Go to funeral or not?

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Oct 10, 2021
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Iowa
My Daughter had a first marriage. They were blessed with one child, my Granddaughter. She is 17 now and a senior in high school. They divorced about 11 years ago.

Anyway, he remarried soon after. Had 3 Sons with the new Wife. Ages now 3, 6, 7. Only met her maybe 3 times, if they came to pickup Granddaughter at my house. Seemed nice enough, and Granddaughter called her a 2nd Mom to me and said they got along good.

Only time I ever see the EX-Son in law is maybe at a softball game. We get along just fine, even though he cheated on my Daughter, which brought on the divorce.

I'm torn and open to suggestions. Really want to be there for my Granddaughter, but don't want to make her Dad's family uncomfortable.

What is your call on this situation?
 
Not sure who died. If it was the cheating son-in-law, and you're not close with any of his family, I'd think it'd be fine to skip. It doesn't sound like you were close to him, and unless if it's to support your granddaughter.

I'd ask your granddaughter to see if she really wanted you to be there, she might have strong opinions on it, and if it's to support her, then let her be your guide.
 
If I'm reading between the lines correctly, it's the 2nd wife who passed away. If so, I would agree with @supton that you could ask your granddaughter how she feels about it. The relationship from you to the 2nd wife seems a bit extended for your appearance to be expected, but if your granddaughter wants you there, go.
 
Yogi Berra said: "You should go to other people's funerals. If you go to theirs, they will come to yours."

But seriously, funerals are for the living, not the deceased. If it would make your grand daughter feel better if you went, then go. You don't need to stay long.
 
There is no bad blood between us. My Daughter's new Husband and him get along fine.

And thanks for the suggestion on asking my Granddaughter's feelings on me attending. I will most likely follow that advice.
 
Is going to the funeral home/wake an option vs the entire funeral?
Also I see no issue with asking your granddaughter if she would like you there, and if you should sit with her.
 
My Daughter had a first marriage. They were blessed with one child, my Granddaughter. She is 17 now and a senior in high school. They divorced about 11 years ago.

Anyway, he remarried soon after. Had 3 Sons with the new Wife. Ages now 3, 6, 7. Only met her maybe 3 times, if they came to pickup Granddaughter at my house. Seemed nice enough, and Granddaughter called her a 2nd Mom to me and said they got along good.

Only time I ever see the EX-Son in law is maybe at a softball game. We get along just fine, even though he cheated on my Daughter, which brought on the divorce.

I'm torn and open to suggestions. Really want to be there for my Granddaughter, but don't want to make her Dad's family uncomfortable.

What is your call on this situation?
Go for your granddaughter. Your relationship with her is really all that matters.
 
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