Family cottage/cabin advise, and thoughts

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Hi guys. Thought I’d pick some brains here and get some ideas.

father in law passed away 2 years ago. Last year mom indicated things were “a bit tight” and offered to sell us 1/2 of the family cabin. She’d get a bit of money and it’s time for cabin succession to happen. The other half would be gifted upon death to my brother in law.

i,had a problem with this as I didn’t want to own a huge asset with someone who didn’t have to earn it. And besides why do we have to pay, and BIL get for free?

we offered to pay and buy 100% of the cabin. This didn’t go over well with BIL. He feels entitled to the cabin, and offered no money. Mom decided,to sell us 90% of the cabin and BIL would get 10%. We said no.

to complicate things BIL is 40, lives at home, works half the year, nd collects unemployment benefits the,other half. He never has any money (he can afford beer, pot, cigarettes ) and is lazy.

he is always at the cabin, and simply shows up to drink beer, smoke pot, occasionally snort cocaine, sleep, and fish.

he will do work when it benefits him directly (cuts wood on an as needed basis, puts the dock in/out) and it’s like pulling teeth to,get him,to,do anything. It’s more work supervising Him, and faster to just work myself.

honestly the cabin means nothing to me but my,wife grew up there. I’d prefer to,rent or buy our own cabin.

it’s caused stress in my,family. I,want to buy this place but BIL is less than an ideal co owner. Mom knows this but she’s unduly,influenced by him.

we haven’t gone out in,2 years and mom misses us (also misses our work and financial contributions).

some options are:

walk Away. Mom can deal with ber bed she made.

offer to.purchase,but more “fair”??

for simplicity let’s say cabin is,200k. Was thinking of offering mom 100k for 1/2, nd wife ND BIL would get the other half for,free. This,way I’m paying for my share (as I was raised to,do so) and wife,gets the,same,free cabin as her brother. Mom gets the same amount of money.

problem is how do,I get BIL off his ***? I’m ok with him not paying his 25% of,the,costs. In fact I’ll fund the whole thing and I’d be happy with him just,doing some work in lieu of cash.

not sure how to.approach this?

bil has been enabled his whole,life. Mom is,not,only,enabling him but has now become co dependent on him (needs a man,to,take care of since hubby passed)

Trying to ,save the family cabin and be fair about it, and get the BIL to “man up”.

thoughts?
 
Joined
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No way i would want to own real estate with anyone let alone anyone "like that"

My friend had 1/3 of a beach house on the shore of CT; his (2) sisters had the other 2/3rds; His parents built it in the 1960s and he spent summers there In the end "there was zero joy" in that set up after his parents passed away and he was glad to get out of the situation.

You already have expressed the downsides of the situation; let it sink in.

My $.02
 
Joined
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father in law passed away 2 years ago. Last year mom indicated things were “a bit tight” and offered to sell us 1/2 of the family cabin. She’d get a bit of money and it’s time for cabin succession to happen. The other half would be gifted upon death to my brother in law.
You mean your wife's father died? Then wife's mother offered to sell 1/2 the cabin to you and your wife and the other half will be inherited by her brother? Why wouldn't your wife and her brother both inherit 1/2 when her mother dies? Why should your side pay for it? The mother could rent it out now if she needed money.
 
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Splitting physical assets among family of differing motivations and financial situations is never fun. Our family faces a similar situation, where it was a cabin and a winter home, and low liquid assets for the remaining matriarch. Selling the winter home generated the necessary liquid assets for the time being.

Moving forward though will be difficult. One sibling feels they are entitled to be at the cabin full time, and everyone else can come whenever. One has washed their hands of the place to avoid upsetting the matriarch. Another has no money, but provides lots of potential physical labor. etc.. etc...

A scenario where one sibling has to pay something versus the other very little likely will never work out well for both. Odds are completely divesting the property is the only way to keep both equally satisfied (or unsatisfied).
 

nan_wpg

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No way i would want to own real estate with anyone let alone anyone "like that"

My friend had 1/3 of a beach house on the shore of CT; his (2) sisters had the other 2/3rds; His parents built it in the 1960s and he spent summers there In the end "there was zero joy" in that set up after his parents passed away and he was glad to get out of the situation.

You already have expressed the downsides of the situation; let it sink in.

My $.02
Almost all co owned cabin properties fail. And that’s with “normal” working, and somewhat contributing people.
 

nan_wpg

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You mean your wife's father died? Then wife's mother offered to sell 1/2 the cabin to you and your wife and the other half will be inherited by her brother? Why wouldn't your wife and her brother both inherit 1/2 when her mother dies? Why should your side pay for it? The mother could rent it out now if she needed money.
That was my main complaint. I’m all about fairness. It felt like we were being looked at like a bank.
 

nan_wpg

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Joined
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Splitting physical assets among family of differing motivations and financial situations is never fun. Our family faces a similar situation, where it was a cabin and a winter home, and low liquid assets for the remaining matriarch. Selling the winter home generated the necessary liquid assets for the time being.

Moving forward though will be difficult. One sibling feels they are entitled to be at the cabin full time, and everyone else can come whenever. One has washed their hands of the place to avoid upsetting the matriarch. Another has no money, but provides lots of potential physical labor. etc.. etc...

A scenario where one sibling has to pay something versus the other very little likely will never work out well for both. Odds are completely divesting the property is the only way to keep both equally satisfied (or unsatisfied).
Bil is very much entitled. He doesn’t “get it”. It’s been 2 years since mom told him, she can’t afford the house and cabin. He has,saved no money. None. He’s at the cabin all the time. As stated I’d be ok if he paid nothing if I could show up and enjoy a painted/fixed/all work done cabin.

contributions can be “in kind”.

just tying to come up with a win win and do so respectfully.
 

nan_wpg

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You mean your wife's father died? Then wife's mother offered to sell 1/2 the cabin to you and your wife and the other half will be inherited by her brother? Why wouldn't your wife and her brother both inherit 1/2 when her mother dies? Why should your side pay for it? The mother could rent it out now if she needed money.
Also the house is to go to the other 2 sisters. CAbin is split between wife and brother (except we have to buy our share).

we don’t care about the estate. We don’t want anything at all. We will buy the cabin 100% from mom but she’s adamant that her son have,access,to,a cabin for the rest of his life. He feels adamant he’s entitled to ownership (without paying)
 
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When it comes to the divesture of and assets there's no such thing as "earning it" or "fair share" especially when it comes to heirs.

Why doesn't she do a reverse mortgage? Hopefully she's not subsidizing the BIL's drug habit.

Here's what's going to happen regardless. You're going to be pressured by your wife to keep the cabin going so her brother has a place to live. There's no avoiding that.
 
Joined
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Will you be able to use the property with the brother in law living there? That doesn't seem like it would be a good time. Sounds like the plan is for you to subsidize him in the future. This is a situation where doing what is best for you makes you the bad guy.
 
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Sounds like MIL is trying to set you up to take care of her dead beat kid for the rest of his life. Tell them you don't want anything to do with it and the kid can have the cabin and see what MIL says about that. She knows her kid can't take care of it by himself.
 

Pew

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+1 on walk away, and let them know you won't been seen as a bank while the rest of your wife's family gets everything free, including your lazy, drugged up BIL that has no job.
 
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