Single By Choice?

[lancerplayer]

I'm currently in my mid 20s. Since graduating college, I have seen many of my friends get engaged/married/have children. Things seem great for them on the outside, but I have had conversations with many of them and many of them have made comments how they wish they would've taken things slower or not taken the steps that did (ie: not get married at all/not have kids at all). My parents are in their early 50s and they were married at age 20 & 21 with a kid by 22, so getting married and starting a family closer to the age of 30 is strange to them.

I have heard the following comments thrown around often:

- "Divorce ruined my life"
- "I would be a millionaire if it weren't for these kids"
- "Kiss your freedom goodbye when you get married and have kids"

This got me thinking...

Has anyone made the choice to be single? Not because you never found that person to start a family with, but because the single life makes things a lot more simple? You have more freedom and less responsibility.

Any eternal bachelors on here?

 

[JC1]

I know guys I work with that are single and in their 50's and they've never been married. Some of these guys don't seem any happier than a married man with more responsibility.

I've got a wife and two kids and I wouldn't trade it for the world. The experience of going through that has made me a better person. I can't be selfish and self centered.

If I was single sure I have a fancy car or two and an ego bigger that Donald Trump, but would that be a better life?

You just need to find yourself the right woman to marry. Good luck with that task. I wouldn't rush into marriage because everyone else you know is.

Think like the tortoise and hare. Slow and steady wins the race. Don't marry the first woman you get serious about.

 

[opus1]

I'm single by choice but not mine. I've been told over and over by women that I'm quite the catch and they're surprised I'm not married, but I've noticed that it's said by women who are married or otherwise taken and don't have to follow-through on that statement.

The women that *are* interested tend to be whack-jobs or women who need money or heavy lifting from me. And I have enough problems to deal with as it is.

 

[Quattro Pete]

It's obviously a personal choice.

Is living single simpler? Of course. But is that all you really want? If so, then by all means, staying single is what you should do.

Would I have more money if I were single? Possibly. But what will you do with all that money when you die?

There are many ways to enjoy life. One is to spend the money on yourself. Another is to spend it on family and take pleasure watching your kids grow, pass on the knowledge, and see them become successful. Each one has its pluses and minuses. There is no right or wrong here. Just personal choices.

BTW, I got married at 36 and had a kid at 40. If I could do it over, I'd start on this family life sooner. But I did enjoy my single life, too, and the ability to travel around the world. Granted, when children grow up a bit, you can start traveling again - it just gets a bit more expensive.

 

[BalticBob]

Take it slow, do not be in a hurry, no need to have a "starter" wife !
Remember this....when you do find Ms. Perfect, you will also be marrying her family.
Make sure they are OK too, and if her dad or brother is a BITOGer, bonus points!

 

[69GTX]

When you get old it's nice to have a spouse and kids to help with things that you can no longer do by yourself. That time is going to come for everyone. On the other side, there's no guarantee your kids become successful and contribute positively to your life. I've seen it both ways. And for some, the first woman they get serious about could just be the "right" one. There are no rules.

 

[LeakySeals]

Your parents generation tried to make things work. Getting divorced is/was frowned upon in that generation. It was perceived as being a loser, a failure. Not today. Today nearly half of marriages fail. For lots of reasons but mainly lack of will. Entitled spoiled people that were not raised to try, received participation trophies. Lack the capacity to work together for a common goal. Just look to the current election for examples of people unable and unwilling to see a different view.

So.. IMO waiting is a good idea. You have more tools like online dating to find the right one. Finances are more difficult. Better you focus on your career, get into your mid 30's before setting down.

 

[CT8]

A good woman is hard to find. But then I am the wrong person for advice on this issue.

 

[CourierDriver]

I just remarried my x 3 months ago and all is well,,,we took 10 years off,,we have changed a lot since 2006.

 

[Revving2Redline]

I'm single cause I have too many thing competing against her like JDM,ice hockey,fishing and PlayStation 4 AND Bitog.Close to 40 now and its going okay. Quit smoking and the beer once I got away from everyone;so theres no way I'm going back. Had to be put on heart medicine so even if I did date I cant get excited about anything without fainting or dying. Singleness is fine and not everyone is fit or wants someone. I kinda became Uncle to my ex's little girls and honestly its the happiest I have ever been.Love those little tikes unconditionally and they are all I really care about. Have you considered being like that to maybe a friends kids. Everyones kids need that. Try getting a pet.Many Veterans find a pet helps during hard or lonely time and the pet wont bring her mother over so its a good choice too. I wish you luck in whatever your conclusion brings you to.

 

[John_K]

Originally Posted By: CT8
A good woman is hard to find. But then I am the wrong person for advice on this issue.


I did not get married until age 34, most of my friends married right out of high school or college. I was involved with a few women who turned out to be nutcases.

I have a good wife now, for 18 years. But I am so glad we don't have children. She can't, and that's fine with me! And pretty much everyone I have ever known tells me how great it is to have kids...at first. Later they say "gee, I wish we were without them like you, kids are a pain." So don't let people push you into anything just because they think you should. I had a friend tell me I had to get married right out of high school because that's what you do. Unbelieveable in my book.

John

 

[Dave Hess]

lancerplayer,

Marriage and kid(s) are VERY important. All the money in the world won't make you happy.

 

[Triple_Se7en]

A few reasons to marry....
Fall In Love
Wanting to raise children via two parents
Insecurities about growing old alone and/or without enough moola to care for yourself into your 80s & 90s.

What's even worse about being single - being the youngest of your brothers and sisters and all of them are dead and you need daily assistance.

Lots to think about now, because you don't want to have regrets or be all-alone, when you age. Plan your future now, by sorting-out how your current family will age with you. Or will they-NOT age with you. If not, then maybe getting married is a good idea for the near future.

Don't die an old man and all-alone.

 

[skyactiv]

My life is better being married than when I was single.

 

[IndyIan]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
lancerplayer,

Marriage and kid(s) are VERY important. All the money in the world won't make you happy.

Having a wife and kids sure doesn't guarantee happiness either!

To the OP, there's no real rush to do anything now, but if you are thinking of having kids, mid 30's is about as late as you want to leave it IMO.

 

[Bottom_Feeder]

I was fine being single. I was alone but not lonely. I'm an introvert so I enjoyed time by myself and have no problem doing things alone like having a meal at a restaurant or seeing a movie which some people thing is very strange. I like my alone time and miss it often because I've since met 'the one' and all that's changed now that I'm married.

 

[NHHEMI]

Single and always will be. A wife and kids have never appealed to me. Despite multiple and seemingly endless attempts by friends and family, until I hit my mid 40's, to get me married off I have remained single and always will. I don't mind a date or two now and then with a nice woman but again no desire at all to spend my life with one and especially not to have kids.

There is nothing wrong with getting married and having kids either. If that is what someone wants go for it. Just don't rush into anything and do your best to be sure of your choices before you make them.

 

[Drosselmier]

On the other hand, we are celebrating our 60th Anniversary today. It worked out fine.

 

[4D-56]

when we were a 24 hour old, innocent baby, did we know anything about marriage, birthdays, "christmas", holidays etc etc?...were we racist?....no, of course not! So, what is it that happens after that?????...we become conditioned & brainwashed by other conditioned & brainwashed people....then all of these things become the norm.

Break the cycle, question all of it!!...marriage is very simple, it is a search for security, the search is born of insecurity. When we as individuals can do a little waking and question all of the stuff (thats all it is!) marriage becomes of no consequence, there's only relationship, its that simple. Find someone that you meet, that you have actual relationship & communion with that is also awake enough to see the madness of the deep conditioning that marriage is. The mistake i used to make was that I NEEDED to be with someone...that lead me down so many rocky paths...i was insecure. Once that insecurity was looked at and seen, it goes away. Fins osmeone that you want nothing from and that wants nothing from you...just the being together. wanting ALWAYS brings pain/conflict.

I always recommend reading books by J.Krishnamurti. He simply invited us to look, to question. He's not my 'guru', just a guy that saw the madness that mostly, we are, and said "hey!" wake up!

 

[chainblu]

I waited till I was 36 to get married. Had my first kid at 44. No regrets either way.

I was aware that people were 'wondering' about me, didn't care. I also knew that some of the parents of the ladies I dated would sometimes ask them what was wrong with me for never been married. No, I was not 'damaged' goods. Just never met the right one or, to be fair, I was not the right one.

I am happy in married life. My wife is a good woman.

However, if something was to happen to her, or I otherwise became divorced, I doubt I would remarry.