If you think she is the real Love of your life go for it!
How did you *decide on* your wife?
- Thread starter Vilan
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My wife was just standing next to me on my previous post... Personally i would think this out carefully and protect your assets..It all starts off nice but what if??
Originally Posted By: Gary Allan
Well, hmmmm, I don't think I was the one deciding. Once a woman has her cross hairs on you ..there really isn't much you can do. You'll crack eventually.
Something akin to the Sirens of Titan thing.
Man, is that true....mine didn't give up.
And I'm glad she didn't. Married nearly 9 years...we're still like kids...
My toddler's "kissy" noises still cracks us up...
Well, hmmmm, I don't think I was the one deciding. Once a woman has her cross hairs on you ..there really isn't much you can do. You'll crack eventually.
Something akin to the Sirens of Titan thing.
Man, is that true....mine didn't give up.
And I'm glad she didn't. Married nearly 9 years...we're still like kids...
My toddler's "kissy" noises still cracks us up...
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Here`s my philosophy. You said you`ve lived at home all your life. For starters,get out on your own,live life,learn about life and what being on your own is like. Imo,marriage is the last life goal you should consider. And especially don`t marry the first woman that comes into your life,and like the other poster said,don`t marry because you feel like it`s now or never. Get out on your own,get your own place,live it up and enjoy yourself.
Originally Posted By: Vilan
In honor of the similar recently-revived thread...
I'm looking to propose to my girlfriend next weekend (it's her birthday). She's an awesome girl, but part of me is just scared poopless. I've lived at home all my life, and the thought of mortgages and kids is enough to send me running for the hills. She's been nudging me about it for a while and she won't wait much longer. Honestly, I've dragged it out long enough already. I don't want to miss my chance, but... boy howdy. I don't know how anyone does it. Any words of wisdom from the newly or not-so-newly weds?
I don't live at home and my girlfriend's birthday isn't for another few months, but other than that, everything you described exactly fits the situation I'm in.
I came to two realizations that really helped me along. The first was that I am as sure as I can possibly be that my girl and I will be able to work out whatever problems we end up facing. I've never had that feeling about anyone in my life, girlfriend or otherwise. The second realization is that I probably will never in my entire life be 100% ready to commit to anyone or anything. It's just my nature that I have a VERY hard time making choices that will limit my options down the road. So, if I want to get married and have a family, I have to trust thoughts and feelings other than my sense of readiness.
Hope that's worth something to you. Good luck.
In honor of the similar recently-revived thread...
I'm looking to propose to my girlfriend next weekend (it's her birthday). She's an awesome girl, but part of me is just scared poopless. I've lived at home all my life, and the thought of mortgages and kids is enough to send me running for the hills. She's been nudging me about it for a while and she won't wait much longer. Honestly, I've dragged it out long enough already. I don't want to miss my chance, but... boy howdy. I don't know how anyone does it. Any words of wisdom from the newly or not-so-newly weds?
I don't live at home and my girlfriend's birthday isn't for another few months, but other than that, everything you described exactly fits the situation I'm in.
I came to two realizations that really helped me along. The first was that I am as sure as I can possibly be that my girl and I will be able to work out whatever problems we end up facing. I've never had that feeling about anyone in my life, girlfriend or otherwise. The second realization is that I probably will never in my entire life be 100% ready to commit to anyone or anything. It's just my nature that I have a VERY hard time making choices that will limit my options down the road. So, if I want to get married and have a family, I have to trust thoughts and feelings other than my sense of readiness.
Hope that's worth something to you. Good luck.
I think marriage is a gateway for financial distress. I have come across so many formerly married people that have gone through a nightmare during the whole divorce process. Bankruptcy is the biggest factor.
Another negative thing that I've come across is the fact that the 2 people have grown "too apart" which leads to cheating and eventually divorce.
Sure there's definitely love in the equations but for me personally I don't want the extra baggage of the other person's finances nor do I want any other issues related to "marriage" There's way too many variables involved that could lead to disaster.
Some people need to be married to feel secure. I think women are the ones that feel the need to be married and live happily ever after. Just like a fairy tale.
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I just wanted to add my 0.2
Another negative thing that I've come across is the fact that the 2 people have grown "too apart" which leads to cheating and eventually divorce.
Sure there's definitely love in the equations but for me personally I don't want the extra baggage of the other person's finances nor do I want any other issues related to "marriage" There's way too many variables involved that could lead to disaster.
Some people need to be married to feel secure. I think women are the ones that feel the need to be married and live happily ever after. Just like a fairy tale.
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I just wanted to add my 0.2
Originally Posted By: Vilan
and kids
I was going to say you'd be saying to yourself "I can't imagine what I'd rather do with my time", but I don't know your age.
And I don't know her age, or how mature she is.
But for 2 mature adults, kids is the glue that bonds a family through thick and thin, and they give complete fulfilment, not to mention great entertainment! If you're over 30 don't be scared of kids.
and kids
I was going to say you'd be saying to yourself "I can't imagine what I'd rather do with my time", but I don't know your age.
And I don't know her age, or how mature she is.
But for 2 mature adults, kids is the glue that bonds a family through thick and thin, and they give complete fulfilment, not to mention great entertainment! If you're over 30 don't be scared of kids.
It's good to be scared - it's a BIG commitment. Take the time to talk with a QUALIFIED marriage counselor who can probe both of you with useful questions. Money, spirituality, kids ... life will beat both of you down significantly so you'll need a decent foundation to start the process. It's a worthwhile institution but one that will stretch, contort and bend you in ways thought impossible. Have LOTS in common and enjoy many similar activities. And do pay very close attention to her family - don't ignore quirky oddball behaviour because it WILL be tied in to your future wife and you WILL have to have association with in-laws. I hope both of you will be relationally successful.
Originally Posted By: crazyoildude
My wife was just standing next to me on my previous post... Personally i would think this out carefully and protect your assets..It all starts off nice but what if??
I just about spit out my beer.
He's right though... You really should be very sure before getting into something like this. A mortgage should be small potatoes compared to a marriage.
My wife was just standing next to me on my previous post... Personally i would think this out carefully and protect your assets..It all starts off nice but what if??
I just about spit out my beer.
He's right though... You really should be very sure before getting into something like this. A mortgage should be small potatoes compared to a marriage.
Marriage is too scary. My fear is that after you say I DO, she changes. It's a stereotype and the subject of countless standup routines and sitcoms, but I think there's truth to it. Just looking at some of my 30-something married friends and comparing them to how they were when they were 23 and single, I can see it. ^-^ (I'm talking about both physical appearance and otherwise..)
Originally Posted By: Gary Allan
Well, hmmmm, I don't think I was the one deciding. Once a woman has her cross hairs on you ..there really isn't much you can do. You'll crack eventually.
Something akin to the Sirens of Titan thing.
+1000
this thread is useless without pics BTW.
Well, hmmmm, I don't think I was the one deciding. Once a woman has her cross hairs on you ..there really isn't much you can do. You'll crack eventually.
Something akin to the Sirens of Titan thing.
+1000
this thread is useless without pics BTW.
All of the above, and a few more ideas.
You need to be together long enough to get a couple of decent crises under your belt, to see whether you are standing together in the face of adversity, or that's your job.
You might be marrying her, but you are also marrying her family. I'd never ditch a girl for her family, but when it comes to doing certain things at certain times, you'll be along for the ride, and doing lots of shoulder work... That being said, I've had in-laws who are very appreciative of the effort.
Might sound a bit crass, but there was a guidance lady on the (AM) radio about 6 months ago that suggested that things would ultimately be better if the marriage vows contained the line "and never sleep, or consider sleeping with another woman/man for the next 60 years"...or at least people considered that aspect before saying I do.
We're pretty atypical. Been together 19 years in June, and will prolly be getting married some time in Spring (Oz time). She asked me, and our children will be 7 and 5. Might even chuck in a honeymoon between now and then.
You need to be together long enough to get a couple of decent crises under your belt, to see whether you are standing together in the face of adversity, or that's your job.
You might be marrying her, but you are also marrying her family. I'd never ditch a girl for her family, but when it comes to doing certain things at certain times, you'll be along for the ride, and doing lots of shoulder work... That being said, I've had in-laws who are very appreciative of the effort.
Might sound a bit crass, but there was a guidance lady on the (AM) radio about 6 months ago that suggested that things would ultimately be better if the marriage vows contained the line "and never sleep, or consider sleeping with another woman/man for the next 60 years"...or at least people considered that aspect before saying I do.
We're pretty atypical. Been together 19 years in June, and will prolly be getting married some time in Spring (Oz time). She asked me, and our children will be 7 and 5. Might even chuck in a honeymoon between now and then.
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Make sure you share the same outlook, goals and work ethic. This is critical. Some things may not be eye to eye, but make sure they are at least close enough...
Beyond that, yes, it is just plain scary. You just need to get up the nerve and do it...
Good luck!
Here is a guy with some sence! He should be a mod or something.....
...oh wait.....
+1
Make sure you share the same outlook, goals and work ethic. This is critical. Some things may not be eye to eye, but make sure they are at least close enough...
Beyond that, yes, it is just plain scary. You just need to get up the nerve and do it...
Good luck!
Here is a guy with some sence! He should be a mod or something.....
...oh wait.....
+1
My wife had her sights set on me after a few convo's at work. After that she would routinely come down and ask if I wanted to join her outside for quick break.
A year later we were engaged, and 2 years after that married. She is like my best friend though, getting her into the whole guy routine of only talking when its worth it lol. I remember when my best friend, my gf(wife) and myself went out for the first time. She was complaining that it was to quiet in the car.
We explained to her that guys can sit in silence for long periods of time and enjoy one anothers company, it doesn't have to be a constant conversation like most women have. She picked up on it lol, though not 100%.
You'll know when your ready, don't let a date or a woman force you into it if your not ready. IF she cares as much about you as you do her, she will wait. For some women, they want to get married to show off etc not caring much about the guy but the whole experience. Wife's sister is kinda like that. Treats her husband like garbage because all she wanted was to show people that she is now successful/higher status because she married someone wealthier.
A year later we were engaged, and 2 years after that married. She is like my best friend though, getting her into the whole guy routine of only talking when its worth it lol. I remember when my best friend, my gf(wife) and myself went out for the first time. She was complaining that it was to quiet in the car.
We explained to her that guys can sit in silence for long periods of time and enjoy one anothers company, it doesn't have to be a constant conversation like most women have. She picked up on it lol, though not 100%.
You'll know when your ready, don't let a date or a woman force you into it if your not ready. IF she cares as much about you as you do her, she will wait. For some women, they want to get married to show off etc not caring much about the guy but the whole experience. Wife's sister is kinda like that. Treats her husband like garbage because all she wanted was to show people that she is now successful/higher status because she married someone wealthier.
Originally Posted By: Vilan
In honor of the similar recently-revived thread...
I'm looking to propose to my girlfriend next weekend (it's her birthday). She's an awesome girl, but part of me is just scared poopless.
Honestly, you make it sound like you're trying to pick out a set of high dollar tires....
In honor of the similar recently-revived thread...
I'm looking to propose to my girlfriend next weekend (it's her birthday). She's an awesome girl, but part of me is just scared poopless.
Honestly, you make it sound like you're trying to pick out a set of high dollar tires....
Wow, there is alot of good advice in this thread.
My take on it is pretty simple, you either know it is the person for you or you don't do it.
I knew on my first date. So did she. I don't really believe living together makes anything better. We didn't.
But, as riverrat suggested, she wasn't my best friend when we first started out, but she became my best friend before I proposed.
I waited 14 months before proposing, and we were engaged for 12 months. Personally, waiting any longer than a few years usually is a red flag when I observe as an outsider.
My take on it is pretty simple, you either know it is the person for you or you don't do it.
I knew on my first date. So did she. I don't really believe living together makes anything better. We didn't.
But, as riverrat suggested, she wasn't my best friend when we first started out, but she became my best friend before I proposed.
I waited 14 months before proposing, and we were engaged for 12 months. Personally, waiting any longer than a few years usually is a red flag when I observe as an outsider.
I wanted to add.
I lived alone for over 10 years. I believe it to be key in making someone independent. I was happy with myself and I would not have married if it would have affected me negatively.
You have to be happy with who you are before you can be happy with someone else.
I lived alone for over 10 years. I believe it to be key in making someone independent. I was happy with myself and I would not have married if it would have affected me negatively.
You have to be happy with who you are before you can be happy with someone else.
Originally Posted By: bigmike
I wanted to add.
I lived alone for over 10 years. I believe it to be key in making someone independent. I was happy with myself and I would not have married if it would have affected me negatively.
You have to be happy with who you are before you can be happy with someone else.
Absolutely true. And as someone else said, the knowing yourself from living alone is a prerequisite to being happy with yourself.
I wanted to add.
I lived alone for over 10 years. I believe it to be key in making someone independent. I was happy with myself and I would not have married if it would have affected me negatively.
You have to be happy with who you are before you can be happy with someone else.
Absolutely true. And as someone else said, the knowing yourself from living alone is a prerequisite to being happy with yourself.
Originally Posted By: mrsilv04
Originally Posted By: Vilan
In honor of the similar recently-revived thread...
I'm looking to propose to my girlfriend next weekend (it's her birthday). She's an awesome girl, but part of me is just scared poopless.
Honestly, you make it sound like you're trying to pick out a set of high dollar tires....
in that case he needs to have his and her lawyers sign off on a comprehensive road-hazard warranty in case he comes home and finds a nail being driven in the tread!
Originally Posted By: Vilan
In honor of the similar recently-revived thread...
I'm looking to propose to my girlfriend next weekend (it's her birthday). She's an awesome girl, but part of me is just scared poopless.
Honestly, you make it sound like you're trying to pick out a set of high dollar tires....
in that case he needs to have his and her lawyers sign off on a comprehensive road-hazard warranty in case he comes home and finds a nail being driven in the tread!
Dude, if she's "hinting" to you to propose, RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!! No woman should have to tell you when SHE wants YOU to marry her......think about it. The domination has already started. Plus, take a look at yourself....are you really READY for this? YOU got to grow too and the first thing I'd do is get out of the home and get your own place. You must realize and understand your own faults and measures. Just how in the #ell do you expect to be happy when you don't even know yourself what makes you happy. I'm not talking about drinking beer with your 'bros or buying a new car or something like that, it's happiness from within. That "I feel good about myself" factor. Picture this.....ya'll "hook" up. Move in together. Do you know what side of the bed you prefer? What kind of food do you like? Who's going to do the dishes? Vacuum? You like to leave your shoes on in the house, she makes you take them off.....are you HAPPY yet? Slowly, all those factors will eat your lunch and then KABOOM.....The big D happens, and I don't mean Dallas. Your back where you started and this time, deeper in debt and heaven forbid that you have any children when that happens because it will be absolute #ell for them. Believe me, I know, I have 5 stepmothers. Your the only you that you have. Be true to thine ownself....every heard of that? It will make lots of sense to you later. If she gives you an ultimatum.....STEP away. Sure it's going to hurt for awhile, but if you aren't happy, nobody is happy. You'll get over it. We all do. Life goes on. Women come and go, but family always remains. Your only on this earth for a short time, so do what makes you happiest and from ready your posts, you not sure exactly what makes you happiest. Learn about yourself first and foremost.
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