Was I the bad guy? incident at my YMCA

dnewton3

Staff member
Joined
May 14, 2007
Messages
9,447
Location
Indianapolis, IN
Originally Posted By: SLO_Town
dnewton3: It sounds like you would be the type of guy who would demand service from a "normal" person. This is my son. Sorry he annoys you. Scott http://www.ksby.com/story/35436861/atascadero-man-a-lesson-in-joy-resilience
I don't really understand your objection to my statement, and how that relates to your son? It seems to me that your son has adapted well, incredibly well in fact, to the world around him. He seems well adjusted, in control, contributes in a meaningful manner, and likely understands/obeys the rules of "civil" behavior. Why would you think that I would find annoyance in him? The only thing I would "demand" from him is the same amount of competency I'd expect from any other employee at HD. (In fact it seems to me, from the video comments, he's probably ABOVE the average HD employee in reality). I don't really understand how you're using the word "demand" in your sentence. Are you using is as if it's an expectation of competency? Then, yes, I demand your son be competent to do the job he was hired to do. But it seems incredibly obvious he's not only competent, but excels. So I don't understand why you think I would find him annoying? - Some folks use special-needs (their own, or that of a close family member) as justification to be "different", and act without due regard for the general public and civil obedience and cultural norms. These are the folks who want to cut in line in movie theaters, amusement parks, etc by using the handicap as their leverage. They want special parking. They want tax breaks. They want to segregate themselves when it pays them a dividend, but then they will howl if they are asked to conform to a social norm. - Other folks with those same special challenges find a way to fit in, make the extra effort to conform, and while they will always be "different" in some manner, they are also to be admired for the moxie they put forth, and ability to overcome and achieve despite the disadvantages life handed them. They are cognizant of the disruptions that they occasionally cause, and do their best to eliminate, or at least mute, the effects of such. I decry the former; I applaud the later. There are considerations for disadvantaged folks that seem fair, reasonable and worthwhile. For example, handicap parking spots need to be larger to accommodate some forms of modified conveyance. Vans and trucks with special access lifts, etc, need a larger parking space. I have no problem with that. But why should all the HC spots be right up next to the entry/exit points? Am I supposed to believe that the harried and frantic daily life of a special-needs family is any more hectic or important than my life? That the 15 minutes they have to run into the CVS is any more precious than the 15 minutes I also have, prior to getting to my next appointment? I have no problem with larger parking spots for HC vehicles; that makes sense. I have heartburn when folks believe their lives are more important or deserve greater consideration than mine. Your disadvantage in life is not a valid excuse to cause one in mine. If life were truly "fair", then the HC spots would be randomly situated in the parking lot. Your HC van would have the same random luck of getting a "good spot" near the door as do I upon arrival at the mall. Example ... 300 parking spots in a lot. 2% are designated HC spots (total of 6). Rather than put all 6 up at the doors, they should be scattered about in the lot. Perhaps two near the door, two midway out in the lot, and a couple of them way far off. After all, that's how life deals parking spots to me! Why should you get premium parking at all times? I will never consider a special-needs person "normal" if they always leverage their disadvantage into an advantage over me. Same goes for waiting in line at theaters, amusement parks, etc. If you want me to consider you an "equal", then by gosh you'll wait your turn just like everyone else does in line. There are amusement parks that give out special privilege cards to special-needs families. Those families get to cut to the front of every line. So in effect, they get "double" the value of their money (or more) because their ability to ride many park features far surpasses mine. They might get to ride 45 features in a day, whereas I may only get to ride 20 in a day, because they cut the line at each opportunity. Am I to be considered a monster just because the manner in which I value my minutes in life as no less important than yours???? That my dollars spent are just as valuable as yours???? If that establishment gives you that advantage, is it not a sense of pity, the implication being that you're incapable of dealing with life in a normal manner???? I would no more tolerate a "normal" family cutting in line; why should I do it for you? I would honk my horn at a family walking in the middle of a drive-lane in the Walmart lot; why would I not honk at you for rolling your wheelchair in the same manner? Your special-needs disadvantage is a reason for me to be considerate towards you AT THE SAME LEVEL as I would extend to anyone. But it's NOT, and I repeat NOT NOT NOT, a justifiable reason for you to be "above" other folks, regardless of anyone's abilities or disabilities. If you want me to consider your "normal", then by gosh act like it! If you want to fit in, then by golly do so! When you or your kid causes a disruption, don't act as if it is society that is out of whack! The dichotomy, the hypocrisy, is that we treat special-needs folks differently, then pretend like they are normal. Your ability to deal with problems should not be predicated on laying it over on me. I have a mother with cancer, a father deeply affected with Alzheimer's, and a son with emotional control issues. Just because some family's concerns manifest in some outward physical manner, does not mean other families don't suffer in some other very debilitating way not as easily seen. We don't get to cut to the front of a line, or get a special parking spot, or preferential seating, etc. I am not bitter than we have problems; it's just the way life happens. I am willing to admit that I get irritated when some folks think their problems in life somehow usurp mine to a point where their disadvantage actually becomes an advantage over me and my family. Like I said, I'm not immune or inexperienced in this manner. I dated a girl that has an Autistic brother; we included him as much as possible in many activities, but there were times we had to make concessions in our lives so that we didn't disrupt other folks in public. Further, my wife spent several years teaching in a special-needs school. Now, my daughter is in college learning the same trade; she will work with special-needs kids for a career, too. But we have a pragmatic view in my family. Your rights as a human being, even being special-needs, do not trump my rights, nor confer unto you the ability to be disruptive outside of what normal society expects. Having/living with a disability is not a credible justification to act without due respect for ALl society, and the norms therein.
 

ZeeOSix

$100 site donor 2022
Joined
Jul 22, 2010
Messages
34,388
Location
PNW
Originally Posted By: KGMtech
The kid is harmless, he's never going to be independent and his only infraction is 4 years of stink bombs. Yes, I am not going to win any awards for empathy, compassion, but in defence of myself - it did take 4 years for me to blow up on this issue. I feel for the parents, this is a hard cross to bear, I didn't make it any lighter.
Buy a charcoal cartridge gas mask. LOL
 
Joined
Dec 12, 2002
Messages
43,684
Location
'Stralia
Originally Posted By: dnewton3
There are considerations for disadvantaged folks that seem fair, reasonable and worthwhile. For example, handicap parking spots need to be larger to accommodate some forms of modified conveyance. Vans and trucks with special access lifts, etc, need a larger parking space. I have no problem with that. But why should all the HC spots be right up next to the entry/exit points? Am I supposed to believe that the harried and frantic daily life of a special-needs family is any more hectic or important than my life? That the 15 minutes they have to run into the CVS is any more precious than the 15 minutes I also have, prior to getting to my next appointment? I have no problem with larger parking spots for HC vehicles; that makes sense. I have heartburn when folks believe their lives are more important or deserve greater consideration than mine. Your disadvantage in life is not a valid excuse to cause one in mine. If life were truly "fair", then the HC spots would be randomly situated in the parking lot. Your HC van would have the same random luck of getting a "good spot" near the door as do I upon arrival at the mall.
See, that's where YOUR emotional issues are making you irrational. There is no handicapped conspiracy. The hadicapped do not for a second feel that their 15 minutes is more important that 15 minutes of your miserable lot. Couple of thoughts on the issue. Firstly, grab some lego, and try to design a carpark with a truly "fair" random distribution of spaces, 4x2 piece for a "normal" space, 4x3 for the pribviliged disabled...doesn't work, does it ? Yeah, I know that they should, in your view ALL be out of the way, up the back. But then imagine how much extra honking you would have to be doing while being held up by all these people having to traverse the entire carpark and impeding your traffic flow. It makes sense to have the spaces together, and close to the service being used. Just not to people who feel that there's some sort of slight being generated to them personally for being born fully abled. Other issue with putting them all up the back is the point that wheeling the things isn't the easiest workout you can do...one of them sitting BEHIND you might end up sweaty and "smelly" as a result. Seriously, you feel that the first row of a carpark being used for handicapped, doctors, and motorcycles is causing you a DISADVANTAGE at life ? Really, don't you have bigger fish to fry ?
 
Joined
Dec 12, 2002
Messages
43,684
Location
'Stralia
As to them taking advantage of their special needs on rides and queues...I've seen your type huffing and puffing as we have to drag the whole loading/unloading process to a standstill, while manhandling my sister onto rides, again, getting "in your way". The owners of these prefer the disruption to be managed on their terms. i.e. loading the disabled person onto the ride early while the previous guests are disembarking. You might also notice that the disabled person is also the last OFF the ride/bus/whatever, for exactly the same reason. You are well on your walk to next wait while they are waiting.
 
Joined
Mar 3, 2011
Messages
2,589
Location
California's Central Coast Wine Country
Originally Posted By: dnewton3
Originally Posted By: SLO_Town
dnewton3: It sounds like you would be the type of guy who would demand service from a "normal" person. This is my son. Sorry he annoys you. Scott http://www.ksby.com/story/35436861/atascadero-man-a-lesson-in-joy-resilience
I don't really understand your objection to my statement, and how that relates to your son? It seems to me that your son has adapted well, incredibly well in fact, to the world around him. He seems well adjusted, in control, contributes in a meaningful manner, and likely understands/obeys the rules of "civil" behavior. Why would you think that I would find annoyance in him? The only thing I would "demand" from him is the same amount of competency I'd expect from any other employee at HD. (In fact it seems to me, from the video comments, he's probably ABOVE the average HD employee in reality). I don't really understand how you're using the word "demand" in your sentence. Are you using is as if it's an expectation of competency? Then, yes, I demand your son be competent to do the job he was hired to do. But it seems incredibly obvious he's not only competent, but excels. So I don't understand why you think I would find him annoying? ................ Your rights as a human being, even being special-needs, do not trump my rights, nor confer unto you the ability to be disruptive outside of what normal society expects. Having/living with a disability is not a credible justification to act without due respect for ALl society, and the norms therein.
dnewton3: Here's the thing. You have hit the third rail on this subject. You say my son has "has adapted well, incredibly well" and that "He seems well adjusted, in control, contributes in a meaningful manner, and likely understands/obeys the rules of "civil" behavior." Your observations are largely true. He is the kindest, most sincere person I've ever met. He tries harder than anyone I know. We cannot go anywhere in our community without someone coming up and saying "hi" to him. He is adored by many and for that I will be eternally grateful for the wonderful people in our community. But let me let you in on a little secret about some the most private thoughts in the minds of a parent of the disabled. There have been times I have wished our son would have simply passed away in his sleep. I say that not because he is an embarrassment to us or a burden on us. I'm actually very proud of him. But I say that because I worry about his well being when his mother and I are no longer here. I'm an only child. And his brother is not only 6 years older than him, he has a dangerous occupation. Also, don't think that this situation has not affected his brother too - there is a book called "The Normal One".... Think about what I said for a moment, a parent saying that about their child. I sometimes think I will be punished for those thoughts, and I don't even believe in any of that life after death stuff. As I said, you hit a third rail. You are dealing with a far more powerful, agonizing, life changing situation than you realize. You need to find a new gym. I wish my wife and I, and other parents of the disabled, had such a simple solution. Scott
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Sam_Julier

$50 Site Donor 2022
Joined
May 22, 2012
Messages
1,138
Location
Connecticut
Originally Posted By: SLO_Town
Originally Posted By: dnewton3
Originally Posted By: SLO_Town
dnewton3: It sounds like you would be the type of guy who would demand service from a "normal" person. This is my son. Sorry he annoys you. Scott http://www.ksby.com/story/35436861/atascadero-man-a-lesson-in-joy-resilience
I don't really understand your objection to my statement, and how that relates to your son? It seems to me that your son has adapted well, incredibly well in fact, to the world around him. He seems well adjusted, in control, contributes in a meaningful manner, and likely understands/obeys the rules of "civil" behavior. Why would you think that I would find annoyance in him? The only thing I would "demand" from him is the same amount of competency I'd expect from any other employee at HD. (In fact it seems to me, from the video comments, he's probably ABOVE the average HD employee in reality). I don't really understand how you're using the word "demand" in your sentence. Are you using is as if it's an expectation of competency? Then, yes, I demand your son be competent to do the job he was hired to do. But it seems incredibly obvious he's not only competent, but excels. So I don't understand why you think I would find him annoying? ................ Your rights as a human being, even being special-needs, do not trump my rights, nor confer unto you the ability to be disruptive outside of what normal society expects. Having/living with a disability is not a credible justification to act without due respect for ALl society, and the norms therein.
dnewton3: Here's the thing. You have hit the third rail on this subject. You say my son has "has adapted well, incredibly well" and that "He seems well adjusted, in control, contributes in a meaningful manner, and likely understands/obeys the rules of "civil" behavior." Your observations are largely true. He is the kindest, most sincere person I've ever met. He tries harder than anyone I know. We cannot go anywhere in our community without someone coming up and saying "hi" to him. He is adored by many and for that I will be eternally grateful for the wonderful people in our community. But let me let you in on a little secret about some the most private thoughts in the minds of a parent of the disabled. There have been times I have wished our son would have simply passed away in his sleep. I say that not because he is an embarrassment to us or a burden on us. I'm actually very proud of him. But I say that because I worry about his well being when his mother and I are no longer here. I'm an only child. And his brother is not only 6 years older than him, he has a dangerous occupation. Don't think that this situation has not affected his brother - there is a book called "The Normal One".... Think about what I said for a moment, a parent saying that about their child. I sometimes think I will go to h e l l for those thoughts, and I don't even believe in any of that life after death stuff. As I said, you hit a third rail. You are dealing with a far more powerful, agonizing, life changing situation than you realize. You need to find a new gym. I wish my wife and I, and other parents of the disabled, had such a simple solution. Scott
Well said Scott. We have two immediate family members who suffer from mental illness. One is on permanent disability in an assisted care facility. My father is currently dying of metastatic melanoma. His care is a breeze compared to the care we provide for the two with mental illness. I admire you and your wife for all that you have provided your son. Sam
 
Joined
May 6, 2014
Messages
1,127
Location
Virginia, USA
Originally Posted By: SLO_Town
Originally Posted By: dnewton3
Originally Posted By: SLO_Town
dnewton3: It sounds like you would be the type of guy who would demand service from a "normal" person. This is my son. Sorry he annoys you. Scott http://www.ksby.com/story/35436861/atascadero-man-a-lesson-in-joy-resilience
I don't really understand your objection to my statement, and how that relates to your son? It seems to me that your son has adapted well, incredibly well in fact, to the world around him. He seems well adjusted, in control, contributes in a meaningful manner, and likely understands/obeys the rules of "civil" behavior. Why would you think that I would find annoyance in him? The only thing I would "demand" from him is the same amount of competency I'd expect from any other employee at HD. (In fact it seems to me, from the video comments, he's probably ABOVE the average HD employee in reality). I don't really understand how you're using the word "demand" in your sentence. Are you using is as if it's an expectation of competency? Then, yes, I demand your son be competent to do the job he was hired to do. But it seems incredibly obvious he's not only competent, but excels. So I don't understand why you think I would find him annoying? ................ Your rights as a human being, even being special-needs, do not trump my rights, nor confer unto you the ability to be disruptive outside of what normal society expects. Having/living with a disability is not a credible justification to act without due respect for ALl society, and the norms therein.
dnewton3: Here's the thing. You have hit the third rail on this subject. You say my son has "has adapted well, incredibly well" and that "He seems well adjusted, in control, contributes in a meaningful manner, and likely understands/obeys the rules of "civil" behavior." Your observations are largely true. He is the kindest, most sincere person I've ever met. He tries harder than anyone I know. We cannot go anywhere in our community without someone coming up and saying "hi" to him. He is adored by many and for that I will be eternally grateful for the wonderful people in our community. But let me let you in on a little secret about some the most private thoughts in the minds of a parent of the disabled. There have been times I have wished our son would have simply passed away in his sleep. I say that not because he is an embarrassment to us or a burden on us. I'm actually very proud of him. But I say that because I worry about his well being when his mother and I are no longer here. I'm an only child. And his brother is not only 6 years older than him, he has a dangerous occupation. Also, don't think that this situation has not affected his brother too - there is a book called "The Normal One".... Think about what I said for a moment, a parent saying that about their child. I sometimes think I will go to h e l l for those thoughts, and I don't even believe in any of that life after death stuff. As I said, you hit a third rail. You are dealing with a far more powerful, agonizing, life changing situation than you realize. You need to find a new gym. I wish my wife and I, and other parents of the disabled, had such a simple solution. Scott
Scott, from what you said in your post, your son sounds like a wonderful person. You and your wife have obviously been great parents to him.
 
Joined
Dec 30, 2006
Messages
28,876
Location
Dallas,Tx USA
My opinion,make friends with him. He may turn out to be the best friend you ever had. I have a friend who was diagnosed with Aspergers as a kid (he's 50 now). The way we met,he used to get picked on and beat up all the time. Made me sick and really [censored] me off,so I decided I'd had enough of seeing him treated like that. I happened to walk up on 5 or 6 people trying to fight him and had him on the ground. I hit the biggest one first,then went for the others. They all ran away like scared rabbits. He's still one of my most loyal friends to this day.
 

dnewton3

Staff member
Joined
May 14, 2007
Messages
9,447
Location
Indianapolis, IN
I stand by my statements; consider me a monster if that makes it easy for some of you to categorize me. First, and again, I'm not immune to the world of special-needs people. We need to realize that the term "special needs" is extremely broad, and encompasses physical and mental and emotional issues. It's impossible to cast out that net and not only catch the intended target group, but also catch some that are not intended to be included in a comment. We must recognize that generalizations make conversation easier, but they also cause unintended "yeah but what if ..." situations. My comments are driven towards the parents of SNP (special needs people). I do not accept that their burden should become the burden of all society at every turn. The "greater good" should typically prevail. Let's go a bit off-topic for a moment with an example ... Consider a man and woman that own a dog. And they take that dog with them many places. They take the dog to a graduation party of a friend's son. At the party, that dog is not well groomed and a bit odoriferous from poor hygiene. And, the couple that owns the dog really does not do a good job of training/controlling the dog. The dog runs about the grad party, jumping on people's chairs and getting dirty paws on the laps of people. It steals food off of folks plates. It poops on the floor. It eats too much junk food and pukes. The dog barks incessantly and is annoying folks. The dog chases the host-family cat and plays with it to the dismay of the cat. But the owners think this is "normal" and only given minimal effort to controlling the dog. They even walk away and divide their attention elsewhere, allowing the dog to be unattended several times during the party. It is so bad that some people quietly mention their early exit to other party goers. Would any of us find this behavior acceptable? Perhaps you cannot blame the dog; it only knows what it is held accountable to. But you can certainly blame the owners; they are not controlling the dog and allowing it to disrupt the other folks and generally drag the party down. The social norms are being ignored by the owners and the disruption is palpable by all other party goers. I now must confess that I have lied to my fellow BITOGers ... The example above is actually true. I was at that party. Except it wasn't a grad party, but a birthday celebration of my friend. And some of his coworkers brought their dog. Except it wasn't a dog at all; it was a 20"ish" female SNP. And they allowed her to run amok at the party. She truly did eat off of other people's plates. She did reek of poor hygiene. She did taunt the faimly's cat. She did spill food on another party goer. She did actually manage to over-load her adult diapers and defecate fell out of her skirt onto the outdoor patio deck. She did eat way too much junk and drink several soda's, and vomit in the garage. She had numerous, loud uncontrolled outbursts that were disruptive. All of this while the two parents milled about the party as if it was "normal". Normal? Sure, in their home that may be "normal". But that is NOT BY ANY MEANS acceptable behavior in a shared public space. They brought their daughter because their care-giver cancelled on them, and so rather than stay home, they brought the SNP daughter with them. The wife even mentioned to my spouse that they "really needed some time out of the house", and yet they brought their burden with them to share with all! There are some SNP who fit in well with society. They adapt reasonably well, and the accommodations made by society are not grossly expensive or disruptive. I applaud these SN persons for their extra efforts to overcome and be as productive as possible. But there are other SNPs that should be in a much more controlled environment; they should be treated with the love they deserve, but also as the burden they are. Just as the OP here spoke out, I guarantee you that there are many other folks in that YMCA that also feel the same way; that the SN family is a burden to some degree. If the SN person can fit into the expected norms, that's fine. But if not, and he causes discomfort among others, why is that acceptable? What makes it OK for the SN family to cause everyone else at the YMCA to need to adjust their schedules or even switch gyms? Since when is it OK for SNP problems, regardless of their origin, to become those of someone else? There are times when SNP can fit in easily, and the situation does not greatly become affected by their presence. A loud, messing child (regardless if they are SN or normal) is pretty much welcome in a Chuck-E-Cheese, because ALL patrons there expect it to be loud with screaming kids, rife with germs, and generally messy. But that same noisy SNP child may not be a good fit if you take him to a movie theater, and he has uncontrolled outbursts during the show. Or, you take your SNP daughter to a upscale restaurant, where the ambiance of romance is shattered by her tantrums and throwing of food. Know your audience; know your surroundings. It is not OK to use the excuse of "He/She is special-needs, so it's OK for them to be disruptive." If you would not tolerate certain behaviors from a normal child, or even a dog, why would you tolerate that from a SNP family? The OP here has every right to expect that the environment and experience he pays for with his hard-earned money is not turning into a distraction/disruption just because a SN parent wants to inflict society with their version of reality.
 
Last edited:
Joined
Oct 13, 2008
Messages
15,442
Location
The Old North State
Originally Posted By: dnewton3
I stand by my statements; consider me a monster if that makes it easy for some of you to categorize me....
You mean exactly as you did by labeling/stereotyping/categorizing groups and individuals that stayed indoors, canceled some operations, or came in late on your recent cold weather thread, as "pansies"? That's what I thought. Typical bully. Can dish it out but can't take it in return. It seems you think the longer your missives the more credibility on a topic you have. Not in this camp. For me, the most telling part of your missive(s) was the PS in the first one. Reminded me of the phrase, 'I'm not a fill in the blank , some of my best friends are fill in the blank. Both laughable and pathetic at the same time. To the OP, kudos to you for apologizing. Takes a big person to own it and realize there may have been a better way to handle the situation. As for solutions, I think others have presented some reasonable options so I'll leave it there.
 
Joined
Mar 5, 2015
Messages
2,737
Location
Juno Beach FL
Convenient, or not, if it bothered me like it does the OP, I would take my business elsewhere. The kid doesn't know what he is doing but the parents and the business owner do. It is not a place that would see any of my business. I would just move on and forget all of the drama. Life is too short for it.
 
Last edited:
Joined
May 6, 2014
Messages
1,127
Location
Virginia, USA
Originally Posted By: Sayjac
Originally Posted By: dnewton3
I stand by my statements; consider me a monster if that makes it easy for some of you to categorize me....
You mean exactly as you did by labeling/stereotyping/categorizing groups and individuals that stayed indoors, canceled some operations, or came in late on your recent cold weather thread, as "pansies"? That's what I thought. Typical bully. Can dish it out but can't take it in return. It seems you think the longer your missives the more credibility on a topic you have. Not in this camp. For me, the most telling part of your missive(s) was the PS in the first one. Reminded me of the phrase, 'I'm not a fill in the blank , some of my best friends are fill in the blank. Both laughable and pathetic at the same time. To the OP, kudos to you for apologizing. Takes a big person to own it and realize there may have been a better way to handle the situation. As for solutions, I think others have presented some reasonable options so I'll leave it there.
I can see where you're coming from Sayjac. He's supposed to be a moderator, but he's making the kinds of posts that cause threads to get locked. Going by his posts in this thread and the other one you mentioned (the recent cold weather thread), it seems to be the case that he is very opinionated and is way to critical and judgemental of other people. That's the way he comes across in his posts anyway. I would like to think that I'm wrong about that. We are all in the same boat in this life, and we are here to help each other through it, regardless of how difficult it may be.
 
Joined
Dec 12, 2002
Messages
43,684
Location
'Stralia
Originally Posted By: dnewton3
I stand by my statements; consider me a monster if that makes it easy for some of you to categorize me.
No, you've built your category around you, we are just observers. as to people categorising you, I find playing the victim card at this point laughable... Consider the flow of the thread. OP posts an event in his life that is annoying (kid in spin bike class)...conversation is going pretty well considering...then takes a (not uncommon) turn. * Queues * Parking Places * Tax Breaks, their hand in YOUR pocket. * The SNP Conspiracy that their life/time is more important (*) * The above are rational, as you dated a girl with an autistic brother * more carpark "blocking the way" (in a designed shared space what's more) * more parking * more tax breaks, hand in your pocket * location of parking spaces (*) * queuing, amusement parks, double the benefit (*) * The SNP Conspiracy that their life minutes are more valuable than yours. * Parties and dogs analogy (*), I have tried to explain to you first hand why some of those SNP Conspiracy "benefits" (parking and queueing) are actually to make EVERYONE's day better, but you won't engage on why your rants extended posts are misguided.
 
Joined
May 21, 2012
Messages
6,763
Location
Fort Lauderdale, FL
I am not and never have been a believer that anyone has a first class pass to not care about other people. There's nothing wrong with the father bringing his flatulent, disabled son to the spinning class. Not a thing wrong with that in the world. The part that really grinds my gears in the fathers apparent refusal to at least attempt resolution. My life is rough enough that I don't have to care about the community I'm participating in? Nooooooooooo. The simple fact of that matter is, that if it weren't for all of those other people coming to a spinning class at the Y, there wouldn't be a spinning class at all. The father is taking advantage of the participation of every single person who goes to that class. So he should at least be open to discussing resolution. By dismissing these concerns outright, the father is creating the atmosphere that he is somehow excluded from personal responsibility due to the gravity of his own personal life. Very common problem in our society. The OP didn't give him 5 minutes to get out of town. He sought resolution. Now, before people tear into me, let me make a few things clear: * I am not against the son going to the spinning class * I have no issue with the son at all * I have always gone out of my way for the disabled, within and beyond reason.
 
Joined
Mar 30, 2014
Messages
6,781
Location
NJ
Originally Posted By: DoubleWasp
I am not and never have been a believer that anyone has a first class pass to not care about other people. There's nothing wrong with the father bringing his flatulent, disabled son to the spinning class. Not a thing wrong with that in the world. The part that really grinds my gears in the fathers apparent refusal to at least attempt resolution. My life is rough enough that I don't have to care about the community I'm participating in? Nooooooooooo. The simple fact of that matter is, that if it weren't for all of those other people coming to a spinning class at the Y, there wouldn't be a spinning class at all. The father is taking advantage of the participation of every single person who goes to that class. So he should at least be open to discussing resolution. By dismissing these concerns outright, the father is creating the atmosphere that he is somehow excluded from personal responsibility due to the gravity of his own personal life. Very common problem in our society. The OP didn't give him 5 minutes to get out of town. He sought resolution. Now, before people tear into me, let me make a few things clear: * I am not against the son going to the spinning class * I have no issue with the son at all * I have always gone out of my way for the disabled, within and beyond reason.
People can get defensive when loudly and publicly confronted and embarrassed. If the OP had quietly approached the father after class for a private conversation, maybe things would have worked out better.
 
Joined
May 21, 2012
Messages
6,763
Location
Fort Lauderdale, FL
OP says his comment about the "third time" was out loud in front of everyone, but did not say his approach of the father after class was. Still, given that the father has let this problem carry on for 4 years, was OP's reaction really out of line? Not as if the father is unaware of what a [censored] is and how it affects people. It's still a situation of a person believing they have a pass to be inconsiderate.
 
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
13,468
Location
MA
Originally Posted By: DoubleWasp
OP says his comment about the "third time" was out loud in front of everyone, but did not say his approach of the father after class was. Still, given that the father has let this problem carry on for 4 years, was OP's reaction really out of line? Not as if the father is unaware of what a [censored] is and how it affects people. It's still a situation of a person believing they have a pass to be inconsiderate.
I think it got mentioned earlier, but maybe take up a collection to get the kid some Beano before class?
 
Joined
Jun 10, 2004
Messages
828
Location
Valencia, CA
My thoughts exactly. Way too many other gyms that have spin classes.
Originally Posted By: SeaJay
Convenient, or not, if it bothered me like it does the OP, I would take my business elsewhere. The kid doesn't know what he is doing but the parents and the business owner do. It is not a place that would see any of my business. I would just move on and forget all of the drama. Life is too short for it.
 
Joined
Mar 15, 2006
Messages
6,156
Location
Buffalo, NY
Or maybe just follow my original recommendation and get the [censored] out of the YMCA. No, you're not a bad guy for being upset about smelling flatulence while cycling in class. You're a bad guy for being either cheap or a bit of a control freak! You choose to go there! An autistic kid has the right to be part of society and spin with his parent and that is the exact venue for it. It's the YMCA, immortalized by the Village People! Go to a real grown up cycling "bar" and see lovely girls in their yoga pants or dudes or whatever you're into! You might "enjoy" the people there as well. You can't always change the world to suit your needs, sometimes YOU need to change and adapt! Not the dad and the autistic child. I kind of see it as they don't have a choice where apparently you do. Grow the [censored] up with your "messiah" leader complex against a flatulent autistic kid douchbaggery...
 
Top