Originally Posted By: asiancivicmaniac
Hey all.
So I have a dilemma on my hands. I met this person about 1.5 years ago and we became good friends, but lately I've felt a bit irrelevant to him. Specifically this semester I've found that when we do anything together it's rarely him who initiates it. And when we do hang out it's usually with three or four of his other friends. And when that happens it's because I ask him if he wants to do something and then find out he's already doing something with his other friends and then I get invited.
And when I ask if he wants to do something when it's the two of us it almost always ends up with him inviting his roommates (2 females he's known since high school). It's not that I have a problem that he invites them but it's rarely the other way around.
I really thought I had a genuine friend. I think I still might, but when I hang with him and his friends I feel more like a third wheel imposing then actually being part of the group. They're not mean or anything. I just don't really feel like I fit in. My friend is actually a really nice person, which is why I'm concerned that he keeps me around because he would feel bad. We used to hang out regularly every weekend. Then his two roommates started to be around more often and then one of his best high school friends moved closer to school.
I'm a shy person so I'm usually quiet and I'm quite picky about who I count as a friend and how quickly I trust them. And this guy, I trusted almost instantaneously. He's actually one of the few people I trusted enough to come out to, and he took it well and helped how I approached the friendship because I had nothing to hide. Right now I'm wondering if that friendship has gone past its prime or if it's my own insecurities creeping in.
There are a lot of people who are more mature than I am, so I was hoping for advice. But if I don't get any then that's fine too because it helped a little writing this out even though I feel a little stupid. And thanks for reading to the end.
Sam
In life I have found most friends, as with so many other things, to be transient things. I have one who I've known since I was 9, and a second since I was 14 (both are 20+ year friendships now), but there have been many, many friends who have come on gone as things change. "Things" being work (work friendships eventually seem to evaporate over time when one or the other leaves the job), moving away (you or they), changing lifestyles that have moved in different directions, etc.
There have been many friendships I've (mostly) quietly ended as circumstances have arisen - such as shared interests that are no longer shared, or whatever. Usually these transient friendships (though they may last for years) seem to die their own quiet death as you realize you hadn't talked to this particular person in awhile or done anything, and when (if) you do you realize you don't have so much in common anymore or of mutual interest, and they just fall off the map as you talk/hang with them less and less.
-Spyder
