At the risk of making any public admissions, and keeping this short and sweet and within forum rules, I'd say my happiness is pretty low, but I have good days and bad, filled with stress. I'm deeply appreciative of my relatively good health at my age, for starters. I have many things to be thankful for, and bluntly that's what keeps me going. I have survived numerous near death and near serious injury events. I've lived a very rugged and hard life, by current standards anyway. Most people tend to be deeply engaging with me in person, when I tell them of my life experiences and frankly I'm surprised I'm still above ground. I've lived a relatively rich and fulfilled life with my travels, careers, education, hobbies, and adventures while remaining relatively unscathed. So I have a lot to be thankful for. But, now, I live in memories of happier times. I listen to and watch a lot of movies/tv/music from decades ago. And I do have several amazing hobbies that I don't get to do often but I really enjoy. And a great dog that I cherish. And, I have had a very rewarding life and career, and in my career I have done tremendous good for hundreds of clients, in many instances making positive life changing wins, keeping innocent men from prison, losing careers, or millions of dollars in retirements.
But there has been tremendous deep loss and disappointment in my life. I lost my only parent far too early to cancer (we had a very close relationship), my best friend committed suicide totally without warning a couple years ago, I've lost 2 other friends to suicides, I've had a few other good friends die far too young, and in the last year I've lost a few others I cared about, along with putting down 2 dogs in the last decade (I'm a dog person, I like them more than most people), which has all been extremely hard on me. I did several combat tours in Iraq, and I'm dealing with the aftermath of some relatively serious injuries in the military, which are getting worse with age. Unlike a lot of people who grow up, plant roots, make big connections with stability, grow families, etc. I took a different path, and have lived in many states. This has made making long-term friends extremely hard, so I value the ones I have. Unfortunately, I've been betrayed and neglected by friends I heavily invested in, and was just sharing that with a female friend last night over drinks. I was very successful with women but the world is just a far different place than it was a decade ago, and I've had my heart smashed romantically a few times, to the point that I'm squarely in the MGTOW camp. (Anyone who wants to know more about that, please message me.) I feel extremely disappointed by most people in life, and society in general. So that all complicates matters and leads to feeling lonely and isolated. I do have several good friends, which does keep me balanced and grounded.
I'm quite bitter about the macro-world around me, which has gone absolutely insane on every metric, seemingly bent on ruin. I feel generally lied to, deceived, conned, and shammed by essentially the powers that be in all respects. I would normally advise others to shrug it off if you cannot control it, but nearly every important aspect of (all of) our lives has just gone off the rails, full tilt insane and corrupt. It effects finances, hobbies, relationships, war/peace, economics, religion, etc. (all the great topics we cannot discuss here, right!?) right down to individual and species survival. It creates a lot of stress and anxiety. And much of these issues directly negatively impacts my profession, and personal life, without getting into messy details. I'm extremely analytical, inquisitive, and introspective and observant so I focus on a lot of these deeper issues probably too much.
I try to stay positive, do things I enjoy, make friends and make my friendships stronger, help others, get fresh air and exercise, etc. In general I remain upbeat, but have regular anxiety and frustration with so many things. I set goals and stay busy as much as I can. Lord knows I have a mountain of work and home improvement projects at hand, so there's no shortage of tasks.
To anyone struggling, I'm a good listener and you can message me and I can do my best to offer encouragement. I have certainly lived through enough to offer encouragement that it does get better. Or we can just laugh at our own miseries.
But there has been tremendous deep loss and disappointment in my life. I lost my only parent far too early to cancer (we had a very close relationship), my best friend committed suicide totally without warning a couple years ago, I've lost 2 other friends to suicides, I've had a few other good friends die far too young, and in the last year I've lost a few others I cared about, along with putting down 2 dogs in the last decade (I'm a dog person, I like them more than most people), which has all been extremely hard on me. I did several combat tours in Iraq, and I'm dealing with the aftermath of some relatively serious injuries in the military, which are getting worse with age. Unlike a lot of people who grow up, plant roots, make big connections with stability, grow families, etc. I took a different path, and have lived in many states. This has made making long-term friends extremely hard, so I value the ones I have. Unfortunately, I've been betrayed and neglected by friends I heavily invested in, and was just sharing that with a female friend last night over drinks. I was very successful with women but the world is just a far different place than it was a decade ago, and I've had my heart smashed romantically a few times, to the point that I'm squarely in the MGTOW camp. (Anyone who wants to know more about that, please message me.) I feel extremely disappointed by most people in life, and society in general. So that all complicates matters and leads to feeling lonely and isolated. I do have several good friends, which does keep me balanced and grounded.
I'm quite bitter about the macro-world around me, which has gone absolutely insane on every metric, seemingly bent on ruin. I feel generally lied to, deceived, conned, and shammed by essentially the powers that be in all respects. I would normally advise others to shrug it off if you cannot control it, but nearly every important aspect of (all of) our lives has just gone off the rails, full tilt insane and corrupt. It effects finances, hobbies, relationships, war/peace, economics, religion, etc. (all the great topics we cannot discuss here, right!?) right down to individual and species survival. It creates a lot of stress and anxiety. And much of these issues directly negatively impacts my profession, and personal life, without getting into messy details. I'm extremely analytical, inquisitive, and introspective and observant so I focus on a lot of these deeper issues probably too much.
I try to stay positive, do things I enjoy, make friends and make my friendships stronger, help others, get fresh air and exercise, etc. In general I remain upbeat, but have regular anxiety and frustration with so many things. I set goals and stay busy as much as I can. Lord knows I have a mountain of work and home improvement projects at hand, so there's no shortage of tasks.
To anyone struggling, I'm a good listener and you can message me and I can do my best to offer encouragement. I have certainly lived through enough to offer encouragement that it does get better. Or we can just laugh at our own miseries.
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