Bring an aerosol spray. Let it rip every time he does.
Was I the bad guy? incident at my YMCA
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Call me mean but I don't think the issues of a minority should ever impact a majority. If I did anything to upset a group I would remove myself from it.
Originally Posted By: OVERKILL
Originally Posted By: Starman2112
Just exactly where did I advocate violence. I simply stated he could have gotten punched for that. It’s the world we live in. People will shoot you for less than that. To suggest I need professional help for saying that is irrational and ludicrous.
Your statement seemed to advocate that approach, and your response to my reply certainly didn't do anything to contradict my takeaway from it
Somebody who would support somebody else getting punched in the face as a reasonable escalation in that situation, which was what I saw as being implied by yours, indeed needs mental help. If you do not support that and were simply pointing it out as a reasonable risk, then my apologies. The way you phrased it seemed to me as if you were the father in that situation, that you would have punched him in the nose.
Let me be clear, I’m not saying punching him is the right thing to do. It’s not, but plenty of people would have done it. I honestly don’t know how I would’ve reacted in that were my child. I hope I would have enough self-control to not get physical. Everyone, including you, would punch someone under the right circumstances if they were angry enough.
Originally Posted By: Starman2112
Just exactly where did I advocate violence. I simply stated he could have gotten punched for that. It’s the world we live in. People will shoot you for less than that. To suggest I need professional help for saying that is irrational and ludicrous.
Your statement seemed to advocate that approach, and your response to my reply certainly didn't do anything to contradict my takeaway from it
Somebody who would support somebody else getting punched in the face as a reasonable escalation in that situation, which was what I saw as being implied by yours, indeed needs mental help. If you do not support that and were simply pointing it out as a reasonable risk, then my apologies. The way you phrased it seemed to me as if you were the father in that situation, that you would have punched him in the nose.
Let me be clear, I’m not saying punching him is the right thing to do. It’s not, but plenty of people would have done it. I honestly don’t know how I would’ve reacted in that were my child. I hope I would have enough self-control to not get physical. Everyone, including you, would punch someone under the right circumstances if they were angry enough.
A few farts in a room is usually undetectable. If the kids farts so bad that it completely wrecks a room, then yes, that is a problem. Honestly, you should go to the manager and address your concerns. Maybe ask that the kid and his father get a special spin class for themselves, or some other consideration.
But the simple fact remains, you are paying customer, you have a right to be there. The kid and his dad are paying customers, and has a right to be there as well.
But the simple fact remains, you are paying customer, you have a right to be there. The kid and his dad are paying customers, and has a right to be there as well.
This stuff is good and learned about it from a doctor in the emergency room where the [censored] is known to fly. Walmart has it in the auto section.
Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Silly to get mad at autistic child in YMCA.
I once had an autistic child wack / slap my back waiting in line at a Wendy's. I didn't get mad... mom was embarrassed and apologized.
I'm pretty sympathetic to kids with mental/physical issues as I worked in a home for a bit a long time ago. That said, there is a difference between being slightly inconvenienced and being closed in a room for an hour.
Maybe you're swimming at the Y and a physically disabled child bumps into you... No problem kid I'll try to look out for you. But being closed in a hot room while inhaling air and some one does this... It kind of stops being about them and starts being about the others in the room affected. For anyone who works out regularly, you realize pretty quick some stank is never fun, and if its all the time? It gets old fast regardless of who its coming from.
Silly to get mad at autistic child in YMCA.
I once had an autistic child wack / slap my back waiting in line at a Wendy's. I didn't get mad... mom was embarrassed and apologized.
I'm pretty sympathetic to kids with mental/physical issues as I worked in a home for a bit a long time ago. That said, there is a difference between being slightly inconvenienced and being closed in a room for an hour.
Maybe you're swimming at the Y and a physically disabled child bumps into you... No problem kid I'll try to look out for you. But being closed in a hot room while inhaling air and some one does this... It kind of stops being about them and starts being about the others in the room affected. For anyone who works out regularly, you realize pretty quick some stank is never fun, and if its all the time? It gets old fast regardless of who its coming from.
I work with individuals with Autism Spectrum and my company is being overwhelmed by support needs of individuals and families.
My experience is someone with Autism does not understand social customs and the appropriate way to react. It requires social training. I measure change in years, not days.
Sometimes if it is a behaviour that is repeated less attention or ignoring can help extinguish it. Someone's reaction can be stimulating to the individual or reinforce behaviour.
It sounds like the Parent is doing what can do. I wonder if he is aware of professional services available for individual and family support?
In my company historically the parent(s) took care of their children as long as possible and then we provided the supports. Not sure if anything like that is available in your area. If so maybe you could pass that info onto the Parent.
Last, once a month an agency in my area has a Fun Night for families who have children with disabilities. The families with severely autistic kids breaks my heart. The challenge, need, and resources is not keeping pace. Sad.
My experience is someone with Autism does not understand social customs and the appropriate way to react. It requires social training. I measure change in years, not days.
Sometimes if it is a behaviour that is repeated less attention or ignoring can help extinguish it. Someone's reaction can be stimulating to the individual or reinforce behaviour.
It sounds like the Parent is doing what can do. I wonder if he is aware of professional services available for individual and family support?
In my company historically the parent(s) took care of their children as long as possible and then we provided the supports. Not sure if anything like that is available in your area. If so maybe you could pass that info onto the Parent.
Last, once a month an agency in my area has a Fun Night for families who have children with disabilities. The families with severely autistic kids breaks my heart. The challenge, need, and resources is not keeping pace. Sad.
OVERKILL
$100 Site Donor 2021
Originally Posted By: Starman2112
Let me be clear, I’m not saying punching him is the right thing to do. It’s not, but plenty of people would have done it. I honestly don’t know how I would’ve reacted in that were my child. I hope I would have enough self-control to not get physical. Everyone, including you, would punch someone under the right circumstances if they were angry enough.
OK, had I taken that away from your original comment, this whole exchange wouldn't have happened
Certainly you can see my point I hope with respect to the only one losing out in such a scenario being the child. The YMCA certainly would not tolerate somebody assaulting one of their patrons, which likely would have left the child unable to attend anymore.
Had it been my child (and I have three, though none are Autistic), I would have been quite embarrassed, definitely not angry. I mean, as a parent, if I am aware that my child is doing something offensive, even if it is something beyond their control, I know that people are going to be bothered by that and it is inevitable that somebody would eventually say something. I'm not surprised at the father's lack of reaction, he's between a rock and a hard place, he's just doing what he knows works to end the day in the way they've found to be the easiest. If there's something that can be done to make that better for all parties involved, which another member with an Autistic child mentioned above, then perhaps there's a silver lining to this scenario.
Let me be clear, I’m not saying punching him is the right thing to do. It’s not, but plenty of people would have done it. I honestly don’t know how I would’ve reacted in that were my child. I hope I would have enough self-control to not get physical. Everyone, including you, would punch someone under the right circumstances if they were angry enough.
OK, had I taken that away from your original comment, this whole exchange wouldn't have happened
Certainly you can see my point I hope with respect to the only one losing out in such a scenario being the child. The YMCA certainly would not tolerate somebody assaulting one of their patrons, which likely would have left the child unable to attend anymore.
Had it been my child (and I have three, though none are Autistic), I would have been quite embarrassed, definitely not angry. I mean, as a parent, if I am aware that my child is doing something offensive, even if it is something beyond their control, I know that people are going to be bothered by that and it is inevitable that somebody would eventually say something. I'm not surprised at the father's lack of reaction, he's between a rock and a hard place, he's just doing what he knows works to end the day in the way they've found to be the easiest. If there's something that can be done to make that better for all parties involved, which another member with an Autistic child mentioned above, then perhaps there's a silver lining to this scenario.
Originally Posted By: RedOakRanch
Call me mean but I don't think the issues of a minority should ever impact a majority. If I did anything to upset a group I would remove myself from it.
That's exactly what the father should have done years ago, it's the reason why the OP reacted as he did. If it were my child and I knew of the situation, I would have never put child in that situation to make others uncomfortable. There is no way I would think it's OK. My child, my responsibility and I'd have would be respectful of others. The fathers child was not. Now some of ya'll want the OP to apologize???
Call me mean but I don't think the issues of a minority should ever impact a majority. If I did anything to upset a group I would remove myself from it.
That's exactly what the father should have done years ago, it's the reason why the OP reacted as he did. If it were my child and I knew of the situation, I would have never put child in that situation to make others uncomfortable. There is no way I would think it's OK. My child, my responsibility and I'd have would be respectful of others. The fathers child was not. Now some of ya'll want the OP to apologize???
Originally Posted By: MONKEYMAN
I work with individuals with Autism Spectrum and my company is being overwhelmed by support needs of individuals and families.
My experience is someone with Autism does not understand social customs and the appropriate way to react. It requires social training. I measure change in years, not days.
Sometimes if it is a behaviour that is repeated less attention or ignoring can help extinguish it. Someone's reaction can be stimulating to the individual or reinforce behaviour.
It sounds like the Parent is doing what can do. I wonder if he is aware of professional services available for individual and family support?
In my company historically the parent(s) took care of their children as long as possible and then we provided the supports. Not sure if anything like that is available in your area. If so maybe you could pass that info onto the Parent.
Last, once a month an agency in my area has a Fun Night for families who have children with disabilities. The families with severely autistic kids breaks my heart. The challenge, need, and resources is not keeping pace. Sad.
Absolutely. Personal experience here also. These parents (yes, me included) are extremely taxed emotionally and sometimes financially and know full-well the judgements and comments from those who don't have to deal with special needs kids. These parents lie awake experiencing every emotion under the sun every single night wondering what is to become of their child and how they are going to deal with it day by day. Sleep does not come easy. Compassion is sorely needed in the world today and a seemingly small act of kindness towards these spent parents goes a very, VERY, long ways.
I work with individuals with Autism Spectrum and my company is being overwhelmed by support needs of individuals and families.
My experience is someone with Autism does not understand social customs and the appropriate way to react. It requires social training. I measure change in years, not days.
Sometimes if it is a behaviour that is repeated less attention or ignoring can help extinguish it. Someone's reaction can be stimulating to the individual or reinforce behaviour.
It sounds like the Parent is doing what can do. I wonder if he is aware of professional services available for individual and family support?
In my company historically the parent(s) took care of their children as long as possible and then we provided the supports. Not sure if anything like that is available in your area. If so maybe you could pass that info onto the Parent.
Last, once a month an agency in my area has a Fun Night for families who have children with disabilities. The families with severely autistic kids breaks my heart. The challenge, need, and resources is not keeping pace. Sad.
Absolutely. Personal experience here also. These parents (yes, me included) are extremely taxed emotionally and sometimes financially and know full-well the judgements and comments from those who don't have to deal with special needs kids. These parents lie awake experiencing every emotion under the sun every single night wondering what is to become of their child and how they are going to deal with it day by day. Sleep does not come easy. Compassion is sorely needed in the world today and a seemingly small act of kindness towards these spent parents goes a very, VERY, long ways.
Originally Posted By: OVERKILL
OK, had I taken that away from your original comment, this whole exchange wouldn't have happened
Certainly you can see my point I hope with respect to the only one losing out in such a scenario being the child. The YMCA certainly would not tolerate somebody assaulting one of their patrons, which likely would have left the child unable to attend anymore.
Had it been my child (and I have three, though none are Autistic), I would have been quite embarrassed, definitely not angry. I mean, as a parent, if I am aware that my child is doing something offensive, even if it is something beyond their control, I know that people are going to be bothered by that and it is inevitable that somebody would eventually say something. I'm not surprised at the father's lack of reaction, he's between a rock and a hard place, he's just doing what he knows works to end the day in the way they've found to be the easiest. If there's something that can be done to make that better for all parties involved, which another member with an Autistic child mentioned above, then perhaps there's a silver lining to this scenario.
I see your point. It’s all good.
OK, had I taken that away from your original comment, this whole exchange wouldn't have happened
Certainly you can see my point I hope with respect to the only one losing out in such a scenario being the child. The YMCA certainly would not tolerate somebody assaulting one of their patrons, which likely would have left the child unable to attend anymore.
Had it been my child (and I have three, though none are Autistic), I would have been quite embarrassed, definitely not angry. I mean, as a parent, if I am aware that my child is doing something offensive, even if it is something beyond their control, I know that people are going to be bothered by that and it is inevitable that somebody would eventually say something. I'm not surprised at the father's lack of reaction, he's between a rock and a hard place, he's just doing what he knows works to end the day in the way they've found to be the easiest. If there's something that can be done to make that better for all parties involved, which another member with an Autistic child mentioned above, then perhaps there's a silver lining to this scenario.
I see your point. It’s all good.
Whether or not the general social rule, overall it is the INSTRUCTOR's class not yours.
Therefore the Instructor gets to decide what is acceptable or not; and it is their judgement that is the final decision.
After you brought it up to the instructor, if the Instructor didn't make a change, then the instructor is saying they are permitting it.
The OP is in the wrong to directly confront the other student and father and go against what the instructor is tacitly saying is permitted.
I have had spin classes where the particular instructor has a no-talking rule and will kick you out if you start chatting. If you don't like it you go start your own class (or join a different class) and as you like). It is the Instructor's jurisdiction to lay out and enforce their rules during their class*
*As long as the rule is not discriminatory against a protected class.
Therefore the Instructor gets to decide what is acceptable or not; and it is their judgement that is the final decision.
After you brought it up to the instructor, if the Instructor didn't make a change, then the instructor is saying they are permitting it.
The OP is in the wrong to directly confront the other student and father and go against what the instructor is tacitly saying is permitted.
I have had spin classes where the particular instructor has a no-talking rule and will kick you out if you start chatting. If you don't like it you go start your own class (or join a different class) and as you like). It is the Instructor's jurisdiction to lay out and enforce their rules during their class*
*As long as the rule is not discriminatory against a protected class.
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Sounds like a DQ* is in the class also.
* drama queen
* drama queen
Originally Posted By: raytseng
Therefore the Instructor gets to decide what is acceptable or not; and it is their judgement that is the final decision.
Says who?
OP is the customer and is paying money for a service. If the service is not up to his liking, he is entitled to voice his opinion. If the instructor ignores his opinion, that doesn't automatically mean the instructor is right. The OP should discuss it with the instructor's manager.
Therefore the Instructor gets to decide what is acceptable or not; and it is their judgement that is the final decision.
Says who?
OP is the customer and is paying money for a service. If the service is not up to his liking, he is entitled to voice his opinion. If the instructor ignores his opinion, that doesn't automatically mean the instructor is right. The OP should discuss it with the instructor's manager.
Originally Posted By: Quattro Pete
Originally Posted By: raytseng
Therefore the Instructor gets to decide what is acceptable or not; and it is their judgement that is the final decision.
Says who?
OP is the customer and is paying money for a service. If the service is not up to his liking, he is entitled to voice his opinion. If the instructor ignores his opinion, that doesn't automatically mean the instructor is right. The OP should discuss it with the instructor's manager.
Says etiquette and social graces and societal norms. If you feel you are entitled to be an [censored], go ahead and be an [censored].
The OP asked, that's the answer.
If he really felt entitled as you laid out; he wouldn't need to feel the need to post; because he would already believe he was entitled to his actions and in the right.
Originally Posted By: raytseng
Therefore the Instructor gets to decide what is acceptable or not; and it is their judgement that is the final decision.
Says who?
OP is the customer and is paying money for a service. If the service is not up to his liking, he is entitled to voice his opinion. If the instructor ignores his opinion, that doesn't automatically mean the instructor is right. The OP should discuss it with the instructor's manager.
Says etiquette and social graces and societal norms. If you feel you are entitled to be an [censored], go ahead and be an [censored].
The OP asked, that's the answer.
If he really felt entitled as you laid out; he wouldn't need to feel the need to post; because he would already believe he was entitled to his actions and in the right.
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But he didn't go over the instructors head, he went to the parent - and when he found out the issue wasn't resolvable in the usual manner, he browbeat dad on how to parent an autistic kid, clearly something that one of the two of them is profoundly ignorant about.
He may not have started out as a jerk, but he definitely wound up as one.
That's the way I see it, anyway.
He may not have started out as a jerk, but he definitely wound up as one.
That's the way I see it, anyway.
I'm sorry but you made my day. I haven't laughed this hard in months. I would fill up on broccoli and beans and crop dust his old man. Now down to business. I would be upset exactly like you.
Or pack your shorts with baby powder and rip some air biscuits.
Originally Posted By: Marco620
I'm sorry but you made my day. I haven't laughed this hard in months. I would fill up on broccoli and beans and crop dust his old man. Now down to business. I would be upset exactly like you.
Well no need to go that crazy, you can try this liquid spray on Amazon.
Can't post the link but it's called Liquid XXX. Rymes with grass.
I'm sorry but you made my day. I haven't laughed this hard in months. I would fill up on broccoli and beans and crop dust his old man. Now down to business. I would be upset exactly like you.
Well no need to go that crazy, you can try this liquid spray on Amazon.
Can't post the link but it's called Liquid XXX. Rymes with grass.
Okay I've read all 4 pages now. Interesting that the Canadians are almost all thinking it was me that deserves a smack upside the head.
Canadians are - mostly extremely passive. I have never been that way. I speak up, I assert myself as required. It does help that I am 6'4" and 250 pounds, but regardless I am not laying down for anything that I feel should be mentioned.
If I was prone to 'spouting off' in inappropriate ways, I would have experienced many fights, but I am smart enough to know when I am right and when I am not. I don't regret that I acted on this issue, my choice of words could have been softer.
In this situation, the kid is totally unaware. My apology - if I proceed with that - will be to the father. From the 4 pages here, I have learned far more about Autism than I knew this morning. That the condition has influence to the gastric system is news to me and I suspect others.
I will not avoid the class, that's totally opposite to how I have lived my life so far (55 years young) but I will try to make it non-confrontational for this family and other class participants.
To the BITOG member that has recommended me to approach the Dad and ask him to contact BITOG member with Autistic experience - this is a nice gesture - however there is absolutely no way for me to present this in terms that doesn't convey the message that I feel he's inadequate as a parent of an autistic child. This father is educated, he's a professional of some type....so I think he'd be pretty well versed in the options available for his son.
Thanks again for your thoughts, I think that most responders have taken this topic seriously and I think we've all learned from shared opinions.
Canadians are - mostly extremely passive. I have never been that way. I speak up, I assert myself as required. It does help that I am 6'4" and 250 pounds, but regardless I am not laying down for anything that I feel should be mentioned.
If I was prone to 'spouting off' in inappropriate ways, I would have experienced many fights, but I am smart enough to know when I am right and when I am not. I don't regret that I acted on this issue, my choice of words could have been softer.
In this situation, the kid is totally unaware. My apology - if I proceed with that - will be to the father. From the 4 pages here, I have learned far more about Autism than I knew this morning. That the condition has influence to the gastric system is news to me and I suspect others.
I will not avoid the class, that's totally opposite to how I have lived my life so far (55 years young) but I will try to make it non-confrontational for this family and other class participants.
To the BITOG member that has recommended me to approach the Dad and ask him to contact BITOG member with Autistic experience - this is a nice gesture - however there is absolutely no way for me to present this in terms that doesn't convey the message that I feel he's inadequate as a parent of an autistic child. This father is educated, he's a professional of some type....so I think he'd be pretty well versed in the options available for his son.
Thanks again for your thoughts, I think that most responders have taken this topic seriously and I think we've all learned from shared opinions.
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