Had an affair.....

Status
Not open for further replies.
You banged her best friend at your (as in, hers and yours) house. Then, when she tried to get close to you again, you couldn't because of the affair. And now it's her fault because she has a personality disorder? [censored]... The family unit is dead as a paradigm. And people wonder why so many kids are messed up these days.

33.gif
 
Last edited:
[/quote]
Does the idea of walking on eggshells resonate with your experience in any way? Always being off balance, always being on the defensive? Always having to take the blame for whatever happens? [/quote]

That is exactly me right now.
 
Originally Posted By: PandaBear
Originally Posted By: zerosoma
Show her this thread.


Worst advice ever.


Oh yeah, she might think everyone's calling her a "head case". Or she might see your jolly advice of just getting a divorce and giving up.

Nevermind.
 
As an attempt at earning trust, she is allowed to look at my phone at any time and read all texts. And look at the phone bill and compare the phone numbers to the number of texts that appear to ensure I'm not deleting anything. Passwords to all my emails and other than work, I don't leave the house without her or at least one of the kids with me as a witness of where I go and what I do. She stops into my work on surprise visits to make sure I'm actually there and not sneaking around. I pass every test that she throws at me.
 
sorry to hear your story, rat.

I offer no suggestions in this case other than wishing you and your wifey all the best in life. Get on and get over with it, and make your life's decision wisely from now on.

*(been married 11+yrs now, relationship still going strong*)

Q.
 
Originally Posted By: rat
As an attempt at earning trust, she is allowed to look at my phone at any time and read all texts.


What does the marriage counselor say about how she can get any kind of spousal trust back?
 
Originally Posted By: TooManyWheels
How long are you going to keep letting her play the victim?

The wife is the victim. He was sinning a had trouble keeping something inside his pants on multiple occasions.
 
Originally Posted By: TooManyWheels
How long are you going to keep letting her play the victim?

In what universe isn't she the victim?
 
It is over and done with. While there is naturally a time for hurt, grief, shame, recriminations, etc, it doesn't last forever. She and he have to decide whether to move forward together. And eventually he is going to have to decide if he is being manipulated and emotionally abused, and if, in fact, that may have been going on for some time, leading up to the major events.
 
Quote:
emotionally abused, and if, in fact, that may have been going on for some time, leading up to the major events.


This is the vib I have been getting as well.

I went through some of this before I got divorced. I didn't cheat on her, but her emotion and mood swings were dramatic. Doing the right thing was impossible and the walking on eggshells was a good analogy.

I realize the situation is highly charged, but try and take a fresh look at the whole series of events to gain some perspective. Her manipulating you is a real possibility.
 
Originally Posted By: TooManyWheels
It is over and done with. While there is naturally a time for hurt, grief, shame, recriminations, etc, it doesn't last forever. She and he have to decide whether to move forward together. And eventually he is going to have to decide if he is being manipulated and emotionally abused, and if, in fact, that may have been going on for some time, leading up to the major events.


1000X this.

This situation is incredibly unhealthy to both you and especially the kids. Your kids are going to grow up thinking this way of life is normal. I grew up in a family that was pretty jacked up so this is coming from some experience in these types of situations.

Your wife is never going to work through this in any meaningful way. She seems to have nothing going on in her life aside from trying to make you feel bad for what you did a year n a half ago. Spending your money and seemingly having no problems using you for saxual (sorry bitog censorship nonsense) relations while crying "pity me" just seems really weird to me. I would get away from this situation as fast as you can. Have her stay with family friends anything. She needs to get a new job and start life in a new direction.
 
I think you are both victims. You said you were out working your butt off at two jobs coming home to an absent wife and six kids and having to start another job washing dishes, caring for kids etc.

She probably needed a break from her day to day and left you hanging when you were taking care of the work outside of the household. She made the mistake of not giving the attention you needed. You made the mistake of not giving her time to talk, hangout and be friends. Raising your, her's and y'alls kids have to be a burden on the relationships for the both of you. The cheating was probably a byproduct of all of the above and the absolute worst thing you could have done. But it happened.

My wife loves when I take her to the movies, make dinner, listen to her issues no matter how non important they are to me. Some of the best times in my relationship are just hanging out with the wife and being friends. No matter how busy we are in our everyday lives we make that time. The rewards are tremendous.


I am not really sure how to correct the infidelity issue? Maybe she had the same issue with her other relation and this one has put her down?

Maybe start by asking her out on a date? Maybe a relationship counselor? Get involved with a church group? If it is worth it to the both of you it can work out.

Good luck.
 
Originally Posted By: rat
[/quote]
Does the idea of walking on eggshells resonate with your experience in any way? Always being off balance, always being on the defensive? Always having to take the blame for whatever happens?


That is exactly me right now. [/quote]

"Walking On Eggshells" is the title of a book about liviing with a Borderline Personality Disorder.

http://books.google.com/books/about/Stop_Walking_on_Eggshells.html?id=PJXvqRRkDFkC

Rat,

If your wife will not forgive you soon, you will be paying for your mistake for the rest of your life.

I know of spouses that will still bring up problems that happened 20 or 30 years ago like it was yesterday.

When a person makes a mistake, they are to say they are sorry, say they won't do it again, and ask for forgiveness.

The forst two things you do. Say your sorry and say you won't do it again.

The third thing your wife does. She forgives you. That's her part and only she can do it.

If she does not forvive you it is not going to work.

You have got to get this solved now or very soon. You did make a mistake but don't let it be turned into the mistake that was nerver forgiven.

We all make mistakes. Your wife should forvige you and you can get on with your lives.
 
Reminds me of the Seinfeld espisode where George does the opposite of everything that he would normally do and gets the hot women. Or the episode where he acts like the bad boy. Maybe buy a convertible muscle car. Black in color if available.
 
It really is up to your wife whether she forgive you or not, and she has every right not to.

That doesn't mean you or her should be bad parents, or you should do it with string attached.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

L
  • Locked
Engaged
2
Replies
26
Views
4K
sleddriver
A
  • Locked
AT&T Thumbs UP
Replies
16
Views
1K
Al
C
  • Locked
Our little dog passed yesterday.
2 3
Replies
58
Views
4K
alarmguy
S
  • Locked
Divorce
4 5 6
Replies
111
Views
51K
stockrex
S
  • Locked
Murder
2
Replies
22
Views
5K
Propflux01
Back
Top Bottom