Wife's assessment when the Wife dies before the Husband

[GON]

Yesterday Wife and I had a telephone discussion. Last time I saw my Wife was New Years Day, we talk daily-- even if we have nothing to talk about.

My Wife is a psychotherapist and practices her craft pro bono (ugghh). I say ugghh as although one doesn't charge clients, to practice still requires licensing, malpractice insurance, pricey mandatory continuing education..... She understands people, a lot..... Although she doesn't understand how to change a light bulb.....

Anyways, Wife discussed that men die much quicker after a spouse's passing, then women. Her theory is a man relies and is much more dependent on the spouse than a woman is on the husband; it is a genetic makeup. I would never have guessed or concurred on this, but over time I have discovered my wife is almost always right, and I am almost always wrong, on many if not everything..... I have no idea what happens to unmarried men. Wife went further and suggested men away from their spouse long term may decline in health due to being away from the spouse.

 

[Sumboodie]

3 generations ago, yes.

My grandfather likely wouldn't have been able to handle house duties if my memere passed first. He passed in his 70s in 2003, she made it to 95, passed about 2 months ago.

She was only ok because my uncle retired from the .mil and they bought the homestead and moved in with her in a MIL suite.
There's no way she would have been able to handle stuff like mowing the yard, plowing snow, house maintenance, etc.

Now... most parts of the couple families can handle either.

My Dad acted like the washer and dryer was like learning to fly a 747, but when my Mom was laid up after a surgery, he did laundry, dishes, cooked, cleaned without issue.

 

[paulri]

At first glance, I disagreed with her idea. There's no way that would apply to myself & my wife. But on second glance, she might be on to something.

Men's life expectancy is shorter than women's. And if you count backwards from the day that they die, that means that at any point in time, men are several years closer to the day that they die, than women are. And if the average marriage has a younger female, then add that to how much closer men are to the day that they die.

OK, so if you are closer to dying, then you're more likely dependent on your partner than they are, on you.

Case in point: my dad is much more dependent on my mom, than vice-versa. His health is worse; he goes to doctors often. He is checked into hospitals at least twice a year. She hasn't been checked in to a hospital since she got her hip replaced several years ago. She does the driving now. If he were to die, I can see her taking trips out of state, and possibly out of country. I can't see him going out of country at all, if she were to die first.

 

[GON]

My Dad acted like the washer and dryer was like learning to fly a 747, but when my Mom was laid up after a surgery, he did laundry, dishes, cooked, cleaned without issue.

Love "My Dad acted like the washer and dryer was like learning to fly a 747". Thanks for sharing!

 

[wavinwayne]

I love my wife, and will love her til my last day. That said, I am self sufficient in most things domestically and would make it OK on my own. I am a weirdo who doesn't mind being alone.

 

[GON]

I love my wife, and will love her til my last day. That said, I am self sufficient in most things domestically and would make it OK on my own. I am a weirdo who doesn't mind being alone.

My Wife might counter that you can't self assess this.

 

[Opelman]

Most married men die first because they want to.

 

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

Most married men die first because they want to.

ROTFL! That comment deserves two emos.....

 

[Pew]

I have no idea what happens to unmarried men.

We live happy, stressless lives .

 

[rstcso]

...but over time I have discovered my wife is almost always right, and I am almost always wrong, on many if not everything.....

I resemble this remark.

It is time, Grasshopper. You are now enlightened.

 

[PontiacHO]

With all due respect… your wife left out that most men who lose their wife remarry quickly. That I suppose gives them a “second chance” so to speak.

 

[GON]

With all due respect… your wife left out that most men who lose their wife remarry quickly. That I suppose gives them a “second chance” so to speak.

Good note.

I think my Wife is likely referring to men of social security eligibility age. Not sure the statistics on their remarriage after a spouse' death.

Me personally, I would never remarry.

 

[CheezWhiz]

there is an old saying that while married men live longer, only single men want to.

 

[MVAR]

My grandfather outlived my grandmother by nearly 10yrs (92 vs 83).

His dad outlived his mom by nearly 30yrs.

I can say that if I was single, I'd be much healthier since I wouldn't have to lose sleep to accomplish all the things around the house my wife likes to start and walks away from (can't finish). Working 12hr rotating shifts and losing 3+ hrs of sleep regularly to pull additional weight gets old after a few decades. There's a near 100% chance I'll outlive my wife as well so will be putting this theory to a trifecta of my families testing

 

[ATex7239]

Sounds plausible given the typical gender and social norms as it relates to marriage/family roles with older generations. Men generally don’t live as long. Men tend to rely more on women for daily tasks and chores than the other way around. Men also pick a mate for more motherly and nurturing attributes vs women for more provider and protector attributes. The latter become less important in retirement and with an empty nest.

 

[97prizm]

At first glance, I disagreed with her idea. There's no way that would apply to myself & my wife. But on second glance, she might be on to something.

Men's life expectancy is shorter than women's. And if you count backwards from the day that they die, that means that at any point in time, men are several years closer to the day that they die, than women are. And if the average marriage has a younger female, then add that to how much closer men are to the day that they die.

OK, so if you are closer to dying, then you're more likely dependent on your partner than they are, on you.

Case in point: my dad is much more dependent on my mom, than vice-versa. His health is worse; he goes to doctors often. He is checked into hospitals at least twice a year. She hasn't been checked in to a hospital since she got her hip replaced several years ago. She does the driving now. If he were to die, I can see her taking trips out of state, and possibly out of country. I can't see him going out of country at all, if she were to die first.

Recently men have been closing the gap on life expectancy with women. I've read that the YY chromosome vs XY ( I think) for guys allows some redundancy so to speak with illness. Sounds like more guys are quitting not getting into the smoking habit vs more women picking it up.

 

[JeffKeryk]

I have to believe, like most things, the devil is in the details. While the numbers may be statistically correct, you have to look deeper. After my Mom passed away, we figured my Dad might last a year. And I can tell you, he could never live in a home. I kept him in his house and hired a wonderful woman from Tonga who was trained in Nursing. I was there every day to spell her; my employer was 100% supportive.

He lasted more than 10 years and died well into his 90's. I was the one who almost died... Mani as well.
So it depends on money, living conditions, relative health, etc. He needed nothing and had the best of care.

 

[02SE]

Yesterday Wife and I had a telephone discussion. Last time I saw my Wife was New Years Day, we talk daily-- even if we have nothing to talk about.

My Wife is a psychotherapist and practices her craft pro bono (ugghh). I say ugghh as although one doesn't charge clients, to practice still requires licensing, malpractice insurance, pricey mandatory continuing education..... She understands people, a lot..... Although she doesn't understand how to change a light bulb.....

Anyways, Wife discussed that men die much quicker after a spouse's passing, then women. Her theory is a man relies and is much more dependent on the spouse than a woman is on the husband; it is a genetic makeup. I would never have guessed or concurred on this, but over time I have discovered my wife is almost always right, and I am almost always wrong, on many if not everything..... I have no idea what happens to unmarried men. Wife went further and suggested men away from their spouse long term may decline in health due to being away from the spouse.

I'd say that's entirely dependent on the people involved. Not their gender.

My wife is awesome. She would be just fine if I died first. I could certainly be self-sufficient (again) as well. We are together because we love each other and choose to be together, NOT because we need someone to take care of/take care of us. I could give a long list of examples of each of us doing what needs to be done, regardless of whether the other is immediately available.

We have similar interests. We are so alike it's kind of funny. Fortunately she looks nothing like me...

 

[gfh77665]

My wife is pretty ticked at me, all because of something I said.

It started as a casual conversation about who might die first. She asked me if I would date again, after she is gone. I said "of course I would, you wouldn't want me to have to go to your funeral alone, would you?"

Apparently that was not the right response.

 

[SC Maintenance]

At first glance I would believe your wife - but I would like to see the correlation with other data. Women live longer than men in general. Also, its often the case the man is older at marriage?

My great grandmother outlived my great grandfather by many years, but she was 15 years younger.

My grandmother outlived my grandfather by a long time - at least a decade. She was younger, but not by a decade.

My father was 2 years older than my mother. My father passed away almost 2 years ago. My mother is doing OK, but not great.

In general it intuitively makes sense to me, but isolating only one variable could be misleading?