Wife's assessment when the Wife dies before the Husband

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

Wife n I been married 47 years and together 49 years. We always joked with each other and those who tease us with stuff like "being each other's shadows!" "So close n think so alike makes others sick! lol" etc... So we would both say "Yes yes yes, married life is great. It is wonderful. Amazing. Except I would not get married again! "

 

[Pew]

Perhaps you guys are just grown babies that couldn’t take care of yourselves, but I hardly doubt that’s the case. What is the case is that it makes women feel really good about themselves pushing such narratives.

A more probable cause is men are more emotionally attached to their spouse and therefore take a sudden loss a lot worse than women do. They tend to withdraw from the society and close friends and have more suicidal tendencies.

Women, on the other hands, tend to move on a lot quicker.

View attachment 281700

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35007946/

Did you read the actual article? It points out several key factors in the psychological and societal norms between genders.

• It is often the case that, compared to women, men tend to perceive their spouse as an important confidant who provides emotional support (Bookwala, 2016; Fiori and Denckla, 2012). As men age, this tendency can intensify since they experience dramatic life changes, such as retirement and health declines, which may aggravate their psychological health (Cornwell, 2011). Therefore, losing a spouse means losing an important source of emotional support for men....///....Given that women-typed domestic work (e.g., meal preparation and house cleaning) is a daily task compared to men-typed work (e.g., house repair) (Cerrato and Cifre, 2018), widowers face more responsibilities and burdens when taking on unfamiliar daily domestic work.
• Social engagement patterns following spousal loss may also vary by gender because men and women are likely to experience restoration orientation process differently. Men and women tend to have different help-seeking behaviors during major life crises. Compared to women, men are often more reluctant to seek help from others....///....Therefore, widowers may rely less on and have less contact with their social networks (e.g., friends and relatives) during and after bereavement. In need of emotional and social support, men may try to cope with these situations on their own. In contrast, since women tend more often than men to consider social support a means of survival, they may engage in more frequent interactions with people, which can buffer them against negative consequences of spousal loss (Hahn et al., 2011; Nakagomi et al., 2020).

Aka men cannot adjust to housework typically done by the female in a traditional marriage and likes to suffer in silence.

 

[KrisZ]

Did you read the actual article? It points out several key factors in the psychological and societal norms between genders.


Aka men cannot adjust to housework typically done by the female in a traditional marriage and likes to suffer in silence.

Yes I read the article and nowhere does it claim that men cannot adjust to daily house chores, that’s your claim and OPs wife’s claim.

The article mentions the adjustment as one of the reasons for stress, the other sources of stress are lack of emotional support, isolation, lack of purpose etc. This puts a lot of stress on the body, which is usually quite fragile at an old age anyways.

It is simply crazy to think that men die shortly after their wives all because they have to do more chores.

 

[crashz]

I'm the primary "chore" person in the house, so cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. is no stretch for me. And I like my alone time. So with that said, I should be able to shoulder being alone if something happens to my wife. But I doubt that will be the case. When she is gone for a race or something for more than a few days, its more than just missing her. The house feels cold and baren. My parents briefly separated many years ago and I watched my father fall into a depression that did not pass until they reconciled.

My uncle lost his wife to cancer last year. He brings her a coffee every day.

So I fully believe and support the theory of the emotional burden that men feel when they lose their significant other. I don't think women are immune to the loss, but are better able to handle it.