Conversely, I’ve seen kids get upset when their parents go on vacation, because the parents are spending money, and the child thinks that will “reduce my inheritance.”
So, no, parents shouldn’t presume that their kids will pick up the slack if they fail.
But kids shouldn’t view the parents’ money as their own, until after they pass away.
And kids shouldn’t view parents’ decisions as their own, unless the parents really are unfit to make decisions.
As an example, if I choose to blow $100,000 on a cruise around the world, and I’m financially independent, whose business is that besides mine? My money. My decision. Maybe I have always wanted to do it.
Kids should not get a vote in this kind of decision, but many kids think they should. I’m fortunate that my kids don’t feel entitled to my lifetime of savings. They are all independent.
In the OP case, the kids want to make Mom’s decision. But refusing treatment is a reasonable decision for one in possession of their faculties. Every medical provider must obtain patient consent, if the patient is able to grant consent, prior to doing anything. Patients refuse consent all the time.
The real question, then: is mom competent to make decisions?
Because the OP hasn’t made that case, other than to say the decision demonstrated dementia, and to describe circumstantial evidence. But the doctors themselves can help the family determine competency. If they say she’s competent, then it is her call, even if the kids don’t like the decision.
As far as BITOG rules, as long as we’re not giving specific medical, or legal, advice, then I think we’re OK. we are talking about the issue, not telling the
@PandaBear what he must, or must not, do.
Other than read Atul Gawande’s book. That’s just a book recommendation.