How to deal with family member that drinks heavily

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I have an in-law that has a habit of excessive alcohol consumption coupled with a propensity to engage in alcohol induced rage. Suffice it to say that he has said some horrific things about me and my family members while under the influence.

I recently had another less than desirable interaction with him while he was intoxicated and decided to put an end to it.

I once tried explaining his drunken behavior to my sister and she became highly defensive and told me to "take it up with him". Many suspect he has some type of alcohol use disorder, but it is a sensitive topic to bring up. My sister resented my mother for scolding her about his drunken behavior.

I would like to communicate to my sister that my tolerance threshold from his drunken antics has been exceeded and l never again want to be in his presence if he has been drinking or any possibility exists that he will be drinking. But she will most likely defend him and accuse me of being the problem as in the past.

Is there a tactful way of approaching the subject without offending anyone?
 
Alcoholism is a disease. And it creates a system of enablers. I don't know how to deal with it, other than to implore you to treat your sister with compassion. She may be in denial regarding her husband's disease, or she may already be at the end of her rope. But please don't risk your relationship with her over it. Best of luck to you and your family.
 
People have to be willing to help themselves before anyone else can help them. Stick to your guns and avoid any contact with him when he’s drinking or there’s the likelihood that he will.
It also sounds as if everyone else that defends him are a part of the problem by enabling him to get away with this behavior.
 
An old fashioned ass kicking is sometimes called for.
Well, Aunt Birdie would not have liked that much. I did tell her I may not pull her out next time after she sashayed into the pool, rum cocktail in one hand, cigarillo in the other 10 years ago. We put up with her rum-soaked state until the end. She started gifting me liquor-filled chocolates when I was a young teen. "A little something for you when they all get on your nerves!" I miss Aunt Birdie despite her faults. She was a lovely, kind lady even in her least fine moments.
 
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How do you, the sister, the mother, and the alcy get together? Where's the power?

If the context is a holiday gathering, don't invite boozer to your house. If it's elsewhere, don't go, unless the good outweighs the bad. If you decide to go anyway, you don't have much of a leg to stand on, but you could follow @RhondaHonda 's advice.

It seems like those that surround this guy have an uneasy peace with their enabling of him. They could all be on hair triggers over it. You could cause an amazing rift if you poke the bear.
 
So I'm assuming this is your sisters husband.

Difficult situation, if he isn't desirous of help you basically have 2 choices remove yourself from the relationship or remove the in-law from the relationship assuming that does not increase your sisters exposure.

You might take your sister to an alanon meeting...

Assuming the family isn't willing to say he isn't welcome, then i would just say if he's coming i am not, and if they said he wasn't and he showed up, i would leave immediatly.
 
I have an in-law that has a habit of excessive alcohol consumption coupled with a propensity to engage in alcohol induced rage. Suffice it to say that he has said some horrific things about me and my family members while under the influence.

I recently had another less than desirable interaction with him while he was intoxicated and decided to put an end to it.

I once tried explaining his drunken behavior to my sister and she became highly defensive and told me to "take it up with him". Many suspect he has some type of alcohol use disorder, but it is a sensitive topic to bring up. My sister resented my mother for scolding her about his drunken behavior.

I would like to communicate to my sister that my tolerance threshold from his drunken antics has been exceeded and l never again want to be in his presence if he has been drinking or any possibility exists that he will be drinking. But she will most likely defend him and accuse me of being the problem as in the past.

Is there a tactful way of approaching the subject without offending anyone?

Is there a tactful way of approaching the subject without offending anyone? - Nope.

Inlaws - happy to come over, we'll stay until you start drinking then we'll say goodbye.
 
I have a alcoholic nephew from my wife's side of the family a real nasty jack no less when he has his drink on. Years ago came for Christmas Eve drunk breaking his sister's chops. I had young daughters at the time was getting really agitated on his behavior waiting for my brother in law's to say something but they were mute. I finally had enough slammed the dinner table and yelled enough already. We had words he asked me to step outside which I answered absolutely and went out to the backyard waiting but he never came out my brother in laws got him to leave. Since then he hasn't been to my house for any holiday we don't entertain his drunken behavior. He is invited too zero celebrations. It upsets my wife sometimes but I really don't care. I reminded her this is your house also just give me a heads up so I make other plans. Cut your brother in law out of your life is my advice our holiday's are great now no drama no walking on egg shells. Explain to your sister trust me she knows her husband is a nasty drunk and will understand the situation that he not welcome anymore and she will be relieved she doesn't need to be embarrassed on the holidays either.
 
How do you, the sister, the mother, and the alcy get together? Where's the power?

If the context is a holiday gathering, don't invite boozer to your house. If it's elsewhere, don't go, unless the good outweighs the bad. If you decide to go anyway, you don't have much of a leg to stand on, but you could follow @RhondaHonda 's advice.

It seems like those that surround this guy have an uneasy peace with their enabling of him. They could all be on hair triggers over it. You could cause an amazing rift if you poke the bear.
Mother is now deceased, but she wasn't afraid to call him out to my sister. My brother and l declined invites on holidays so many times that we no longer get invited. Her husband would drink non-stop with a beet red face while others would be tense wondering if his bad side would come out. It was a relief not going there on the 25th.
It may be easier to avoid him than poking the bear. My sister doesn't have any friends that l know of that are her actual friends and not from the husbands circle. She may be totally dependent on him for a social life and that may be a reason why she enables his behavior. But l am not knowledgeable about this topic. All l know is my sister will defend him and his behavior and will blame others first.
 
It sounds like this was a holiday event related thing? It may suck but seriously consider making future family events "dry."

"Oh, sorry, we didn't plan any beer or drinks this time."
 
Avoid the jerk and tell sister he needs AA meetings.
I try avoiding to the extent l can. My sister probably knows deep down that he needs professional help, but on the surface, appears in denial. I honestly think she would resent me and blame me if l suggested AA or inpatient rehab. I basically want to tell her to keep me away from him if there's any likelihood he will be drinking or already drunk, but any mention of it seems to be a sensitive taboo subject.
 
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