Moderately insufferable soapbox moment - stick with me here. I'll let the caption with the picture stand by itself and this post is in response to that caption. You can chase down the Atlantic story behind the paywall if you wish but it's not necessary to understand my comment.
As a pediatric dentist, I see kids and parents at their most stressed, and over the course of the last 15 years, I've seen a sharp decline in the general coping skills of kids. I'm GenX and was a latchkey kid from 1st grade on because both of my parents worked FT. I had an older brother and sister around but my childhood was A LOT of time consisting of me being left to my own devices to "figure it out". How to feed myself. How to fix my bike. How to navigate great distances on my bike and return home safely. My parents were rarely around for these things and I'm not complaining. I think the "freedom" of my childhood was awesome. Was there a higher degree of unsafety and are there better ways to parent? Sure, and I'm not advocating that parents not be involved in their kids' lives but we as a society constantly infantilize our children treating them like they are fragile and helpless. Parents today conflate their children’s success with their success and their children’s failures with their failures. These parenting practices lead to a pseudo-Munchausen by proxy-like parenting style where parents unknowingly cripple their children’s development and coping skills so they can direct every aspect of their children’s lives under constant supervision, swoop in to be the hero who knocks down the barrier or makes some wrong right, so the parent can be the center of attention.
These practices are of course a disservice to our children and it is leading to older teens and young adults who have no problem-solving skills, no coping skills, who are crippled by anxiety and depression, and who remain dependent on mommy and daddy dearest.
Let our kids grow up. Let our kids have their own successes and failures. Let our kids learn how to become an adult in what is a very difficult world that requires skills in problem-solving, coping, and perseverance.
My kids are far from perfect but they are pretty well-rounded. They are respectful, polite, kind, have no problems making and maintaining friends, no problems making and maintaining relationships with the opposite sex, no problems speaking to adults and strangers, they do well in school, and they are generally a pleasure to be around. My wife and I never swooped in if there was an issue with a teacher at school. We would tell our kids to go to Mr. or Ms. and figure it out and that's what they did. We had a similar tact with peer issues and yes occasionally we had to intervene but not until our kids tried on their own.
What did we do? We let them have enough space to experience success and failure and we didn't see it as our success or failure. We gave them the space needed to make some smaller mistakes and helped guide them always from making big mistakes. We demanded that they look people in the eye and shake their hand. We demanded that they always respond with a please and thank you. We showed our kids how to do these things by doing them ourselves. We require our kids to have jobs after 16 because there is tremendous value in learning to make your own money and develop the skillset needed to make money, learn how to deal with the public, your boss, your co-workers. We have made it abundantly clear that our goal is to grow little people, into well-rounded and happy big people, so they can get the heck out of our house and go be productive humans. Our goal is not to make their lives easier or live vicariously through them or to be their friends. We don't condition our love on being the best or the fastest or the smartest but we also call a spade a spade and when one of them doesn't put in the effort we call them on it. We have always made it known that we are in charge and we are the authority figures but we did not abuse that position. The result has been what would've been thirty years ago three exceptionally average and "normal" kids but now they are three exceptional kids simply because they possess these basic traits and skills in a time where most of their peers are greatly lacking even the basics. On a positive, many kids are so screwed up today it should be much easier for the kids who aren't screwed up to get ahead.
“Life is a bumpy ride, kid. Here, put on a helmet”. -Some modern-day philosopher
As a pediatric dentist, I see kids and parents at their most stressed, and over the course of the last 15 years, I've seen a sharp decline in the general coping skills of kids. I'm GenX and was a latchkey kid from 1st grade on because both of my parents worked FT. I had an older brother and sister around but my childhood was A LOT of time consisting of me being left to my own devices to "figure it out". How to feed myself. How to fix my bike. How to navigate great distances on my bike and return home safely. My parents were rarely around for these things and I'm not complaining. I think the "freedom" of my childhood was awesome. Was there a higher degree of unsafety and are there better ways to parent? Sure, and I'm not advocating that parents not be involved in their kids' lives but we as a society constantly infantilize our children treating them like they are fragile and helpless. Parents today conflate their children’s success with their success and their children’s failures with their failures. These parenting practices lead to a pseudo-Munchausen by proxy-like parenting style where parents unknowingly cripple their children’s development and coping skills so they can direct every aspect of their children’s lives under constant supervision, swoop in to be the hero who knocks down the barrier or makes some wrong right, so the parent can be the center of attention.
These practices are of course a disservice to our children and it is leading to older teens and young adults who have no problem-solving skills, no coping skills, who are crippled by anxiety and depression, and who remain dependent on mommy and daddy dearest.
Let our kids grow up. Let our kids have their own successes and failures. Let our kids learn how to become an adult in what is a very difficult world that requires skills in problem-solving, coping, and perseverance.
My kids are far from perfect but they are pretty well-rounded. They are respectful, polite, kind, have no problems making and maintaining friends, no problems making and maintaining relationships with the opposite sex, no problems speaking to adults and strangers, they do well in school, and they are generally a pleasure to be around. My wife and I never swooped in if there was an issue with a teacher at school. We would tell our kids to go to Mr. or Ms. and figure it out and that's what they did. We had a similar tact with peer issues and yes occasionally we had to intervene but not until our kids tried on their own.
What did we do? We let them have enough space to experience success and failure and we didn't see it as our success or failure. We gave them the space needed to make some smaller mistakes and helped guide them always from making big mistakes. We demanded that they look people in the eye and shake their hand. We demanded that they always respond with a please and thank you. We showed our kids how to do these things by doing them ourselves. We require our kids to have jobs after 16 because there is tremendous value in learning to make your own money and develop the skillset needed to make money, learn how to deal with the public, your boss, your co-workers. We have made it abundantly clear that our goal is to grow little people, into well-rounded and happy big people, so they can get the heck out of our house and go be productive humans. Our goal is not to make their lives easier or live vicariously through them or to be their friends. We don't condition our love on being the best or the fastest or the smartest but we also call a spade a spade and when one of them doesn't put in the effort we call them on it. We have always made it known that we are in charge and we are the authority figures but we did not abuse that position. The result has been what would've been thirty years ago three exceptionally average and "normal" kids but now they are three exceptional kids simply because they possess these basic traits and skills in a time where most of their peers are greatly lacking even the basics. On a positive, many kids are so screwed up today it should be much easier for the kids who aren't screwed up to get ahead.
“Life is a bumpy ride, kid. Here, put on a helmet”. -Some modern-day philosopher
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them to talk to adults at stores, ask the questions, make phone calls. Behave in restaurants, please, thank you. They had to help with chores. They also got to go on all the school trips (even over seas and CA on school breaks without us).
