Valentines day.....not the happest day for me,

G

gmh101358

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Aug 15, 2020
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I got married on Feb 14th 1994....My wife died June 8th 2018. My current GF who is a retired nurse who treats me well has never married and has no kids. I have no kids just cats....I joke im the crazy old man at the end of the street with all the cats. I told her Im not big on Valentines day and why....of course she get her feelings hurt etc.....no red roses etc....I told again today is a very bad for me....and will be for the rest of my life....we have 364 more days a year but today is not one of them....I was with my wife almost 30 years .....
Am i being a Jack -Ass ?
 
Imo no, relationships today can be a lot different. To be fair, I'm single and always have been and always plan to be, but I think if she can't respect your decision then she doesn't respect you. Relationships are (they tell me) supposed to be 2 way streets. I was reading something about this this morning actually, among 18-35 year old only 40% "celebrate" valentines day/get their partner a card/flowers/etc. That number is much higher in older age groups, but times change.

You could offer to take her somewhere another time as long as it's not today, at least if you feel comfortable doing so.
 
Mmmm, maybe a bit. Valentine's day is a easy day to get through. Any inference of being outgoing is magnified 10x. I lost my sweetie 9 years ago. It has taken a few years to get back in the swing of relationships. This Valentines Day I am not able to visit my new sweetie, she has a bad case of the flu. She will be missed today. She didn't get a flu shot. Never got a straight answer to that question. 🤔
 
mrsilv04 said:
Yes and no.

Do it for her... OK? It's not a crummy day for her. Not her fault either. Maybe by doing somthing for her, you might be able to start pulling yourself out of the self-inflicted misery that this day brings.
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Today is a day like any other. If it can be done today, it can be done any other day. Mutual respect and understanding of one another's feelings are important. That being said, I agree that the OP should consider CBT and maybe take a depression/anxiety test with their primary. It can manifest in ways you don't expect, happened to me and I feel better now than I did for years prior to starting a combo of Wellbutrin and Celexa.
 
gmh101358 said:
I got married on Feb 14th 1994....My wife died June 8th 2018. My current GF who is a retired nurse who treats me well has never married and has no kids. I have no kids just cats....I joke im the crazy old man at the end of the street with all the cats. I told her Im not big on Valentines day and why....of course she get her feelings hurt etc.....no red roses etc....I told again today is a very bad for me....and will be for the rest of my life....we have 364 more days a year but today is not one of them....I was with my wife almost 30 years .....
Am i being a Jack -Ass ?
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on the borderline for sure!

what's the problem, why not just bring flowers in the house; get some nice roses and put them at the table, 0 obligations, I'm sure it will make her day and yours too
 
miden851 said:
on the borderline for sure!

what's the problem, why not just bring flowers in the house; get some nice roses and put them at the table, 0 obligations, I'm sure it will make her day and yours too
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Could always order flowers online and have them delivered to her, I do that for my mom for mother's day.

Edit: On a side note, I never understood men who constantly complain about their wives, call them the old ball and chain etc. If you're not happy with them why are you still married to them? I don't understand "Settling". You only live one life, do what makes you happy.
 
K.Aoi said:
Could always order flowers online and have them delivered to her, I do that for my mom for mother's day.

Edit: On a side note, I never understood men who constantly complain about their wives, call them the old ball and chain etc. If you're not happy with them why are you still married to them? I don't understand "Settling".
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regardless, of course; a little gesture would go a long way here perhaps
 
Clearly you know enough about love to associate your wedding day with a very special person in your life, and you are richer for having known and spent time with her. Now you can share your knowledge of what it is to love someone everyday including Feb 14th. To do so honours both your departed and also your present.
 
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mrsilv04 said:
Do it for her... OK? It's not a crummy day for her. Not her fault either. Maybe by doing somthing for her, you might be able to start pulling yourself out of the self-inflicted misery that this day brings.
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Agree with your first 3 sentences and totally disagree with the last sentence.

Yes, some effort could be made with the girl friend to let her know he cares but is struggling. And "she didn't get her feeling hurt", he did it.

His grief isn't self-inflicted misery and he likely has no control over it. Grief is different for everyone both the effect and duration. Still struggling at 3 & 1/2 years isn't unusual. Maybe he and his late wife made V day something special.

OP sorry for your loss.
 
While no one can tell you how you’re supposed to feel, it’s also good for the soul to find new meaning in things.

February 14th, 1994 was most likely the greatest day of your life, but now it reminds you of the passing of your wife. Maybe this is the right time to find a new meaning to February 14, you can mourn and be grateful for your current love at the same time. You have a great opportunity to honor both of those who you love on this special day.
 
Anniversary’s are typically happy days. June 8th understandably, could be your sad day. Sorry for your loss.
 
We all have our demons and must handle them in our own way. I lost 22 guys the same day and it hits me every year, it gets better with the passing years, but it still effects my life.
YMMV
Smoky
 
I’m overseas - I only sent my wife some silly free email card and she fired one back in seconds like it was sitting on ready, LoL - it just means neither of us forgot the other even though we were both very busy … Thousands of miles away …
 

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Blinker said:
While no one can tell you how you’re supposed to feel, it’s also good for the soul to find new meaning in things.

February 14th, 1994 was most likely the greatest day of your life, but now it reminds you of the passing of your wife. Maybe this is the right time to find a new meaning to February 14, you can mourn and be grateful for your current love at the same time. You have a great opportunity to honor both of those who you love on this special day.
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Agreed.

While it isn't a happy day for you, remember that you are also in a relationship with someone who has nothing to do with that situation and deserves to be treated how you would want to be.
 
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