RANT: Being "ghosted" during conversations or relationships

[Trav]

https://www.foxnews.com/us/colorado...erent-resources-students-affected-free-speech

 

[wpod]

Other than for business or emergency calls I don't text or email. Every one I know, knows that socially calling me on the cell phone means a no answer.

 

[AZjeff]

At the other end of the spectrum, my parents would have walked through fire to answer the telephone. Nothing was too important to stop doing to get to the ringing phone, like it was a huge social obligation. I guess I was like that until caller ID and "leave a message".

 

[Johnmpb]

Yeah I hate that. It’s like why did I even bother responding if you aren’t going too? Sometimes it’ll happen to me on here too someone will ask a question or quote my post and then I give a response and they don’t even bother to like it or respond or anything and I hate that it makes it feel like they don’t even acknowledge what you say. I hate it but it happens. And I’m not complaining or anything I’m just saying i hate when it happens. I know I’d definitely never do it intentionally. For me I haven’t had it happen as far as relationships go because I’ve never had one lol.

…jk you’re a cool kid AM

 

[Johnmpb]

To answer OPs question….

People will go to any length to avoid conflict, so they resort to ghosting. Think about it…you’re a girl/guy and realize you’re not attracted to the other person after a date or two. Is it easier to have a serious convo with them and try to let them down gently and risk conflict. Or Is it just easier to ghost and be of the mindset that you’ll never see them again?

Not saying it’s right to do, just presenting the facts

 

[Slow Car Sport Mode]

I simply don't understand the psychosis in society. But it seems so unbelievably common for folks to just ghost others. "Ghosting" refers to simply dropping off of text/email conversations or, in a more extreme manner, in relationships generally in an early stage when the other party simply stops communicating entirely and without any perceived reason or explanation.

It makes me wonder "what is wrong with people today?" I just don't understand it as such a very common way people behave.

Happens a lot, the way of social media makes it really easy to do.

The person doing it has no concern for how you feel.

 

[Slow Car Sport Mode]

To answer OPs question….

People will go to any length to avoid conflict, so they resort to ghosting. Think about it…you’re a girl/guy and realize you’re not attracted to the other person after a date or two. Is it easier to have a serious convo with them and try to let them down gently and risk conflict. Or Is it just easier to ghost and be of the mindset that you’ll never see them again?

Not saying it’s right to do, just presenting the facts

That makes sense too....

Another ghosting scenario: When they have to "pay you back"

 

[dlundblad]

I’ve ghosted a few women who came onto me hard and I wasn’t interested so I just stopped responding to their messages, calls etc. You can’t just come out and say you’re not interested when they are after you because then you’re the one moving too fast. Heck, I was polite to one at work and we became friends, and she accused me of leading her on. (This is the same method I used with my now wife, except it was a chemistry class.) You really can’t win sometimes. They all unfriended me on social media. No lose. This was over 10 years ago.

I guess it caught up with me. My last girlfriend would randomly go for days without any contact with the excuse of being too busy. Looking back, it was upsetting, but I was younger, stupider, and more tolerant too.

I’m glad I grew up on just the beginning of tech. I didn’t have texting in high school, but I had a Facebook. It also helped that I met my wife only 2 years after high school. It’s really made people less able to communicate with each other. Strange times.

 

[dlundblad]

I thought I had been ghosted recently. Last year I met a woman on my walks around the lake on our Lockdown. We meet randomly, and appear to really enjoy each others company...we just can't stop talking. Obviously for older people living alone during isolation, it was a much needed someone to talk to, that isn't related, a workmate or carries other baggage. It's hands off, and we don't share contact details, although we know where each other works.

And I haven't seen her for weeks and weeks. I'm thinking she's cut me off for some reason, or something has happened to her...whatever. A 3 day weekend and I decide I better write off as an interesting period of my life...and then she turns up today. She's been busy, and only walked the lake a couple of times, she's been walking her dog at closer dog runs. So that's a relief, life back to normal.

I contact details? Man, get her number!

Before you shoot down my advice, she just had a simple lifestyle change that made you worry for no reason. You don’t need that.

 

[wemay]

Yeah seen that one.
You get ghosted when the money is due too...lol
A weird world for sure.

Ghosting has been around since the first family to family loan. Nothing new.

 

[bunnspecial]

In 2019/2020 I was doing a lot of job hunting and applied for quite a few jobs over a ~1 year period before finally landing where I am now(which I love...and which I interviewed for about a week before everything went to heck in March 2020).

It amazed me, though, how common this was in job hunting. I had more than one phone screen where I'd get zero communication afterwards-no form email "we're not proceeding with your application", nothing. I got ghosted on one after an in-person interview. In fact out of curiosity not too long ago I saw a job posting for one of the companies where that happened that interested me, I started applying, and one of the jobs for which I'd had a phone screen was still showing as active 2 years later. I've had a few other companies that ghosted me reach out to me since, you know, they can't find anyone now.

My wife now is really itching to get away from her current job for good reason, and has been applying here and there but is also being picky about where she's applying in particular so that she doesn't get into a worse environment than she is now(she is a nurse and is trying to get off the floor). Back before Christmas she did a video interview for a job, then had a second one in January. She seems to have been ghosted on it-she's heard nothing since the second video interview even after a follow-up email last week.

I've heard hiring managers/employers complain for years about applicants ghosting them during the application process, and about how it's even worse now. I think a lot who complain fail to realize that many employers are just as bad about it.

I suspect with job hunting, a lot of people don't want to be confrontational and are afraid of making the call/sending the message that they're not hiring someone. From my perspective, I'd rather get the form email rather than being left in limbo. With that said, I did have 3 rounds of interviews for one particular job that at the time I thought would be a dream job. I'd worked with the same hiring manager through the whole process, and when I got weeded out late in the process she called to tell me that-I did appreciate her doing that especially since I'd invested so much time in it so far, and I'd have zero reservations about applying there again.

 

[Johnmpb]

In 2019/2020 I was doing a lot of job hunting and applied for quite a few jobs over a ~1 year period before finally landing where I am now(which I love...and which I interviewed for about a week before everything went to heck in March 2020).

It amazed me, though, how common this was in job hunting. I had more than one phone screen where I'd get zero communication afterwards-no form email "we're not proceeding with your application", nothing. I got ghosted on one after an in-person interview. In fact out of curiosity not too long ago I saw a job posting for one of the companies where that happened that interested me, I started applying, and one of the jobs for which I'd had a phone screen was still showing as active 2 years later. I've had a few other companies that ghosted me reach out to me since, you know, they can't find anyone now.

My wife now is really itching to get away from her current job for good reason, and has been applying here and there but is also being picky about where she's applying in particular so that she doesn't get into a worse environment than she is now(she is a nurse and is trying to get off the floor). Back before Christmas she did a video interview for a job, then had a second one in January. She seems to have been ghosted on it-she's heard nothing since the second video interview even after a follow-up email last week.

I've heard hiring managers/employers complain for years about applicants ghosting them during the application process, and about how it's even worse now. I think a lot who complain fail to realize that many employers are just as bad about it.

I suspect with job hunting, a lot of people don't want to be confrontational and are afraid of making the call/sending the message that they're not hiring someone. From my perspective, I'd rather get the form email rather than being left in limbo. With that said, I did have 3 rounds of interviews for one particular job that at the time I thought would be a dream job. I'd worked with the same hiring manager through the whole process, and when I got weeded out late in the process she called to tell me that-I did appreciate her doing that especially since I'd invested so much time in it so far, and I'd have zero reservations about applying there again.

Feelz….I dealt with this as well and it was so frustrating. IMO this is why recruiters have such a bad reputation.

 

[Duffyjr]

I talk with people all over the USA daily on the phone and I can tell you right now most people do not have good social skills and some down right none so I can see why ghosting is popular. I have several customers that don't say goodbye, they just hang up, how rude is that?

It's getting to the point to where I cringe every time a call comes my way.

 

[Slow Car Sport Mode]

I talk with people all over the USA daily on the phone and I can tell you right now most people do not have good social skills and some down right none so I can see why ghosting is popular. I have several customers that don't say goodbye, they just hang up, how rude is that?

It's getting to the point to where I cringe every time a call comes my way.

I know someone like that. They don't say goodbye.. just wait for you to get done talking and then hang up.

 

[1uz_4me]

Is every conversation supposed to have a "k love you byeee xoxoxo" in it? I couldn't care less if someone doesn't talk to me for awhile. I don't have my head so far up my rear for this to even matter. Not everything deserves or even needs an explanation.

 

[DwightFrye]

I have been divorced now for almost 18 years. Dating is much different in the 21st Century than it was in the last quarter of the 20th Century. I have been ghosted a couple of times. I have tried to have a conversation with women that I had had a relationship with when things were near the end and in a couple of cases the way that turned out made me wish I had ghosted them instead !

I sure wish I could have gotten away with ghosting my boss and a couple of coworkers on my last place of employment. I certainly would have loved to have applied that tactic.

 

[Rmay635703]

I think most people that do this ghosting have very little emotional intelligence.

IML this is only going to get more commonplace.

So literally every woman on a dating site?

My experience is if things don’t move along to a safe public place to meet in a moderately short period of time you can expect to get ghosted

Pandemic certainly hasn’t improved this metric and a lot of chips in shoulder, anger and baggage to encounter as well

To answer OPs question….

People will go to any length to avoid conflict, so they resort to ghosting.

Or Is it just easier to ghost and be of the mindset that you’ll never see them again?

Not saying it’s right to do, just presenting the facts

Usually ghosting (in my experience) is before anybody meets in person, I have expected to be ghosted after meeting some folks but never had that happen.

From what I’ve been told if they agree to meet but then ghost it usually means they aren’t who they say they are, though I’ve never had that experience either (some are +10 years +50lbs after the pictures shown, thankfully no twinks or dudes on the dock, though some older guys encounter that as well)

 

[aquariuscsm]

I ghosted my fair share of chicks. But these were chicks who turned out to be total sluts that didn’t deserve an explanation as to why I walked away. If they couldn’t figure it out, then they deserved no explanation. Walking away silently imo was my way of letting them know that they can’t behave the way they did and think they can come crawling back on their terms as if nothing had happened. Gave them the chance to think about what they’d done and how it feels for me to be gone forever.

Good riddance!

 

[Hall]

At the other end of the spectrum, my parents would have walked through fire to answer the telephone. Nothing was too important to stop doing to get to the ringing phone, like it was a huge social obligation.

Many people (here included) still have that mentality. Don't get me wrong, it's "polite" but it's not necessary. They're the ones that answer every phone call and try and reason with the spammer on the other end or politely try and tell them they're not interested vs just hanging up the **** phone ! Hang up on them - you owe them nothing and aren't obligated to them. My Mom told me how the computer scammers call her telling her her computer is infected and they'll fix it for her. Luckily, her gut instinct told her something was wrong and it took everything she had to hang up on them. It took me a while but I finally convinced her that they're not trying to help her, they're trying to "steal" from her, so now she tells them "no thank you" and hangs up !

There was a recent thread here where someone's number was spoofed and they were getting call-backs from a rude and angry person and they tried to explain things to this person (who wasn't listening). Hang up or better yet, don't answer. Block their number.

 

[Pablo]

Maybe I have done this but it was not personal. It CAN be somewhat of an old school "guy" thing.

One guy I know from Brazil. I just haven't had much to say to him. I have not written him in months. Just been busy, not much to say. He hasn't said anything to me, so???

A couple guys from my childhood who live about 100 miles south. I haven't communicated with them for awhile.

Then many many people I worked with in the past who I just don't communicate with anymore, but none of them reach out to me, maybe just randomly from time to time.

Ghosted. **** I feel guilty now. Thanks.