Dealing with lack of trust

[Spitty]

Without going into full details this is a close long term associate/'friend' that is insisting on what might be called the equivalent of a certified bank draft over a personal cheque. I should say that I have NEVER given anybody ANY reason for them to suspect me of being underhanded. Many times I have dealt with matters such as this by word or handshake.
I am a little taken back by this. The truth is, if I wanted to screw this person over, I could do so with little or no effort, and they should realise this.

Maybe I should just let this pass, but part of me wants to bring this to the front.

Can I trust someone who does not trust me ? Are they just being formal for the sake of being formal ?

 

[blufeb95]

I'm not sure what you're buying but if it's expensive expecting certified funds is perfectly reasonable.

 

[Pew]

Can I trust someone who does not trust me ? Are they just being formal for the sake of being formal ?

You may see this as them not trusting you, that person might not think it's offensive at all and just a pre-cautionary measure; probably based off their previous experiences in similar situation.

I would do the same thing as the other person to the few people that I call a friend. I've been burned before and you know the saying goes...fool me once shame on you...fool me twice.....

 

[JavierH19]

I'm not sure what you're buying but if it's expensive expecting certified funds is perfectly reasonable.

I second this. I don't know why op is taking it personally. I've done deals with friends without any kind of insurance and it becomes a hassle. This is insurance that helps him not get screwed. In fact those that get upset by it were probably planning on screwing them from the start or are just thin skinned and aren't fit for the world of business. I do these deals in my business and i don't take offense to it. You shouldn't. In fact take it as an opportunity to show you're more than trustworthy by not showing any pushback and delivering anyway.

 

[RTexasF]

Business is business, treat it as such.

 

[BISCUT]

Business is business, treat it as such.

This! Sounds like maybe you should not be conducting business with this long term associate/friend.

 

[Spitty]

Perhaps I should explain this is not strictly a business matter, this is an in-law family member of 25 years, and the money in itself shows a certain amount of goodwill on my part.

 

[DuckRyder]

Depends on circumstances and amount of money to an extent but I’ve been known to tell people if my check isn’t good to them then they don’t really need my money…

 

[GrtArtiste]

Without going into full details this is a close long term associate/'friend' that is insisting on what might be called the equivalent of a certified bank draft over a personal cheque. I should say that I have NEVER given anybody ANY reason for them to suspect me of being underhanded. Many times I have dealt with matters such as this by word or handshake.
I am a little taken back by this. The truth is, if I wanted to screw this person over, I could do so with little or no effort, and they should realise this.

Maybe I should just let this pass, but part of me wants to bring this to the front.

Can I trust someone who does not trust me ? Are they just being formal for the sake of being formal ?

Do what you need to do to keep peace in the family...but walk away from this transaction. It is NOT worth the risk and beware of same going forward.

 

[fsdork]

It's hard to judge the situation based on the cryptic information being provided. On that basis, I would blindly suggest to respect their request and take the cost of the bank draft out of the payment amount on principle. Or there's always cash.

 

[aquariuscsm]

Business is business, treat it as such.

^^This.

 

[BISCUT]

Perhaps I should explain this is not strictly a business matter, this is an in-law family member of 25 years, and the money in itself shows a certain amount of goodwill on my part.

"Riddle me this!" Lack of meaningful detail makes this impossible to provide sound advice. Good luck.

 

[Spitty]

Sorry I had to be vague, I guess I am just venting.

In conclusion, it is very much in the recivers interest that I pay at all. Therefore he can take the money as I offer it or sit and stew.

The old saying goes : Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

[spasm3]

Sorry I had to be vague, I guess I am just venting.

In conclusion, it is very much in the recivers interest that I pay at all. Therefore he can take the money as I offer it or sit and stew.

The old saying goes : Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

No way we can judge, sounds like special circumstances, and amounts, follow your gut feeling, its usually right.

 

[Spitty]

Thanks !

 

[fisher83]

I second the business is business sentiment. We once rented part of our home to a close family friend of well over 20 years. We still verified income and had him sign a month to month lease. One of my closest mentors in life is my aunt who is a retired DOJ attorney. She always has advised me to put things in writing whenever possible and to try to think of what could go wrong and prevent issues before they occur whenever possible. I insisted on cash or money order for rent and security deposit. Closing the door to any potential for a bounced check helped us ensure there would be no awkward potentially friendship damaging conversations to be had. I'm pretty private about finances so even my best of friends have no idea what my balances are like. I wouldn't be offended by a request for certified funds/cashiers check.

 

[ekrampitzjr]

More than a few thousand dollars? Certified or cashier's check, period. It's for your own protection as much as his. Some banks would look at an attempt to cash a personal check for a large amount with suspicion.

 

[wemay]

He's protecting you, himself and the relationship. It sounds reasonable to me, not that he distrusts you.

 

[Lubener]

Without going into full details this is a close long term associate/'friend' that is insisting on what might be called the equivalent of a certified bank draft over a personal cheque. I should say that I have NEVER given anybody ANY reason for them to suspect me of being underhanded. Many times I have dealt with matters such as this by word or handshake.
I am a little taken back by this. The truth is, if I wanted to screw this person over, I could do so with little or no effort, and they should realise this.

Maybe I should just let this pass, but part of me wants to bring this to the front.

Can I trust someone who does not trust me ? Are they just being formal for the sake of being formal ?

A bank draft also offers you protection since your checking information will not be on the check. I would bet many "friends" are in financial trouble these days, so you have to look out for yourself. I wouldn't take it personal, it's a good business practice especially with a large transaction. You have to make sure you can easily put the money back into your account if the transaction goes sour. I would have the check made out to yourself and then endorse it before handing it over.

 

[PWMDMD]

Like everyone, I have my own set of problems, and someone wanting a certified bank check ain't one of them. Not sure this would even register in my head...