What age were you when you got married?

[Passport1]

I don’t speak Chinese or Philipino either, lol

I've been to the PI. You won't get fleeced if you are sincere and don't drink too much. Lots of Philippinas speak English, better than most Americans. Many are well educated, familiar with Americans and honest. They don't like to play games. Go to Manila and then visit some of the islands. You won't be disapointed.

 

[fdcg27]

I was 27 when we got married, and wife was 29. We met in grad school, lived together for a few years and then married.
We have two sons now in their thirties, one married with the other divorced and an eight year old grandson.
We will celebrate or 40th in December.
Emotional maturity is an important thing for both partners in a marriage since without it no marriage can survive as a healthy relationship.

 

[AutoMechanic]

Dang reading this thread seeing how many people were married in their 20s. Not to derail. Makes me feel like I’m not doing something right. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve tried everything to get in a relationship but I’ve failed. I know why it’s because I’m one who shares too much to begin and so I guess I scare them away. But I’m always respectful and genuine. They also tell me I’m ugly so there’s that too. I so badly just want to settle down with someone and start a family and enjoy life together. I’m sure there is still time but I feel like I’m wasting it all. My parents were 31 and 23 when they were married. Tuesday is their 31st year of marriage. I don’t want to wait that long at least not 31 long. 23 is reasonable. And I want someone who I am able to move in with because I can’t live at home the rest of my life either. I guess I need to get my finances together first and stop buying stupid stuff. I’m sure girls will want me if I have money lol. My parents keep telling me I need to find the right one and take the opportunity but I haven’t and don’t know how. Everyone who was married in their 20s seems lucky lol. Sorry didn’t mean to get off topic just with all my friends getting married at this age too I never thought it was the norm. Out of my large friend group there is like 3 of us that aren’t married.

 

[CanAmAndMore]

Dang reading this thread seeing how many people were married in their 20s. Not to derail. Makes me feel like I’m not doing something right. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve tried everything to get in a relationship but I’ve failed. I know why it’s because I’m one who shares too much to begin and so I guess I scare them away. But I’m always respectful and genuine. They also tell me I’m ugly so there’s that too. I so badly just want to settle down with someone and start a family and enjoy life together. I’m sure there is still time but I feel like I’m wasting it all. My parents were 31 and 23 when they were married. Tuesday is their 31st year of marriage. I don’t want to wait that long at least not 31 long. 23 is reasonable. And I want someone who I am able to move in with because I can’t live at home the rest of my life either. I guess I need to get my finances together first and stop buying stupid stuff. I’m sure girls will want me if I have money lol. My parents keep telling me I need to find the right one and take the opportunity but I haven’t and don’t know how. Everyone who was married in their 20s seems lucky lol. Sorry didn’t mean to get off topic just with all my friends getting married at this age too I never thought it was the norm. Out of my large friend group there is like 3 of us that aren’t married.

Don't try so hard, just let things flow casually.
Have you considered joining a club for something you truly enjoy doing. That would help you meet people with a common interest. If you are into hiking, join a hiking club.
If quads are your thing join an ATV group.
you get the idea.
Ask her about herself lots, instead of oversharing about your own life, as you said you do.
Don't even think about pulling your phone out during a date.
Have impeccable personal hygiene, and clean clothes.
Shower, shave, mouth wash, combed neat hair, don't eat with your mouth open, make her laugh, and reach for her hand, if she doesn't pull her hand away that's a great sign.
If you are picking her up, clean your car, nobody wants to get into a filthy or stinky car. Walks are a great thing to do on a date, lowkey, casual, and not sitting across from each other making it feel like an interview.

 

[billt460]

I’ve been told to go overseas by various folks, but that too is a good way to get fleeced.

I would forget that idea as quickly as they put it into your head. A large amount, (I'm not saying all), of these foreign women make themselves available to American men for one purpose, and one purpose only...... To legally get into this country, and have someone else pay their freight doing it.

Marriage is a very convenient tool for them to use, in order to accomplish that goal. Then there is the language and communication barrier. Not to mention the difference in cultures. What she may value, you couldn't care less about. And vice versa.

Going to another country to find a wife, is a bit like stopping to ask for directions if you're lost in the ghetto. A good outcome is heavily stacked against you.

Ask yourself why it has gotten to this point? (That you need to travel to a foreign land to find a partner, when women outnumber men in this country).

I'm not at all saying that it's impossible to have a successful relationship / marriage with a person from a foreign land, but the odds of long term success are against it. Much like here with interracial marriages. But why try to win at a game, knowing the deck is stacked against you, as soon as the first cards are dealt?

 

[Thermo1223]

50 years ago I would have wholeheartedly agreed with you. But no longer. Today we live in a completely different country and society. Public education at present is little more than controlled flight into terrain.

Disagree wholeheartedly, and to coin your other comment. I do agree they are putting teachers into the position of also being a parent which really is not their job. However that is not the fault the public education it is the fault of ourselves.

We as a society championed the single parental unit as ok when we should have demonized it from the start. You can be divorced and live apart no doubt but you both need to be parents to the kid, it's not about you. It's no without merit that the govt. purposely wants single parents to vote one way or the other for them as a form of control.

On the private school part yes again I agree, as corruption is not limited to just one side. I've seen in locally with charter school this and private academy that misusing state funds and getting shut down. Mine go to a private catholic school(not my choice, I was a public school product) which thankfully is well run and very good at teaching every subject, not just the ones they agree with. It is more than I pay in school tax every year by far.

 

[supton]

I turned 25 on our honeymoon. We had dated for a couple of years, and were friends for a couple before that. Our relationship just evolved into what it became. 20 years married this year, to celebrate we did… nothing. I guess maybe we’ll do something when we hit 25, lol.

 

[Thermo1223]

I would forget that idea as quickly as they put it into your head. A large amount, (I'm not saying all), of these foreign women make themselves available to American men for one purpose, and one purpose only...... To legally get into this country, and have someone else pay their freight doing it.

Marriage is a very convenient tool for them to use, in order to accomplish that goal. Then there is the language and communication barrier. Not to mention the difference in cultures. What she may value, you couldn't care less about. And vice versa.

Going to another country to find a wife, is a bit like stopping to ask for directions if you're lost in the ghetto. A good outcome is heavily stacked against you.

Ask yourself why it has gotten to this point? (That you need to travel to a foreign land to find a partner, when women outnumber men in this country).

I'm not at all saying that it's impossible to have a successful relationship / marriage with a person from a foreign land, but the odds of long term success are against it. Much like here with interracial marriages. But why try to win at a game, knowing the deck is stacked against you, as soon as the first cards are dealt?

I don't see any issue with interracial marriages. If you love the person and have a good, healthy relationship race is not even a thought.

You have just as good of a chance with success in marriage whether it's interracial or not.

 

[billt460]

1). I don't see any issue with interracial marriages. If you love the person and have a good, healthy relationship race is not even a thought.

2). You have just as good of a chance with success in marriage whether it's interracial or not.

As to number 1, I don't see anything "wrong" with it either from a social or moral standpoint. But as far as number 2 of having, "just as good of a chance of success", the statistics show much differently.

Especially in regards to white women marrying black men. (Which supports the largest percentage of interracial marriages). In fact the statistics below show that the divorce rate between white women and black men to be a full 200% HIGHER than the same 2 people being of the same race. (White).

And when you figure that the odds of divorce between same race couples, (i.e 2 white people), are already at almost 50% within the first 7 years, those are lousy odds at best.

I don't know about you, but having the same chance as a coin toss that your marriage will make it past the 7 year mark today, is pretty lousy at best. Downright appalling in fact. Especially if kids are involved.

Now, if you go ahead and make those odds a full 200% worse by going interracial, I wouldn't want to touch those odds with a ten foot pole.

 

[billt460]

Disagree wholeheartedly, and to coin your other comment. I do agree they are putting teachers into the position of also being a parent which really is not their job. However that is not the fault the public education it is the fault of ourselves.

We as a society championed the single parental unit as ok when we should have demonized it from the start. You can be divorced and live apart no doubt but you both need to be parents to the kid, it's not about you. It's no without merit that the govt. purposely wants single parents to vote one way or the other for them as a form of control.

On the private school part yes again I agree, as corruption is not limited to just one side. I've seen in locally with charter school this and private academy that misusing state funds and getting shut down. Mine go to a private catholic school(not my choice, I was a public school product) which thankfully is well run and very good at teaching every subject, not just the ones they agree with. It is more than I pay in school tax every year by far.

I can agree with most of what you have said. But it doesn't change the fact that public education is getting worse, not better. Pin the blame where you want. (There is more than enough to go around).

But between lousy teachers, coupled to an overly expensive school system that we do nothing but throw money at, and single parent families, that for the most part are fatherless, and lack sufficient income to support without still more public assistance, and it's a solid recipe for disaster.

And pointing to bad behaviour to support other bad behaviour, doesn't wash when you get into private schooling. Simply because you as the person who are footing the bill, have a choice in the matter. If the private school stinks, you walk away from it and find one that doesn't.

With public schools you can't do that. Your kid will attend whatever public school his district provides. It might be good, (if you live in a more affluent area), or it might stink if you don't. Regardless, you don't make the call, the public school system does. Your kid's education is at their mercy.

That's why I've always been in favor of public school vouchers. It introduces competition into the public school system. If these crappy schools and teachers don't get on the ball, and improve their quality of education they provide, they'll get closed, and the teachers dismissed.

As it sits now, it is all but impossible for a public school teacher to be fired for being lousy at their job. Quite the opposite. They'll be rewarded with a long career, and a big fat pension when they retire..... Along with every holiday off known to mankind. And a Summer vacation every year that only kids can appreciate.

 

[Pew]

Dang reading this thread seeing how many people were married in their 20s. Not to derail. Makes me feel like I’m not doing something right. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve tried everything to get in a relationship but I’ve failed.

Don't put relationships in a pedestal like that. Enjoy life, do you, and everything else will fall into place.

 

[John105]

Dang reading this thread seeing how many people were married in their 20s. Not to derail. Makes me feel like I’m not doing something right. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve tried everything to get in a relationship but I’ve failed. I know why it’s because I’m one who shares too much to begin and so I guess I scare them away. But I’m always respectful and genuine. They also tell me I’m ugly so there’s that too. I so badly just want to settle down with someone and start a family and enjoy life together. I’m sure there is still time but I feel like I’m wasting it all. My parents were 31 and 23 when they were married. Tuesday is their 31st year of marriage. I don’t want to wait that long at least not 31 long. 23 is reasonable. And I want someone who I am able to move in with because I can’t live at home the rest of my life either. I guess I need to get my finances together first and stop buying stupid stuff. I’m sure girls will want me if I have money lol. My parents keep telling me I need to find the right one and take the opportunity but I haven’t and don’t know how. Everyone who was married in their 20s seems lucky lol. Sorry didn’t mean to get off topic just with all my friends getting married at this age too I never thought it was the norm. Out of my large friend group there is like 3 of us that aren’t married.

Hang in there. As mentioned, I got married at 42. That’s late. So late, my dad asked my younger bro if I were ***

The worst thing is to be in a relationship with a bad person. Knowing this group of men who had that happen it’s just sad. Some of them were used for citizenship too.

Being single is not bad. When I got married, my wife was working in Manhattan. She didn’t move to Phila for 3 mos. My buddies said man you have the ultimate arrangement. You are married but don’t live with your wife!

 

[tbm5690]

Dated for 3 months, I proposed, married 5 months after that. I had just turned 22. 11 years and counting

 

[billt460]

Back to the original question. Got married the first time at age 20. She was 22. It lasted 7 years. It shouldn't have lasted 7 months, but I tried to make it work. I couldn't, and it didn't. No kids, clean break.

The second time I was 30 and she was 28, (never married). It is still going strong after almost 40 years. Also no kids. Couldn't be happier.

 

[Thermo1223]

As to number 1, I don't see anything "wrong" with it either from a social or moral standpoint. But as far as number 2 of having, "just as good of a chance of success", the statistics show much differently.

Especially in regards to white women marrying black men. (Which supports the largest percentage of interracial marriages). In fact the statistics below show that the divorce rate between white women and black men to be a full 200% HIGHER than the same 2 people being of the same race. (White).

And when you figure that the odds of divorce between same race couples, (i.e 2 white people), are already at almost 50% within the first 7 years, those are lousy odds at best.

I don't know about you, but having the same chance as a coin toss that your marriage will make it past the 7 year mark today, is pretty lousy at best. Downright appalling in fact. Especially if kids are involved.

Now, if you go ahead and make those odds a full 200% worse by going interracial, I wouldn't want to touch those odds with a ten foot pole.

View attachment 164410

You can't live life by statistical analysis. If I did I would never drive on the highway.

 

[billt460]

You can't live life by statistical analysis. If I did I would never drive on the highway.

Marriage is far more dangerous than driving.

 

[hardcore302]

23. Don't regret it at all.

 

[Rmay635703]

I would forget that idea as quickly as they put it into your head.

Ask yourself why it has gotten to this point? (That you need to travel to a foreign land to find a partner, when women outnumber men in this country).

It was a choice and the cost of working and paying for college and debt before taking time to date.

I know several guys that have been married 10+ years to an “Asian” from overseas.

Getting a foreign girl, It hasn’t gotten to that point with me and never will, and I fully understand why.

Close to a third of straight guys my age have never married (and likely never will)

After you hit 20, Being a boring middle wage clean cut suit doesn’t lead to good options and I have no desire getting involved with someone who will divorce in 5 years or less. I also have no desire to date someone just out of school or old enough to be my mother or someone who abused their body to the point to require a caregiver.
I also have no desire to be in a bar until 2 am because there aren’t women there until almost bar time. (This area that is how it is)

So It’s a very practical matter that anyone out of the dating market the last 10 years won’t understand.

New Marriage is for the very young and very old, the in between get the left overs. There is always that 1 out of 10 that is the exception that proves the rule but who cares?

You either take what’s left and all the problems that come with it or you don’t.

I personally won’t, just means I go on an occasional date that leads to another 3 month relationship.

I was never a drinker, smoker, addict, always been employed and cleaned up finances in order.

Most guys like me stay single.

And that’s fine, it’s unfortunate society imposes a heavy view on a single male.

It’s also unfortunate the amount of broken damaged people there are in the world.

I was a much happier, kind and positive person before I tried online dating.

I know all kinds of things I don’t want to and experienced things I never would want or think possible.

Lots of bad people in the world, that’s just how it is.

 

[Passport1]

45 years last month. I've wondered many times why we lasted. I think maybe because we are so close in education level, SES, both mid-west growing up. Enjoy many of the same things. Similar temperaments. Might be boring sometimes.

Makes me feel like I’m not doing something right.

Hang in there amigo. There are far worse things than being single. As many already mentioned there is a dating cesspool out there right now. It might change someday. Don't despair. You have a valuable skill and likely a winsome Sally Sue will sashay into your life. You are a mechanic and she will let you know you're the one 'cause she likes your nice tools.

 

[Pew]

You can't live life by statistical analysis. If I did I would never drive on the highway.

That picture came from some wiley.com website and has survey'd only ~25,000 people in the USA. However there are several major factors that the statistics like this doesn't not show, and that my theory of marriages that are based off sexual hypergamy are at a much higher risk of divorce.

Pew research has a pretty good multiple page in depth analysis of this. It's from 2012 but here's a secondary follow up article on it from 2017.