that decent women don't exist today, there are probably just as many women who believe that decent men don't exist today. Perspective is an interesting animal; it's different for each one of us. Just as some are sure that the "modern woman" is selfish and gold-digging, there are women who are as sure that the "modern man" is a self-centered machine who is fueled by nothing more than sex and alcohol.

I count myself as blessed to have found my soul mate. There are many from both genders who feel discouraged and I hope and pray that those who are looking for their best-friend-in-life eventually find him or her. You have to want it, though. It's no longer "my" life and "her" life. It's "our" life. Spending an evening with "the guys" playing poker or pool interests me not a single bit. Spending an evening with my family playing a board game with our daughters...that's where it's at for me.

You have to want to be in a loving family to be a part of a loving family.
 
Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Again, as with earlier posts from guys married for a long time, it was a far different world when you got married. Current day is a whole new woman. It just is not the same as when you were dating and got married.

Just as it is not the same as it was when my Parents got married( 45 years - Mom passed or it would be 63 today )or my Grand Parents got married( 55 years before Grandfather passed - could have been 78+ ). It is not even the same as when my siblings got married ( 30+ ). You just can't equate experiences from your marriage with modern day. The world has changed big time and not for the better when it comes to family and marriage.


Not trying to start an argument, but I disagree. I have two beautiful daughters ages 26 and 22 who are both married to wonderful husbands and have happy marriages. My son, age 19, is dating a very nice young girl, (also 19) and they have a very nice and happy relationship.

30 years ago when I was on the dating scene, it was the same then as it is now. There were girls/women who seemed to thrive on drama, (I even dated a few of them). I had friends who were married then, (they were older than me), that I truly felt sorry for them as their wives made their life miserable. On the other side of the coin, I knew girls then who dated guys who treated them horribly.

In my opinion, it's all about respect and honor. You have to have respect for each other and you have to be an honorable person for things to work out and be happy.

On the one hand, I am tempted to think the problem is where you meet the girl to begin with. If you meet the girl in a bar or party scene, can you truly expect to have a loving, lasting relationship. But then I have to sit back and think of how I met my wife and how we got together and that pretty much blows that whole theory right out of the water which further convinces me - nothing has changed.
 
Today's average american woman is heavily influenced by all the cruddy TV hen shows, beauty magazines and gossip columns. These, like everything, are designed for ratings, and will do say and promote ideas along the lines of nearly anything a woman wants, is right, and any means to get it, is right, so you go girl!

Most women are searching out what they view as inequalities, stamping their feet with a whiny "No Fair" attitude, and looking consciously or subconsciously for a male to punish for it, whether it be a son, sibling, or spouse.

Misandry is no so prevalent in our society, we don't even notice it. Certainly not women, and men are conditioned from childhood to think they are just blind fools being led around by their little head, and need a strong woman to tie them down and keep them in line. The way so many males are raised today, many do need this, and that then justifies women's opinions of all men, everywhere.

Look at most any product marketed for women. It will show some savvy woman outsmarting a buffoon of a man.

Imagine if this scenario were reversed. Women would be marching in the streets and boycotting products and whole companies for sexism and misogyny.

Yet biases against men are viewed as humorous, normal,and culturally acceptable.

Just look at a fair percentage of successful sitcoms from the last 15 years. Male buffoons with all knowing and "strong' women who keep them in line by continuous 'humorous' forms of emasculation, and the canned laughter designed to influence you as to what is funny.

This has become the new normal in the social interactions between men and women, and today's male has been conditioned to agree that he is a just pig deserved of being kept in line by some ball busting, all knowing woman.

Now I'm not saying All men, or All women are like this, just that the trend of out culture has dipped in this sad demented direction, and from all observances is spiraling toward oblivion.

I know I am coming off as some bitter misogynist and wont deny that. I just urge you men to actually notice all the biases against yourselves, and not be so accepting of them, just because agreeing with a woman is easier than dealing with her tantrums until she gets her way.
 
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I just got married at 33. The best advice I can give to anybody is to gain experience through dating and never rush things. You can't know what you want in a long term partner without experiencing both good and bad relationships.

After enough experience the "you just know" cliche very much applies. When I met my wife I knew within a couple of weeks that she would be the one I spent my life with.
 
Originally Posted By: exranger06
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Originally Posted By: exranger06
and none of you are going to talk me out of it.

Huh? Where did that come from? This thread is not about talking someone out of marriage. It's about not letting someone pressure you into it unless it's your own decision. We should all be allowed to make our own decisions in this matter.

Apparently you missed the 10+ pages of almost everyone saying marriage is a horrible idea, and one would be foolish to even consider getting married. And then one poster specifically told me to "run," unless she's really rich.

but also a few folks said, "i'm happy for you", "good for you", so there are a few folks that care for you genuinely.
so good luck, start thinking of "us", not me and her ("my future wife" comes to mind, wedding is just a ceremony) and try to get trough what life trows at you together.
it will either break both of you or make both of you stronger.

to the other guys, don't worry, you already know things could be worst, so enjoy what you have and maybe things will get better...

Bobby McFerrin anyone?
 
Originally Posted By: wrcsixeight
Today's average american woman is heavily influenced by all the cruddy TV hen shows, beauty magazines and gossip columns. These, like everything, are designed for ratings, and will do say and promote ideas along the lines of nearly anything a woman wants, is right, and any means to get it, is right, so you go girl!

Most women are searching out what they view as inequalities, stamping their feet with a whiny "No Fair" attitude, and looking consciously or subconsciously for a male to punish for it, whether it be a son, sibling, or spouse.

Misandry is no so prevalent in our society, we don't even notice it. Certainly not women, and men are conditioned from childhood to think they are just blind fools being led around by their little head, and need a strong woman to tie them down and keep them in line. The way so many males are raised today, many do need this, and that then justifies women's opinions of all men, everywhere.

Look at most any product marketed for women. It will show some savvy woman outsmarting a buffoon of a man.

Imagine if this scenario were reversed. Women would be marching in the streets and boycotting products and whole companies for sexism and misogyny.

Yet biases against men are viewed as humorous, normal,and culturally acceptable.

Just look at a fair percentage of successful sitcoms from the last 15 years. Male buffoons with all knowing and "strong' women who keep them in line by continuous 'humorous' forms of emasculation, and the canned laughter designed to influence you as to what is funny.

This has become the new normal in the social interactions between men and women, and today's male has been conditioned to agree that he is a just pig deserved of being kept in line by some ball busting, all knowing woman.

Now I'm not saying All men, or All women are like this, just that the trend of out culture has dipped in this sad demented direction, and from all observances is spiraling toward oblivion.

I know I am coming off as some bitter misogynist and wont deny that. I just urge you men to actually notice all the biases against yourselves, and not be so accepting of them, just because agreeing with a woman is easier than dealing with her tantrums until she gets her way.

Good post. I've had the very same observations regarding how men are often portrayed for decades now. Our media and advertisers can sway or at least taint how our culture perceives gender. Sadly, the same sort of scenario occurs in how particular races are portrayed.
 
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