If you can actually afford to fight for custody.
I was advised by my lawyer that even though I was a fit parent, that since my ex left with the daughter, "to find herself" and established presidence, that any court battle to obtain more parenting time would probably be a losing battle.
This wasn't due to the fitness of either parent, but manipulation.
Had she said when she was looking at apartments, I'm having an affair and want to take our daughter, you can bet that I would have stopped that.
Instead, she fed me this line about how I was too controlling. (I guess wanting to live debt free and in an environment with open and honest communication is now controlling.) So she wanted to find herself. She couldn't be herself with me around, so she left and took the child.
Since I loved her, I made the mistake of actually believing what she said, and went to work on MYSELF to make sure I wasn't controlling, etc.
Well, while I became a better husband and man all around, precident was established, so I was screwed.
Combine that with the history in our county that for a woman to lose custody she has to be a convicted axe-murderer and it's a losing battle.
So I chose not to fight. I was glad my lawyer was honest, instead of saying, sure, for 20K, we can get you custody of your daughter.
I choose to win my daughters heart (not at the expense of my ex-wife, I would not alienate her as I believe she is trying to do this to me) by being the best dad I can be, taking advantage of every parenting time opportunity, having lunch with her at school, attending her events, taking her to church, having devotions, telephone calls, e-mails, cards in the mail, etc.
Also, by NOT being a DisneyLand dad. Having rules and reasonable expectations. Making her brush her teeth, put her dishes in the dishwasher, make her bed, etc.
It is my goal that she will both feel loved and respected, and ultimately also respect her dad for his love, devotion and guidance.
I see my ex trying to "buy" her love with a new stuffed animal everytime I see her, or when I mention I'd like to buy her a tennis racquet if she sticks with her tennis lessons, that ex-wife suddenly has to buy her a new racquet, etc.
Sure, I could have fought in the courts, but why should I have to?
I plan to win where it matters, in the heart and mind of my daughter. And win honorably, not by tearing down my ex-wife, but by being the best dad I can be.
Still, I would like the system changed so that men wouldn't have to fight to remain a significant part of their children's lives.