Am I overreacting ?

Status
Not open for further replies.
9

97tbird

Joined
May 9, 2003
Messages
9,290
Location
Fayetteville, NC
We love to travel...both me and my wife. So a friends of hers was visiting us recently (she's american and is the kind of person who is rather superficial - while not being dumb somehow- and thinks she's a world traveler because she has a visited a few europen countries and spent a few months in some of those).

I was born in Sri Lanka, lived in Germany and other Europen countries for about 10 yrs, and now I am living in US since 2002, and am a citizen in this country...I still have a lot to see, but i have a rather good idea of a few countries, esp. i have long standing friendships from almost all the countries i have visited...

I have always been interested in Japan and Japanese culture..I have read some Japanese literature (in English), and always wanted to see the country...i mention this during a dinner we had with this friend of my wives, and later i heard (from another person) that she thought Japan is rather "trite". I honestly thought that she was in Japan at some point, but now I hear that she has never been there.

So...this angers me to the point that I cannot sleep. This stupid idiot, who hasn't visited a single asian country makes a comment like that (behind my back) and i am wondering if I should confront her about this - my wife is not terribly fond of her, but she tells me my anger is over the top, and that I should let it go... I really want to ask her "can you tell me what you based that comment on? why do you think Japan is "trite"? ...perhaps it's because it's a popular tourist destination?
I don't plan to visit countries based on their popularity...she's a pretentious idiot who will never know what I know right now about the world even when she's old enough to die. I have 2 good friends from Japan, and they represent both the old and the new culture of Japan, which seems to be in such good balance, that it has always intrigued me.

so, shall I confront her, or let it go?
WWYD?
 
The woman wants to feel important and special. She is not fooling anyone for long. Spend as little time with her as you can but why hurt her feelings just because she is insecure and wants attention? Each country has something special and interesting and if you only visit the tourist trap stuff you miss out on the real beauty.
 
Trite? LOL

It's not worth getting uptight about it. Japan is a great place to visit, though I wouldn't want to live there again. Helen is spot on...some folks just feel the need to be the "light bulb" in a room and want/need some attention. I find the best way to deal with those kinds of people is to humor them for a few minutes until they run out of factoids on the place they've never been...then move on. :)
 
Yep. Don't make her shortcoming effect YOU. Just smile and leave her to herself. You can't fix personalities.
 
Originally Posted By: hr1940
The woman wants to feel important and special. She is not fooling anyone for long. Spend as little time with her as you can but why hurt her feelings just because she is insecure and wants attention?

^^ This.

If it comes up in conversation, then calmly offer your perspective if you must, but let her be the one to bring it up and embarrass herself. Credibility and discretion are a powerful combination.

Until then, remember that if she really is a thoughtful person, just being around you and your wife will eventually open her mind. And if she is not a thoughtful person, then there's nothing to be gained by trying to "educate" her.
wink.gif


IMO, just decide for yourself whether you can stand to hang out with this person (maybe for your wife's sake if she is a good friend), and don't worry about the rest.
 
Originally Posted By: 97tbird

So...this angers me to the point that I cannot sleep.....................my wife is not terribly fond of her, but she tells me my anger is over the top, and that I should let it go.

What gives this woman's opinion (that you heard secondhand) the power to keep you awake?
I agree with the wife, "let it go".
 
Last edited:
As d00df00d said, credibility and discretion are indeed a powerful combination. She will inevitably embarrass herself publicly, so why involve yourself? This way, you aren't known to other friends of hers as "that guy" and you still get to watch her hang herself with her idiocy. This is also most likely the best situation for your wife.
 
I would just not spend a tiny fraction of a thought on it.

Anyone saying any country on earth at any point in time is "trite" speaks volumes. Mostly it tells you this person either doesn't know the definition of the word or is beyond ignorant.
 
Originally Posted By: Gradient
Originally Posted By: 97tbird

So...this angers me to the point that I cannot sleep.....................my wife is not terribly fond of her, but she tells me my anger is over the top, and that I should let it go.

What gives this woman's opinion (that you heard secondhand) the power to keep you awake?
I agree with the wife, "let it go".


Well said. Helen and all the others summed up.....good life lessons for people like this.
 
I deal with people like her on a daily basis. I would let it go. If anything, you're just going to add fuel to the fire. By walking away, it makes you the better person.
 
Originally Posted By: hr1940
The woman wants to feel important and special. She is not fooling anyone for long. Spend as little time with her as you can but why hurt her feelings just because she is insecure and wants attention? Each country has something special and interesting and if you only visit the tourist trap stuff you miss out on the real beauty.


I agree. I doubt she even knows what trite means, and even if she didn't have the issues identified in this quote, I question the value of an opinion given on Japan given by someone who's never been there.

Engaging this woman in any discussion has no upside and plenty of frustration downside for you. Take Helen's advice and just let it run off your back.

Certain people in my life have been put into a certain mental category by me and that being the case, there's really nothing they could say that would surprise/offend me. I simply have no interest in anything they say or think.
 
Thanks, all of you.

fortunately, we see her rarely - she is on FaceBook, though, so I still have to resist the urge to confront her that way - (I can think of some nice ways to do it, like pretend I still believe she has visited Japan and has a lot of experience and asking about her visit and then say "ohhh...so you have NOT seen Japan, so do tell, how did you decide it is trite..." etc etc...

BUT I think you guys are right; it's not worth it, and I need some anger management perhaps...
 
Last edited:
First I want to say that I have been as big an idiot as most other people but would like to believe I have "Reformed." That said, I am also very reactive and when I interact with someone like her, I tend to cut to the chase quickly. I would probably ask her about it and ask her on what her opinion is based. If she responded with some irrelevant [censored] I would quote a teacher of long ago and say something like, "I believe your opinion is poorly based and you are displaying your ignorance."

It is important to note, however, occasionally the other person may have experience/exposure/knowledge that I'm unaware of, so if I think it valid, I might say something like, "I think that is very interesting, I was not aware of that, thanks for explaining." Its also my experience they lie or sidestep my question. At that point I've made my point and my silence seems to really get to them! Their insecurities drive them to say some strange things.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

W
On death and dying and the aftermath
2 3 4
Replies
68
Views
2K
k1xv
G
Neighbor Issue
2
Replies
30
Views
2K
Pablo
B
Who's never traveled outside of the United States?
12 13 14
Replies
260
Views
5K
mark pruett
slo town
End of life experience during my Dad's passing
2 3
Replies
49
Views
3K
bbhero
shortyb
Weekend in Gatlinburg TN.
2
Replies
33
Views
975
SammyChevelleTypeS3
Back
Top Bottom