The folks above have provided lots of good information above for you to digest. I'm in a position to offer some additional , non personal, accurate hard data. However I'll do it via Private Message.
Single By Choice?
- Thread starter lancerplayer
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I think you will find a strong correlation between having kids and divorce and hating your marriage. It's the kids that ruin everything.
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My advice when choosing a woman. They say "you marry the girl,you marry the family". Well,you also marry the friends. If she hangs around trash,then SHE is trash,because you are the company you keep. I find this to be as consistent as clockwork. If she hates her parents and siblings,then she is a psycho pos. The top deal breakers are no job,no car,no home (a professional couch surfer),smokes,drinks,uses drugs,or has incarcerated "baby daddies".
RUN,don't walk away from these.
RUN,don't walk away from these.
Originally Posted By: bmwjohn
ALSO: If you have a college degree you might consider a masters while you have the time. Many bachelors are 130?? semester hours, many masters are 36??
It works the same way with getting a second bachelors degrees.
Originally Posted By: bmwjohn
Grad certificates are also popular, and all put you a little ahead in the job market.
Not really.
ALSO: If you have a college degree you might consider a masters while you have the time. Many bachelors are 130?? semester hours, many masters are 36??
It works the same way with getting a second bachelors degrees.
Originally Posted By: bmwjohn
Grad certificates are also popular, and all put you a little ahead in the job market.
Not really.
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What's so ironic is when a divorced chick asked "so how come you've never been married ",which I've been asked so many times before. I always come back and say,"How come you're divorced??". Oh the irony!!
Oh,and having no credit or bad credit is also on my list of deal breakers.
Oh,and having no credit or bad credit is also on my list of deal breakers.
My late dad made a comment a few years back that resonated with me...he said that "people are more afraid of each other than when he was young." He was referring to marriage and divorce specifically but I think that's largely a true statement that impacts peoples attitudes toward marriage. The "fear" is a legitimate one and the constructs of the society seem to support it. I think the 20 somethings of today certainly have more on the plate than someone who got married in the 1950s.
I have little interest in marriage if only because at my age it would necessitate a pre-nuptual that wouldn't have me leaving the marriage ( should things go south ) with less than I came into it. A woman told me once that pre-nuptuals weren't "very romantic". I told her that they could be like wine and roses when it counts. Your 20s are probably too young to be considered as a member of the "He Man Women Hater's Club" ( hopefully ) but you're a product of your environment and you'll undoubtedly have attitudes from both your upbringing and how it butts up against society.
I'd confidently say that I would likely work harder to make a marriage work than the average married couple of today. However, if that's not reciprocated, I'm not going to be in my 50s and giving half of my net worth to some woman who didn't want to work as hard as I did. While some might find that a depressing mindset, I'm very happy without a constant relationship in my life. That's not fatalistic as much as it is acknowledging that I'm more interested in the destination than I am having a woman by my side sharing it. Even when a relationship is good, I think it's more acceptable now for many to not gravitate to the thought of marriage. I have women friends, I'm an occasional dater and not a social pariah ( possible translation: I can still get laid without paying for it ) That's the sweet spot for me...and who knows...it may even become closer to the norm if the average age of getting married rolls toward the mid 30s.
I have little interest in marriage if only because at my age it would necessitate a pre-nuptual that wouldn't have me leaving the marriage ( should things go south ) with less than I came into it. A woman told me once that pre-nuptuals weren't "very romantic". I told her that they could be like wine and roses when it counts. Your 20s are probably too young to be considered as a member of the "He Man Women Hater's Club" ( hopefully ) but you're a product of your environment and you'll undoubtedly have attitudes from both your upbringing and how it butts up against society.
I'd confidently say that I would likely work harder to make a marriage work than the average married couple of today. However, if that's not reciprocated, I'm not going to be in my 50s and giving half of my net worth to some woman who didn't want to work as hard as I did. While some might find that a depressing mindset, I'm very happy without a constant relationship in my life. That's not fatalistic as much as it is acknowledging that I'm more interested in the destination than I am having a woman by my side sharing it. Even when a relationship is good, I think it's more acceptable now for many to not gravitate to the thought of marriage. I have women friends, I'm an occasional dater and not a social pariah ( possible translation: I can still get laid without paying for it ) That's the sweet spot for me...and who knows...it may even become closer to the norm if the average age of getting married rolls toward the mid 30s.
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
My advice when choosing a woman. They say "you marry the girl,you marry the family". Well,you also marry the friends. If she hangs around trash,then SHE is trash,because you are the company you keep. I find this to be as consistent as clockwork.
I met this gorgeous, long dark haired woman in my mid-20's. Quite the looker. But the few female friends of hers that I met were shallow, & winey. She was later engaged & married a real jerk. I didn't get that. Saw her years later in the store, now divorced, later heard she had some biker boyfriend. What a shame.
Beauty is indeed only skin deep.
Another 3x divorcee with kids I knew was looking for yet another man. Her main criteria were job, never married and no kids. I thought "OK. But he won't be getting that at all. You bring 3 divorces and 2, 3, 4 kids from same/different marriages?" What's in it for him?(I don't have a clue).
She eventually found one that we both knew. I've witnessed many, regular fights. He's younger, she's older. He's a constant talker. Likes to be the center of attention. Go figure....
My advice when choosing a woman. They say "you marry the girl,you marry the family". Well,you also marry the friends. If she hangs around trash,then SHE is trash,because you are the company you keep. I find this to be as consistent as clockwork.
I met this gorgeous, long dark haired woman in my mid-20's. Quite the looker. But the few female friends of hers that I met were shallow, & winey. She was later engaged & married a real jerk. I didn't get that. Saw her years later in the store, now divorced, later heard she had some biker boyfriend. What a shame.
Beauty is indeed only skin deep.
Another 3x divorcee with kids I knew was looking for yet another man. Her main criteria were job, never married and no kids. I thought "OK. But he won't be getting that at all. You bring 3 divorces and 2, 3, 4 kids from same/different marriages?" What's in it for him?(I don't have a clue).
She eventually found one that we both knew. I've witnessed many, regular fights. He's younger, she's older. He's a constant talker. Likes to be the center of attention. Go figure....
Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
lancerplayer,
Marriage and kid(s) are VERY important. All the money in the world won't make you happy.
That depends on the individual(s). Some people get married and have kids, and everyone involved is miserable. Others stay single and are happy. And vice versa.
Do what works for you.
lancerplayer,
Marriage and kid(s) are VERY important. All the money in the world won't make you happy.
That depends on the individual(s). Some people get married and have kids, and everyone involved is miserable. Others stay single and are happy. And vice versa.
Do what works for you.
Originally Posted By: lancerplayer
I have heard the following comments thrown around often:
- "Divorce ruined my life"
- "I would be a millionaire if it weren't for these kids"
- "Kiss your freedom goodbye when you get married and have kids"
Some people want to be married and have children, other people do not. Those that made the comments above fall into the latter category. They made very poor choices if those are their opinions on those topics.
I am in my late 20's, and I am married and have 2 kids so far. I could not be any happier with my life right now. Are there "sacrifices" that need to be made? Yes I suppose you could say that, but those "sacrifices" are to ensure I am able to do other things that would not be possible without my wife and kids. So I feel very much that I have a net gain in life and experience right now.
Almost none of my friends have kids, but my wife and I still spend a lot of time going out, being with family and friends and taking care of ourselves. So the "kiss your freedom goodbye" comment is from someone who gave up their freedom and is incapable of letting go of their own selfishness to embrace the whole new level of freedom they have been given.
So kids can't go to certain places or do certain things that adults can do...so what? Spending time with my family, raising my kids and building my life with my wife over the past 6 years have been the most fulfilling and happy years of my entire life so far. The zoo, circus, boardwalk, amusement park, etc. with my kids is way more fun than the stuff I did when I was single or childless.
But my kind of life is not for everyone. For people that don't want those things, my life would seem like a life sentence. For me it is what I've always wanted so it is all a matter of perspective and preference.
Don't let other people's bad experiences sour your own outlook if it is what you want, but equally don't feel like you need to do things like get married and have kids just because others are doing it if it isn't what you want.
I have heard the following comments thrown around often:
- "Divorce ruined my life"
- "I would be a millionaire if it weren't for these kids"
- "Kiss your freedom goodbye when you get married and have kids"
Some people want to be married and have children, other people do not. Those that made the comments above fall into the latter category. They made very poor choices if those are their opinions on those topics.
I am in my late 20's, and I am married and have 2 kids so far. I could not be any happier with my life right now. Are there "sacrifices" that need to be made? Yes I suppose you could say that, but those "sacrifices" are to ensure I am able to do other things that would not be possible without my wife and kids. So I feel very much that I have a net gain in life and experience right now.
Almost none of my friends have kids, but my wife and I still spend a lot of time going out, being with family and friends and taking care of ourselves. So the "kiss your freedom goodbye" comment is from someone who gave up their freedom and is incapable of letting go of their own selfishness to embrace the whole new level of freedom they have been given.
So kids can't go to certain places or do certain things that adults can do...so what? Spending time with my family, raising my kids and building my life with my wife over the past 6 years have been the most fulfilling and happy years of my entire life so far. The zoo, circus, boardwalk, amusement park, etc. with my kids is way more fun than the stuff I did when I was single or childless.
But my kind of life is not for everyone. For people that don't want those things, my life would seem like a life sentence. For me it is what I've always wanted so it is all a matter of perspective and preference.
Don't let other people's bad experiences sour your own outlook if it is what you want, but equally don't feel like you need to do things like get married and have kids just because others are doing it if it isn't what you want.
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
My advice when choosing a woman. They say "you marry the girl,you marry the family". Well,you also marry the friends. If she hangs around trash,then SHE is trash,because you are the company you keep. I find this to be as consistent as clockwork. If she hates her parents and siblings,then she is a psycho pos. The top deal breakers are no job,no car,no home (a professional couch surfer),smokes,drinks,uses drugs,or has incarcerated "baby daddies".
RUN,don't walk away from these.
You forgot to mention her ex biker gang member boyfriend that's soon to be released from prison.
The OP needs to find a nice woman. Lots of nice single women that I know in my career field looking for Mr Right. Women want to find a good guy they can hook their wagon up to.
My advice when choosing a woman. They say "you marry the girl,you marry the family". Well,you also marry the friends. If she hangs around trash,then SHE is trash,because you are the company you keep. I find this to be as consistent as clockwork. If she hates her parents and siblings,then she is a psycho pos. The top deal breakers are no job,no car,no home (a professional couch surfer),smokes,drinks,uses drugs,or has incarcerated "baby daddies".
RUN,don't walk away from these.
You forgot to mention her ex biker gang member boyfriend that's soon to be released from prison.
The OP needs to find a nice woman. Lots of nice single women that I know in my career field looking for Mr Right. Women want to find a good guy they can hook their wagon up to.
Originally Posted By: MotoTribologist
The zoo, circus, boardwalk, amusement park, etc. with my kids is way more fun than the stuff I did when ...
.....I was a kid their age in a poor industrial zone.
and the same probably is true with my parents compared to me/us (kids of the WWII aftermath).
Now, kids or no kids, lady/boy - friend or not, married or not, long term relation or not, neighbors or not, nosy relatives or not, friends/co-workers or not
DO YOU ENJOY THE NOW?
The zoo, circus, boardwalk, amusement park, etc. with my kids is way more fun than the stuff I did when ...
.....I was a kid their age in a poor industrial zone.
and the same probably is true with my parents compared to me/us (kids of the WWII aftermath).
Now, kids or no kids, lady/boy - friend or not, married or not, long term relation or not, neighbors or not, nosy relatives or not, friends/co-workers or not
DO YOU ENJOY THE NOW?
Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
The OP needs to find a nice woman. Lots of nice single women that I know in my career field looking for Mr Right. Women want to find a good guy they can hook their wagon up to.
your field is not the only one.
But do they wait/look for Mr Right or Prince Charming?
Time does not wait for either..... just stays quiet and passes.
The OP needs to find a nice woman. Lots of nice single women that I know in my career field looking for Mr Right. Women want to find a good guy they can hook their wagon up to.
your field is not the only one.
But do they wait/look for Mr Right or Prince Charming?
Time does not wait for either..... just stays quiet and passes.
Been married, no kids, and split twice. After the second, which was 30 (!) years ago, I either didn't have any interest in doing that again, or couldn't find any candidates. With my longtime lady friend Linda, it would make a kind of sense for us to buy a house or large condo together. But I don't know if that'll happen.
Get married....you will live longer......well at least it will seem longer....
Waited till I was 26 to get married, she's 29. We're both glad we waited. Got to experience a little bit of time alone before committing. I've known HS marriages to go both ways.. mostly it ends in divorce from what I've seen though. If you told me 20 years I'd end up marrying a woman from Thailand I'd tell you were crazy. Not a racist thing just I grew up in rural Missouri. She's one heck of a woman I can you that.. the kind that could run a farm and keep the kids in line at the same time! Alot of single guys I know keep going after the same thing.. if it didn't work the first 5 times what makes you think it ever will?
Originally Posted By: Eric Smith
If you told me 20 years I'd end up marrying a woman from Thailand I'd tell you were crazy. Not a racist thing just I grew up in rural Missouri. She's one heck of a woman I can you that.. the kind that could run a farm and keep the kids in line at the same time!
Isn't it crazy that one tiny lady, thin or not, could do so much/many things (get kids, feed kids, transport kids, gets kids back, homework kids, get kids to bath/bed, etc etc) 'till the end of the day?
Thailand or 5k+ miles away from here, they are exceptional ladies... (still need year plugs from time to time....
)
If you told me 20 years I'd end up marrying a woman from Thailand I'd tell you were crazy. Not a racist thing just I grew up in rural Missouri. She's one heck of a woman I can you that.. the kind that could run a farm and keep the kids in line at the same time!
Isn't it crazy that one tiny lady, thin or not, could do so much/many things (get kids, feed kids, transport kids, gets kids back, homework kids, get kids to bath/bed, etc etc) 'till the end of the day?
Thailand or 5k+ miles away from here, they are exceptional ladies... (still need year plugs from time to time....
)This thread sure expanded quick.
I have been hitched for almost 30 years, and have a wonderful wife and son. But in the America of today I would never get married and would be careful never to father a kid or cohabit.
The things I read from feminists are downright evil, like how they say that all , for instance. So many young women agree with them. They even have classes about "starter husbands." That is the schmuck she marries just long enough to get spousal support, then divorces. And so many women have been with 100 guys by the time they are 25. So many are single mothers; so many have terribly high debt; so many have substance abuse issues.
And when a man is divorced, he is financially stripped. The stories I read about men getting kicked out, and sent to jail on a false accusation of violence are scary too.
Even worse is when he has to legally pay child support for kids he did not biologically create. In some parts of the West, the rate of this in marriages approaches 30%. And there is no escape.
Marriage as an institution is a very bad investment in these times. I lucked out, but these days I would sooner take a swim in the polar bear pit at the local zoo with nothing on than get married.
There are good women out there still, but they seem very uncommon compared to the 1980's. It is like a social sea change.
I have been hitched for almost 30 years, and have a wonderful wife and son. But in the America of today I would never get married and would be careful never to father a kid or cohabit.
The things I read from feminists are downright evil, like how they say that all , for instance. So many young women agree with them. They even have classes about "starter husbands." That is the schmuck she marries just long enough to get spousal support, then divorces. And so many women have been with 100 guys by the time they are 25. So many are single mothers; so many have terribly high debt; so many have substance abuse issues.
And when a man is divorced, he is financially stripped. The stories I read about men getting kicked out, and sent to jail on a false accusation of violence are scary too.
Even worse is when he has to legally pay child support for kids he did not biologically create. In some parts of the West, the rate of this in marriages approaches 30%. And there is no escape.
Marriage as an institution is a very bad investment in these times. I lucked out, but these days I would sooner take a swim in the polar bear pit at the local zoo with nothing on than get married.
There are good women out there still, but they seem very uncommon compared to the 1980's. It is like a social sea change.
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The problem is,99.9 and 3/4% of women in this world are selfish self centered manipulative opportunists. The ones that are truly beautiful people,inside and out,and VERY rare. Just take a look at people our grandparents' age (if mine were still living they'd be in their 90s). People from that generation just had more respect for each other and themselves. Has our society just simply degrade to the point of no return?
I think we scared him off. Wait till the ladies get a hold of him.
My take on "marry her and you'll marry the family" is that every family is different. The guy may think his family is normal and her's is insane while she thinks just the opposite.
Seems like the majority of folks you talk to have something negative to say about their in-laws. My 'rents certainly did.
All that said, I can't see this "issue" ever reaching "static equilibrium."
Seems like the majority of folks you talk to have something negative to say about their in-laws. My 'rents certainly did.
All that said, I can't see this "issue" ever reaching "static equilibrium."
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