is getting married a bad idea?

[HM12460]

Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Maybe those single guys need to find a nice, conservative Christian woman with morals and values.


Morals and values that match those of the man, yes. But in my opinion a female being Christian certainly does not provide any more assurance of a good woman. I speak from experience.



Very much agree, from experience

 

[javacontour]

Ditto! From experience.

Originally Posted By: HM12460
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Maybe those single guys need to find a nice, conservative Christian woman with morals and values.


Morals and values that match those of the man, yes. But in my opinion a female being Christian certainly does not provide any more assurance of a good woman. I speak from experience.



Very much agree, from experience

 

[chiks]

All this good advice got me thinking.
and that is not good

Everybody wants to be with a person who has a similar mindset, does the same things like you do, likes the same things you do, enjoys everything in life just as you do. Even hates the same people/things with the same passion as you do. Has the same goals/mission in life as you do.

So in essence you want to be married with another "you".
Why would you do that? Why would you want to spend your life with another "you".

It is like being a hermaphrodite. You will be having sex with another "you".

No? Yes? Comments?

 

[joaks]

Originally Posted By: chiks
All this good advice got me thinking.
and that is not good

Everybody wants to be with a person who has a similar mindset, does the same things like you do, likes the same things you do, enjoys everything in life just as you do. Even hates the same people/things with the same passion as you do. Has the same goals/mission in life as you do.

So in essence you want to be married with another "you".
Why would you do that? Why would you want to spend your life with another "you".

It is like being a hermaphrodite. You will be having sex with another "you".

No? Yes? Comments?



I def do NOT want another me. She would be such a slob! I do see your point though. I think it is nice to agree on most things but have enough difference for interest. I think compatible (not the same) personalities is good. So maybe a listener and a talker or TWO savers. Not sure about two "spenders" living together.

And similar interests. yes!

 

[Panzerman]

My wife and I are complete opposites. My first wife was exactly like me and that was the problem. I dont agree at all. We know we have two different points of view. Opposites attract. I would never want to be married to a person, that had all the same interests, always agreed with me. I would be bored out of my mind and probably leave her boring arse and run off with a woman that does not agree with me at all, like my wife, but is fun, spicy and never boring.

 

[Cristobal]

When a divorce happens, she will get the doughnut.

He will get the hole in the doughnut.

 

[Panzerman]

Originally Posted By: Cristobal
When a divorce happens, she will get the doughnut.

He will get the hole in the doughnut.
So not true, a divorce is like any other fight. Who ever siezes it to win, ussually comes out ahead. Women just tend to be more vicious in a divorce. I have seen many men clean out their wives. My divorce went extreme in my favor, I blindsided her, after she proposed a open marriage. You cant tip toe into a divorce and think things are going to be fair. Hit them hard and with viciousness to take it all, and if you have to give some back, make them fight for every little bit. Love is grand, marriage is Great, but when its over, its over and time to get what is yours.

 

[javacontour]

I agree with Panzerman. You can clean up. I kept the house and two cars, got joint custody of my daughter, the debt was split based on relative income.

I ended up debt free other than my mortgage, she got only half of the growth in my 401(k) as the balance I had when we married came off the table as I could show my assets prior to marriage.

There was a lien on the house as she hadn't paid her first lawyer who fired her. Therefore, the equity she got went to him and likely her follow-up lawyer.

I didn't try to destroy her. But I wasn't going to roll over and let her take everything to fund her affair with the other man.

Also, my child support obligation ends at high school graduation, and I claim my daughter every other year on my taxes.

 

[andyd]

If you go into a marriage already looking for an out, then you are doomed. It needs to be a positive action to make it work successfully. It takes work If you go in thinking it will be easy, and beautiful , just like 50s TV, go ahead . Just don't get all resentful when life and family happen and stuff gets complicated. The prime directive is to pass your genes on successfully. That means, your duty is to ensuring that your genes will go on. Single parent households are not as strong as a normal good 2 parent nuturing. Happiness is relative. Suck it up Cup Cake.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: chiks
All this good advice got me thinking.
and that is not good

Everybody wants to be with a person who has a similar mindset, does the same things like you do, likes the same things you do, enjoys everything in life just as you do. Even hates the same people/things with the same passion as you do. Has the same goals/mission in life as you do.

So in essence you want to be married with another "you".
Why would you do that? Why would you want to spend your life with another "you".

It is like being a hermaphrodite. You will be having sex with another "you".

No? Yes? Comments?


Well, using your exaggeration....then who would want to be married to somebody that doesn't agree with you on ANYTHING? Would that be exceedingly volatile? Different goals, doesn't like any of the activities you do, has completely different religious beliefs, child raising, morality. Sounds like a nightmare.
So yes, marrying somebody who shares as much as your own beliefs and goals is ESSENTIAL to happiness. It's rather silly to think that just because another person has the same interests that they are a carbon copy of ones self. That NEVER happens....and NEVER has happened in the history of man. Each person is still an individual no matter how similar the opinions and ideals they share.

 

[chiks]

Agreed Andrew. But the theoretical goal has been to find a carbon copy of yourself, minus the reproductive organs

I am not sure somebody actually goes looking for somebody with some difference. The differences are taken up as compromises that they make for the relationship to work.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: chiks
Agreed Andrew. But the theoretical goal has been to find a carbon copy of yourself, minus the reproductive organs

I am not sure somebody actually goes looking for somebody with some difference. The differences are taken up as compromises that they make for the relationship to work.

Love and relationships are in many ways very complicated and almost unexplainable when they work....or sometimes don't work. Kind of a mystery. I've seen couples that are about as different as can be, and they have a great relationship. But more commonly I think, taking into account that dynamic, those types of relationships seem to eventually fail. I'm certainly no expert being that I've failed at a few myself. Like I say....it's kind of a mystery.

 

[chiks]

If both are the same, then you, as a couple, becomes 2X stronger in whatever you do. But at the risk of both of them wearing pants in the house. To me, that is the primary reason why people who discover that they are madly in love (a power trip, energy shot brought on by being 2x stronger), are also the first ones to realize the drawbacks and break up just as fast.

If both are different, yet complementary to each other, then they become a complete person, strong 360, across all matters.

If you are different, but not complementary, then the question is why are you two even together?

 

[Tempest]

After having been through the divorce court system, I would say yes, getting married is a really bad idea.