Loosing a best friend to their new GF

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2,280
Location
WNY
I guess I don’t really know where to begin, but I really feel as if I have lost my best friend. I’m going to give a little back story; it makes more sense that way IMO. I have known my friend Jim since I was in high school. My best friend in high school, Evan, went to church with his older brother and met Jim at his wedding. Evan, Jim and I are big computer nerds – Evan, Jim and I get along real well due to that common interest. Evan introduced me to my friend Jim and really we’ve been good if not best friends ever since. I have always hung out with him at least one day a week, usually Saturday or Sunday (we work opposing shifts throughout the week). We always had great times; we’d play video games, watch TV, mess around with computers, really anything. One of my favorite things we’d do were to hop in one of our cars, turn some Van Halen, Ozzy, Malmsteen, etc. up real high and take a half hour drive to the Reservation and get some gas – just a nice drive in the summer. Many times too, Evan, Jim, my GF and I would all hang out. We always had a great time. Any rate, as long as I’ve known Jim, he’s always lived with his Dad. He had talked about wanting his own place for quite some time. Fast forward to April 2013 – he had wanted to move out for some time, so he got an apartment. That place was OK but wasn’t the nicest. Around September 2013 I saw on Craigslist a mobile home for $4k, he looked at it, my GF went with him to check it out, and he bought it – nice place. All four of us helped him move in and it was really neat him having his own nice place. Jim was always sort of shy and wanted to meet someone, so we all encouraged him to try dating or something online. He met a few girls online, but nothing serious came up until this past December. He had been with this girl for 6 months now. We first met her and she is nice, but I don’t know if that’s face value or truth, I have a feeling the first. So after a couple of months went by, the situation is where it stands today. I never see my friend, lucky to hear from him via text occasionally. I miss him terribly. I always ask if he’ll be around and the answer is no. I guess I’m bothered a bit that he always has his time planned for him even though he sees her ever morning/night and he’s OK with that. I sat down and had a one on one about this all and completely spilled all of the beans on how I felt and I got a blank stare and no emotion or response. The only response I got was “I try to make time for everyone and I hardly see my family so we’ll just have to plan things”. I don’t hate planning things but it just never happens. It’s funny too, because every other day he’ll either take his sister or mom out to lunch and then is usually seeing his GF everyday but he can’t make any time for what I thought was his friend. He is also doing the same to Evan, but I don’t know if it bothers him as much because his time is normally occupied by his daughter. Jim’s GF sounds like an odd character too. She hates ketchup (Jim is a ketchup freak) and gets disgusted/mad when it’s eaten. He gets ticked that he is dragged to so many family outings of hers, yet he goes. I can only speculate, but from what I gather, he has no say and is very obedient. I learned today that she is moving in with him. I hope this doesn’t sound weird; it’s just very upsetting as I’m really thinking I’ve lost my best friend. Jim was the kind of person who I would trust with anything, I thought he’d be the kind of friend who’s always there. I’ve tried a lot to be flexible to try and find time to get together, but no luck. I try not to interfere and understand a new relationship and all the stuff that goes with that, but not even one day out of the month? I guess I’m just bummed. We had really great times together, and it's as if that means nothing. He was the brother I never had. Just the way it’s going and has been since December really makes me think nothing will change. I feel partially stupid for opening up so much but to receive no response to anything. I think it’s hard sometimes for guys to create a new close friendship like this. I am very happy for him to have found someone he's fond of, and I've said this a bunch of times. But I'm not happy to be completely cut out. I just don't see how knowing someone for 8 years is meaningless with someone you've known for 6 months. Even if this all changes, I don't know how I'd feel. What's to say it won't happen again. It's tough. At the very least, and I’m not saying this in a “last resort” kind of way at all, my very loyal, caring and loving GF of 6 years, Jess, is always there for me.
 
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IL
Been in your shoes... multiple times. I've had the same best friend since I was 6 -- every time he met a new girl, he would fall off the face of the earth. I have always tried to not let it bother me and keep it in the back of my mind that one day when the girl [censored] him off, I will be around when he needs me... after all, that's what friends are for!
 

redhat

Thread starter
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2,280
Location
WNY
Originally Posted By: Brenden
sooooo how have you been carnoobie?
What does that mean?
 
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1,509
Location
gulf coast FL.U.S.
I don't think it's him (carnoobie/GHT). For one, redhat writes well,has legitimate strife going on and the vehicles in his signature indicate common sense knowledge(Accord 5MT ..very nice). Just look up those two usernames and let the fun begin.
 

redhat

Thread starter
Messages
2,280
Location
WNY
Thanks FL_Rob. I am not Carnoobie, my IP will definitely show I'm from WNY. There are a lot of good people on here who happen to give some good advice. So I thought I'd throw up my thoughts.
 
Messages
1,509
Location
gulf coast FL.U.S.
Well anyway redhat,like Jack Sparrow said, "You need to get yourself a girl mate.." Beer2 Nevermind,most of us at some point do separate from lifelong friends and it is somewhat perplexing when that person isn't around as much.I recommend seeking a diverse selection of friends at this point to begin building a wider variety of acquaintances. You can never have too many friends.
 
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Messages
6,367
Location
Midwest
You failed to start your post with "Dear Abby,". It's life. Things will always change and people will always change. It is clear that your friend prefers the company of his girlfriend over you-buck up and deal with it. If you can't deal with and accept it, then you need to do some serious growing up. It's his decision-take the hint and move on.
 
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10,906
Location
Cincinnati, OH, USA
I'm turning 50 this year, been married to a wonderful woman for over 25 of them with 2 kids-trust me, your old friends never really go away-even if you only see them every couple years. Although a few have gone on to the big garage in the sky.
 
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17,298
Location
OH
It sounds as though your friend has had only limited experience with women. There's a term for what he's experiencing that ends in "whipped". He'll get over that. Meanwhile, she's in control.
 
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2,573
Location
Deep in the heart of Jersey
Originally Posted By: redhat
I guess I don’t really know where to begin, but I really feel as if I have lost my best friend. I’m going to give a little back story; it makes more sense that way IMO. I have known my friend Jim since I was in high school. My best friend in high school, Evan, went to church with his older brother and met Jim at his wedding. Evan, Jim and I are big computer nerds – Evan, Jim and I get along real well due to that common interest. Evan introduced me to my friend Jim and really we’ve been good if not best friends ever since. I have always hung out with him at least one day a week, usually Saturday or Sunday (we work opposing shifts throughout the week). We always had great times; we’d play video games, watch TV, mess around with computers, really anything. One of my favorite things we’d do were to hop in one of our cars, turn some Van Halen, Ozzy, Malmsteen, etc. up real high and take a half hour drive to the Reservation and get some gas – just a nice drive in the summer. Many times too, Evan, Jim, my GF and I would all hang out. We always had a great time. Any rate, as long as I’ve known Jim, he’s always lived with his Dad. He had talked about wanting his own place for quite some time. Fast forward to April 2013 – he had wanted to move out for some time, so he got an apartment. That place was OK but wasn’t the nicest. Around September 2013 I saw on Craigslist a mobile home for $4k, he looked at it, my GF went with him to check it out, and he bought it – nice place. All four of us helped him move in and it was really neat him having his own nice place. Jim was always sort of shy and wanted to meet someone, so we all encouraged him to try dating or something online. He met a few girls online, but nothing serious came up until this past December. He had been with this girl for 6 months now. We first met her and she is nice, but I don’t know if that’s face value or truth, I have a feeling the first. So after a couple of months went by, the situation is where it stands today. I never see my friend, lucky to hear from him via text occasionally. I miss him terribly. I always ask if he’ll be around and the answer is no. I guess I’m bothered a bit that he always has his time planned for him even though he sees her ever morning/night and he’s OK with that. I sat down and had a one on one about this all and completely spilled all of the beans on how I felt and I got a blank stare and no emotion or response. The only response I got was “I try to make time for everyone and I hardly see my family so we’ll just have to plan things”. I don’t hate planning things but it just never happens. It’s funny too, because every other day he’ll either take his sister or mom out to lunch and then is usually seeing his GF everyday but he can’t make any time for what I thought was his friend. He is also doing the same to Evan, but I don’t know if it bothers him as much because his time is normally occupied by his daughter. Jim’s GF sounds like an odd character too. She hates ketchup (Jim is a ketchup freak) and gets disgusted/mad when it’s eaten. He gets ticked that he is dragged to so many family outings of hers, yet he goes. I can only speculate, but from what I gather, he has no say and is very obedient. I learned today that she is moving in with him. I hope this doesn’t sound weird; it’s just very upsetting as I’m really thinking I’ve lost my best friend. Jim was the kind of person who I would trust with anything, I thought he’d be the kind of friend who’s always there. I’ve tried a lot to be flexible to try and find time to get together, but no luck. I try not to interfere and understand a new relationship and all the stuff that goes with that, but not even one day out of the month? I guess I’m just bummed. We had really great times together, and it's as if that means nothing. He was the brother I never had. Just the way it’s going and has been since December really makes me think nothing will change. I feel partially stupid for opening up so much but to receive no response to anything. I think it’s hard sometimes for guys to create a new close friendship like this. I am very happy for him to have found someone he's fond of, and I've said this a bunch of times. But I'm not happy to be completely cut out. I just don't see how knowing someone for 8 years is meaningless with someone you've known for 6 months. Even if this all changes, I don't know how I'd feel. What's to say it won't happen again. It's tough. At the very least, and I’m not saying this in a “last resort” kind of way at all, my very loyal, caring and loving GF of 6 years, Jess, is always there for me.
That's what happens when people grow up. They get older, get girlfriends, get married, then POOF, they disappear. Family life and obligations take the place of partying and drinking with your buddies. The pressures of everyday life mean more then how drunk they got over the weekend. The one thing in life you'll never run out of , is new people you meet.,,
 

redhat

Thread starter
Messages
2,280
Location
WNY
I do accept this, just think its a bit upsetting when a situation like this comes up. But hey what do I know.
 
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1,821
Location
ventura, ca
Its just normal life. Friends grow apart even though they are still friends. One of my best friends who is like a brother to me now lives 1100 miles away so obviously we dont see each other too often. Dont give up on being friends, just adjust to changes in life.
 
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