Agree buy it 100% or walk. In my experience, this never works out with co-owners.
Family cottage/cabin advise, and thoughts
- Thread starter nan_wpg
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I clearly recognize your dilemma, no need for me to re-state it.
You should know that there is no good-side to this deal. I suggest you avoid it altogether.
The best piece of advice I ever received was from a a very, very high powered lawyer. It was simply this: "In all things financial, go conventional. Don't involve your boss, your family or your friends"
You should know that there is no good-side to this deal. I suggest you avoid it altogether.
The best piece of advice I ever received was from a a very, very high powered lawyer. It was simply this: "In all things financial, go conventional. Don't involve your boss, your family or your friends"
I think the druggie probably has mom's ear
Probably so. It's the only way he can live there as a sponge is if he owns a small percent and everyone else foots the bill.
Who will pay the taxes? Why own a cabin with a freeloading tennant?
Op is being asked to fund his mil's retirement AND her son's future. No upside to this.
I’ve actually been to,a therapist on this (so I can communicate eloquently as I’m a blunt guy). Therapist said same thing….. mom isn’t selling a cabin, she’s shopping for an enabler to look after the cabin for her 40 year old son.
mom is absolutely contributing to his substance abuse (he lives for free, she pays his truck insurance).
we didn’t attend the cabin last year. (There was a blowout,when mil attacked me for not buying the cabin) we’ve been invited back and she wants things to “go back to normal”. Says we don’t have to do any work or pay for anything. Just come out.
I don’t want to. It’s off grid. Lots of work just getting there (100 feet down a hill with our stuff, and onto a boat). Then up 100 feet to the cabin. Once we get there it’s a crap shoot that there’s propane, etc because he’s been there using everything.
he is 100% unduly influencing her. She’s outright said he’s emotionally and verbally abusive to her. Frustrating because she’s reached out for help but doesn’t follow through.
nobody at the lake likes him. It’s a small community and we all help each other out. He does nothing.
Everywhere I step is landmines. Families are weird and her family dynamic dictates the women do,the “pink jobs” (their term) and dad did the man stuff. My wife just tolerated her brother and it’s normal to her.
I agree with walk away. It’s my first thought. I don’t want to go out there even with no expectation to work. (It’s a cop out by mom. No one has to work rather than get junior off his 40 year old ass)
I think mom, is regreting not selling us the cabin.
she can’t sell it outright as young Jeff will have no cabin to go to and I suspect he’s threatened to harm himself. The,guy is a bit of a nut. (No friends, doesn’t attend family functions, obsessed with forearms, etc).
mom is absolutely contributing to his substance abuse (he lives for free, she pays his truck insurance).
we didn’t attend the cabin last year. (There was a blowout,when mil attacked me for not buying the cabin) we’ve been invited back and she wants things to “go back to normal”. Says we don’t have to do any work or pay for anything. Just come out.
I don’t want to. It’s off grid. Lots of work just getting there (100 feet down a hill with our stuff, and onto a boat). Then up 100 feet to the cabin. Once we get there it’s a crap shoot that there’s propane, etc because he’s been there using everything.
he is 100% unduly influencing her. She’s outright said he’s emotionally and verbally abusive to her. Frustrating because she’s reached out for help but doesn’t follow through.
nobody at the lake likes him. It’s a small community and we all help each other out. He does nothing.
Everywhere I step is landmines. Families are weird and her family dynamic dictates the women do,the “pink jobs” (their term) and dad did the man stuff. My wife just tolerated her brother and it’s normal to her.
I agree with walk away. It’s my first thought. I don’t want to go out there even with no expectation to work. (It’s a cop out by mom. No one has to work rather than get junior off his 40 year old ass)
I think mom, is regreting not selling us the cabin.
she can’t sell it outright as young Jeff will have no cabin to go to and I suspect he’s threatened to harm himself. The,guy is a bit of a nut. (No friends, doesn’t attend family functions, obsessed with forearms, etc).
You're old enough to not have to do things you don't want to. If you don't want to go, don't go. Don't give in to others control, manipulation issues. I would not go if druggie was there anyway.
Don't fear the reaction to No. Some people need to hear and have to deal with ...No.
Nick1994
$100 site donor 2024
Absolutely 100% walk away. She can sell to someone else who wants it, or get a reverse mortgage so it crashes and burns when she's gone.
I sure did.
The cabin is only for sale with him. I’ve literally used the power of the internet to scour the globe. I was unable to find a cabin for sale that comes with its very own 40 year old semi employed man.
No one in the family wants it (second youngest sibling also wanted it for free and was upset at us for wanting to buy it. Some people just don’t get it.
daughter just told me that nana told her she’s now leaving the cabin to man baby and my daughter, but she still wants us to come and so it’s “just like it used to be”.
great. Now mil is dumping her useless son on my daughter when she dies, lol.
daughter isn’t too thrilled and told nana straight up if she leaves a portion to hher, and he doesn’t pull his share of the load she will sell.
Nick1994
$100 site donor 2024
That's her personal rule.
Not the ability of what can be done.
She should sell the whole thing and tell her son she'll keep money aside for him to inherit if it'll keep him off her back.
Buy it all and don’t let BIL use it or better, just have the mom sell it. Paying for half and doing most of the work but using it a fraction of the time is a crap deal.
Shared ownership can make even “normal” people do stupid things. Where is this cabin located?
Shared ownership can make even “normal” people do stupid things. Where is this cabin located?
The,cabin is,not for sale without him. She’s gonna,try and keep it supposedly.
he does not want money. He wants the cabin. Specifically ownership of the cabin (not the responsibility). We offered him 50k “go away” money. Nope.
he wants the cabin.
It’s in Canada.
I don’t want it. It’s a ton of work to even just get there and be all set up. You need 1. Deep pockets as everything is more expensive than traditional cabins, or you need 2. A big family (think human Ponzi scheme, lol) to take over when ya get too old.
she won’t sell now. She wants him to have a cabin. God forbid he actually pay for it.
You said obsessed with forearms . Did you mean firearms
O boy
All this is more of a walk away deal.
The sensible thing would seem to be for MIL to sell the cabin, and then will the money as she sees fit if any is left. It sounds like she won't do that, though.
Luckily, it sounds like your wife is not trying to push you to follow MIL's plan. If you just wash your hands of it now and half gets willed to your wife, maybe she could sign her half over to the brother if he's still alive and not incarcerated when the time comes. Or maybe there's some legal magic whereby she can refuse something that is left to her. That way you don't get stuck with both BIL and the tax bills.
Don't let yourself be used as an ATM; Magnum P.I. can help her with that.
Luckily, it sounds like your wife is not trying to push you to follow MIL's plan. If you just wash your hands of it now and half gets willed to your wife, maybe she could sign her half over to the brother if he's still alive and not incarcerated when the time comes. Or maybe there's some legal magic whereby she can refuse something that is left to her. That way you don't get stuck with both BIL and the tax bills.
Don't let yourself be used as an ATM; Magnum P.I. can help her with that.
Had a similar situation with a cottage on an island. I was doing 95% of the maintenance while others enjoyed the spot.
The message was clear that I was done with the deal, and got out of it when the in-laws sold the place.
If possible, run away.
The message was clear that I was done with the deal, and got out of it when the in-laws sold the place.
If possible, run away.
Have the BIL go live with Mom and when she passes the house can be his.
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