On being a Bachelor

[Pop_Rivit]

While everyone has the right to live their lives as they see fit, I couldn't imagine making this life journey without my wife.

Marriage is the only way to fully experience the 4 types of love-friendship (philia), passion (eros), everyday familiarity (storge), and above all, a self sacrificing love (agape) where we each put the other's needs above our own. I have to feel a certain amount of pity for someone who will never know the fruits of cultivating a lifelong marital friendship with another person.

 

[bustednutz]

Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
While everyone has the right to live their lives as they see fit, I couldn't imagine making this life journey without my wife.

Marriage is the only way to fully experience the 4 types of love-friendship (philia), passion (eros), everyday familiarity (storge), and above all, a self sacrificing love (agape) where we each put the other's needs above our own. I have to feel a certain amount of pity for someone who will never know the fruits of cultivating a lifelong marital friendship with another person.



You sir are an extremely fortunate man. So many cannot say the same.
I didn't start this thread to become a form of women bashing. Just as a form to demonstrate how I've lived my life so far.

 

[Stelth]

I'm pretty much a "live and let live" kind of guy, so while I don't desire your lifestyle, it makes no difference to me if you do.

I'm a happily married guy, 31 years so far. I don't ask you to approve or disapprove, just as you don't need my approval or disapproval.

BTW, to you bachelors out there, I recommend the Joe Jackson song, "Happy Loving Couples," from the Look Sharp album. Great album in any case.

 

[bustednutz]

Joe Jackson is cool, but I prefer "Is she really goin' out with him"

 

[JHZR2]

Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
While everyone has the right to live their lives as they see fit, I couldn't imagine making this life journey without my wife.

Marriage is the only way to fully experience the 4 types of love-friendship (philia), passion (eros), everyday familiarity (storge), and above all, a self sacrificing love (agape) where we each put the other's needs above our own. I have to feel a certain amount of pity for someone who will never know the fruits of cultivating a lifelong marital friendship with another person.



Agree 100%. Well said.

 

[surfstar]

Originally Posted By: dailydriver

The one that REALLY makes me laugh out loud, and shake my head in disgust, is the "you're just being selfish because you do not want offspring" line.

I fully embrace this line!

Kids take time + money. The two things that can be the hardest to come by. Simplify a life w/o offspring and you suddenly have time and money to spend

 

[TooManyWheels]

Originally Posted By: surfstar
Originally Posted By: dailydriver

The one that REALLY makes me laugh out loud, and shake my head in disgust, is the "you're just being selfish because you do not want offspring" line.

I fully embrace this line!

Kids take time + money. The two things that can be the hardest to come by. Simplify a life w/o offspring and you suddenly have time and money to spend

What is galling is the unspoken assumption on the part of the admonisher that you have some obligation to him or others that you are unwilling to fulfill. Anyone who has that expectation of me, I in return expect can just go (choose your own expletive here)!

 

[NHHEMI]

Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
While everyone has the right to live their lives as they see fit, I couldn't imagine making this life journey without my wife.

Marriage is the only way to fully experience the 4 types of love-friendship (philia), passion (eros), everyday familiarity (storge), and above all, a self sacrificing love (agape) where we each put the other's needs above our own. I have to feel a certain amount of pity for someone who will never know the fruits of cultivating a lifelong marital friendship with another person.



Originally Posted By: Stelth
I'm pretty much a "live and let live" kind of guy, so while I don't desire your lifestyle, it makes no difference to me if you do.

I'm a happily married guy, 31 years so far. I don't ask you to approve or disapprove, just as you don't need my approval or disapproval.

BTW, to you bachelors out there, I recommend the Joe Jackson song, "Happy Loving Couples," from the Look Sharp album. Great album in any case.


Pop_Rivit - When did you get married( I believe many years ago ). Stelth - by your quote you have been married for over 30 years( that is great btw ).

The vast majority of the pro marriage folks here at BITOG have been married a long time. I think it skews your perspective on what faces single men THESE days.

It is a different world and a very different woman( how they think and act )out there now. It's a real [censored] shoot these days.

I wonder if you would have the same fortune if you were young and got married now vs back when you did?

 

[SAJEFFC]

Originally Posted By: wrcsixeight
I've no desire to keep a woman happy.

Sure I like to make them happy, love to make a pretty one smile, have one entwine herself into my arms....

But to keep one happy. No way. That smile can change to dagger eyes when she doesn't get what she wants. She can justify any of her behavior, no matter how reprehensible, turn it around and make it the man's fault and fully believe her twisted logic.

Apparently, anything that ever happened at any point in history that was detrimental to woman, is the fault of all living men today, and we must all be punished.

This is apparently the goal of feminism, not empowering women through their own accomplishments when dealt equal opportunities, but simply the degradation of men at any and all opportunities with a 'You go Sister' pat on the back. Since we are all just pigs being led around with our little heads anyway.

In retrospect, I hate the person I had became when I developed strong feelings for a woman. Led around by the nose yes honey, no honey, what ever you want just don't freaking go off on some emotional irrational and partially Psychotic rant cause it is your prerogative.

Wait, too late.... emotional tornado spinning up ready to take out the whole state in the quest for accumulation and display of shiny baubles, and/or shoes. Lots and lots of shoes. Only Shoes or the promise of shoes can quell the storm. You better deliver!

It's like emerging from a cocoon when the spell is broken. A new life begins. Hopefully you can change the locks in time before she gets together with her evil girlfriends and plans your physical emasculation since her plans to complete the figurative task and have a lifelong servant have fallen through. How dare you waste her time?

I am however open to foreign women, but the majority of ones raised in Western culture within the last 4 decades are just overwhelmingly greedy and evil, and are eager pupils on how to become more so, with no shortage of sources to promote the female agenda.

I have married friends who are 5 years younger than me. They look 5 years older. I don't really hang around them anymore. It is so depressing seeing them just resigned to being a servant. But mostly the wives don't want them around me less my freedom to do what I want snaps them out of their ball-less stupor.

If you are still young have found a good young woman, perhaps you should snap her up, cause the leftovers are not worth the shoes left in their closets, and somehow it is your fault, you just don't know it yet.

Best post in the whole thread! I'm 55 and single for 25 yrs and have experienced this story several times. AMEN brother...not worth the trouble!

 

[LazyPrizm]

On the other hand...

Quote:
Now, Koerber is part of a growing club: people who divorce after age 50. The divorce rate for this group doubled between 1990 and 2010, according to a study by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.

"This surprised us, because the rate for younger people has leveled off," said lead researcher Susan Brown, a sociology professor. "In 1990, only 1 in 10 divorces were people 50 and older. Now it's 1 in 4."


I don't quite buy the "they don't make women like they used to" thing. And I'm single. All that foreign bride talk kind of sounds like you want a house-servant with "extra duties" IMO... I like dating women who I consider partners, who have their own lives, not ones who keep their eyes on the ground and do my laundry for me.

 

[bustednutz]

Originally Posted By: LazyPrizm
On the other hand...

Quote:
Now, Koerber is part of a growing club: people who divorce after age 50. The divorce rate for this group doubled between 1990 and 2010, according to a study by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.

"This surprised us, because the rate for younger people has leveled off," said lead researcher Susan Brown, a sociology professor. "In 1990, only 1 in 10 divorces were people 50 and older. Now it's 1 in 4."


I don't quite buy the "they don't make women like they used to" thing. And I'm single. All that foreign bride talk kind of sounds like you want a house-servant with "extra duties" IMO... I like dating women who I consider partners, who have their own lives, not ones who keep their eyes on the ground and do my laundry for me.


But you have to admit......the occasional load of laundry or meal is a really nice touch.

 

[Colt45ws]

Yea, I dont really see myself marrying. I pretty much go out of my way to avoid talking to anybody unless I have to anyway, so the chances Ill find someone are pretty slim.

 

[doitmyself]

The one thing that I notice in these bashing threads is that no one has manned up to admit that today's man has lots of personality disorders also. Self esteem, ego, "John Wayne syndrome", etc.. I hear men bicker about petty things all the time.....not here, of course!

While the women issues are notable, I think about the condition of our world regarding war, the environment,corporate scandals, politics, the economy, etc., and I only have to look into the mirror to see which gender is more responsible for much of this mayhem.

I think it is hypocritical to put so much blame on just women. I know too many man-children.

 

[Stelth]

Originally Posted By: NHHEMI
Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
While everyone has the right to live their lives as they see fit, I couldn't imagine making this life journey without my wife.

Marriage is the only way to fully experience the 4 types of love-friendship (philia), passion (eros), everyday familiarity (storge), and above all, a self sacrificing love (agape) where we each put the other's needs above our own. I have to feel a certain amount of pity for someone who will never know the fruits of cultivating a lifelong marital friendship with another person.



Originally Posted By: Stelth
I'm pretty much a "live and let live" kind of guy, so while I don't desire your lifestyle, it makes no difference to me if you do.

I'm a happily married guy, 31 years so far. I don't ask you to approve or disapprove, just as you don't need my approval or disapproval.

BTW, to you bachelors out there, I recommend the Joe Jackson song, "Happy Loving Couples," from the Look Sharp album. Great album in any case.


Pop_Rivit - When did you get married( I believe many years ago ). Stelth - by your quote you have been married for over 30 years( that is great btw ).

The vast majority of the pro marriage folks here at BITOG have been married a long time. I think it skews your perspective on what faces single men THESE days.

It is a different world and a very different woman( how they think and act )out there now. It's a real [censored] shoot these days.

I wonder if you would have the same fortune if you were young and got married now vs back when you did?


A valid question, and one I of course can't answer. I have one married daughter, and a son who is getting pretty serious with a girl. My best recommendation to anyone considering marriage is to get pre-marital counseling. A good counselor can ferret out some of the future problems that may come up, and at least get a good idea if two people are capable of commitment. My wife and I didn't get any pre-marital counseling, but it probably would have helped us understand how to deal with the kinds of things that come up in relationships.

After 31 years of marriage, I can honestly say that I'm pretty familiar with my wife's strengths and weaknesses, and I've certainly had a good look at my own. I don't worship her, but I love her more deeply than I would have thought possible. Just as an aside, if dogs are capable of worship, our dogs do worship my wife. She's definitely the alpha as far as they're concerned.

But I do think that there are women out there who are looking for a life-long commitment, and are capable of it. Yes, it's harder, since divorce becomes more acceptable every day, and more people feel entitled, but I would certainly hope that my kids are capable of the necessary commitment, and I do see what appear to be pretty good marriages among young people.

 

[Stelth]

Originally Posted By: doitmyself
The one thing that I notice in these bashing threads is that no one has manned up to admit that today's man has lots of personality disorders also. Self esteem, ego, "John Wayne syndrome", etc.. I hear men bicker about petty things all the time.....not here, of course!

While the women issues are notable, I think about the condition of our world regarding war, the environment,corporate scandals, politics, the economy, etc., and I only have to look into the mirror to see which gender is more responsible for much of this mayhem.

I think it is hypocritical to put so much blame on just women. I know too many man-children.


Amen, brother!

 

[bustednutz]

As the O.P. of this topic I just want to say that it was not started to bash the opposite sex. It was simply an initial post on what its been like being a bachelor in my life to this current time.

 

[VeeDubb]

I'm a big believer in the idea you shouldn't do something just because of family or social pressure. I've seen too many unhappy marriages and problem children from people who marry or have kids just because "they're supposed to."

Marry someone who will become your best friend and will help you become a better person.

As for marriage being harder today, I don't think you can blame it on only one gender. Roles have changed radically and we are still trying to figure it out because our parents' marriages are not necessarily models anymore. I often see older couples with clearly defined roles and marriage must be a lot easier. But I also feel bad for some of them because the guy is so helpless outside of his role as the money earner and the woman thinks her worth in life is defined by her ability to wait on him. That kinda marriage would bore the [censored] out of me. Modern marriages are more challenging but also a heck of a lot more interesting. But you do have to make sure you dont marry just anyone.

 

[bustednutz]

Originally Posted By: VeeDubb
I'm a big believer in the idea you shouldn't do something just because of family or social pressure. I've seen too many unhappy marriages and problem children from people who marry or have kids just because "they're supposed to."

Marry someone who will become your best friend and will help you become a better person.

As for marriage being harder today, I don't think you can blame it on only one gender. Roles have changed radically and we are still trying to figure it out because our parents' marriages are not necessarily models anymore. I often see older couples with clearly defined roles and marriage must be a lot easier. But I also feel bad for some of them because the guy is so helpless outside of his role as the money earner and the woman thinks her worth in life is defined by her ability to wait on him. That kinda marriage would bore the [censored] out of me. Modern marriages are more challenging but also a heck of a lot more interesting. But you do have to make sure you dont marry just anyone.


I know a lifelong female friend that got married about 10 years ago in her early 30's simply because it was the thing to do. She told me that she felt like the clock was ticking and she did it before it was "too late". Too late for what though? Well 10 years later she is completely miserable, constantly complains about her life and tends to self medicate and drink her problems away. Its very sad to see. I guess society and currently married friends pressure you to marry even when you know its not right. Especially if youre a female. I truly believe that women feel the pressure to marry and have children far more then any man.

On the other side of that I also have a female friend in her mid 40's that has never married and refuses to do so unless its the real thing. She is happy with herself and refuses to be pressured into it from family and friends. She's attractive, enjoys dating, but just refuses to "settle". And in todays world with all the different pressures and uncertanties I don't blame people for not getting married.

 

[dailydriver]

Originally Posted By: LazyPrizm
On the other hand...

Quote:
Now, Koerber is part of a growing club: people who divorce after age 50. The divorce rate for this group doubled between 1990 and 2010, according to a study by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.

"This surprised us, because the rate for younger people has leveled off," said lead researcher Susan Brown, a sociology professor. "In 1990, only 1 in 10 divorces were people 50 and older. Now it's 1 in 4."


I don't quite buy the "they don't make women like they used to" thing. And I'm single. All that foreign bride talk kind of sounds like you want a house-servant with "extra duties" IMO... I like dating women who I consider partners, who have their own lives, not ones who keep their eyes on the ground and do my laundry for me.


See, I will only date eastern/southeastern Asian/Pacific Island women, NOT because of the subservient/totally passive/'can't think for themselves or express anything' traits you've assigned to them above (which I have found out is NOT the case with most of them), but because they seem MUCH more kind, gentle, loving, and much less like the horror show which wrcsixeight described in his post about American/'Americanized' women (unless they also have been 'Americanized' once living here

).

That, and I LOVE the way the good looking ones look MUCH more than the 'aryan ideal' blue-eyed blondie accepted/taken for granted as the ONLY form of beauty standard.

Call me shallow.

 

[GMFan]

26 year old bachelor here...Congrats to the folks who are happily married for 20-30+ years but times have changed. Feminism has destroyed the concept of marriage for me.

The fact of the matter is women want to be on the pedestal with men and want identity which means career is more important than settling down etc. However as natural they want and put out for sex like alley cats in the clubs meanwhile and men find they can get it without marrying. Hence why buy the cow when the milk is free. It's not rocket science. A few generations ago people did not have sex prior to marriage and now people expect it after a few dates. A few generations ago men and women married quickly after the peak of puberty and there was no need to act like a dog in heat at 26 years old. The hippies wanted people to be free and do what felt right...now we see the result.

Enjoy what you've sown.

I'm proud to be a man, working with my two hands, seeing the fruits of my labor and enjoying what I've earned. I like getting dirty, shooting guns, drinking whiskey or beer on the weekends and a cigar. I like making my own decisions. I like speaking my mind and don't care who I offend. I don't always like sharing my feelings and I don't like to complain about things in my life...I will work to fix them rather than complain. These used to be normal traits for a man. Today I'm likely to be defined as cold, unfeeling, insensitive, dirty and chauvinistic pig.