A Rememberance and Good Riddance to an Ex on her Birthday.

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Relationships are so much work. I've had my fair share of problems in my marriage over the last 3 years. As many of you already know, I was living 250 miles away from my wife for the last 2.5 years. That is how I racked up 170,000 miles on the Corolla so quickly. Soon as she finished up, we moved in together and that didn't work. A work in progress is more like it. It's tough.

Dan I sympathize with you. I dated a girl that was either bi-polar or manic depressive. I slowly found this out as the relationship progressed. It's sad that these chemical psychological problems exist. This girl was a wacko and I had to get myself out of that relationship fast. Hopefully she took care of her self and tried to over come it.

My wife plans on going to medical school for neurology and has a strong interest with all of these disorders.

[ September 22, 2004, 09:48 PM: Message edited by: buster ]
 
Observing this thread, I notice a surprisingly strong sentiment against women, one which seems to go way beyond individual experiences of some people. Ahem...
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[ September 22, 2004, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: moribundman ]
 
Yep, I agree moribundman,

This post was not to incite hate against women in general, but to show my pleasure of being a free man again and not married to this PARTICULAR woman. And it was to publicly give her the final kiss off so no more energy of any kind wasted on her.

According to my informal studies after I was freed, many more woman are healthy than are sick. At least I clue in really quick now as to which they are...
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And, thanks to everyone for the well wishes, I am currently rebuilding life and getting on with it. It sucked for a while, but moving on to something bigger and better is the key.

Dan

[ September 22, 2004, 10:24 PM: Message edited by: Dan4510 ]
 
Dan, I didn't say your post was generalizing, but I saw a tendency in some of the replies.

Good luck to you. And keep the doors and windows locked (And no ice pick under the bed!).
 
Actually Moribund I agree with you. But here's my case => My wife is 150% great, at 44 she has the bod of a 24 year old and would give herself to save the world....it's just this periomenopause thing...if you don't know what that is, don't ask or better see symptoms above. Normally a rational woman driven bonko by strange hormonal imbalances....strange body temps and hungers....and essentially zero you know what banned on BiTOG drive....so....it's not "an against" women thing....it's a figure the creatures out thing. A rewarding, but dangerous hobby.

Oh and when she caught me merely glancing in "wrong direction" it was ***** removal and divorce papers....the woman has never said such a thing before (married 18 years)!
 
I'm very happily married. There were rough times and we both have our own individual demons to conquer ..but we managed to get through it intact. Does my wife rant and rave? Sure...but I know it's like the Wizard of Oz. Before the kids came along ...if I had become a Clyde ...she would have quite willingly become a Bonnie. I'm glad that I didn't turn out to be her bad relationship ( err..well
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I hope I didn't give the impression that the conditions that I described are exclusive to women. Getting into bad relationships is a gender blind afliction.

Dan, congrats. Many don't make it out without heavy damage.
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I have sympathy for everyone who has had a crazy relationship with a woman. Mine was over 20 years ago. Basically, I had to be someone I am not, to please this lady. It was a crazy, confusing time. It took years to end the relationship, and thankfully she received help for her problems. I had to deal with my own issues. It was like I was a magnet for women who had problems, especially mental ones. It was one of the deciding factors of living as a monk for 5 years. Still am single. That one relationship left a very lasting impression. Marriage is for some, but there is a price to be paid. Wish the best for everyone here!
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quote:
Originally posted by Pablo:
Actually Moribund I agree with you. But here's my case => My wife is 150% great, at 44 she has the bod of a 24 year old and would give herself to save the world....it's just this periomenopause thing...if you don't know what that is, don't ask or better see symptoms above. Normally a rational woman driven bonko by strange hormonal imbalances....strange body temps and hungers....and essentially zero you know what banned on BiTOG drive....so....it's not "an against" women thing....it's a figure the creatures out thing. A rewarding, but dangerous hobby.

Oh and when she caught me merely glancing in "wrong direction" it was ***** removal and divorce papers....the woman has never said such a thing before (married 18 years)!
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I know what you speak of, Pablo. My wife even wrote me a 3-page paper before we married, describing what was going to happen to her-and thus to me--every month for about a week before her period.I had no idea...
I have been slapped, pinched, kicked, threatened, and verbally dressed down; and then magically it all goes away and once again there's this beautiful, caring person. Then, there's the cultural thing to deal with. My wife is from Kyoto, and very proud of being Japanese, yet she hates many things about Japan. Trying to figure out what she wants isn't always easy. You can't ask, all you'll get is "You better find out."
Anyway, at the present time, we are separated by the court, after getting into it one time too many. It used to **** me off that I could be covered in bruises, yet be the one taken to the slammer; but I know how the court system works here in Washington.
I've spent 6 months worrying about her, about our marriage, about everything, and waiting for things to begin to get better.
It's been **** , but I'd do it all again, minus the fighting. Hopefully, we've both learned a lot about how adults should behave toward each other, and we'll have a chance to try it again, the right way.
I think the main thing I've learned (aside from how the system works) is that there's nothing you can argue about that is worth risking your relationship over. You don't need to win an argument to be happy.

And, ignoring a problem like won't make it go away.
 
quote:
Originally posted by MarkC:
Originally posted by Pablo:
[qb] I think the main thing I've learned (aside from how the system works) is that there's nothing you can argue about that is worth risking your relationship over. You don't need to win an argument to be happy.

And, ignoring a problem like won't make it go away.
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Exactly arguments are the kiss of death in a marriage. Can't match Ugly's record of 44 years but I'm working on it (35+ years)
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Good thing we are not ignoring the issues. We work on it. Not an easy thing when exhausted from a "normal" day.....whatever that means.

MarkC - I had no idea. People have this idea of Japanese/Asian women. They are wrong. This I know. Peace be with you.
 
Yep, Asian women are not what people think they are.
What rteally bugs me is that even though my wife came to the jail, and then to court, and wrote a letter taking a lot of the blame for our thing, the court still didn't listen(or didn't care) and now we can't even speak to each other untill the judge says so.
I won't even get started on the kind of PC ******** the women's groups try to fill peple's heads with.
So all I can do is work on what I can to make sure we can live togtether peacefully and move on.
And wait. Not knowing what's going on with her is the hardest part.
 
One thing I have been becoming aware of, and is illustrated in spades here, is how much the mechanics and chemistry of your body effects your behavior.

From personal experience with endocrine (hormone)problems I now understand more what the women deal with. I am on hormone supplements and can tell you that when the hormones are right I can put up with almost anything. A "normal" day when the hormones are wrong feals roughly equal to a very bad day when the hormones are right. I can definitely think my way to a better mood and more tolerance, but it is within a small range, the starting point of which is dictated by the hormones.

Another important behavioral factor is how the mind programs itself to react to situations. Basicly it establishes set behaviors over time for certain situations, by making certain paths in the neural network stronger.

So if you have spent a certain amount of time in unpleasant situations, your reactions are governed by the current physical neural pathways established in your brain over time. If you try to move to a better relationship, or improve your existing one, you (and the other person) are still governed and sabotaged by the old pathways, which take time to change. And whenever you act in the old way, you further reinforce the inappropriate pathway. The good news is that as you try to establish better reactions, they will slowly build new neural pathways, and the old will wither away. But it takes time, and deliberate effort.

[ September 23, 2004, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: TooManyWheels ]
 
Am I the only unbattered oilhead?
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I've been with the same Japanese woman for over 10 years. I know when it's the time of the month in advance, because I get cranky before she shows any signs -- and I'm not just imagining that. But I really can't say she turns into a cave troll or that her personality changes. She just complains a little about being bloated and is tired. On the other hand, I once new a girl that turned into a picture book fury, a shrew, the aforementioned cave troll, seemingly possessed by demons.
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Mine is great too, except from Day 21-28, when the least thing will set her off. But if you're a bit careful and caring,, she can see through the hormone haze and appreciate patience.
 
quote:
I know when it's the time of the month in advance, because I get cranky before she shows any signs
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I too have learned to recognize the signs in advance. My wife has an extremely painful time, and it starts manifesting itself the week before with small degrees of indecisiveness and uncertainty. The main thing is that when we walk together in a parking lot or store she will do things differently than she does the rest of the time. For instance she will drift into me, stop without warning, or take a long time to select something from the shelves.
I suspect there may be some differences in her conversational patterns also.

I know you guys will think I'm dreaming, but it is very repeatable. I particularly notice it because, like Moribundman, it drives me nuts even though I know the cause.

In general we try to take her patterns into account in scheduling activities. I put a recurring entry into our calendar program, every fourth Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

I will admit that our first nine years were a little rough, but the last fifteen have been wonderful.
 
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