Married, sleeping in separate beds.

[rob1715]

Separate for 15 years. Can't stand someone flumpin' all around. Any flumpin' gonna happen it's gonna be me.

 

[doitmyself]

I chuckle a bit when I see people use the word "never"

Never going to sleep apart
Never going to let the kids get tattoos
Never going to let the kids get piercings
Never going to let the teen stay out past 10pm
Never going to allow this/that to happen
Never going to gain weight

............ LOL. Then, life happens.

 

[OVERKILL]

My wife sleeps downstairs when TOM visits. She's happier with that, I'm happier with that. Otherwise, we sleep in the same bed.

 

[oilcandave]

I had Restless Legs too. I started stretching and that helped a lot. Just stand and touch your toes for a good length of time

For me its a dopamine issue. I have tried everything with and without the doc and have found relief from it from an Asian doc 20 years ago. Issue is my next doctors have a coronary attack when they see what works and has been a challenge to keep on the meds. Its a feeling no one wants.

...is not even close to what the wife went through...

 

[Malo83]

Maybe there is an underlying flatulence issue.

 

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

Can't speak to that, been married 50 years this past April, I just use ear plugs.

were on year 45+ and both of us have some hearing loss.... "huh? what was that?" & "I can't hear you!" prevents lots of fights . Nah... we just too tired or no incentive to fight (never really did) at this age. She tells me what I think and how I feel about everything! Well, we let each other think we in R charge!

 

[Cujet]

We’ve always figured a married couple having separate rooms makes them just roommates.

but how do you ,,, keep that spark alive?

You've hit the nail on the head, it is actually true that most older couples become roommates, there is no spark and there is zero chance of it returning.

I'm a bit younger than my wife, and was unprepared for the change, I was 45, she 50 when it happened. I did not understand the sudden lack of simple affection like holding hands and the great many other things that went wrong. She is a wonderful, kind and intelligent person, but even a hug was just too much for her. It was difficult for me to comprehend that she would gladly tend to injured animals at the center, and kiss the dog on the top of the nose with genuine affection, but could not bring herself to touch me. The lack of hormones really changes things.

For those who are a bit younger here, it is good to know that at least 2/3rds (66%) of all women past their prime have no desire. True, factual and you'd better understand what that means. For most, let me clearly spell it out: "You can't have me but you can't have somebody else". Followed by separate beds or separate rooms.

Married 34 years, roommates the last 13.

 

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

You've hit the nail on the head, it is actually true that most older couples become roommates, there is no spark and there is zero chance of it returning.

I'm a bit younger than my wife, and was unprepared for the change, I was 45, she 50 when it happened. I did not understand the sudden lack of simple affection like holding hands and the great many other things that went wrong. She is a wonderful, kind and intelligent person, but even a hug was just too much for her. It was difficult for me to comprehend that she would gladly tend to injured animals at the center, and kiss the dog on the top of the nose with genuine affection, but could not bring herself to touch me. The lack of hormones really changes things.

For those who are a bit younger here, it is good to know that at least 2/3rds (66%) of all women past their prime have no desire. True, factual and you'd better understand what that means. For most, let me clearly spell it out: "You can't have me but you can't have somebody else". Followed by separate beds or separate rooms.

Married 34 years, roommates the last 13.

 

[Revving2Redline]

Yup..been together 40 years...43 actually..I have real bad restless leg syndrome also have to rock in the bed at times. She developed a rare immune attack on her fun parts 12 years ago. Thankfully its in remission but no hanky panky. Separate works for us just fine.

I'm dealing with bulging discs, restless leg syndrome taking Requip,Duloxetine,NSAIDs. Five pillows and a sleep number bed and I still have lots of pain. Sleeping in a recliner with legs elevated has been helpful.

 

[BlueOvalFitter]

Get one of these and she'll let you share her bed again. You'll both sleep cpapy ever after.

Is that a vibrator machine? Where's the slot to put the .25 cents in?

 

[manicrodder]

Had one for almost a year now. Couldn't live without it.

 

[wpod]

I've never been married, but in dating we never slept in separate rooms. This is despite sometimes vastly different schedules. We always enjoyed being in the same bed. I cannot fault others for different rooms, esp. if someone snores. I cannot sleep with a snoring person.... ugh. Up all night....

Edited for clarity: I did date a woman that snored, briefly. I had to sleep in the spare room. But that was a deal breaker.

Girl friends are more fun than wives.

 

[wpod]

My testosterone is so high that's it's out of control, my girlfriend is a Mexican nympho, so......yeah......every chance and place we get

"my girlfriend " is the magic there.

 

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

As said before, it is not just the sex, it is the closeness and intimacy of sleeping in the same room in the same bed.
Intimacy does not have to be or lead to sex.

While I can see some of the reasons here to be "valid" reasons, some of them are unhealthy, and some just sound like excuses.
Snoring so loud that is causes issues needs to be checked out for sleep apnea.

I know marriage is not always easy, and making adjustments is part of it, as well as sometimes being uncomfortable for others.
But I am not in others shoes, so what I say really does not matter (except the part about getting snoring checked out with a sleep study).

 

[blupupher]

You've hit the nail on the head, it is actually true that most older couples become roommates, there is no spark and there is zero chance of it returning.

I'm a bit younger than my wife, and was unprepared for the change, I was 45, she 50 when it happened. I did not understand the sudden lack of simple affection like holding hands and the great many other things that went wrong. She is a wonderful, kind and intelligent person, but even a hug was just too much for her. It was difficult for me to comprehend that she would gladly tend to injured animals at the center, and kiss the dog on the top of the nose with genuine affection, but could not bring herself to touch me. The lack of hormones really changes things.

For those who are a bit younger here, it is good to know that at least 2/3rds (66%) of all women past their prime have no desire. True, factual and you'd better understand what that means. For most, let me clearly spell it out: "You can't have me but you can't have somebody else". Followed by separate beds or separate rooms.

Married 34 years, roommates the last 13.

Well that sucks.
We are both in our early 50's, and truthfully she now has more of a drive than I do.
My wife has always been a very affectionate person, we still hold hands when we go out, hugs and kisses all the time.
30 years married this year and still going strong.
Lots of problems and issues on the road here, but well worth it to have her at my side.

 

[gmh101358]

I was married for almost 25 years before my wife died.....I was on the road every week and gone at least 3 nights sometimes 4.
She got use to sleeping alone so we had diff bedrooms etc.....I found i sleep better alone also....she got up 3-4 times a night for a potty break.....which would wake me up. It sounds bad but we would talk on the cell phone for an hour ....being a few room apart.
I know lots of older people who do this.....

 

[Malo83]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[ATex7239]

Hard to foresee a time we’d opt for separate beds. Perhaps due to medical issues maybe.

As far as the comments regarding being “roommates.” This is something which can very easily happen if couples are not diligent to avoid it especially while raising kids. We were going down the path of turning into roommates a few years ago and made the conscience decision to course correct.

Glad we recognized it and did something about it. A spouse makes for a really crappy roommate.

 

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

Hard to foresee a time we’d opt for separate beds. Perhaps due to medical issues maybe.

As far as the comments regarding being “roommates.” This is something which can very easily happen if couples are not diligent to avoid it especially while raising kids. We were going down the path of turning into roommates a few years ago and made the conscience decision to course correct.

Glad we recognized it and did something about it. A spouse makes for a really crappy roommate.

The longer a couple is together , the more changes they face as a team (if they are smart and really in love) and you learn together from those things. Hell , it takes work to live a whole life with the same person.... You better be in deep love and like them a lot. There is gonna be a whole lot of give and take or its not going to last. Both people have to decide what means more, their spouse or having their way for everything. I figured out one day why I can not hit the lottery. Its because I already hit one when I found a woman who has put up & stood up for me for 45+ years. Plus she still can not go to bed or fall asleep unless I join her. I should probably quit buying lotto tickets. I do sneak out of bed and go down the hall to watch tv in spare bedroom when I can't sleep!

 

[JavierH19]

A lot of snooring goes away once you take the pillows out. My dad used to snore like an old diesel and had neck problems since he had 2 fat pillows. After taking them all away he eventually started to sleep a lot better, his neck and back pains were withering away, and he wouldn't snore anywhere near as much making my mom explode. His neck started to straighten a bit and since flipping to one side is uncomfortable without a pillow he would lay flat which helped his back and lower back not twist around so much.

I have a really thin pillow but sometimes I just chuck it to the floor and sleep without it. No problems.