Originally Posted By: chiks
Originally Posted By: javacontour
1. If she is not in love with you, find out who she is in love with. Chances are, she has found someone new. If I'm wrong, great. But most times, this is the pattern. Wife finds someone at work,gym,church and suddenly her marriage was a mistake, she loves you but is not in love with you, etc. So even if you think it's not possible, find out the truth so you know what you are dealing with.
2. Do not leave the marital home, do not give up daily access to the children. If she wants to leave, tell her she is free to go and you'll let her see the kids. But without a court order, you are not willing to give up a day with your children. Serious. If the divorce continues, the courts will likely go with whatever arrangement is in place. This is why it's key to get the most favorable arrangement possible from the get-go.
If your wife is having an affair, then you need to protect your children. They are at far more risk if they are exposed to another man.
I'd check out
www.marriagebuilders.com and post your story on the forums there. They will likely tell you what I'm telling you, look for an affair, figure out what you may have been doing wrong, do not leave the home, etc.
Stay calm.
I went through this back in 2003, so please learn from my mistakes. I let my now ex-wife leave with my daughter. If I knew then what I know now, she would have been free to go, but I would have fought tooth and nail to keep my daughter at home. My ex-wife now has an unemployed live in boyfriend.
I believed the lie that she spun, that I was controlling. Turns out, wanting to live on a budget and spend less than I make is not controlling. But it is a convenient way for a wayward spouse to send the betrayed spouse in the wrong direction, making an effective smoke screen to hide her affair.
Waywards lie. Anyone can be a wayward, so don't convince yourself that she couldn't do it. I'm not saying she is, I'm saying it's possible, so make sure you know what you are dealing with.
If she is having an affair, you have to destroy the affair. Expose it. If her partner is married, tell his wife. If not, tell his family he's having an affair with your wife.
Exposure has a way of putting the brakes on an affair. It doesn't always work. But it does break the spell of the fantasy for most.
Good advice.
I'll add this. If she is cheating with a man who is married or has a GF, calmly tell that man to walk away or you will expose him in front of his family. That will work much better than approaching his wife.
Then she finds out, and you find yourself either
shot dead, or accused of molesting your children! No, I have a hard time thinking of a WORSE idea than that!
