Thinking about leaving the GF

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Originally Posted By: ARCOgraphite
So your just gonna find some other GF who wants to have kids and you will fall in love with? Aint easy; more a "Once or twice in a Lifetime" thing.


Don't mean to toot my own horn or nothing, but I get the attention of females in their 20's a little too easy. It's been like this for the past 7 or 8 years.

Maybe it's the healthy lifestyle I lead with my GF (exercise and healthy diet etc.)

Whatever it is, finding anyone is easy...the one that fits my needs, now that's a little more challenging
 
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Still....what is wrong about telling her what you've just told a bunch of freaky oil-interested strangers on the internet? Are you afraid of hurting her? That's understandable, but from what you've told us strangers here, you aren't attracted to her anymore and she doesn't want kids. So why don't you tell her what you've told us?
Sometimes you need to make tough decisions in life, and people WILL get hurt. But what is the alternative? Isn't it worse? Don't YOU deserve what you want out of life? I would suggest sitting her down, and kindly telling her the truth about what is on your mind and what you want out of life. Not really a big deal when you think about it.


I like how you think
 
Originally Posted By: dparm
I predict a major [censored]-storm if she finds out you posted about it here. :-)


someone's gotta make this place a little more interesting than OCI's and used oil analysis!
wink.gif
 
Originally Posted By: Lolvoguy
Don't mean to toot my own horn or nothing, but I get the attention of females in their 20's a little too easy. It's been like this for the past 7 or 8 years.

Maybe it's the healthy lifestyle I lead with my GF (exercise and healthy diet etc.)

Whatever it is, finding anyone is easy...the one that fits my needs, now that's a little more challenging


You need to just end it. Because if you don't you'll only end up cheating because you're not attracted to her. You can only deny the 20 year olds for so long until you give into lust. But I wouldn't say you're leaving because you're not attracted to her. I don't think you really need to give a reason. If you're lucky maybe after 12 years she is having the same feeling.
 
dude, 12 YEARS? She's going to go psycho on you of you try and split. In her mind, all is well in the universe, and your about to put a worm hole in it. I hope, for your mental state, that your not changing her out for a younger model. You MAY think you got this under control and have thought every detail out, but when she is gone.....you will have anxieties and new found fears you never knew you had. You have made a huge emotional investment and then it's gone. You willing to go through all that b.s. on dating again? Getting to "know" them, their friends, families, quirks, hates, likes, etc. etc. Sure, it sounds like fun, but it isn't. You ain't getting any younger. Grass isn't always greener on the other side. Ya'll have been together so long that it is going to be downright difficult for you not to think about your current GF or even compare her to that some one new. This will be akin to getting a divorce...and if they have common law marriage arangements in Canada like those in the U.S....believe me, you WILL go through a divorce. Don't kid yourself and think she'll be all cool about it. He22 hath no fury like a woman scorned. Relationships are all give and take. Maybe you need to re-self evaluate yourself and decide if it's really worth it. It will hurt. You just simply can't erase 12 years as if it was never there. You just can't. Like my dad said...."attraction is just a light switch away!!" LOL. Seriously....you'd better think this one out...
S L O W L Y
 
Originally Posted By: Schmoe
dude, 12 YEARS? She's going to go psycho on you of you try and split. In her mind, all is well in the universe, and your about to put a worm hole in it. I hope, for your mental state, that your not changing her out for a younger model. You MAY think you got this under control and have thought every detail out, but when she is gone.....you will have anxieties and new found fears you never knew you had. You have made a huge emotional investment and then it's gone. You willing to go through all that b.s. on dating again? Getting to "know" them, their friends, families, quirks, hates, likes, etc. etc. Sure, it sounds like fun, but it isn't. You ain't getting any younger. Grass isn't always greener on the other side. Ya'll have been together so long that it is going to be downright difficult for you not to think about your current GF or even compare her to that some one new. This will be akin to getting a divorce...and if they have common law marriage arangements in Canada like those in the U.S....believe me, you WILL go through a divorce. Don't kid yourself and think she'll be all cool about it. He22 hath no fury like a woman scorned. Relationships are all give and take. Maybe you need to re-self evaluate yourself and decide if it's really worth it. It will hurt. You just simply can't erase 12 years as if it was never there. You just can't. Like my dad said...."attraction is just a light switch away!!" LOL. Seriously....you'd better think this one out...
S L O W L Y

Lol...I agree at least with the first part of this post. To the OP: Most women become EXTREMELY upset and bizarrely unpredictable when something like this happens. But....and this is a BIG but....to get what YOU want out of life isn't easy and she WILL get hurt at first. Things will be a real challenge just getting through the truth with her. She'll probably even attempt to make you pay for hurting her in some way. Alternatives exist, like letting the relationship 'die on the vine'. But that's a slow and difficult process in itself and not really any easier. Or, you can spend another 12 years living a lie. Some people do just that.
 
I can't believe how many people on this thread would just stay in a relationship because breaking up is hard to do. Plenty of things are hard to do, that doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile.

Or paint a complete stranger a jerk for being honest about the state of their relationship and that they aren't completely satisfied.

To the OP, ignoring your feelings or situation aren't going to make them better. There's no reason to think you both wouldn't be better off finding someone else. Look at the direction you both are headed and decide if you're growing together or apart. And best of luck.
 
If that post was implied to me, was not calling him a jerk ( don't know where you got that at), just giving him some realities. It's just hard no matter how you cut and dice it.
 
Originally Posted By: bepperb
I can't believe how many people on this thread would just stay in a relationship because breaking up is hard to do. Plenty of things are hard to do, that doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile.


No kidding.
Then again, there are lots of people out there who if they were in a relationship, and the other person said that they were going to leave, that first person would then get defensive and upset, and usually doesn't want the relationship to end.

Looks like some of those people are on this forum.

Anyway, it really is up the OP on how he plans on living his life.
If he wants kids, his current relationship is going to need to be replaced with a new one, since he has informed us that she doesn't want kids (with him, at least).

It's really that simple.

I will leave his feelings for his woman, and the "20 year old's" that are hounding him out of the whole situation, and just point out that if he is not getting something that he needs from his relationship at his very core, then he will need to end it, and move on with his life.

His real question at this point is if he plans on retaining a friendship with this woman he's currently involved with after their relationship is over? Do they currently live together, and have joint assets that they are going to have to separate, and decide who gets to keep what? That's were things can go really dark, with his desire to end his current relationship.

Good luck to the OP.
Glad I'm not in his shoes.

BC.
 
Wow sounds like you have a gem of a woman already. If your clock is ticking and you need to propagate, donate. Relationships make transitions over time. Question for you to answer to yourself: how are things in the bedroom?

All that said, both of you decided against marriage, and you have probably had the kids discussion more than once un the last few years. Definitely a tough place to be in!! But if you need kids on your own don't rush it finding their mama - you don't want the whole divorce/child support mess.

There is too much to say here. Best of luck making your decision! And if it does end, give her the courtesy of being up front and honest about it. You owe her that at least.
 
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Originally Posted By: 901Memphis
I think the real question is, how does she feel about motor oil?


Good one! Could be the deciding factor....
 
Originally Posted By: Lolvoguy
Don't mean to toot my own horn or nothing, but I get the attention of females in their 20's a little too easy. It's been like this for the past 7 or 8 years.

Maybe it's the healthy lifestyle I lead with my GF (exercise and healthy diet etc.)

Whatever it is, finding anyone is easy...the one that fits my needs, now that's a little more challenging


Just wait till your single - women can smell single on men and it turns them off!

But anyways, you still need to GTFO

Like 10 years ago. Do it now or you will both be miserable together forever. Sure it may suck temporarily for both of you (meaningful breakups do), but you will BOTH be happier in the long run. Do it now while you're both plenty young to date around and figure out what you really want. This is very important. Don't settle in for something that checks a box (oops - pun), figure out what you want, then hopefully you'll know when you find it. Life is too long to be unhappy.
 
I don't remember ever posting on the oprah advice type threads, but this one made me lol.12 years. wow.
women, as a rule, make the "kids" issue known to a guy early in a relationship. that's what they do.expect her to have a violent reaction to any breakup news. it may not be immediate, but it WILL happen.she will discuss your "punishment" with a few friends, over some wine, and it won't be pretty, since many are vindictive and backstabbing (aka catty), by nature.
most women won't do anything to your face, it'll be behind your back, or while you're sleeping. that's what they do.a knife/blunt instrument attack is very possible. remember the saying -- the best way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.you had better sleep with one eye opened, and wear a cup to bed.if you have any firearms, HIDE THEM !!!!!!!
in all fairness, you had to know for a long time that she wanted no kids, and you can't have decided recently that you did want kids.the blame lies with you.THAT is why you had better sleep with one eye opened.watch your six, man -- watch your six.
as well-- I don't know in which province you live, but , unless the rules have changed, you are considered married after one year of a common law living.you know what that means -- you will get "bent over".with your luck, you'll get a man hating female judge on her third marriage, on her period, and with a toothache. it would be wise to check the rules with a lawyer.
good luck.
 
I thought the way to make a kid needs attraction towards your female partner :-) Seriously, if you are not attracted to her why in the world would you go through the motions of creating a kid?
 
Originally Posted By: yeti
I don't remember ever posting on the oprah advice type threads, but this one made me lol.12 years. wow.
women, as a rule, make the "kids" issue known to a guy early in a relationship. that's what they do.expect her to have a violent reaction to any breakup news. it may not be immediate, but it WILL happen.she will discuss your "punishment" with a few friends, over some wine, and it won't be pretty, since many are vindictive and backstabbing (aka catty), by nature.
most women won't do anything to your face, it'll be behind your back, or while you're sleeping. that's what they do.a knife/blunt instrument attack is very possible. remember the saying -- the best way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.you had better sleep with one eye opened, and wear a cup to bed.if you have any firearms, HIDE THEM !!!!!!!
in all fairness, you had to know for a long time that she wanted no kids, and you can't have decided recently that you did want kids.the blame lies with you.THAT is why you had better sleep with one eye opened.watch your six, man -- watch your six.
as well-- I don't know in which province you live, but , unless the rules have changed, you are considered married after one year of a common law living.you know what that means -- you will get "bent over".with your luck, you'll get a man hating female judge on her third marriage, on her period, and with a toothache. it would be wise to check the rules with a lawyer.
good luck.


You should post more on these threads
wink.gif


OP, perhaps have some clothes and a place to stay organized beforehand?
 
Honestly I think you have already checked out by your thoughts and then posting about it here. It wont be fun for either of you but you really need to move on.
 
Originally Posted By: Kuato
Originally Posted By: 901Memphis
I think the real question is, how does she feel about motor oil?


Good one! Could be the deciding factor....


Oh yeah, apart from the clothes and a place to stay, you may want to make arrangements for your oil stash too.
 
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