is getting married a bad idea?

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted By: Rick in PA
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
Originally Posted By: spasm3
5. You can stand each others inlaws!

^^The best advice here! Remember,if you marry the girl, you marry her family, friends, etc.


And beyond that, in a way, your wife will become like her mother. You're getting a foreshadow of the future. In some ways, you will become like your father...


If I ever become anything like my father (well, beyond physical appearance and, to my disgust, going bald), I hope Liz will be kind enough to shoot me.

I never met her mother.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Maybe those single guys need to find a nice, conservative Christian woman with morals and values.


Morals and values that match those of the man, yes. But in my opinion a female being Christian certainly does not provide any more assurance of a good woman. I speak from experience.


The holier someone proclaims to be, the tighter you need to hang on to your wallet!

 

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted By: javacontour
I shared a little of my experience. I went to my pastor about my ex-wife's affair and was asked what I did to force her to have an affair.


I shouldn't laugh, but I did...my friend is no longer welcome at his former church after a conversation including that inquiry. That is probably because he abruptly ended the conversation immediately after being asked that question. He did so rather forcefully, by decking the pastor!

 

[andyd]

I was giving the bottom line, no frills, basic, 2 people against the storms of life. By luck or design, our kids were raised by us with a little loving care from the grand parents. There have been so many shared joys and marvels to know that I'm truly blessed. I have no religious beliefs to speak of. The Ten Commandments are the foundation of western law. For that reason alone, they are worth heeding. I had my faith in humanity overhauled fighting off cancer. Day to day stresses should be shrugged off in the home. In the face of the whole picture, the day's mishaps should be forgotten.

 

[javacontour]

I'm a bit more graceful

I stuck around for a while, but eventually left that church. The so-called "Friendly _Protestant_Flavored_ Church really wasn't all that friendly.

I had an experience a few years later, when the new teacher of what had been our Sunday School class asked about my lack of attendance. I shared my story about not only did the pastor try to shift the blame for her affair to me. (And I know the difference between owning my part in what was a bad, but totally salvageable marriage and working on cleaning up my side of the street, and a blame shift) about how the church wouldn't implement church discipline as spelled out in Matthew 18, and how when I volunteered for projects, asked for a new class assignment since I was being divorced and didn't quite fit into the couples class, the church did nothing, so I left, finding their Orthopraxy didn't match their stated Orthodoxy.

His response? Not sorry we dropped the ball, not wow, that must have been tough to have your church turn on you. It was, "Sorry you feel that way."

Churches, like marriages are only as good as the people who are involved.

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
Originally Posted By: javacontour
I shared a little of my experience. I went to my pastor about my ex-wife's affair and was asked what I did to force her to have an affair.


I shouldn't laugh, but I did...my friend is no longer welcome at his former church after a conversation including that inquiry. That is probably because he abruptly ended the conversation immediately after being asked that question. He did so rather forcefully, by decking the pastor!

 

[Dave Hess]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Maybe those single guys need to find a nice, conservative Christian woman with morals and values.
Morals and values that match those of the man, yes. But in my opinion a female being Christian certainly does not provide any more assurance of a good woman. I speak from experience.

The holier someone proclaims to be, the tighter you need to hang on to your wallet!

I meant a real Christian , sorry let me rephrase that...
A woman with Chick-fil-A / Tebow morals and values. Not some piece of trash that wants a reality TV life like they watch on cable. Just remember that marriage is a very sacred bond between a man and a woman, not a piece of paper.

 

[javacontour]

But what is a "real Christian?"

Even the Apostle Paul wrote that he did the things he didn't want to do and didn't do the things he wanted to do, and I would guess he's a "real Christian."

I'd guess my former pastor was a "real Christian" and look how that turned out.

Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Maybe those single guys need to find a nice, conservative Christian woman with morals and values.
Morals and values that match those of the man, yes. But in my opinion a female being Christian certainly does not provide any more assurance of a good woman. I speak from experience.

The holier someone proclaims to be, the tighter you need to hang on to your wallet!

I meant a real Christian , sorry let me rephrase that...
A woman with Chick-fil-A / Tebow morals and values. Not some piece of trash that wants a reality TV life like they watch on cable. Just remember that marriage is a very sacred bond between a man and a woman, not a piece of paper.

 

[Astro14]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
There are some rules that need to be followed for two mature adults to have a successful marriage.

There must be a theological unity. You and your future spouse must be on the same theological page. It is a reference point for how you act, how you perceive yourself, how you perceive your spouse, and how you perceive marriage.


False. I know of a Catholic happily married to an agnostic for almost thirty years, I know of a Wiccan happily married to someone who is simply not religious at all for more than fifteen.


you've confused theological labels with theological perspective...clearly, those you mention share enough common perspective to approach life in the same way...

 

[Tay]

well, at least i could say my in-laws is much better then my dad.

my two years old niece is crazy about Barney. just awhile ago i brought her a cake with that purple dinosaur(Royal Purple) it was suppose to an happy occasion. but somehow, my old man decide to spoil the fun beyond any reason that i can understand by saying i am wasting money, demanding more allowance, accusing me of nasty things. all of us were shocked at the sudden outburst.

since then, our relationship have never been the same again.

 

[aquariuscsm]

To sum it all up,if you can`t stand her family and/or friends,run away as fast as you can.

 

[Pop_Rivit]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
There are some rules that need to be followed for two mature adults to have a successful marriage.

There must be a theological unity. You and your future spouse must be on the same theological page. It is a reference point for how you act, how you perceive yourself, how you perceive your spouse, and how you perceive marriage.


False. I know of a Catholic happily married to an agnostic for almost thirty years, I know of a Wiccan happily married to someone who is simply not religious at all for more than fifteen.


I assumed that everyone would understand that, as with anything, there are some statistical abnormality's. In your case it's a mere two data points; people who have elected to make something work that wouldn't work for the vast majority of couples. I'm sure every one of us knows one or two "odd" marriages that, at least on the surface seem to be working.

I should have mentioned that, but I assumed that something so obvious wouldn't need to be pointed out. Next time I'll try to simplify my posts, and point out the obvious to help you understand them.

 

[Astro14]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
There are some rules that need to be followed for two mature adults to have a successful marriage.

There must be a theological unity. You and your future spouse must be on the same theological page. It is a reference point for how you act, how you perceive yourself, how you perceive your spouse, and how you perceive marriage.


False. I know of a Catholic happily married to an agnostic for almost thirty years, I know of a Wiccan happily married to someone who is simply not religious at all for more than fifteen.


Or...they only appear to be happily married...

It's often surprising what lies beneath a happy exterior...

 

[andrewg]

I can honestly say that after being involved for ten years in the evangelical faith (many different groups with very similar biblical based beliefs), the "Christian" women I came into contact with were MORE likely to have affairs and commit self described "sins" than secular or non-shirt sleeve wearing believers. I have no real idea why that was the case, but my guess is the whole forgiveness thing with a little sexual repression thrown in had something to do with it.
No, if I was seeking to find a life-long mate, I would definitely NOT look for one in a religious setting (unless of course I was highly inclined and devout myself). Truth be told and other aspects of personality and morals being equal, I would prefer an atheist or maybe a casual believer. They just seem to have less issues in my opinion.

 

[The_Jeff]

I'm agnostic and my wife is atheist. We get along. We occasionally bicker but respect each others viewpoints.

We're both mad when as a survey checkoff mark, we share a box. One has a deliberate disavowment, the other is just lazy.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: eljefino
I'm agnostic and my wife is atheist. We get along. We occasionally bicker but respect each others viewpoints.

We're both mad when as a survey checkoff mark, we share a box. One has a deliberate disavowment, the other is just lazy.

Lol...good way to put it.

 

[Panzerman]

I cant stand my inlaws, that was part of the reason I moved 1000 miles away. I dont know why you think you have to like the inlaws. When you marry, you start your own family and you need to leave the old one behind and all the baggage too. If you drag your families into your marriage you are doomed. Your birth family does not need to meddle in your current family-period. You'll have enough problems to deal with. Throw all that religion out the window, if that is your cup of tea, fine, does not work for everyone. I havent stepped foot in a church, except for funerals in over twenty years and I have a Great marriage. Want to know the true secret of a Great marriage, what we tell everyone at parties when they ask how and why we get along so Great after all these years and they cant stand each other? SEX, plain and simple, if your having alot of sex, your happy. It relieves so much stress, you would be so surprised how much or how little things impact your life when your getting so much sex. Thats what made you want to get married and thats what will keep you on the honeymoon. Tell me what guy between 20 to 50, isnt going to be happy to be having sex, 4 to 6 days a week with his wife. He wont have enough energy to have a affair, she wont either. Everybody is happy. I am telling you gentleman it works. Its the key to a healthy and happy marriage. Stupid simple.

 

[moto94536]

Originally Posted By: Panzerman
He wont have enough energy to have a affair, she wont either. Everybody is happy.


yea women last long when they have sex.

 

[daves87rs]

Crazy, but not out of the question...

 

[expat]

I wonder if chevyboy14 is reading this tread?

 

[strongt]

Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I cant stand my inlaws, that was part of the reason I moved 1000 miles away. I dont know why you think you have to like the inlaws. When you marry, you start your own family and you need to leave the old one behind and all the baggage too. If you drag your families into your marriage you are doomed. Your birth family does not need to meddle in your current family-period. You'll have enough problems to deal with. Throw all that religion out the window, if that is your cup of tea, fine, does not work for everyone. I havent stepped foot in a church, except for funerals in over twenty years and I have a Great marriage. Want to know the true secret of a Great marriage, what we tell everyone at parties when they ask how and why we get along so Great after all these years and they cant stand each other? SEX, plain and simple, if your having alot of sex, your happy. It relieves so much stress, you would be so surprised how much or how little things impact your life when your getting so much sex. Thats what made you want to get married and thats what will keep you on the honeymoon. Tell me what guy between 20 to 50, isnt going to be happy to be having sex, 4 to 6 days a week with his wife. He wont have enough energy to have a affair, she wont either. Everybody is happy. I am telling you gentleman it works. Its the key to a healthy and happy marriage. Stupid simple.


+1 on the whole post !

Happily married 13 years now.