is getting married a bad idea?

[chiks]

Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I cant stand my inlaws, that was part of the reason I moved 1000 miles away. I dont know why you think you have to like the inlaws. When you marry, you start your own family and you need to leave the old one behind and all the baggage too. If you drag your families into your marriage you are doomed. Your birth family does not need to meddle in your current family-period. You'll have enough problems to deal with. Throw all that religion out the window, if that is your cup of tea, fine, does not work for everyone. I havent stepped foot in a church, except for funerals in over twenty years and I have a Great marriage. Want to know the true secret of a Great marriage, what we tell everyone at parties when they ask how and why we get along so Great after all these years and they cant stand each other? SEX, plain and simple, if your having alot of sex, your happy. It relieves so much stress, you would be so surprised how much or how little things impact your life when your getting so much sex. Thats what made you want to get married and thats what will keep you on the honeymoon. Tell me what guy between 20 to 50, isnt going to be happy to be having sex, 4 to 6 days a week with his wife. He wont have enough energy to have a affair, she wont either. Everybody is happy. I am telling you gentleman it works. Its the key to a healthy and happy marriage. Stupid simple.


Was your wife born and raised by your in-laws? If yes, then how can you stand your wife? I fail to understand. But if you are happy, good for you.

As far as sex is concerned, it is not the priority of all married couples. It might be yours, and again good for you.

Most often, women will cheat, not because the other guy has a bigger ****. It is because that other person provides a relief from the chores of a married life. Same way a guy goes to a bar or a nightclub, or even golfing.

And if you wife loves having sex, how can you be sure that you are the only person banging her? Maybe she is a nymphomaniac and has sex at the office, and is still ready for you at night. Right?

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

 

[wrcsixeight]

My good friend's wife called me early this morning asking if I had seen him. She said she was 'partying' with one of her friends at home when they argued and he walked out, then apparently stayed out all night.

I stay out of it, learned my lesson there before, he didn't want to hear it 18 years ago, nor 10 years ago, nor 8 years ago before the kids came. Forest for the trees and all that. But now, 10 years + wearing a ring in California, with 2 kids, she just lost her job, is demanding a larger life insurance policy and is apparently embracing her alcoholism as a form of stress relief. The kids are monsters.

Hopefully our mutual married friends are giving him advice. He does not talk with me about his marriage, and couldn't be bothered to return my call today.

Whenever I feel a little alone, I just think how she treats him, and listen to some Hank Sr, and revel in my freedom.

 

[Panzerman]

We often joke that she is the Marlynn of the Munsters, she agrees. Her and my mother did not get along, I chose her and told my mother just that.If you cant move 100% to make your marriage work, it probably wont. That is the kind of committment you must have. Seriously, affairs, that is where trust comes into play. My first wife, not the case. You can see the difference, believe me. Apparently you have a serious problem with infidelity. There is such a thing as mutral attraction and it does exsist. Arent all men nymphos?

 

[crinkles]

In my view to be married or committed for life you need the same values, and you need to be honest with yourself that you can do it for life. It's not easy, it's [censored] hard and nothing like it is portrayed by anyone.

 

[The_Jeff]

Am appreciating the 1000 viewpoints and continued civility.

Will throw out that I have worked with a bunch of Type-A engineering types. The types who are REALLY into logic seem to have a hard time keeping a knot tied. They are GREAT coworkers but can see them not compromising on the home front, or being unable to empathise with an illogical viewpoint... eg, those generated by females.

Can read this aggressive Type A from several members' posts here as well. I mean, really, oil is oil.

 

[Shannow]

eljefino,

being an engineering type, I appreciate your post (being an engineering type, it's taken 20 + years of culture change in the work environment to get me to be able to say the word "appreciate" in a sentence, to another male...now we just need the H.R. types to remember what they were telling us 20 years ago, and become civil again).

In home life, there are always the head turning moments.

"I only spent $50 at the supermarket today"...
"well isn't $59.50 closer to $60 ?" (statement of fact)
"You're not going to start a fight over $10" (statement of fact)
"But you were 15% out and that's the whole "$29.95" model in the first place."

It's not like a religious difference, or belief, it's a wiring thing, and realising that you are getting to the same centre point from a different ends of the emotional spectrum.

"appreciate" and "emotional" in the same post...I'm losing it.

 

[zerosoma]

Lots of bad press about marriage here. I have always been taught marriage is a gift from God, as is life, and I couldn't say I agree more since meeting my wife.

She is a wonderful woman who cares for me, cooks for me, loves me regardless of the stupid things I do, and stands behind whatever I do. I have dealt with some seriously major depression in my past and not only has she accepted me regardless of it, and the times I chewed her [censored] for no reason - but she has pro actively helped me recover and heal and I am 200% happier now than I was before I met her. What an incredible person. Has it been hard to adjust from the single life to married life? Yup. Is there times where I wish she would shut up and keep her opinion about certain things to herself? Yup. Are there times when I wish we were divorced? Absolutely not.

And the same things that agitate me I probably do to her two fold. And she still loves me for it. Couples will push each others' buttons but I guess you'll know you have a good one if she stands behind you no matter what.

I can't speak for the rest of you, but I know that I am a happily married man! Take the time to find the right one, date for a long time, ask advice from your (trusted) friends, (and/or) parents. Get to know your possible future in-laws. Spend lots of time on the phone, less time in the bed. Long distance relationships are best for building this up. A lot of people say "marry your best friend". Sometimes that works, but sometimes that's awkward. I'll take that a step further and tell you that if you find someone you can be a best friend with for life, pursue it. Let's say you meet a girl that is the hottest thing on the block but she's an airhead and doesn't care about your hobbies. Don't chase her. Meet the girl that is the girl next door and thinks your hobbies are interesting and is interested in YOU, not something she can get out of the relationship. Chase THAT one.

Hope you find who you are looking for...single life can be lonely!

 

[zerosoma]

Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I guess I ll have to litterally go aginst the grain here. Very strange, that not one person is as happy as me to be married. August 27 will be 18 years and still on the honeymoon. I would also wish to reveal this is my second marridge and I dated my first wife 2 years and lived with her for 2 years and was married 8 months. Money was not a factor and would never be a factor, its just not more important to me than my happiness. My second wife, I dated for 6 months and well, I am still here after 2 kids, 2 houses and 18 years, with no end in site. I am 43 and already have the wisdom, that some things are replacable and somethings are not. Anything material is replacable and the older I get the less value I have on those material things and I more I value time spent with her. Believe me I have obtained a collection of material things that would make any man happy, but I cant see me on my deathbed wishing for one more gun, one more car, one more motorcycle or wishing I would have bought more stock here or put more money there. I can see wanting to see my wife and have her at my bedside. Really, I find it amazing how picking a wife, you put so much emphasize on the amount of money she may get, you have already put a dollar sign in front of your relationship, if you dont trust and love your wife enough to want her to have everything and share everything with you, then you probably not the the marrying type and you probably deserve to sit on your deathbed counting your gold coins. I guarantee you will look back and have regrets. I dont know where you come up with the woman is always the one to take advantage of a marridge and what about the women that have children to a man then they get a divorce, the man may make child care payments, but its ussually the mother that has the children and its ussually the mother viewed now as damaged goods, the man just moves on to another. I never feel bad for a man making child support payments, its their responsibility and obligation and I never think the wife/mother is getting one over on him, because now she has the children to care for as a single parent. Not once was money a game changer for me in my marridge. Money would never be something of importance enough to ruin my marridge. There will always be more money, I can always live on less, alot of people live on less. Again, it comes down to what can be replaced and what can not. One more thing, theres nothing wrong with having your belt buckle select your women, he did just fine with my current wife. Nothing wrong with picking a pretty one, thats easy on the eyes. It definetely helps.


Dude, major reps. Good post.

 

[zerosoma]

Man, after reading through the responses, we have a lot of cynical, self-centered people here. What can *I* get out of the marriage...how much money does *she* make...what - are you not a man that you can't provide for your own household and support a good woman? Really...

and for those that have had failed marriages (I'm sorry but), you definitely shouldn't paint with such a wide brush to just say it's a "bad idea". You don't know the OP, and you don't know what is in his future. Your f-ups or riddled past shouldn't determine whether this man should be married or not.

Some people have poor judgment. Some people have poor luck. It's part of life. I think one of the reasons marriages fail is this very mentality. It's sad. And now you're spreading it to this individual? How righteous...

 

[zerosoma]

Originally Posted By: chiks
Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I cant stand my inlaws, that was part of the reason I moved 1000 miles away. I dont know why you think you have to like the inlaws. When you marry, you start your own family and you need to leave the old one behind and all the baggage too. If you drag your families into your marriage you are doomed. Your birth family does not need to meddle in your current family-period. You'll have enough problems to deal with. Throw all that religion out the window, if that is your cup of tea, fine, does not work for everyone. I havent stepped foot in a church, except for funerals in over twenty years and I have a Great marriage. Want to know the true secret of a Great marriage, what we tell everyone at parties when they ask how and why we get along so Great after all these years and they cant stand each other? SEX, plain and simple, if your having alot of sex, your happy. It relieves so much stress, you would be so surprised how much or how little things impact your life when your getting so much sex. Thats what made you want to get married and thats what will keep you on the honeymoon. Tell me what guy between 20 to 50, isnt going to be happy to be having sex, 4 to 6 days a week with his wife. He wont have enough energy to have a affair, she wont either. Everybody is happy. I am telling you gentleman it works. Its the key to a healthy and happy marriage. Stupid simple.


Was your wife born and raised by your in-laws? If yes, then how can you stand your wife? I fail to understand. But if you are happy, good for you.

As far as sex is concerned, it is not the priority of all married couples. It might be yours, and again good for you.

Most often, women will cheat, not because the other guy has a bigger ****. It is because that other person provides a relief from the chores of a married life. Same way a guy goes to a bar or a nightclub, or even golfing.

And if you wife loves having sex, how can you be sure that you are the only person banging her? Maybe she is a nymphomaniac and has sex at the office, and is still ready for you at night. Right?

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.



You sound like you speak from experience. Sorry...

 

[Cutehumor]

Originally Posted By: chiks
Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I cant stand my inlaws, that was part of the reason I moved 1000 miles away. I dont know why you think you have to like the inlaws. When you marry, you start your own family and you need to leave the old one behind and all the baggage too. If you drag your families into your marriage you are doomed. Your birth family does not need to meddle in your current family-period. You'll have enough problems to deal with. Throw all that religion out the window, if that is your cup of tea, fine, does not work for everyone. I havent stepped foot in a church, except for funerals in over twenty years and I have a Great marriage. Want to know the true secret of a Great marriage, what we tell everyone at parties when they ask how and why we get along so Great after all these years and they cant stand each other? SEX, plain and simple, if your having alot of sex, your happy. It relieves so much stress, you would be so surprised how much or how little things impact your life when your getting so much sex. Thats what made you want to get married and thats what will keep you on the honeymoon. Tell me what guy between 20 to 50, isnt going to be happy to be having sex, 4 to 6 days a week with his wife. He wont have enough energy to have a affair, she wont either. Everybody is happy. I am telling you gentleman it works. Its the key to a healthy and happy marriage. Stupid simple.


Was your wife born and raised by your in-laws? If yes, then how can you stand your wife? I fail to understand. But if you are happy, good for you.

As far as sex is concerned, it is not the priority of all married couples. It might be yours, and again good for you.

Most often, women will cheat, not because the other guy has a bigger ****. It is because that other person provides a relief from the chores of a married life. Same way a guy goes to a bar or a nightclub, or even golfing.

And if you wife loves having sex, how can you be sure that you are the only person banging her? Maybe she is a nymphomaniac and has sex at the office, and is still ready for you at night. Right?

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.


in before the lock!

 

[javacontour]

Maybe, just maybe only the offending post will be deleted and the remainder of the discussion, which is largely civil and within the boundaries of the rules here, will remain open.

Originally Posted By: Cutehumor
Originally Posted By: chiks
Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I cant stand my inlaws, that was part of the reason I moved 1000 miles away. I dont know why you think you have to like the inlaws. When you marry, you start your own family and you need to leave the old one behind and all the baggage too. If you drag your families into your marriage you are doomed. Your birth family does not need to meddle in your current family-period. You'll have enough problems to deal with. Throw all that religion out the window, if that is your cup of tea, fine, does not work for everyone. I havent stepped foot in a church, except for funerals in over twenty years and I have a Great marriage. Want to know the true secret of a Great marriage, what we tell everyone at parties when they ask how and why we get along so Great after all these years and they cant stand each other? SEX, plain and simple, if your having alot of sex, your happy. It relieves so much stress, you would be so surprised how much or how little things impact your life when your getting so much sex. Thats what made you want to get married and thats what will keep you on the honeymoon. Tell me what guy between 20 to 50, isnt going to be happy to be having sex, 4 to 6 days a week with his wife. He wont have enough energy to have a affair, she wont either. Everybody is happy. I am telling you gentleman it works. Its the key to a healthy and happy marriage. Stupid simple.

...snip...


in before the lock!

 

[chiks]

Well, this thread solicited opinions. Gave mine honestly. If that is not acceptable, then what is?

I spoke truth based on my experience. If this thread was about having a consensus, I am sorry that I did not concede to the positive reviews.

 

[javacontour]

Sex is definitely on the verboten list of topics. Some may think you crossed that line with your post.

True or not, you are a guest here and must abide by the rules of the gracious host.

Originally Posted By: chiks
Well, this thread solicited opinions. Gave mine honestly. If that is not acceptable, then what is?

I spoke truth based on my experience. If this thread was about having a consensus, I am sorry that I did not concede to the positive reviews.

 

[chiks]

So where exactly did I cross my line? I am not being hard, just trying to understand where I crossed my line. Thanks for your understanding.

 

[chiks]

Originally Posted By: Panzerman
Her and my mother did not get along, I chose her and told my mother just that.If you cant move 100% to make your marriage work, it probably wont. That is the kind of committment you must have.


I totally understand that.
It is not that your wife and your mother did not get along.
you are your mother's son and raised by her (i hope) so your behavior would resemble hers to quite a good extent. IF your wife likes you, I see no reason for her to not like your mother. That said, I believe the actual issue is much deeper. It is about control. Your wife will feel she is working under a boss in her husbands house IF your mother is there. That is not acceptable to her. On the other hand, your mother would still like to retain control over her son, which is not acceptable to your wife. If your wife exerts control over you, your mother feels like you are a wuss and will fight for you in despair. All in all, not an environment you would like to live in.

IMO, If you were not in the picture, and if your wife met your mother at a party somewhere, not knowing that she is your mother, I am sure they would hit off very well.

But once you enter the picture, it is about who controls YOU.

 

[Panzerman]

That is just what it was a power struggle between the both of them. They would each take jabs. I would have to say my wife made more attempts to get along with my mother than my mother did with her. Being the only child probably did not help matters. I do see alot of people that let their first family interfere so badly into their marriage, because they feel obligated and just dont want to let go and move on with their own life. I believe as long as you feel that way you can never be 100% partners. You have to committed as a team. Alot of parents feel that no one is good enough for their son/daughter and ussually that is not the case. More than not thats exactly opposite the case. That said, a man should not think he is marrying a girl to replace his mother. No wife wants to be her husbands mother and I think they would actually find that insulting to their own personal worth to be modeled in such a way. My wife is a better cook, to want her to be like Mom, would be a downgrade.

 

[javacontour]

Originally Posted By: Panzerman
That said, a man should not think he is marrying a girl to replace his mother. No wife wants to be her husbands mother and I think they would actually find that insulting to their own personal worth to be modeled in such a way. My wife is a better cook, to want her to be like Mom, would be a downgrade.


You have hit on the converse of one of my pet peeves. Wives who characterize their husbands as another kid. They say he's like another kid, and wouldn't make it without me.

The thing is, what does that say about them? After all, they said yes to this guy. So where they desperate? Do they have low self-esteem and think that's the best I'll get? Are they saying this to build themselves up at the expense of their husband?

I'm not saying guys don't do this as well. I'm simply pointing out that it's one of my pet peeves.

 

[Panzerman]

Originally Posted By: chiks
So where exactly did I cross my line? I am not being hard, just trying to understand where I crossed my line. Thanks for your understanding.
You didnt cross the line in your mind, because you had a bad experience and that is how you view it all. You croosed the line in the crudeness of your presentation. I had a very bad experience with my first wife and I would say it was painfully close to how you put it. Note: She is currently on her 5th marriage. Dont think all women are like that, there are women out there that are content with their husbands and they really do like sex(alot). It does not make them bad, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman that has a high sex drive with her husband. We are still mushy whenever we are out( not inapproiately) but very touchy and huggy and tell each other "I Love You" about 30 times a day, still hold hands and go everwhere together. With all that added, you can see why I dont worry about her having a affair and believe 100% she is all mine.

 

[aquariuscsm]

In my experiences,stay away from women who come from broken homes or who grew up with abusive parents (whether it was them being abusive to each other or to her). If that`s the way she was raised,then that`ll be her "normal",and that`s how she will treat you. Observe the relationship her parents have and the way she was raised.

Like I said,don`t take my comment personally,it`s just been my experiences.