Do similar personalities mesh the best when married?

[The motor guy]

I think that whole opposite attract thing is nonsense. All the people I've seen who have been married for years are both fairly similar. They're both either super laid back or really uptight with a few screws loose. I've never really seen it where one was laid back and the other was uptight. Opinions?

 

[andrew_j]

I am lax and wife is uptight, worked for 20 years.

We align on money, religion (non practicing) , family and raising kids so it works.

 

[LongTime_Lurker]

My parents were opposites personality wise.

 

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

That is a hard one to answer just like lots of things...

 

[SC Maintenance]

Values must align.

Personalities can be all over the map.

 

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

Values must align.

Personalities can be all over the map.

Just made perfect description of most women! I still love them.

 

[edyvw]

I am an extreme extrovert; my wife is an extreme introvert. Probably works best. She keeps me in check, and I make her sometimes go out and hang out with people. We are of the opposite religion, and never had been an issue.

 

[edyvw]

Values must align.

Personalities can be all over the map.

^This.

 

[CharBaby]

I believe that it's "opposites that attract" but it's the similarities that keep us together.

 

[Nick1994]

Different strokes for different folks.

I have a family member whose husband is the polar opposite of her for most things. If the two were alike, the world would stop rotating. It works.

 

[FowVay]

My wife and I have been married for 32 years and we've disagreed on just about everything there is to disagree on. We are polar opposites with regard to our personalities but as mentioned above, our values walk hand in hand. I actually enjoy the fact that my wife and I are so different. She exposes me to things I'd have never known existed and I let her help me change clutches and valve bodies . We're sort of like that Range Rover couple from over in Germany ( LR Time ) who seem to enjoy sharing their lives with each other and have the pleasures of reflection.

As for the OP's question about being uptight and laid back... I'm the uptight personality and my wife is the laid back personality. She always manages to calm the savage beast and I always tend to make her laugh and stay engaged. She's a pretty good cook too.

 

[billt460]

Values must align........

And a lot more. Opposites may attract sexually, but they don't last. (The nice girl who likes, "bad boys", or the computer salesman who likes pole dancers and biker babes). There are certain things that you both have to line up on the same side together. Or else there is eventually going to be trouble..... Lot's of it. Until you both get fed up, and go your separate ways.

3 good examples... Politics, religion, finance, If one's a spender and the other a saver, look out. Even lifestyle. If you like guns and she hates them, look out. Another thing is this total nonsense of, "going out with the girls". Or having, "girls night out".

Every guy I've known over the years that has allowed this in his marriage, ended up divorced. Every single one of them. You might as well just let her date. Think of it this way. Look at all the male friends and coworkers you hang around with, and like the most.

The woman has to be, or at least become your best buddy in the same regard. Otherwise both of you are going to constantly have to be "giving in" to each other. Over time that is going to have a major effect on your, (and her), overall happiness.

If you are from different ends of the political and religious spectrum, it will more than likely be a disaster. Just look at this forum as an example. We can't agree on the length of OCI's.

Now try to imagine if we allowed religious and political forums here. It would descend into a bloodbath within 10 posts. Which is why they won't allow either here. As do other forums.

A marriage is no different. If you both don't see eye to eye on politics and religion, your tongues will eventually swell up and choke the both of you, from constantly having to bite them.

Naturally all of the above is very difficult to achieve between 2 people who are constantly living under the same roof. Not to mention sleeping in the same bed.

Which is why the current divorce rate is right around 50% after 7 years. And why marriage between 20 and 30 years olds is down 60% overall since the 70's. As was once said, "I can accept marriage as an institution. I'm just not ready for an institution".

 

[joekingcorvette]

My wife and I have very similar interests. I do not believe opposites attract and know of many divorced people who are proof of that.

 

[Zee09]

I can tell very quickly if I'm going to gel with someone. If I can't, I move on. That's usually not an opposite personality.
The thrill of an opposite is experiencing new things but that wears off quickly.

 

[billt460]

I can tell very quickly if I'm going to gel with someone. If I can't, I move on. That's usually not an opposite personality.
The thrill of an opposite is experiencing new things but that wears off quickly.

I'm the same way with people, regardless of sex. The older I get, the easier this becomes. I think it's because I've become more experienced at looking for red flags. My days are over where I try to "force myself" to get along with someone. It's easier to just ignore them and simply move on.

 

[John105]

I wouldn't think so. For example, today, I am frugal, my wife is a spendthrift (comes from wealth). This may seem like a recipe for disaster, but consider the first fiance. She had a large income, owned multiple real estate (was a physician), and frugal. Had a temper and got upset over nothing. Actually she would be more like me in many ways as I take life very seriously. That marriage imho would have been a disaster and certainly would have ended in divorce. I think different personalities create a certain balance...

 

[georgemiller]

If you want to live a happy, normal, productive, quiet life just stay away from dating or being involved with people that exhibit DSM 5 character traits.
DSM-5 lists ten specific personality disorders: paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, antisocial, borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, avoidant, dependent and obsessive–compulsive personality disorder.

 

[ka9mnx]

I don't really know if the wife and I are polar opposites but after 50 years I think I've got her trained right. Or is it the opposite?

 

[Kira]

DSM-5 lists ten specific personality disorders: paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, antisocial, borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, avoidant, dependent and obsessive–compulsive personality disorder.

They left off 'stupid'. <<trying for a joke there.

Seriously, I like the descriptions so far.
Expressions like, "Relationships take work" and "A marriage is what you make it", are solid but not illustrative at all.

A biggie I think gets overlooked/undermentioned is one's need for time to oneself. It can require scheduling time or establishing hobbies.

 

[SammyChevelleTypeS3]

I don't really know if the wife and I are polar opposites but after 50 years I think I've got her trained right. Or is it the opposite?

Ha ha ha ... exactly. After 46 years together we often joke that we each have the other trained just like we want them. I know one thing that is a scary truth. After being with one so long, we can just about read each other's minds. We are very different but we still manage to live a really nice quality life (empty nest) for years now since boys are both grown and raising their families now. My wife can not relax, she must always be doing something till the sun goes down. She is almost 68 yrs old and will not retire. She can not sit down and read or watch tv until late at night. I can sit back and relax and watch tv or read to occupy myself so much so that we have filled book shelves in just about every room in the house with books I mostly have read many times. Wife and her mom just the same. Really short attention spans. They have to be cooking, cleaning or doing some thing just to stay busy! But that is a good thing. They stay out of my hair most of the time and I get to do (or not) do mostly what I want. Opposites can and do co exist. We still have so much and many things we do agree on and like to do together even as different personalities.