There are no secrets to marriage

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Actually, it's what author Emerson Eggerichs writes in his book:

Love and Respect

Originally Posted By: Bottom_Feeder
Originally Posted By: Artem
Love and Respect.

Love from the man's half, Respect from the woman's part.

Love your wife and she will respect you.
Respect your husband and he will love you.

With just those two basic principles, a marriage will work.

That's not marriage you're describing. That's dog ownership.

Are you even married?
 
If there is no secret to marriage something is wrong when about half end in divorce. For it to be easy usually means that one of the pair is giving in to the other rather than being a partner.
 
(Any) god has nothing to do with our marriage, and I'm happy to say it's doing just fine. A gift is something freely given, with no work invovled. If people look at a wife or marraige as a gift in those senses, it's no wonder the divorce rate is, what, 50%?

My wife was no "gift". We found each other, and have done everything we can to keep each other (and our family!) together through things that a very large percentage of marriages do not survive through. The only thing we haven't done together is lost a child. I hope we never do.

There are no secrets, your right. Just honesty, compromise, love and time.
 
It is not so much a ridiculous idea. After being married for 13 years i am finding it is true as is my wife. Part of it being the differences between what men and women want.
 
Originally Posted By: Stewart Fan
We celebrated out 16th anniversary two days ago. I've said it more than once,if you marry the right person,marriage is really pretty easy.

I knew after about two weeks of dating I was going to marry her. IIRC I bought the ring before we had dated a month.


I didnt buy the ring so quick, but I totally agree.

I think that football and beer destroy a ton of marriages, the same as finances and infidelity. Someone else put in about doing things together and doing things that she wants. If that does not happen because youre sitting watching football/TV and drinking beer all the time, that's a good reason for her to leave. If she is so vain that she wants to do excessive show-offy things and spend too much money, then her leaving may be a good thing! But that kind of personality trait should be noted early, and enough time spent courting without an emphasis on the physical relationship so that people can really actually know each other...
 
Originally Posted By: tdpark
It is not so much a ridiculous idea. After being married for 13 years i am finding it is true as is my wife. Part of it being the differences between what men and women want.

So you're OK with your wife not loving you, only respecting you? Really? Sorry, but if your wife (yours or anyone's) only respects you, then that means she settled for you. That's not my idea of a healthy marriage and I'm glad mine isn't like that.

Jeez, and people wonder why the divorce rate is so high, and usually initiated by the wife!
 
I don't think that's it at all. Dr Eggerichs writes is that women are hardwired for love and men are hardwired for respect. So we each try to give our spouse what we are "programmed" to like.

It's not that you don't give your spouse one or the other. You make sure that you give your spouse what they are wired for, which is opposite of your own wiring. So men are encouraged to love their wives. Not that they don't love them, but that loving them, in ways that are meaningful to her will pay off more than giving her respect.

Likewise, while the wife is wired to give the husband love, if she really wants to hit the mark with him, she will offer as much if not MORE respect.

It's not a one or the other, it's you need both and sometimes you need to go counter to your programming and give more of what is "unnatural" for you to offer.

Originally Posted By: Bottom_Feeder
Originally Posted By: tdpark
It is not so much a ridiculous idea. After being married for 13 years i am finding it is true as is my wife. Part of it being the differences between what men and women want.

So you're OK with your wife not loving you, only respecting you? Really? Sorry, but if your wife (yours or anyone's) only respects you, then that means she settled for you. That's not my idea of a healthy marriage and I'm glad mine isn't like that.

Jeez, and people wonder why the divorce rate is so high, and usually initiated by the wife!
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour
I don't think that's it at all. Dr Eggerichs writes is that women are hardwired for love and men are hardwired for respect. So we each try to give our spouse what we are "programmed" to like.

It's not that you don't give your spouse one or the other. You make sure that you give your spouse what they are wired for, which is opposite of your own wiring. So men are encouraged to love their wives. Not that they don't love them, but that loving them, in ways that are meaningful to her will pay off more than giving her respect.

Likewise, while the wife is wired to give the husband love, if she really wants to hit the mark with him, she will offer as much if not MORE respect.

It's not a one or the other, it's you need both and sometimes you need to go counter to your programming and give more of what is "unnatural" for you to offer.

Well, that makes a bit more sense, I guess. Thanks for the explanation.
 
Another aspect: What do you mean by love her?

As in:
I will do anything to make her happy?
I would do anything for her?
 
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