Interesting take on the gender war

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Interesting take on the gender war: Why men don't respect women Posted: February 9, 2004 1:00 a.m. Eastern By Vox Day © 2004 WorldNetDaily.com There is a rather infamous blog on Salon with the arresting name, "Why Your Wife Won't Have Sex With You." The author, an intelligent woman and self-described formerly frigid wife, provides a long laundry list of explanations for this unhappy state of affairs. She has entire sections devoted to: Disgust, Discomfort, Distraction, Insecurity, Anger, Fat, Misunderstanding, Boredom, Infidelity, Technique, Motherhood, Aging and Depression, Bad Company (as in toxic friends), Religion and Childhood Abuse. Indeed, one wonders that women have sex at all after plodding one's way through this morass of marital misery. Now, Ms. Deckham Grey, the author, is no man-hater – the Tiger Beat pictures of Wesley Clark alone would disprove that – and perusing her material makes it clear that she's fairly reasonable. But something about her blog reminded me of an e-mail I once received from a single male reader in response to one of my own more infamous columns, entitled "Spiting Their Pretty Faces." This reader belonged to a church singles group, and after hearing an encyclopedic list of the ways in which modern men fail to live up to women's expectations of their responsibilities, he said: "OK, that's what men should do. Thanks. Now, what is a woman's responsibility in a marriage?" Total silence. In the movie, "As Good As It Gets," Jack Nicholson's character, a romance novelist, is asked how he is able to write such effective and believable women. He responds: "I think of a man, and then I take away reason and accountability." Why is it that three disparate sources should all echo this same theme? Is it nothing more than a coincidental combination of overly demanding spouses, toxic spinsters-to-be and overactive Hollywood imaginations? Or is it possible that there is a fundamental difference between men and women when it comes to the notion of personal responsibility? And if so, could it be this, and not some outdated notion of physical prowess that accounts for what both men and women perceive as a lack of respect for women? I suggest that this may well be the case. A weightlifter will certainly scorn a spindly-armed accountant's inability to lift more than a pencil, but he is unlikely to carry that same lack of respect over to matters outside the weight room. And yet, even the most ardently sensitive New Age male, awash in feminist propaganda from kindergarten through university, usually finds it difficult to show even the most accomplished women the respect that they deserve. Let me state that I don't know why this is, I only suggest that it appears to be the case. Perhaps men are irredeemably sexist – although I fail to see how the husband-as-child motif so popular in soccer-mom circles is any less so. Perhaps women have been spoiled by a lifetime of freely saying things to others that would have earned a man doing the same a black eye. Perhaps it is the coddling of parents and teachers, which has led to things like female recruits in boot camp being permitted to turn in blue cards to their sergeants on days that they can't deal with being yelled at. It is strange, too, because women are by no means the second sex. As Camille Paglia conclusively demonstrates, women are without question the dominant sex in our society. No one who has ever seen the desperate attention-seeking of teenage boys or intricately-shaped lavender soap in the private bathroom of a rich and powerful CEO can doubt it. It is usually not much more than a decade, somewhere in the years from 15 to 30, that a man is not under the strong influence of a woman. There is a saying, that a woman is, and a man must become. Perhaps it is this need on the part of males to become, this sense of a battle fought and won, that separates the sexes more than any other. Or perhaps it is that women simply do not understand that male respect is never given freely, it must always be earned. And the only way it is earned is by taking complete responsibility for one's words, one's actions and one's decisions. Avoiding responsibility for these things may be a successful strategy in the short term, but it will inevitably cause most men to regard you as a lightweight, little more than a child, whose opinions can be safely ignored at will. [ February 09, 2004, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: Dan4510 ]
 

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Another article by vox in the same vien: Spiting their pretty faces Posted: February 3, 2003 1:00 a.m. Eastern By Vox Day © 2003 WorldNetDaily.com A recent story floating around the variety section of a newspaper I still read occasionally reminded me of a conversation I had with a college girlfriend about six months ago. She's a pretty woman – slender, petite, well-educated and intelligent. She has an excellent, high-paying job and even owns her own house. She is, in short, the epitome of feminist success. And yet, she is profoundly disappointed with her life. She has, in her own words, continued to stumble upwards while somehow missing out on the only thing she truly wanted – a husband and a family. Nor is she alone, in anecdotal or statistical terms. Not only do the majority of women who were in our college social circle remain unmarried, but according Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman," a 30-something woman is three times more likely to be unmarried than her 1970's counterpart. While some might argue that this is a good thing, most demographics experts would disagree, as would, it appears, an awful lot of those 30-something single women. While Whitehead correctly identifies the general problem, she is as clueless as the next feminist as to how to go about solving it. Instead of recommending that individuals change the one thing within their power – namely, their behavior – she advocates altering the entire system of courtship. Given this typically fascistic feminist approach, I am, of course, shocked that her six 30-something daughters and nieces all remain available. But, as I told my friend, the root of the problem is that the kind of man she wants is precisely the man who is smart enough to stay away from her. Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men. Furthermore, the smarter a man is, the more he is likely to realize that being romantically involved with an intelligent, educated, upper-middle-class American woman steeped in 20 years of feminist indoctrination is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt. Consider the premarital professions of the women in my social circle, all of whom are now stay-at-home moms happily married to intelligent, successful men: Farmgirl. Nanny. Teacher. Office manager. Nanny. Pipeline worker. Professional student. Church volunteer. That's eight quality men who won't be marrying a high-powered career girl right there. The advice I gave my friend was succinct: In any given dating situation, think about what your instincts are telling you – then do the opposite. It's like football … if the run is getting stuffed, then throw the darn ball. So, in the unlikely event there happens to be a 30-something single woman reading this, here are a few pointers which might be helpful while you wait for Ms. Dafoe Whitehead and company to change the dating culture: 1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege. 2. Your family has to put up with you. For everyone else, it's optional. 3. Southern belles always get what they want. Watch and learn, grasshopper. 4. Sex as an incentive is fair enough. Using its deprivation as a punishment will backfire hideously. 5. Mocking your man in public creates a no-win situation. He can either slice and dice you verbally, which is no fun for you, or keep his mouth shut and look like an idiot. In the case of the latter, it doesn't mean that you've won, or that he's forgotten. 6. Men love happy women. Act happy and you may discover how to be happy. 7. If there's a doubt, choose the most optimistic interpretation. That's what he meant. 8. Honey, honey, honey – a thousand times honey. Never vinegar. 9. Conflict is not passion. It isn't any fun, either. 10. Limit yourself to five complaints and demands a day. If you're not counting, you're over the limit. 11. If no one ever taught you the traditional arts, find an older woman to be your mentor. 12. Your feelings and objectively verifiable facts may be different. Learn to distinguish between them. Now, I'm not saying that applying these principles to your dating scene will turn frogs into princes or anything, but they will get you in the game. And if all else fails, just tell your next first date that you're thinking of quitting your job and returning to your former career as an aerobics instructor. He'll be intrigued, trust me.
 
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Bravo! Too bad there aren't many women who visit this site (I suspect). I have copied both pieces and will forward them. Thanks again.
 
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Dan, While I agree with your post........I thought I would add a few words of advice of my own. There are things that everyone knows, but if said, creates great peril to life and limb..........good thing that this is a male dominate forum. [Cheers!]
 

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Sbc, Agreed on a lot of your points. However, I think this is one of the things that needs to be confronted in our society today. In a university setting I hear gripes on both sides of the debate. I think its the purpose of the university and scholars to look at problems from all sides, not just the myopic view parroted by the opinion makers. Dan [Cheers!] [ February 09, 2004, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: Dan4510 ]
 
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Dan, one of your points reminded me of something. I have seen dozens of female activists on tv, preaching that women should be allowed to fight on the front lines as soldiers.........if they so choose. But not once, have I ever heard a female activist say that women should be drafted. Hmmmmmmmm
 

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sbc, that is the very thing that puzzles me. Many women want equality but then argue that women are being picked on when the draft arguement comes up. I think the problem comes from the double bind that feminist independence teaches versus the interdependence needed to have a good relationship. I have been cursed and thanked for holding the door for a female. (not the same person!) Dan
 
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This is some good writing, he has a good "When a spade is a spade" approach. Women gave up everything to have it all, only to find out they in fact ended up with nothing, and are looking for someone to blame, with men at the top of the list. Meanwhile, what men realy wanted was a woman who they could count on to be a good companion. Still, as men we have to be accountable and accept the responsibility that when this myth was sold to us, we bought it. [ February 09, 2004, 11:10 PM: Message edited by: greencrew ]
 
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