Family cottage/cabin advise, and thoughts

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Have the BIL go live with Mom and when she passes the house can be his.
He does live with her already. Never been on his own. He doesn’t want the house. Although she really should leave it to him and hopefully when all taxes/debt is paid there‘ll still be a house. Otherwise he will live at the cabin.
 
I went through something similar (though not nearly as bad) with my MIL's house about 20 years ago. I can tell you from experience, you really, *really* do not want anything to do with this.

Appeal to her nurturing side, tell her you don't have enough money to buy it, but don't need the money enough to want to inherit it, and that bum brother guy should have the whole thing, he's "had it rough in life" or whatever. It will be foreclosed for unpaid taxes or whatever, or burnt down, in a couple years and you'll have no ties to it either way. Easy for me to say, hiding behind this keyboard, but there really isn't much of an easier way out, the way I see it.

When I went though our little mess, in the end we ended up selling and I pocketed about $10k. In hindsight I would have gladly paid that much to not be involved at all, factoring in stress and labor I feel like I took a huge loss. Nothing worse than to be involved with do-nothing freeloader types, especially if they are in-laws. Been there don't that.

For what its worth, its a tough situation and you do have my sympathy.
 
it’s not my,cabin,and none of my business what she does with here estate. She came to us with a problem and a cabin sale proposal. man baby wasn’t happy with the deal.
she’s gonna leave the cabin to him and my daughter. I’m done with the cabin.

now my delema is how to not go out there and not start a war. I’ve been going out for 10 years. I actually stpoped going out because of bil. I came back to the cabin after dad died to buy it. Now that I’m not buying the place I have no desire to go out. I hate it. Even without man baby I don’t like it. It’s too rustic. No water, no power, drag my stuff up and down a hill. I’d rather stay at home.

I just don’t know if I should be honest with mil and bil or just thank mom for her offer to come out, and simply stay at home?

to add bil has even stolen money from my daughter. (He borrowed a grand and paid her back 400. Stiffed her for 600 bucks). Mom says that’s not theft because Grampa paid her back, lol. My lord this woman is delusional.
 
Needless to say after all these posts. Walk, never a good idea to share property but in your case its even worse.
I would think that this is your wife's decision though but all I know is there is NO way I would go for this or any sharing deal with anyone where one party pays for something and the other doesnt.
I mean, what the heck? Who would even present an idea like that to someone?
I would suggest to your mother in-law that she needs to sell the place, sad to say I think your wife is being played by her brother to continue living off the family and will the rest of his life if you allow this.

IF your wife wanted the cabin, you could outright buy it from your MIL and the brother has to move out. Once your MIL has the money she can do whatever she wants with it including giving some to your BIL as long as you have title and he is out of there. I wouldnt even trust that situation though, I would just be done with it and stay out of it.
 
Knowing my daughter would be involved in this mess would probably stress me out more than if it were me. If its my wife, then that's the same as me.

If its really not your thing to go out there anymore, then dont. War with the family, or not. If things were all roses and unicorns and everyone was happy and agreeable and one big happy family, that's one thing. In that case I'd say yea suck it up, keep the peace, and go out not every time, but every now and then, and pretend to be glad to be there, because they're good people and it makes them smile. But delusional, enabling, lazy, money leaching, substance abusing.... who needs that?

PBbbllllltt. You'll have to balance this out with how your wife wants to handle things, but back out every time you can. Honesty, dishonesty, you're in sanity preservation mode at this point. You don't enjoy it, its too much work, its not your thing, etc. Sorry folks, I think we'll take a rain check this time. And next time. And next time....
 
Needless to say after all these posts. Walk, never a good idea to share property but in your case its even worse.
I would think that this is your wife's decision though but all I know is there is NO way I would go for this or any sharing deal with anyone where one party pays for something and the other doesnt.
I mean, what the heck? Who would even present an idea like that to someone?
I would suggest to your mother in-law that she needs to sell the place, sad to say I think your wife is being played by her brother to continue living off the family and will the rest of his life if you allow this.

IF your wife wanted the cabin, you could outright buy it from your MIL and the brother has to move out. Once your MIL has the money she can do whatever she wants with it including giving some to your BIL as long as you have title and he is out of there. I wouldnt even trust that situation though, I would just be done with it and stay out of it.
We tried to buy it outright 100%. She changed her mind and wanted to sell us 90% and man baby would get 10%. In my,country if you have a titled interest in the property you can use it anytime you want. Not a bad deal for man baby. Bad deal for us.

he,doesn’t want money. He wants to own some of the cabin (without paying).

it’s absolutely absurd mom proposed it and more absurd she attacked me for saying no.

if he wants to own the cabin he should pay.

but he won. He’s getting it with my daughter. Mom is bonkers. Thanks mom for expecting your granddaughter to enable your adult child when your dead.
 
Knowing my daughter would be involved in this mess would probably stress me out more than if it were me. If its my wife, then that's the same as me.

If its really not your thing to go out there anymore, then dont. War with the family, or not. If things were all roses and unicorns and everyone was happy and agreeable and one big happy family, that's one thing. In that case I'd say yea suck it up, keep the peace, and go out not every time, but every now and then, and pretend to be glad to be there, because they're good people and it makes them smile. But delusional, enabling, lazy, money leaching, substance abusing.... who needs that?

PBbbllllltt. You'll have to balance this out with how your wife wants to handle things, but back out every time you can. Honesty, dishonesty, you're in sanity preservation mode at this point. You don't enjoy it, its too much work, its not your thing, etc. Sorry folks, I think we'll take a rain check this time. And next time. And next time....
It’s a minefield.
enabled bil with substance issues. Enabling mom. Family,dynamics,and,wife’s attachment to the cabin. Mom is playing the angle too. I think she’s “gifting” the cabin to daughter with the hopes we will come out again and work. Nope. I’m done.
 
Yup when you marry you get the whole family . I'm lucky my wife has a big family and only 1 nut job . Her sister in-law and she is too busy saving the planet to show up to any family gathering event .
 
If it plays out that your daughter gets part of the cabin have her immediately gift her share to the druggie distant her as much as possible from this guy. I have a alcoholic nasty brother-in-law that I forbid my daughters to spend zero time with. Brings heat from my wife but I drew a line in the sand not even negotiable. He's not allowed at my house for any reason or holiday he's at a function we don't go . My priority is to protect my daughter's at all costs and if it costs me a marriage so be it. My wife is onboard because I'm a easy going guy zero demands but this was one thing I was dug in on .
 
My daughter has already told gramma that she would not pay any of his responsibility of the cabin. She would likely give the cabin completely to him and let him sink it. If she forces a sale then she’s the bad person for forcing uncle Jeff to sell the family cabin.

shes 26 and can afford to support a cabin 100% but if she marries and has a family then things change. No way she’d support his sorry ass.

mom knows this. There’s a reason she asked us to buy in to the cabin. I think she overestimated the emotional attachment.

I was actually thinking of modifying the original 100k for 50% ask but on the condition the other half be given to my wife and bil. After all she should get what he gets for free to be equal. Problem with that is we would one 75% of a cabin with a loser and have to pay 100% of everything and do all the work, and all the while he’d enjoy the cabin more than us because we work (to pay for everything) and he works 1/2 Time.

but somehow I’m the bad guy
 
Yup when you marry you get the whole family . I'm lucky my wife has a big family and only 1 nut job . Her sister in-law and she is too busy saving the planet to show up to any family gathering event .
Oh, we have one of “those people” too. Lol. She is against pipelines. I offered to shut off the pipeline to her home (in Canada….cold brrrrrrrr natural gas heat). She wasn’t receptive to actually doing her part.
 
I was actually thinking of modifying the original 100k for 50% ask but on the condition the other half be given to my wife and bil. After all she should get what he gets for free to be equal. Problem with that is we would one 75% of a cabin with a loser and have to pay 100% of everything and do all the work, and all the while he’d enjoy the cabin more than us because we work (to pay for everything) and he works 1/2 Time.

but somehow I’m the bad guy
No way. If you don't own all of it, you will have him there and nothing you can do about it. Buy it 100% or NOTHING and walk.
 
You mean your wife's father died? Then wife's mother offered to sell 1/2 the cabin to you and your wife and the other half will be inherited by her brother? Why wouldn't your wife and her brother both inherit 1/2 when her mother dies? Why should your side pay for it? The mother could rent it out now if she needed money.

shed have a tough time renting it out. #1 he is always there 2# it’s a remote cabin. Boat access (drag your stuff 150 down a hill onto a boat then up 150 to cabin), there’s no power, outhouse (that needs replacing, and a new hole dug). No ac.
most people don’t want that.
they want “drive up unload groceries, flip light switch and enjoy. I also think most people would want to rent a cabin that doesn’t include a 40 year old semi employed man.
 
Had a similar situation with a cottage on an island. I was doing 95% of the maintenance while others enjoyed the spot.
The message was clear that I was done with the deal, and got out of it when the in-laws sold the place.
If possible, run away.
Sounds like you are close to us? (Shoal, etc). We aren’t an island but remote. You can walk to the cabins but everything has to be boated/barged in.
everything is 2x-3x harder and more expensive than a drive up cabin with road access.
and further,complicating things is the,cabin is on leased land, at least you folks have titled land in Ontario

im actually ok with doing most of the work. I like to tinker/putter/fix/tweak, etc. but when it’s time to paint the place then it’s all hands on deck. I simply,got tired of doing all the work at a place that I didn’t own, and my wife “might” inherit.
 
Run Forrest, run!

Your less than 100% or more than 0% financial/ownership in this cabin is a surefire recipe for a lot of intractable unhappiness in the future. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do the unpopular thing because it's the right thing. You seem to be working your way into rationalizing this by distracting yourself with details as opposed to focusing on "the big picture" wherein lies the simple answer to the question you posed. Are you inclined to be a human doormat?

Apologize for the frankness, but this is really a "no-brainer", as you are hearing repeatedly in the responses to your thread.
 
So further update, daughter got a call from mil/bil. “Car trouble”. ended up being a dead battery but of course we are the go to family.
I tag along to help. Things were civil. I even apologized (didn’t have to) to bil for being aggressive on the cabin purchase. Even helped him set up the battery charger. Somewhat of an olive branch, be the better man, blah blah blah.

to his credit, he’s on anti depressants. He’s helping mil around the house, running,errands, etc. he even brought 2 100lb propane tanks home from the cabin. (See…. He IS capable of work when not enabled).

mil and wife are mending their relationship.

wife told me bil “wants to talk” and that there wasnt enough time when we came over to fix car crises. It’s also coming up cottage open up time and I will have to tackle the situation. I’m also having some sort of “talk” with bil.

not even sure what say to bil. No idea what he has in mind. Don’t want to start a fight, nor do I want to be responsible for him taking “2 steps back”.

as it stands mil is leaving cabin to daughter and bil. She wants us to come out and things “back to how they were”. She was very clear she expects no work, or money from us ever (in recognition for all the past work). Just come out and enjoy.

problems with that are:

her solution is “everyone can do nothing” rather than get Jeff off his ass.
I can’t go out and do nothing. It would drive me nuts staring at a loose shingle. If I enjoyed a cottage weekend and not fix it, I’d spend the whole week agonizing not fixing it.

but I can’t actually do any work. I don’t own it. It’s not my responsibility. It will kill me to see a property decline.

daughter will potentially inherit a delapitated cabin.

first thought is to still walk away. Wife enjoys her family cabin and I stay home (and work at our own cabin or simply have our own vacation )

how do I approach this? Honesty? Mil is still enabling him.

do I wait mil out? Another year or two of building decline and she may be more open to selling 100%?

also pondering (wishful thinking/Disney storybook ending) some type of compromise, win/win , and get Bil on the right track. This would score huge wide points. Involves talking to Mil. She wants her son to work full time and have a “normal” life has asked for our help but then doesn’t do anything. Wife fully understands what the problem is but doesn’t want to deal with it.

so….. just some more random thoughts……

1. I ask for a “free” cabin. 25% for each of us (bil, me, wife, daughter). We all get what Jeff gets. I come out and work. Or not. I don’t care if the place falls apart. It didn’t cost me anything. If it doesn’t work out I walk away. Nothing to lose.

2. Mil keeps cabin but I ask for 25% for free. That gets me motivated to come out and putter around. (Think caretaker of an apartment block, they usually get a free suite).

3. Make a counter offer…. 25% for 50k BUT wife gets 25% for free,right now mil keeps 25% (which goes to daughter), and 25% to bil Right now Yes that’s right bil gets 25%. Maybe he takes pride cause he actually owns it (Disney ending). If not at least mil is alive,to,see the mess she created. (I don’t think it’s fair to dump bil onto my daughter.) after all if mil be;ieves he will turn it around then why NOT give him his share right now?? Right? We own 50% and eventually 75% via daughter and we pay only 50k.

4. 25% for 50k, 25% to wife, 25% to daughter right now and mil keeps 25%. Bil gets when she dies?

so basically
1. Walk,away never go back
2. Walk away but still go out
3. Offer to.purchase with the goal of most ownership for the least money (think risk premium… if I have to own cabin with bil then price goes way down (50k for 200-225k cabin)

again just random thoughts. Trying to pull a rabbit out of a hat. There’s no rabbit, lol
 
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