Maybe he is just a late bloomer ?
My sisters eat like their rich, I dont want to
- Thread starter Carnoobie
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Originally Posted By: Tdbo
+1. There are dual, separate issues here.
1. Should sister invite him to dinner and run a tab. Answer: still no for the multitude of reasons that have been outlined here.
2. Should parents be enabling him by allowing him to live at home? NO. Only possible exceptions I could see would be if he were disabled in some manner (he does not appear to be) or he was attending school to obtain a skill to become employed (does not appear to be.)
At any rate, there seems to be a serious parent enabling issue here that needs to be solved between the parent and the OP. Not sure how shaking him down for his birthday cake is going to solve that.
Exactly, well stated.
+1. There are dual, separate issues here.
1. Should sister invite him to dinner and run a tab. Answer: still no for the multitude of reasons that have been outlined here.
2. Should parents be enabling him by allowing him to live at home? NO. Only possible exceptions I could see would be if he were disabled in some manner (he does not appear to be) or he was attending school to obtain a skill to become employed (does not appear to be.)
At any rate, there seems to be a serious parent enabling issue here that needs to be solved between the parent and the OP. Not sure how shaking him down for his birthday cake is going to solve that.
Exactly, well stated.
I advised the OP to take much of the bad opinions given here for what it's worth:
The recommendations to "flip an internal switch", man up, etc. must come from those who have no experience of the debilitating mental effects of being raised in a severe dysfunctional family. It is not unlike me (non military) suggesting to a battered war veteran to just "man up" and get over his post traumatic war syndrome due to watching innocent babies killed by "friendly fire". My wife was locked in closets for punishment as a child and as a teen, went to bed with a knife under her pillow for protection. Do you think this kind of stuff can be corrected with snide remarks on an oil forum?
I pity the self righteous that someday have to deal with a real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstance.
Ah...that was a good rant. VERY uncharacteristic of me (flaming expected!).
Take care, all. This thread has run its course. If I were the OP, I would suggest shutting it down. There is no more good to come from it.
EDIT: This is a general reply, NOT to mechanix, as incorrectly indicated at the top.
The recommendations to "flip an internal switch", man up, etc. must come from those who have no experience of the debilitating mental effects of being raised in a severe dysfunctional family. It is not unlike me (non military) suggesting to a battered war veteran to just "man up" and get over his post traumatic war syndrome due to watching innocent babies killed by "friendly fire". My wife was locked in closets for punishment as a child and as a teen, went to bed with a knife under her pillow for protection. Do you think this kind of stuff can be corrected with snide remarks on an oil forum?
I pity the self righteous that someday have to deal with a real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstance.
Ah...that was a good rant. VERY uncharacteristic of me (flaming expected!).
Take care, all. This thread has run its course. If I were the OP, I would suggest shutting it down. There is no more good to come from it.
EDIT: This is a general reply, NOT to mechanix, as incorrectly indicated at the top.
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Originally Posted By: doitmyself
The recommendations to "flip an internal switch", man up, etc. must come from those who have no experience of the debilitating mental effects of being raised in a severe dysfunctional family.
I'll admit that I didn't look at the situation in this light.
But then we have no actual proof that this was in fact the case and that the family was in fact dysfunctional.
The recommendations to "flip an internal switch", man up, etc. must come from those who have no experience of the debilitating mental effects of being raised in a severe dysfunctional family.
I'll admit that I didn't look at the situation in this light.
But then we have no actual proof that this was in fact the case and that the family was in fact dysfunctional.
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
I pity the self righteous that someday have to deal with a real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstance.
I would imagine I'm considered one of the self righteous posters to this thread. Pointing that out you have no idea what real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstances I have faced and conquered in my life.
Have a Good Day!
I pity the self righteous that someday have to deal with a real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstance.
I would imagine I'm considered one of the self righteous posters to this thread. Pointing that out you have no idea what real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstances I have faced and conquered in my life.
Have a Good Day!
Originally Posted By: jcwit
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
I pity the self righteous that someday have to deal with a real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstance.
I would imagine I'm considered one of the self righteous posters to this thread. Pointing that out you have no idea what real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstances I have faced and conquered in my life.
Have a Good Day!
Not by me. On the contrary, I respect you. I follow your posts and would not lump you under this definition of self righteous: " a feeling of (usually) smug moral superiority derived from a sense that one's beliefs, actions, or affiliations are of greater virtue than those of the average person."
My statement was a generalization not aimed at anyone here in particular. One of my many life lessons early on was to try hard not to judge others (the self righteous I pity, not judge
).
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
I pity the self righteous that someday have to deal with a real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstance.
I would imagine I'm considered one of the self righteous posters to this thread. Pointing that out you have no idea what real, uncontrollable, life altering circumstances I have faced and conquered in my life.
Have a Good Day!
Not by me. On the contrary, I respect you. I follow your posts and would not lump you under this definition of self righteous: " a feeling of (usually) smug moral superiority derived from a sense that one's beliefs, actions, or affiliations are of greater virtue than those of the average person."
My statement was a generalization not aimed at anyone here in particular. One of my many life lessons early on was to try hard not to judge others (the self righteous I pity, not judge
Well I would change my post if the "edit" option was still available then, but it is no longer available.
Wonder why this forum does not give the posters this option as other forums do.
Oh Well
Best
Wonder why this forum does not give the posters this option as other forums do.
Oh Well
Best
Propflux01
$100 Site Donor 2025
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
(the self righteous I pity, not judge
).
By calling those you disagree with "self righteous', you are in effect judging them..
(the self righteous I pity, not judge
By calling those you disagree with "self righteous', you are in effect judging them..
I agree the parents MUST kick him out of THEIR house!
I'd say give him 60 days at most to find somewhere else to live, perhaps they can offer some limited financial support for 90-120 days depending on how much effort he makes to find GAINFUL employment. No more than that, though.
If he cannot find a job, enlist in the military. That may be his only way to keep a roof over his head.
If we are lucky his parents are reading this.
I'd say give him 60 days at most to find somewhere else to live, perhaps they can offer some limited financial support for 90-120 days depending on how much effort he makes to find GAINFUL employment. No more than that, though.
If he cannot find a job, enlist in the military. That may be his only way to keep a roof over his head.
If we are lucky his parents are reading this.
so the original poster is 31 yrs old and lives with his parents. He has no love life per his other thread and plays video games alot with no friends. His sisters charge him money for meals b/c they probably think he is a free loader.
Carnoobie,
You seriously need to evaluate the direction of your life. The first thing you need to do is look at your career. You say you have had 10 years of dead end jobs. It's time for you to go to college, trade school, or community college. You need to do some research on what you like to do. Go to your local library, read some books on careers you might want to do. do some research on internet forums on possible career possiblities.
If you don't have any money, get a student loan. If you finish school, you should be able to get a full time job. Now this is possibly a 3 to 4 yr commitment depending on what you end up doing. Trade school or college. Once you have your career going, move out of your parents house, you can think about starting a love life. seriously, most women in their 30's would not even date a guy who lives with his parents plus with no job. You are seriously behind in life and it is contributing to your depression. Lots of folks will be hard on you because you are perceived as a slacker and they are right. I don't know why I even typed all this out, part of it is sympathy. Your parents should have told you these things along time ago.
Carnoobie,
You seriously need to evaluate the direction of your life. The first thing you need to do is look at your career. You say you have had 10 years of dead end jobs. It's time for you to go to college, trade school, or community college. You need to do some research on what you like to do. Go to your local library, read some books on careers you might want to do. do some research on internet forums on possible career possiblities.
If you don't have any money, get a student loan. If you finish school, you should be able to get a full time job. Now this is possibly a 3 to 4 yr commitment depending on what you end up doing. Trade school or college. Once you have your career going, move out of your parents house, you can think about starting a love life. seriously, most women in their 30's would not even date a guy who lives with his parents plus with no job. You are seriously behind in life and it is contributing to your depression. Lots of folks will be hard on you because you are perceived as a slacker and they are right. I don't know why I even typed all this out, part of it is sympathy. Your parents should have told you these things along time ago.
Originally Posted By: Tim H.
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
(the self righteous I pity, not judge
).
By calling those you disagree with "self righteous', you are in effect judging them..
Yes, and thus the "grin". I need to maintain at least one fault in my character, but don't let my wife know about this.
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
(the self righteous I pity, not judge
By calling those you disagree with "self righteous', you are in effect judging them..
Yes, and thus the "grin". I need to maintain at least one fault in my character, but don't let my wife know about this.
Being one that has posted rather FIRM assertions that the OP is a mooch, a free-loader, and has no spine...I'll assume that I am an example one of those self-righteous posters.
It was the OP that somehow neglected many facts in regard to his sisters anger toward him. He did the same thing in a previous thread as well. So I really don't have much sympathy nor reason to develop any when his own disingenuous posts lacked honesty and full disclosure. I don't care about excuses or who 'enabled' him stuff. I guess that makes me self-righteous? Ok then, so be it. At least I'm not going to continue the 'enabling' by giving this guy any more sympathetic pats on the shoulder.
It was the OP that somehow neglected many facts in regard to his sisters anger toward him. He did the same thing in a previous thread as well. So I really don't have much sympathy nor reason to develop any when his own disingenuous posts lacked honesty and full disclosure. I don't care about excuses or who 'enabled' him stuff. I guess that makes me self-righteous? Ok then, so be it. At least I'm not going to continue the 'enabling' by giving this guy any more sympathetic pats on the shoulder.
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