Am I right or wrong?

[BrownBox88]

So I've been married for almost two years now. My wife texted me that she wanted to tell me something when I got home from work, or she could just text me what she wants to tell me. I told her just text me.

She says that her ex-boyfriend is in the hospital in ICU and is on life support. A lot of her friends are still friends with him. I told her, just send your condolences and carry on I don't see why you're there, that is the past. Then she tells me oh he was a big part of my life and that "he is a person and needs support". His family is there, his friends are there that's enough support, what is an ex-girlfriend gonna do?

Me being myself, I do not have any sympathy for EX's at all. Regardless of any situation they might be in. I don't wish for anyone to die, but EX's are the past. Hurt? In the hospital? Wish you the best. That's all ill say. Won't think anymore than that.

 

[Quattro Pete]

Is it possible for two people to remain friends after they've broken up?

 

[jeepman3071]

I agree. My exes don't contact me, why should I contact them?

 

[BrownBox88]

Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Is it possible for two people to remain friends after they've broken up?


AFAIK, they had no contact in over the two years. I told this guy if he ever step foot on my property I'm not afraid to protect my property and never heard from him since.

 

[GROUCHO MARX]

Tough spot. Figure out what's the toughest thing to do and do it. The toughest thing to do is usually the right thing.

 

[itguy08]

I think it depends on how long they were together. If it was a long time, I'd say it's natural to be concerned - a lot of time was spent with them and no matter what they will be part of the other person's mind.

Yes, it's in the past but I guess it's one of those things like an estranged family member. Sure you may not be in touch or even like them but if something serious were to happen it would be OK to be there for support.

 

[Kestas]

Not all breakups are the same. With some exes, you want nothing to do with them ever again. With others, there is still an element of respect in the relationship.

The issue is how YOU cope with her actions. Is she doing this to spite you in some way? Perhaps in her circle of friends it would look strange to them that she would act coldly in this situation.

 

[volk06]

If it was a mutal split I see no problem. There are a few of my exs that I've never talked to again and never care too. Then there are a few that are still friends due to dating friends and such. If a person dates for a few years or more, it can be hard if they're in this type of situation.

 

[Quattro Pete]

Originally Posted By: BrownBox88
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Is it possible for two people to remain friends after they've broken up?


AFAIK, they had no contact in over the two years. I told this guy if he ever step foot on my property I'm not afraid to protect my property and never heard from him since.

Sounds like you've got some hidden jealousy/insecurity issues. Whether they're justified or not, only you can answer that.

 

[BrownBox88]

Even after being married, having a child....I don't understand how someone. From the past can still affect them.

 

[TooManyWheels]

You will create a bigger problem for yourself if you discourage her going. Pick your battles, you don't want to win a skirmish but lose the war. If you are worried about how your wife relates to other men, that is something that needs to be discussed openly, not hidden-but-still-reflected in her actions and your reactions.

 

[bepperb]

Why do you care that the visits and old friend in a hospital? If you can't trust her to go visit someone in the ICU you, or she, has some serious issues beyond this.

 

[BrownBox88]

Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Sounds like you've got some hidden jealousy/insecurity issues. Whether they're justified or not, only you can answer that.

No, he egged my house at least twice a week. Constantly harassed me and my wife over social networking.

GUYS! This is not a trust issue!

 

[Quattro Pete]

Originally Posted By: bepperb
you, or she, has some serious issues beyond this.

+1

 

[Tdbo]

That is a tough call. I guess all of my ex's are ex's for a reason, and as such I do not desire to have contact with them again. However, I would tend to agree with you that the proper course of action for her would be to send condolences and move on.

 

[bepperb]

Well than I can see why you wouldn't be stopping by. Still I think you're better off letting her decide what she wants to do and respecting her decision.

 

[Quattro Pete]

Originally Posted By: BrownBox88
No, he egged my house at least twice a week. Constantly harassed me and my wife over social networking.

There are always at least two sides to every story. It'd be interesting to hear your wife's side.

 

[javacontour]

Why not go with her?

One is wise to be concerned about opposite sex relationships. I see both sides. If you can't trust someone, then something is wrong with the relationship. On the other hand, having suffered from the behavior of an unfaithful ex-wife, I've learned that while few PLAN to cheat, everyone is a potential cheater. So you protect your relationships with extra-ordinary protections such as not being alone with members of the opposite sex, not seeing former lovers, etc.

If I correspond with my ex-wife, I BCC my wife so she knows what's being said.

It's good that she told you. This is a good sign. She is being transparent. That's a form of protection of your relationship.

You can go with her without it being an "I'm jealous" type of thing. Express your concerns and be SUPPORTIVE of your wife. You will make more points with her by supporting her and being gracious to someone who was once a big part of her life.

 

[tenderloin]

It seems like he came to see her after you and you wife were together? If he pursued her while you were engaged or married I would have no respect for the guy..not wishing ill of him. If not or if he in another relationship, I would not be upset with one visit. She can wish him well, see her friends and they see her and be done with it. Any of her old friends, friends of yours? If so why not go? If you are the odd man out or someone her friends blame for for the breakup with her ex...etc. then stay away. After that visit IMO she has no concern over his care and recovery.

 

[Falken]

If he was a bad guy only you can decide that. We can't really judge both sides of a story very well with only one side present.

If you don't let her go "problems" will never go away, there will always be a fault with your decision in preventing her seeing this guy before he dies.

Just let her go see him and suck up your pride. You'll get major compassion brownie points for this anyway.

One day she may be in a position you are in, in a time of your weakness.

A woman never forgets. If you choose to be with women at least understand they are nothing like men and be ok with that.

Edit: Heck, if there was a battle between you and her ex, go and see the guy. You can be the better man once and for all now is the time. If there were any discussions behind your back between her jealous girlfriends undermining you now can be the time to show them maybe they were wrong about you. The amount of strength you'd need to show up at the hospital and wish this guy well would be LEGENDARY. Think on it man!