Car buying scenario for daughter

I believe when a parent enables a child, it is a vote of no-confidence. The parent is saying to the child, "You can't make it in the world without me, so I will keep you dependent". Of course, there is deeper trouble with the parent that gets projected onto the child.
 
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I hope my words aren’t taken in the wrong way.
I think the entire family scenario is crazy.
His daughter is not a full-time working adult and has no right to expect a brand new vehicle or any vehicle for that matter. Unless she can buy it on her own.

As parents though and someone in college, we try to make sure they have a reliable working vehicle to get from A to point B

As a young adult, that’s all she deserves until she is out on her own, no longer living under the roof of her parents.

The car has been repaired and if it was deemed not reliable enough, go out and get a 10 year old high mileage used Toyota Corolla or Honda Civic or something in that class for a minimum amount of money.

I think the daughter is being given and taught poor financial advice. She’s getting a lifelong lesson of buying things she cannot afford and does not deserve until the day she works for them and has the money to purchase them.

It’s almost like setting someone up for a lifetime debt and supporting banks. I get it. The OP also has a wife who’s willing to purchase a new truck.
I don’t understand why but I know it happens
 
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Bailey28 said:
ATEX 7239 you must be a fly on the walls in our house!! This is exactly what goes on (not the hoarding part).

RipCord, we have AAA gold, and they have been putting the miles on their trucks due to our membership.

Spasm3, excellent. This is what I have done over the years. Invested, saved, just shy of retirement now for both of us. A dollar now is $50 a decade from now if invested.

On top of all of this, I would sell her the Veloster I have now with 75k on it that runs great. I have the Charger, ElCamino, and Harley to drive. Problem is she doesn't 'want' the Veloster. I was thinking sell the Tucson, and she could 'buy' the Veloster with that money.

I even offered to pick up the hay for her every month or so with the ElCamino but that was refused. That's the only reason she wanted the truck.
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She wants to live a lifestyle she can't afford. Don't help her do that. It's time to pay rent or invest.
 
Living with two women and dealing with their sometimes illogical emotional driven decision making is frustrating to say the least.

Nothing has been done yet, the Tucson is still running fine.

Alarmguy LOL! No offense taken, from you or anyone here. All of your replies are helpful to see an outside perspective. The more eyes the better.

wwillson I believe there to be a control issue at hand here. The wife has a respected management position at her work where she then attempts to manage the household the same way.

I guess all I can do is say my perspective and not agree to cosign.
 
Bailey28 said:
Living with two women and dealing with their sometimes illogical emotional driven decision making is frustrating to say the least.
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I found that women often internalize what is done or said. Much more than men do. If you say “the chicken was a little dry tonight” she hears “you’re a bad cook.” Once you recognize that it helps with communication. So you don’t unknowingly step on emotional land mines. You don’t have to understand it. You just have to see it and respond to it. Make sure she does not hear something ten layers deep that you never meant.

#BobistheMarriageCounselor
 
So this truck thing may be water under the bridge but at some point an adult has to step up and make the world realistic for the daughter. I like the suggestion of $500/ mo rent, but if you're feeling generous stick that in an account somewhere to gift back to her when it's time for a down payment on a house to own.

This seems like a situation where the wife/mom's expectations need to be corrected before the daughters'.
 
Bailey28 said:
My wife and I are not horse people, but have learned over the years some of what goes on in the horse world. It is not a hobby for the financially unable.

My daughter got these two horses a few years ago and was lucky to have free stable board down the road. She doesn't ask for much however as some of you put it, she seems 'enabled'. That enabling comes from the wife who stated years ago due to her financially difficult childhood she would absolutely spoil this child. And she has over the years. Private school k-5, she did not want for anything. Disney trips, horse lessons and competitions, etc. I said we would never own or buy a horse, and my wife and I have not bought one. My daughter bought the second one for $7,500 which according to her was a smoking deal. She gets a family price on vet visits through her workplace.

I presented that right now she has no bills other than gas and her part of car insurance. Free rent, free food, She pays for her car repairs. I do the maintenance and repairs that I can do at home but anything else is hers. She is fuming about putting out $2,100 on a car that on trade would be $5K, probably less. This is where the wife suggested she get a new(er) truck.

It was billed to me as "Let her take out a loan, stretch it to 6 years, and pay it off while she's still living at home and has no bills".... I cannot stress how much this irks me. I argued this is not the time in her life to do this,,, if you want to trade the Hyundai, fine, but get something more affordable. I argued that employment situations can change, and if you are paying $400/month how is she going to be able to pay for the rent/cable/phone/electric etc. when she does move out?

Then I was thinking, is she going to live with us for 6 years until she pays off the loan? It's like the wife wants to strap her with payments to delay her moving out as she enjoys her company.. .which would be a whole different issue all together.
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A six year loan on an automobile doesn't make sense on a depreciating asset. Pls have her do the math on 72 x$xxx or whatever the amount is and see what the true cost of the truck is. Don't forget to compute the interest correctly as a first time buyer will generally have a higher interest rate to start with. I don't know any dealer or bank that will offer her zero percent interest.
 
If your daughter is pretty hard headed and has decided she REALLY wants the truck, I think you might as well accept it as otherwise you'll have both your daughter and your wife annoyed, and probably looking for any excuse in the future to call the Hyundai unreliable, and/or unsafe. I do agree with your viewpoint on the situation by the way, but I also know that sometimes you just have to compromise ie give in, haha. Good luck though whatever you guys decide.
 
Wow what a tough situation. Back when I was buying my first "good" vehicle dad said I should of bought a truck. I bought a 3 year old sedan since I was driving alot. Stupidly I did buy a F150 after I was done in Texas for a while. Young and dumb since didn't need one. To this day almost make 6 figures but still haven't pulled the trigger on a 30k truck, technically could use one but my family has some I could borrow. Driving back forth to the property similar to your daughter I see all the trucks which makes it harder, but I wonder sometimes the financial situation of those drivers. I figured up we put over $38k in retirement last year which is a better investment.. guess I'll buy one when I retire!
 
Bailey28 said:
My wife and I are not horse people, but have learned over the years some of what goes on in the horse world. It is not a hobby for the financially unable.

My daughter got these two horses a few years ago and was lucky to have free stable board down the road. She doesn't ask for much however as some of you put it, she seems 'enabled'. That enabling comes from the wife who stated years ago due to her financially difficult childhood she would absolutely spoil this child. And she has over the years. Private school k-5, she did not want for anything. Disney trips, horse lessons and competitions, etc. I said we would never own or buy a horse, and my wife and I have not bought one. My daughter bought the second one for $7,500 which according to her was a smoking deal. She gets a family price on vet visits through her workplace.

I presented that right now she has no bills other than gas and her part of car insurance. Free rent, free food, She pays for her car repairs. I do the maintenance and repairs that I can do at home but anything else is hers. She is fuming about putting out $2,100 on a car that on trade would be $5K, probably less. This is where the wife suggested she get a new(er) truck.

It was billed to me as "Let her take out a loan, stretch it to 6 years, and pay it off while she's still living at home and has no bills".... I cannot stress how much this irks me. I argued this is not the time in her life to do this,,, if you want to trade the Hyundai, fine, but get something more affordable. I argued that employment situations can change, and if you are paying $400/month how is she going to be able to pay for the rent/cable/phone/electric etc. when she does move out?

Then I was thinking, is she going to live with us for 6 years until she pays off the loan? It's like the wife wants to strap her with payments to delay her moving out as she enjoys her company.. .which would be a whole different issue all together.
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One of my oldest friends has a daughter like this. She took on a great deal of student debt by choosing to go to a private university back in Boston, instead of tuition, free like her sisters did in Colorado.

While back in Boston, she got a degree that didn’t lead to a job, and now $80,000 in debt, she complains that the cost of living is so high, and the world is so unfair.

She moved back in with her parents, and she brought her boyfriend with her. Together, the two of them make pretty close to a six figure income, but they would rather live in her parents basement.

My friend collects rent from the unhappy couple, and despite that, they show no signs of moving out. Why would they? Their entire existence is heavily subsidized.

They have not had to face fiscal reality.

A couple of my children took a year off from college, and during that year off, they got one year without rent. Every kid was offered one year without rent. Once they graduated, they were on their own. I looked back on my own life, and once I graduated, I lived at home for about six weeks while I was waiting to start with the US Navy. I didn’t get paid much at all in the Navy.

The meager salary on which I started, presented a set of financial challenges, and the lessons derived from those challenges have stayed with me my whole life. I had to face reality early on.

It may be best for your daughter to face reality head on. Graduate, move out, start paying all of her own bills.

Some people cannot understand a thing until they experience it firsthand.
 
Bailey28 said:
wwillson I believe there to be a control issue at hand here. The wife has a respected management position at her work where she then attempts to manage the household the same way.
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My wife retired as the CEO of the company she worked for, a respected position for which she was highly qualified. She expected her children to be independent and responsible. They all are just that.
 
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I have three adult daughters and their happiness along with my wife's is my top priority. To my wife and I, our daughters ability to support themselves in the lifestyle that they choose is extremely important. I offered to pay for in-state college tuition for all of them. Tried to guide them to get degrees that would lead to jobs that would pay well, or as I stated, at least pay for the lifestyle they wanted. I did not want any of them to have to depend on a partner to survive.

$22 per hour does not support a new $30,000 vehicle, insurance, registration, maint.

One daughter boomeranged home. Degree led to dead end job right around that $20 per hour range. She realized the mistake, lived at home for 3 years while working part time and going to school to get a new certification. Drove a 12 yr old beater, I charged her a token $100 per month rent. My wife and I LOVED having her home for another 3 years. She now earns a 6 figure salary. She didn't know it, but, we set aside the rent she paid us to give her when she got her "big girl" job and moved out.

My point is, unless you can afford to support your daughter in a lifestyle she can't afford, then you shouldn't enable her. People tend to not face facts unless reality forces them to make tough decisions. My daughter didn't like not being able to do things her friends were able to afford. Didn't like driving a beater etc. But, this motivated her to do what was necessary to enable a better lifestyle.
 
wwillson said:
My wife retired as the CEO of the company she worked for, a respected position for which she was highly qualified. She expected her children to be independent and responsible. They all are just that.
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Let me second this sentiment, first by telling everyone here that Wayne‘s wife is indeed impressive, I’ll pause for the obvious jokes to be made about why she’s with Wayne, and second by sharing that we had similar expectations for our children.

Expectations were clear, and I had a really revealing conversation with my oldest a few years ago about college, and medical school. Now, for those of you not familiar, she is a surgeon. A hand surgeon actually, doing a fellowship at the university of Virginia this year, and considering multiple offers for next year.

Nobody pushed her into medicine. That was totally her choice, but she did say that it was expected, and she always knew it was expected, that she would go to college and that she would be responsible for herself. Not that we wouldn’t support her, but the expectation was always clear - you will go to college and you will work hard and you will be on your own.

She did go to college. We made certain that she graduated without debt. Medical school was her choice. We were able to help a little, in providing a car, and supplementing a little bit of her rent, paying for her cell phone, things of that nature, but principally, it was her responsibility to pay for medical school and her cost of living while in medical school.

When she graduated high school is when she first had to become fiscally aware. She got into several schools, and she compared the financial aid offers. Ultimately, she went to the school that offered her the best financial aid, and fortunately, that school was also her first choice.

Now, as a board certified surgeon, who is about to command an impressive salary, she remains very frugal. She is still driving the 2002 Volvo that I gave her 10 years ago while in medical school. While a resident, and paying her student loans, she is also started investing for the future - not having a car payment certainly facilitated that.

If you were to talk to her - expectations for her were always clear, nobody told her what she had to be, but it was clear that she was expected to go to college. It was expected that she would be on her own, and it was expected that anything beyond college was on her.

So, back to Wayne’s point.

Clarity of expectations led to the desired outcome. The kids knew what was expected of them. They met those expectations.

It’s not about “tough love“, or being harsh. It’s about making sure that kids’ plans are grounded in reality.
 
spasm3 said:
She wants to live a lifestyle she can't afford. Don't help her do that. It's time to pay rent or invest.
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I think what I will do regarding the rent situation is to start her paying $500/month after she graduates in August. She will have her 4 year degree at that point and will start working full time at the vet's office.

$22/hr x 160 hours = $3,520 x 12% tax bracket = $3,100/month net - $500 rent = $2,600 month net.

BTW I was informed she would be on our health insurance until she turns 27.

I agree these "expectations" you set for for your own families needs to be further defined within ours. There are plenty of expectations already in place and being followed. No men in the house. She doesn't stay out late, she's not a party girl. It is strictly school, work, and horses right now. A good kid, house and farm sitting on the side as well for others for extra cash.

She pays off her credit card every month for the past two years, and has not been late once. Her credit score is excellent, but not very lengthy in time.
 
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Bailey28 said:
I think what I will do regarding the rent situation is to start her paying $500/month after she graduates in August. She will have her 4 year degree at that point and will start working full time at the vet's office.

$22/hr x 160 hours = $3,520 x 12% tax bracket = $3,100/month net - $500 rent = $2,600 month net.

BTW I was informed she would be on our health insurance until she turns 27.
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If she objects to paying rent just tell her you'll be saving it up for her dowery and you'll be giving it to her future husband. :ROFLMAO: 😁
 
slacktide_bitog said:
She should get an older Honda or Toyota. The Matrix/Vibe is a great choice, though other 4-cylinder Toyotas and Hondas are good too, such as the Fit and Yaris.

Here is a nice Vibe
low mileage Fit
orange Fit

Suggest an older cheaper car until she actually goes full time, then she can get something that needs to be financed.

A lot of people on here don't like Hyundais, so you can't blame her for wanting something else :sneaky:
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Lol , she already has an older cheaper car
 
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