Need advice from the boys. Girlfriend wants kids......

[supton]

Originally Posted By: StevieC
Supton, I have the problem as well and use the Gel. I apply it every morning on either my shoulders or across my stomach. You can also get shots periodically. I think it's monthly. I can't remember what my doctor said. I chose the gel because I do too much travel for work the shots would be inconvenient.


Thanks.

 

[ryan2022]

You guys are amazing. A ton of help over the years.

A lot of my fatigue is the new career and depression unrelated to testosterone. I was checked and am fairly high.

Time will tell. Theres so much to think about.

I like kids and related well to them...babies...Meh. not as much but that's a short time.

I'm just struggling finding real excitement in having them. At this point, it feels irresponsible.

 

[Lyman]

What about adoption? Have either of you considered it? Two of my siblings were adopted and at the time were in need of someone that would love them and take care of them.

 

[BrocLuno]

Originally Posted By: Drew99GT
Oh boy.....

If she strongly wants kids, and you don't, that could be a complete deal breaker OR lead to bad outcomes in the future. Women who want kids are a force of nature (in a good way mind you, I think...) that can't be tamed. If they want kids, they'll have them, with you, or someone else.

Just sayin...


+2

She's a doc. She knows the fertility ropes and can get your system working. If you can afford a nanny so you both can keep working - go for it... If not, prolly won't work.

 

[IndyIan]

Do you like doing "kid stuff"? (biking, skiing, baseball, etc) Kids are a good excuse to do more of it! Also it sounds like you've got some relatives nearby for support. Peterborough is a pretty ideal place to have kids as well, lots of sports and activities available. Most days I think they keep me feeling younger, (we are building a bmx/rc car track this summer) but for sure there's the odd day makes you question why you decided to reproduce...
After they get out of diapers, kids aren't really all that exhausting if you can keep them relatively flexible. My boys 6 and 8 eat what we eat, and don't mind getting booted out the door until supper time etc. We go to the skate park or biking trails which I'd rather do than being "kept busy" by my wife. Other than saving for university they aren't even all that expensive so far.

 

[555]

Putting everyone else's desires aside, what do you want? Just you. Not because you want her happy so you'll have kids. What do you want? Don't do it if you don't want to.
That's a lot of pressure which is not what relationships are about(just my take).
Stick to what you want and you won't regret it.

 

[billt460]

Going by what you have said, along with the honesty by which you have said it, I would not have children at this time.

 

[ryan2022]

Thanks guys. Many thanks and much appreciation.

 

[khittner]

My wife and I had our first son when I was 35, and our second son when I was 38. They were definitely work for both of us, but now that they’re young adults, it’s really rewarding to watch them launching off into their own lives. Actually, they’ve been great the whole time, just in different ways at different stages. At 39, you’re a full-time adult. At this point in your own development, If you’re more inclined to view children as a burden than as a logical next step that you’re ready to take on, you probably should avoid becoming a parent. If that’s not going to change for you, and seems unlikely to work for “Dr. Right”, you owe it to her to move on.

 

[Dallas69]

Don't ever have kids just because your maybe future wife wants them.
Way too big of a life changer if you are not OK with it.
If your energy is low then kids will wear you out.
My wife and I raised our granddaughter from infant to now 18.I was 49 when we got her and it was a lot harder than when we were in our 20s .
It sounds like you don't want any now.
Tell her your honest feelings and let the chips fall.Don't bring unwanted kids into this world.It's hard enough when both parents are around full time.

 

[CT8]

The woman wants kids her time is running out' If you do not want kids don't have them . Everyone has periods of depression and low energy. I started late . I am 65 years old and have a 27 year old son and a 25 year old daughter . They are the best thing that ever happened to me. My son and Boy Scouts was awesome I went on ever camping trips and summer camp. My daughter and being involved with her and her horse activities was priceless. My whole experience of having kids made my live worth living so to say. It is something only you can decide.

 

[Dave9]

Originally Posted By: ryan2022
At 39 my energy levels are fairly low due to occasional struggles with depression.


If she is not nurturing enough to guide you out of this depression, being a doctor no less, it seems like you'd be taking on more of the parenting responsibilities than you're ready for unless you can get the depression under control enough that you feel up to taking on whatever share of the weight is going to be needed to raise children, and recognize that "children" is plural, having one child is at least an 18 year commitment but having multiples, draws that out further.

Having enough money is definitely a requirement at a certain point where your career is less likely to dramatically improve like it would if you were 20 years younger, and yet, it might if depression is holding you back.

Besides that, there is the question of what you really want but I urge you to not decide that until you get a better idea of whether there are more options for depression control. Without getting all up in your personal life, there are numerous healthy living habits that many with depression don't have and it sort of snowballs, where the depression limits those habits even more. Exercise, no smoking, limited drinking, healthy diet (None of that carb free or low fat trend diet nonsense, rather the established decades old proven healthy diet even if it's red meat every other day (sometimes, depression can merely be anemia), and new habits.

I agree with other posts that it seems like you're inclined towards stating "no" to kids, but at the same time you're still considering it and you need to think about the give and take in a relationship, that if this is what your partner wants, and you love each other, and the alternative is she finds someone else, it could be a serious downgrade in your life to move from in a relationship with a doctor to single and depressed at 39 y/o. Single 39 y/o women are that way for a reason, if not several. Dating past 35 y/o is an ugly, frustrating experience where you're probably going to be a step father of someone's children anyway, just a few years older children.

Depressed and alone is not where you want to be. Drop everything else including important life decisions and get a handle on the depression.

 

[BrianF]

You have to tell her that you don't want kids and tell her why. Having kids does not make things better or easier. I love my kids and would not change a thing but I had them at 27 and I am almost 37 now. Had them young and I cant keep up with them now. I cannot imagine how it would be starting again. Mind

I also had a friend with kids, he had a great career and his wife is a doctor (actually I have a few doctor friends). They are goal oriented and career driven. Unless she is fine with a nanny, you will be the stay at home dad. He retired early to be the stay at home dad.

She might also find that she cannot stand the kids once they are born and resent them. Then what. Seen that happen too. Kids are not all fairy tales like the stupid Instagram/fb fake families make it out to be. you can take all those stupid posed family photos and hashtag life is perfect crap and shove it. Kids are hard work, stress and financial burden. They are a risky long term investment. They are what you leave behind when you are gone.

 

[jhs914]

Here is what one guy did in your predicament: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEkyXOmPCY8

 

[SeaJay]

You need to find one with similar wants and desires out of life.

Opposites certainly attract, but eventually fireworks will develop. Life is too short, it ain't worth it.

 

[Wolf359]

Originally Posted By: jhs914
Here is what one guy did in your predicament: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEkyXOmPCY8


Oh yeah, I knew someone like that, bought his wife a dog as she wanted a baby. Eventually they divorced.

 

[Yah-Tah-Hey]

Forget about it. No with capital N and O. If you have to ask oil/filter nuts for this kind of very personal advice, brother you don't want to procreated. And that includes via surrogate womb.

 

[ARB1977]

Originally Posted By: supton
Originally Posted By: ARB1977
I’m 40 and was tired all the time and my attitude sometimes sucked. My wife and I would argue because of it. No depression thank god. I have low T. Started taking testosterone injections six months ago. Night and day difference over all.

How does that work, like a shot every week or once a month or __? I've noticed a slow down over the last year or so, very noticeable to me. The last month I could blame stress but the last year, no so much. Almost to hit 42. So I'm curious. I've been thinking it's time for my mid-life crisis, but maybe it's something else. I've lost a great deal of motivation and drive.

[And for the record, I'm not going to march to my doc's to demand anything. But I do have a physical coming up in spring, so it'd be a good time to discuss.]

Setup an appointment with your doctor and tell them your symptoms. Tell them you want to get your testosterone checked. Blood is drawn and within a few days your doctor will get the results. Normal levels range from 240ish-850ish. Mine was 224. I get a shot once a month for three months then blood work again.

The reason for blood work is to check levels and to monitor what’s going on in my body. Testosterone can mess you up if not monitored correctly. Some people may need every three weeks or even every week.

 

[Eddie]

You mention depression. I would first address this with a Psychologist to see if meds can help with your lack of energy and depression. I know because I raised 3 to adulthood. Ed

 

[Lenny5160]

It's a tough one. My wife and I each had 2 kids when we married. I thought that was enough, and she really wanted to have one together. The other kids are all 10 and older.

My wife is phenomenal and lets me have more toys than a guy should have. Eventually I felt like I really wanted to give her the one thing that she wanted, even though it wasn't truly what I wanted.

I'm now 40 with a 10 month-old baby girl. She is the greatest! Parenting at this age is a lot different than when I was in my late twenties. I don't want to be at a bar with the boys or playing softball anymore, and we are more comfortable financially. It's much much better than I thought it would be!

Everyone's situation is different, and your mileage may vary.