Was I the bad guy? incident at my YMCA

[Quattro Pete]

Originally Posted By: raytseng
Says etiquette and social graces and societal norms. If you feel you are entitled to be an [censored], go ahead and be an [censored].

I don't think speaking to the manager to discuss his options is being an [censored]. Maybe he would have learned something from the manager instead of confronting the father straight on.

 

[Mr Nice]

Originally Posted By: SatinSilver
Sounds like a DQ* is in the class also.












* drama queen


What would you do if your son was in question ?

 

[Smokescreen]

Originally Posted By: Marco620
I'm sorry but you made my day. I haven't laughed this hard in months. I would fill up on broccoli and beans and crop dust his old man. Now down to business. I would be upset exactly like you.

I am still laughing about this as I type...like...tears in my eyes laughing.....

I am the type to yell out encouraging words...asking him:

Is that the best you can do ?!?

Honestly, just pick a different class man. I can't believe you did this to yourself...for 4 years dude!!

 

[PandaBear]

Originally Posted By: Nick1994
I don’t think you should apologize at all. I would have started complaining long ago, but probably would have tried another gym.


Originally Posted By: IndyIan
I'm sure they would appreciate the apology as well.


Long ago (probably 25 years ago), I would have been like Nick, however as I age I realize we all screw up from time to time and apologize is not really showing weakness or betray your own believe, lying to yourself, etc. Apologize really means you realize what you didn't realize before and you want to fix what you may have done or haven't done in the past.

 

[PandaBear]

Originally Posted By: dishdude
Find out what car the old man drives and pee in the cowl.


Hope you are just trolling, if you really do that you are not only an [censored], you are also likely going to get arrested if caught, and regret it when the judge and juries get really [censored] off.

 

[OVERKILL]

Originally Posted By: PandaBear
Originally Posted By: dishdude
Find out what car the old man drives and pee in the cowl.


Hope you are just trolling, if you really do that you are not only an [censored], you are also likely going to get arrested if caught, and regret it when the judge and juries get really [censored] off.


You might have missed the previous BITOG episode with respect to pee in the cowl. This post would have been made in jest as a reference to that epic thread.

 

[PandaBear]

Originally Posted By: Schmoe
Originally Posted By: RedOakRanch
Call me mean but I don't think the issues of a minority should ever impact a majority. If I did anything to upset a group I would remove myself from it.

That's exactly what the father should have done years ago, it's the reason why the OP reacted as he did. If it were my child and I knew of the situation, I would have never put child in that situation to make others uncomfortable. There is no way I would think it's OK. My child, my responsibility and I'd have would be respectful of others. The fathers child was not. Now some of ya'll want the OP to apologize???


Typically, when one customer of a business is not happy with another customer of the same business, he has to talk to the business owner / operator instead of directly confronting the other customer. Who knows what one customer and another may do to each other and didn't know how to de-escalate, at least business can do things like reimbursement or partition them away from each other.

If I run a business I wouldn't expect customers to put up with each others bad behaviors, whether it is odor or verbal insult, shaming, etc. However, if one of my customer confront my other customers, I'd immediately ask him to leave. He can seriously get me into legal liability or among them safety issues.

You'll find this kind of policy in every single large company in the US.

 

[Vuflanovsky]

Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Originally Posted By: raytseng
Says etiquette and social graces and societal norms. If you feel you are entitled to be an [censored], go ahead and be an [censored].

I don't think speaking to the manager to discuss his options is being an [censored]. Maybe he would have learned something from the manager instead of confronting the father straight on.



I have no idea how speaking to the manager/supervisor in this circumstance is against "etiquette, social graces, and societal norms" if it's more about information-seeking and what accommodations, if any, are possible due to the circumstance. I'd call that being an adult and not an [censored].

I grew up in a "special family"...my brother was born with a brain tumor that killed him at 28 years old. I have nothing but compassion for the father being a parent of a kid that's deep in the autistic spectrum. People who haven't lived through things like that will NEVER understand. However, I can't see talking to a manager/supervisor regarding this circumstance as necessarily wrong if your intentions are to create a win/win for the parties involved. By doing so, you can make the determination to leave, stay, or enact some alternate decision heretofore unknown related to this class.

 

[goodtimes]

Fabreze. If I was the parent and I saw the problem I would buy him a bike to use at home and try other classes at the gym. I would never infringe on others like that. So with that in mind, I don't think you went too far, we all have a limit. Especially as you know you are breathing it and the whole purpose going there is to get a workout. It's not the kid's autism that you are speaking against, it is the other issue. I wouldn't stay in the class, would go to something else and let the problem resolve itself, which it probably will. Do they allow kids to urinate in the pool too if they are incontinent? No, they keep them out.

 

[Slick17601]

Be thankful you're not dealing with what he and/or his parents are dealing with.

 

[raytseng]

Originally Posted By: Vuflanovsky
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Originally Posted By: raytseng
Says etiquette and social graces and societal norms. If you feel you are entitled to be an [censored], go ahead and be an [censored].

I don't think speaking to the manager to discuss his options is being an [censored]. Maybe he would have learned something from the manager instead of confronting the father straight on.



I have no idea how speaking to the manager/supervisor in this circumstance is against "etiquette, social graces, and societal norms" if it's more about information-seeking and what accommodations, if any, are possible due to the circumstance. I'd call that being an adult and not an [censored].

I grew up in a "special family"...my brother was born with a brain tumor that killed him at 28 years old. I have nothing but compassion for the father being a parent of a kid that's deep in the autistic spectrum. People who haven't lived through things like that will NEVER understand. However, I can't see talking to a manager/supervisor regarding this circumstance as necessarily wrong if your intentions are to create a win/win for the parties involved. By doing so, you can make the determination to leave, stay, or enact some alternate decision heretofore unknown related to this class.


That's not what the OP did. So this is a complete moot point you are arguing.

 

[dave1251]

While in the treadmill I had a similar issue. A gentalman kept coughing and he had old guy and hasn't brushed teeth since morning breath. After 40 minutes and nearly 5 miles I started dropping f bombs and left in anger. Listen I grew up wrestling and was a former team trainer to the Afghan army, I understand at times we all stink. But consistently smelling doo is wrong in the gym. Just like when guys camp out on equipment. I go to the Gym to get work in not put up with others drama.

 

[OVERKILL]

Originally Posted By: KGMtech
Interesting that the Canadians are almost all thinking it was me that deserves a smack upside the head.



Was going to mention earlier that there was a distinct difference between most of the Canadian and American responses, which I found interesting reading through. You could pretty much predict where the poster was from by the tone of their post.

 

[Rudy1999 250]

I can see both sides.......I feel for the Kid and the parents.

maybee i have to be there to see it.?

I am sure it was kinda funny at first ... Then it just gets old.

 

[Wolf359]

Originally Posted By: dave1251
While in the treadmill I had a similar issue. A gentalman kept coughing and he had old guy and hasn't brushed teeth since morning breath. After 40 minutes and nearly 5 miles I started dropping f bombs and left in anger. Listen I grew up wrestling and was a former team trainer to the Afghan army, I understand at times we all stink. But consistently smelling doo is wrong in the gym. Just like when guys camp out on equipment. I go to the Gym to get work in not put up with others drama.


I didn't have it that bad. Gym class I used to go to had one woman that always used to count out loud like when it was doing 10-20 pushups/situps, she'd count out the numbers. Finally I guess some other member blew up at her and told her to be quiet and she stopped doing it. One of the staff told us about how she finally shut up. I guess they didn't really want to tell her to stop as they didn't want to get rid of a paying member, but I guess they knew all along it annoyed other members. If you watched her, she would still mouth the numbers but at least it wasn't out loud.

I also have had stinky people at my running club sometimes. Some other members sometimes just say out loud "It really stinks here" and I'm not sure if it really works. But at least in the running club, once you get going, you can always run a little faster/slower to get away from it. It was clear it stunk because you can't wear tech cloths two days in a row.

 

[bigj_16]

I go to college full time on a campus of 40,000. There is a a definite trend of young people that are hygiene deficient, in about the 18-23 age range. Above that, they seem less smelly

 

[JLawrence08648]

Wow, so many responses, I'm with you, I'd be [censored] and would have said something much sooner, 4 years? You have both patience and tolerance.

 

[Chris142]

The kid may not have the mental ability to know any better. If so there isn't anything you can do.

 

[nitro]

Well...sounds to me like a "no win" situation. Anything further said to the instructor or to the father of the 20 year old isn't going to make much difference. Dad is probably trying to give mom a short rest by getting the son out of the house. He ends up on the bike at the "Y" because this is what the son likes to do and as mentioned earlier burns off some energy to help him sleep better. Maybe its time to consider another gym.

 

[slo town]

Originally Posted By: MoneyJohn
Parent of a child with autism here.

I would not say that you are the bad guy, at the same time, you are from the class of people who are in their own shells. Nothing wrong with it but the society has reached to the point that 1 in 48 boys are on the autism spectrum (gone are the days of 1 in 68), and this has become an emergency but rarely there is any government that is taking any steps to find out the causes and addresses it. I do not want to go further in it but I am saying here that this is going to get worse and it won't be that long when EVERY family will have a person with autism. At the end, everyone will be affected one way or the other.

Now when it comes to the farts, its not that kid's fault, almost every kid with autism has an issue with the GI system and almost every mainstream GI will disregard it as a part of autism. Nobody can do anything about it. Those parents who are not from the field of medicine will agree to the physician and since they don't know anything better, they will follow the (ill)directions offered by the GI. Then you have a kid like you mention.

I can go on and on but hardly anyone here will probably understand or will care about reading to 'understand' the topic. When autism is not in your family, almost everyone is like, its not my problem, deal with it because YOU have a kid with autism. I have had my share of stares and rude comments.

If you again meet that parent, ask him to hit up to tacanow.org They sell 'Journey Guides' that have a lot of information that can help the parent to improve the quality of life of that kid. I don't know if you have TACA chapters in Canada, but if this father is interested, you can ask him to contact me, I will help him. If he is interested, I will PM my email ID to you.


Just one request at the end those who read till here. We, the parents of kids on the spectrum, are not doing anything intentionally. We have thrown our careers out the window, spent all our fortune to help the kids to improve their quality of life but if our kid is doing something offensive, its not because we have been lazy but because the kids' health issues are so complex that the mainstream medicine has given up on these kids. If you can not help, the minimum request is, don't demonize the parents. They are doing the best they can. Today is our turn, god forbid tomorrow is yours.


My wife and I have a mildly autistic son - who is blind as well. I do indeed understand your dislike of the boy's [censored], but consider yourself fortunate that you are not in this situation. Being a parent of a disabled child is a life changing event. Although our son does very well given his disabilities, I dread the day I die because I will no longer be able to take care of him. My last thought when I take my last breath will be of concern for his future without me. It's one h e l l of a stressful thing to be the parent of a disabled child. It has strained my marriage because my wife and I will never be "empty nesters". I am convinced it will shorten my wife's and my lives, just from the life long worry.

Find a new gym. You have an easy solution. The parents do not.

Scott