Are you happy?

Very strained childhood. Father was a fall-down drunk and dead by 47. Mother is a malignant narcissist and we have a very strained relationship. Sister who was more like a mother to me dead by 44. Knew 8 children who died in Sandy Hook. Wife at 47 is already a breast cancer survivor. I don't believe in God or heaven and so I don't see this life as some sort of test to get to the good place. Maybe that exists and maybe it does not but I KNOW this exists and in my mind and I'm not wasting my time here worrying about things I can't control or things that really do not matter.

I have bills and work-related stress and family-related stress like everyone else and there are certainly a lot of ugly things and people in the world and yet I am happy, content, and satisfied. I used to not be happy and I used to be a stress case. As I've gotten older I've learned to not sweat the small stuff, choose to see and acknowledge the good and beauty in the world, and yes, CHOOSE to be happy. I choose to not give anyone else the power to make me unhappy. I let go of the bad stuff - water off a duck's back.

I work, I love, I read, I think about things that are interesting to me, I've gone back to school, my professional life is going well, my wife and kids are happy and healthy, and it could all go away tomorrow - so I'm not going to waste today!
 
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Yes I am happy. Since I retired I can say I have not been this happy since I met my wife and before that when I was a carefree kid.

Am I happy about everything? No, that's never really going to happen with the current state of affairs. But yes, as I get ready to volunteer today at the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival in Ferndale, I'm personally happy.

Good health is near the top, took a 2 hour pickleball class last night. Feel good!
 
AutoMechanic said:
At this time in my life yes for the most part. I am young so that might change over the years, hopefully for the better.

My job is good. I love what I do. I could not imagine not being able to fix cars and work with tools everyday. It can be a challenge at time trying to figure out some of these very complex designs but it makes the day fun. I’ll do any challenge that’s handed to me. If I can’t figure it out I’ll ask for some help. It seems I’m well liked there too so that makes me feel good. They call me Balakay the shop clown. We laugh and have a good time all day everyday. Work gets done of course but we make it fun. Always picking on people in a funny way somehow.

Relationship? As far as like having a relationship that’s a negative for me. Struck out on that one so far. I’d love to have a relationship. I think it would help me be happier overall and be myself but I’m sure it will come with time. See my problem is I jump too far ahead in a short time and ask too much up front. Relationship with my family however is good and I love my family. But as I realize these things it’s how I get better overall. One day I’ll find me the perfect lady for me. Just takes time and I can’t rush it. I’m happy I can realize this as I get older.

Home is good. It’s my parents home I love it. They let me live there so I can’t complain too much. The only complaint is no garage which both my parents agree with me on so that’s a fair complaint.

Myself? Yes but I can do better. When I was a few years younger up until a couple months ago I was spending my money on stupid stuff. Because I thought it was good then but now I could slap myself for doing that. I can’t really say what it was here but it wasn’t anything bad as far as like drugs or alcohol or anything nothing like that but something else. Then I realized that it was stupid to do. I was literally spending hundreds of dollars at a time on this and I was like man I was stupid. I’ll be 21 next month and my goal is as I get older is to get wiser. At this point I’m thinking like man what was I thinking then that was stupid. So from this point on no more of that. And no more borrowing money from my parents either unless it’s an emergency. I need to save money. The only savings I have is my retirement and I’m not touching that. So from now on I want to save my money. When I get my tax return it’s going right in my savings and I’m not touching it. I need another car mine is worn out. I can get one at my dealership but they don’t have anything I want so I need to save up to be able to buy one straight out. It was embarrassing being turned down for loans because of no credit. My dealership is happy to help me but they don’t have anything I want that’s old enough for me.

So yes my life is happy for the most part and I think it’ll get better as I begin to realize these challenges and what I need to do better for myself.
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Don't beat yourself up over it. Many dudes never grow up.
Making money to me is not about greed but security. Live well but save as much as you can for those rainy days.
Good times never last so be prepared.
If you learned this lesson by age 21 you are good to go.
 
“There, but for the Grace of God go I“ and I often think of this when I see or hear of those who are going through, and unknown to me, trials and tribulations that I think I might not be able to bear as well as they do. About 40 years ago I was waiting to make a left turn in traffic in a big truck and when I finally started my slow turn I looked at the driver of a car who was stopped at the light and saw a woman who was crying and sobbing so hard it instantly broke my heart for her, wondering what devastating news she might have gotten or what she was going through and what terrible pain she was experiencing at that moment. For her to be in such a state in a public place, I knew she had no control over her emotions, and her raw emotions just came flooding out. I said a silent prayer for her and to this day and often, I wonder how she might have dealt with her gut wrenching situation and have hoped and prayed all these years later that she had some how dealt with it in a positive way. So, yes I am happy in my life and grateful for my blessings but at the same time, I have a lot of empathy for those who are going through bad times and are having to deal with difficult and many times life changing situations.
 
Yes.

I have a fantastic spouse that can handle my personality, which can be challenging, and who gives me unconditional support. My only gripe is that she likes to spend, so I'm always chasing that, but that's pretty minor in the big scheme of things. We have three fantastic kids, I still have both my parents, which I know is a blessing (having many friends and coworkers who don't).

I do struggle a bit with anxiety, as I've shared here before, but that's mostly managed, and is primarily a result of my heart surgery, which is something else I feel blessed to have come through as successfully as I did.

Everything within the control of my life is good. There are some things outside my control (Trudeau and the gun grab) that aren't, but I avoid letting them get me down. Our group has been successful with our nuclear advocacy, and I've met some fantastic people through that as well.
 
Living the retirement dream/nightmare. C19 (also General's Chicken on lunch menu at Hunan Garden) sure delayed any traveling plans. Going to do a eastern half of Route 66 this spring, then if we enjoy it, we will do the western part in the winter. Who knows. We enjoyed Colorado in late 2019 when we got a fantastic stretch of weather in Mid December. Have been blessed and recognize how the Lord has helped me many times in my life. Let us 🙏
 
Not so much.... this is hard to write.

My wife moved her mother into our house over my objections and now I can't stand to be in my own home most of the time. I feel locked into a career that I am so tired of and I despair over the idea of spending the rest of my life stuck in the same rut. I work long hours for money that I don't see much benefit from as it's spent as fast as I make it. I worry about losing my job, not because of the financial problems that will cause, but because I wouldn't have anywhere to go to get out of the house everyday.

My wife is a massive workaholic and works from morning til 10PM, 7 days a week, plus, she took a job in a neighboring state and is away 3 or 4 days every week not including business trips. My daughter is the person I'm closest to and she's leaving for college soon. All of my side of the family has moved away with the exception of my brother and he told me he's planning to move away, too.

I'm utterly bored, lonely, bitter and it seems all I have to look forward to in life is a 9 to 8 job and spending the rest of my healthy years playing nursing home attendant as my wife will not be around to look after her own mother.
 
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CleanSump said:
Happiness comes from within. Do not look for happiness outside one's self.
Satisfaction with all aspects of life is not the same as happiness.
Be happy one has the gift a human life, a very rare gift.
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Well, not all that rare since it's estimated that 109 billion people have lived in the past 192,000 years but I get the sentiment. ;)
 
ripcord said:
Not so much.... this is hard to write.

My wife moved her mother into our house over my objections and now I can't stand to be in my own home most of the time. I feel locked into a career that I am so tired of and I despair over the idea of spending the rest of my life stuck in the same rut. I work long hours for money that I don't see much benefit from as it's spent as fast as I make it. I worry about losing my job, not because of the financial problems that will cause, but because I wouldn't have anywhere to go to get out of the house everyday.

My wife is a massive workaholic and works from morning til 10PM, 7 days a week, plus, she took a job in a neighboring state and is away 3 or 4 days every week not including business trips. My daughter is the person I'm closest to and she's leaving for college soon. All of my side of the family has moved away with the exception of my brother and he told me he's planning to move away, too.

I'm utterly bored, lonely, bitter and it seems all I have to look forward to in life is a 9 to 8 job and spending the rest of my healthy years playing nursing home attendant as my wife will not be around to look after her own mother.
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Keep your chin up my friend.
I came out of a similar situation three years ago. Nobody cared and nobody tried to help me. It did take a toll and I understand your frustration.

Life can really throw you some curve balls. Don't let it get you down....
 
OVERKILL said:
Yes.

I have a fantastic spouse that can handle my personality, which can be challenging, and who gives me unconditional support. My only gripe is that she likes to spend, so I'm always chasing that, but that's pretty minor in the big scheme of things. We have three fantastic kids, I still have both my parents, which I know is a blessing (having many friends and coworkers who don't).

I do struggle a bit with anxiety, as I've shared here before, but that's mostly managed, and is primarily a result of my heart surgery, which is something else I feel blessed to have come through as successfully as I did.

Everything within the control of my life is good. There are some things outside my control (Trudeau and the gun grab) that aren't, but I avoid letting them get me down. Our group has been successful with our nuclear advocacy, and I've met some fantastic people through that as well.
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Overkill, I'm just curious. Would you ever consider moving here?
 
billt460 said:
I'm not much into psychologists, and all of these so called "experts" on mental health and happiness. I think most of these guys are more screwed up than the bulk of the people they're trying to treat. (I'm not implying that Stossel is. Just many of the others).

But there is one guy out there who I respect named Jordan Peterson. The man is simply a mountain of common sense, and can hold his own against most anyone on any subject.

I enjoy listening to him talk about such topics like happiness, etc. Because I always take away something positive from listening to his conversations.
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Wife and I have discussed exactly that many times. Just what you said about the ones whose jobs are to help others are as screwed up if not more than the unfortunates they are to be helping. **NOT POLITICAL** We have also come to the conclusion the world was way better off mentally than we have become since the dawning of the 24x7 Breaking News cycle with Tv channels who compete with each other to be as fast or the first ones to jam the worse / depressing news stories they can find anyplace across the globe in your face.
Many of us older grew up before these times when news was a lot less competitive and cut throat. Things always seemed brigher then even though we still had a lot of similar stuff going on. Its just that today they give the impression if they cant find some bad news they could likely start a rumor about anything for a "breaking news story!" It is disgusting and saddening this is what we have turned into.
 
Oillover said:
+1
I'm about to go change the oil in my Honda.
Some of the best pleasures in life are the simplest.
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I've tried to keep life simple, and not overthink it. Saying and doing are two different things, of course. :)

I'm actually having a good day, surprisingly. Spring is coming soon, with its warmer & longer days, and I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel at work, so maybe my own springtime is here.

Time to go change some headlights.
 
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