Nothing in the courts is "on a whim." Standards are weighed and custody is always granted in accordance with the best interest of the child standard. There are many things that weigh into this standard, obviously abuse would be a huge thing. But, that best interest standard is #1 what governs in custody disputes.
ekpolk and other lawyers, please explain rationale behind No-Fault Divorce
- Thread starter javacontour
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If you can actually afford to fight for custody.
I was advised by my lawyer that even though I was a fit parent, that since my ex left with the daughter, "to find herself" and established presidence, that any court battle to obtain more parenting time would probably be a losing battle.
This wasn't due to the fitness of either parent, but manipulation.
Had she said when she was looking at apartments, I'm having an affair and want to take our daughter, you can bet that I would have stopped that.
Instead, she fed me this line about how I was too controlling. (I guess wanting to live debt free and in an environment with open and honest communication is now controlling.) So she wanted to find herself. She couldn't be herself with me around, so she left and took the child.
Since I loved her, I made the mistake of actually believing what she said, and went to work on MYSELF to make sure I wasn't controlling, etc.
Well, while I became a better husband and man all around, precident was established, so I was screwed.
Combine that with the history in our county that for a woman to lose custody she has to be a convicted axe-murderer and it's a losing battle.
So I chose not to fight. I was glad my lawyer was honest, instead of saying, sure, for 20K, we can get you custody of your daughter.
I choose to win my daughters heart (not at the expense of my ex-wife, I would not alienate her as I believe she is trying to do this to me) by being the best dad I can be, taking advantage of every parenting time opportunity, having lunch with her at school, attending her events, taking her to church, having devotions, telephone calls, e-mails, cards in the mail, etc.
Also, by NOT being a DisneyLand dad. Having rules and reasonable expectations. Making her brush her teeth, put her dishes in the dishwasher, make her bed, etc.
It is my goal that she will both feel loved and respected, and ultimately also respect her dad for his love, devotion and guidance.
I see my ex trying to "buy" her love with a new stuffed animal everytime I see her, or when I mention I'd like to buy her a tennis racquet if she sticks with her tennis lessons, that ex-wife suddenly has to buy her a new racquet, etc.
Sure, I could have fought in the courts, but why should I have to?
I plan to win where it matters, in the heart and mind of my daughter. And win honorably, not by tearing down my ex-wife, but by being the best dad I can be.
Still, I would like the system changed so that men wouldn't have to fight to remain a significant part of their children's lives.
I was advised by my lawyer that even though I was a fit parent, that since my ex left with the daughter, "to find herself" and established presidence, that any court battle to obtain more parenting time would probably be a losing battle.
This wasn't due to the fitness of either parent, but manipulation.
Had she said when she was looking at apartments, I'm having an affair and want to take our daughter, you can bet that I would have stopped that.
Instead, she fed me this line about how I was too controlling. (I guess wanting to live debt free and in an environment with open and honest communication is now controlling.) So she wanted to find herself. She couldn't be herself with me around, so she left and took the child.
Since I loved her, I made the mistake of actually believing what she said, and went to work on MYSELF to make sure I wasn't controlling, etc.
Well, while I became a better husband and man all around, precident was established, so I was screwed.
Combine that with the history in our county that for a woman to lose custody she has to be a convicted axe-murderer and it's a losing battle.
So I chose not to fight. I was glad my lawyer was honest, instead of saying, sure, for 20K, we can get you custody of your daughter.
I choose to win my daughters heart (not at the expense of my ex-wife, I would not alienate her as I believe she is trying to do this to me) by being the best dad I can be, taking advantage of every parenting time opportunity, having lunch with her at school, attending her events, taking her to church, having devotions, telephone calls, e-mails, cards in the mail, etc.
Also, by NOT being a DisneyLand dad. Having rules and reasonable expectations. Making her brush her teeth, put her dishes in the dishwasher, make her bed, etc.
It is my goal that she will both feel loved and respected, and ultimately also respect her dad for his love, devotion and guidance.
I see my ex trying to "buy" her love with a new stuffed animal everytime I see her, or when I mention I'd like to buy her a tennis racquet if she sticks with her tennis lessons, that ex-wife suddenly has to buy her a new racquet, etc.
Sure, I could have fought in the courts, but why should I have to?
I plan to win where it matters, in the heart and mind of my daughter. And win honorably, not by tearing down my ex-wife, but by being the best dad I can be.
Still, I would like the system changed so that men wouldn't have to fight to remain a significant part of their children's lives.
Java,
It is very clear your daughter has a father who truly cares for her. Things do change. Please don't let the negative energy of the system and your ex interfere with your relationship with her.
Steve
It is very clear your daughter has a father who truly cares for her. Things do change. Please don't let the negative energy of the system and your ex interfere with your relationship with her.
Steve
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Now I'm not positive ..but from all my divorced former coworkers a "no fault" divorce is simply an option. It's when everyone is happy with how stuff is going to be. You set the conditions ..viola ...the only thing the court system does is provide the rubber stamp. This can still be the case even with two attorneys representing each client. The whole meaning of "no fault" to me ..and in practical sense from our courts perception is that there was no court viewing of the grounds for the divorce ..as in nothing was contested in the conditions of the divorce. The court doesn't determin divisions of assets or whatnot.
My buddy got his divorce. His wife cheated ..he did too. Naturally his was a series of jumps with *****in buddies ..hers was a romance. She never knew about his ...he found out about hers. In the divorce prodecings ..the judge didn't care about her infidelity. That didn't come into play until the custody hearing.
My other buddy got divorced ..the lawyers used guidelines to determine his continued "support" that he owed her and the duration ..the division of assets. The lawyers reached an agreement ..another rubber stamp.
No "grounds" of merit were needed for the divorce
My buddy got his divorce. His wife cheated ..he did too. Naturally his was a series of jumps with *****in buddies ..hers was a romance. She never knew about his ...he found out about hers. In the divorce prodecings ..the judge didn't care about her infidelity. That didn't come into play until the custody hearing.
My other buddy got divorced ..the lawyers used guidelines to determine his continued "support" that he owed her and the duration ..the division of assets. The lawyers reached an agreement ..another rubber stamp.
No "grounds" of merit were needed for the divorce
My daughter finally completed the last phase of a very, very ugly divorce. It went on for 1 year and 8 months. My daughter really just wanted the children (and she was the cargiver 99% even though they both worked) She wanted half the equity in the house. She had taken half the bank account when she walked out. She wasn't interested in his 401K, or the huge amount of savings bonds he had. He was only interested in using the children as a weapon and tried to take them away (even though he was as clueless of raising kids) BTW my daughter had a masters in nursing which included a kot of pediatrics.
Anyway..to make a long story short..no amount of laws can help a situation if one or both parents want to make the divorce a miserable mess. When he began to go overboard she went for half of 401K and his bonds. So after many thousands of dollars and much court time he saw the light and settled for exactly wat she offerred him several days into the separation.
Anyway..to make a long story short..no amount of laws can help a situation if one or both parents want to make the divorce a miserable mess. When he began to go overboard she went for half of 401K and his bonds. So after many thousands of dollars and much court time he saw the light and settled for exactly wat she offerred him several days into the separation.
No fault, only has to do with the dissolution of marriage.
Often the fight is about the other things, custody, splitting of the assets, etc.
The courts don't want to determine these things, but an experienced attorney can tell you how these things typically go if the judge does have to decide, and in my county, it's EOW for parenting time, and maybe (and I say maybe) one night a week or every other week.
Now I DO have joint custody, so my ex-wife cannot just up and take our daughter to Ohio to be with her paramoor. (I wonder if his divorce is final, he will lose a lot, since it was a 30 year marriage, 1/2 of his retirement as a Navy Commander, etc?)
But on a positive note, I just got off the phone with the young lady, and she is excited about our trip to Branson this weekend.
Thanks for all the responses.
Often the fight is about the other things, custody, splitting of the assets, etc.
The courts don't want to determine these things, but an experienced attorney can tell you how these things typically go if the judge does have to decide, and in my county, it's EOW for parenting time, and maybe (and I say maybe) one night a week or every other week.
Now I DO have joint custody, so my ex-wife cannot just up and take our daughter to Ohio to be with her paramoor. (I wonder if his divorce is final, he will lose a lot, since it was a 30 year marriage, 1/2 of his retirement as a Navy Commander, etc?)
But on a positive note, I just got off the phone with the young lady, and she is excited about our trip to Branson this weekend.
Thanks for all the responses.
When they talk about splitting assets, is that the assets themselves, or the dollar value of the assets?
eg.
1. I enter a marriage with a stock portfolio. The portfolio doubles in value during the marriage, then wife decides to cash out and leave. Does she get half the increase in value, or just half the accumulated dividends?
2. I enter a marriage with a stock portfolio. The portfolio drops in value by 50%, then wife decides to look elsewhere. Does she have to cover half the decline?
eg.
1. I enter a marriage with a stock portfolio. The portfolio doubles in value during the marriage, then wife decides to cash out and leave. Does she get half the increase in value, or just half the accumulated dividends?
2. I enter a marriage with a stock portfolio. The portfolio drops in value by 50%, then wife decides to look elsewhere. Does she have to cover half the decline?
JHZR2
Staff member
Too true... courts arent readily accessible to common people for the execution of fair settlements, lawyers have a monopoly on making things 'correct' and stating your case, so charge ridiculous fees that make small fights worthless to get settled.
Who looses out? The common person, who did nothing wrong, and is just looking to be made as whole as possible.
Doesnt matter if its divorce or any other sort of legal action... My good friends mother went through it in a divorce, and spent a LOT of $$$ before it was all through for what? Something fair? Something just? Im getting screwed right now becaue my car got smashed... Im still waiting (2 years after) for settlement.
The legal system sucks. All it does is let people take advantage of one another, and let those with nothing to loose or those with too much money make out, while hurting the regular citizen.
JMH
The divorce procedures, in most cases, are designed to make lawyers rich. Any moron with $5 can get married, there are no tests or qualifications required. But to get divorced you'll usually end up going through h3ll and losing most of your assets in the process. There is no reason that a set of guidelines could not be created governing how divorces were handled, with a court appointed arbitrator making decisions when the spouses could not agree.
I don't think that the rules are fair, but also beleive that they ARE what people make of them.
I've seen people who walk into the court house with a pre-prepared agreement for the judge to endorse.
I've seen vicious people use divorce to try to destroy their former partner. One is taking place at present, where she had their child (now 3) in her bed every night for 3 years, relegating Dad to the couch. He found alternative arrangements, and now she's dedicated to destroying him.
I've seen people who walk into the court house with a pre-prepared agreement for the judge to endorse.
I've seen vicious people use divorce to try to destroy their former partner. One is taking place at present, where she had their child (now 3) in her bed every night for 3 years, relegating Dad to the couch. He found alternative arrangements, and now she's dedicated to destroying him.
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