dating/marriage

[kb01]

Originally Posted By: Papa Bear


Sounds like a normal marriage to me. That's why the vows say "For better or worse, sick or well, rich or poor etc". Most of my bad times were where the situation fell short of my expectations.



I completely agree, when you dissect them and really think about them, wedding vows and incredibly powerful. It's a contract that you agree to, in front of your friends, family, and in many instances, clergy and God. If you're from a small town, it's even announced in the newspaper. It's an agreement where you recognize the challenges up front and are still willing to make the pledge.

I'm starting to reach the age where the first waive of my friends are going through divorces. It seems like the most common reason is not being on the same page in regards to children; her biological clock is ticking away and he's still indecisive about having a baby. Then of course, there are those who got married straight out of high school due to a pregnancy and were never able to make it work.

I'm not a particularly religious person and as much as I hated it at the time, I do think our Pre-Cana was helpful in preparing us for marriage. It allowed us to get a lot of uncomfortable matters out in the open, like money, children, whose career has priority when moving, etc.

I've been with my wife for about 10 years and I really can't imagine being without her. I almost lost her when she gave birth to our youngest daughter and that was probably the closest to a complete breakdown that I've ever had.

***********

I, X, take you, Y, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

I, X, take you, Y, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

***********

 

[tdpark]

Find out what kind of issues she has with her dad as they will quickly become yours. Women have a funny way of transposing their issues on their husbands.

The three things that can kill a marriage are religion, money and inlaws. See where you stand on these things. I am from an asian culture and in laws can be a killer- luckily my wife is of the same culture so she had no issues with acting the part when they were around to keep them happy. I on the other hand had to put my foot down with my mother to protect my wife.

Safeguard your marriage as we are all susceptible to temptation. Do not have a best friend who is hotter than your wife or actually female period.

just my 2 cents

 

[goodtimes]

hahaha. I know a man who is 88 and two "kids" in their mid 60's, are back living at home in their old bedrooms.

The most important part of getting married is a good prenuptial agreement. This is a stranger, not blood, things may change, it may not work out.

I wouldn't ever get married again, getting unmarried is too difficult and painful, shoot me first.

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: tdpark

The three things that can kill a marriage are religion, money and inlaws.

Add kids to the mix. In some cases they may keep a marriage together but that's not much of a marriage. Kids add a huge price tag into the marriage in the form of cost and attention that would normally go to the other spouse.

 

[TooManyWheels]

And if the agenda of one of the partners is more about being a parent than being a spouse, they provide a convenient cover.

 

[NHHEMI]

Dating = sure it can be fun

Marriage = NO WAY! Not in these times. Not the same world it was for our parents, grandparents, etc...

I like the other guy's idea. Just buy a new truck. less problems and will cost you less $$$.

 

[Cause4Alarm]

i've had my girlfriend for 3 years now.....i'm not into the whole marriage thing, just not for me

 

[Dave Sherman]

Married once, didn't work out. We're still friends though, and the split was amicable. We agreed to split evenly way back when, so we each got what we came in with. Last girlfriend was on the fast track to babymaking and didn't seem cool with letting the relationship develop at a comfortable pace; was heavily pushing getting married within a fixed time frame. Then clues started to show that she was a.) immature and b.) possible gold digger. After the breakup she showed how immature she really was, so no loss there. A tip to others; when she starts specifying the minimum size of an engagement rock after only a few weeks, run away!

 

[Spazdog]

My first wife took everything when she left.
Ever-Y-Thing!
Left me a pile of clothes where my dresser had once stood, the money in my pocket and my motorcycle. (in the Chicago area in November) No furniture, no non-perishible foods, no towels, no linens, no pots and pans, no silverware....Ever-Y-Thing...she even took the half used bar of soap from the shower. Emptied the bank accounts. Everything.
It was horrible going through all that but it's kinda' funny now. Big life lesson learned. I wish I had a videocamera to document it all. Especially when the guy she left me for's newly estranged wife came looking to dish out a beating on my newly estranged wife. She ran the whole gamut of emotions. From rage to bitter tears back to being angry at me.
"Don't hit me. I didn't do this to you. They did this to us." She was a violent little thing. I was in no mood to trade.

My current wife and I met in a bar. Started hanging out. Drinking buddies. Then that turned into a romance. Then we got married and when she got pregnant, we stopped drinking. Still get along real well without the booze. Probably even better now.

 

[Spazdog]

Originally Posted By: Dave Sherman
... A tip to others; when she starts specifying the minimum size of an engagement rock after only a few weeks, run away!

Awesome.
Pure truth there.

 

[tigrpal]

Both my floor jack and my marriage are 30 years old. Both have had their ups and downs. Marriage, like tools, must be respected and cared for to make them last.

 

[Vikas]

How often do you oil your jack?

You are lucky you did not compare your jack with the wife there

- Vikas

 

[Cristobal]

I have been married about 20 years.

I am convinced that money is an issue far more powerful, and potentially destructive, than any other.

The problem with these times is that the laws are very biased toward women in matters of money. Many young men do not get married because they have heard the horror stories from older men. You cannot blame them for not doing so either.

The guys on BITOG with happy marriages need to hang onto them, because such unions are getting very uncommon, at least in the region where I live. I live in a State where the common culture is very superficial and materialistic. In California few marriages last unless the couple have very strong religious views on the subject.

 

[Silver_civic]

Hello again and thanks guys for the replies. I still talk to my one navy buddy that met my boss' daughter thru me, and they have been married 5 yrs now and have two wonderful daughters and get along great. My boss(also who was my friends boss at the time as we were E-4's and boss was E-6) wasnt first wild bout them getting married but he got uses to them hanging out and me helping him work on his old ford f-100 truck.


adam

 

[Trav]

By a brand new Corvette a nice pad,some sharp clothes and date as many as possible.
When one starts talking about kids,marriage,moving in and this kind of stuff say bye bye pronto.
Its a whole lot cheaper in the long run,more fun too.

.

 

[Summerwind]

Was married for 22 yrs and 1 month, and the Wife suddenly "announced She Had to leave me" Made me out to be the almost worst guy ever..I loved her, it was a divorce I Did Not want. She wouldn't change her mind, I later found out that she had been having an affair, and I wasn't as "bad" as she ranted that I was. Saddest day of my life though because I still loved Her. Been over Her for a while now, been dating a Lady for a little over 2 years, we are engaged, no formal date set yet. I still believe that marriage can work. As others here have said, it takes dedication, Love, forgiveness, maintainence and work, but I still feel it is worth it

 

[Jeepster_nut]

Marriage works as long as your Goumada doesn't get in the way. Otherwise it's an even bigger headache than marriage alone.

 

[callbay]

Don't get married without a prenuptial. No matter how much in love you are now. People change. I have a close friend going through a divorce. His wife is going to get the house that he paid for. He is even going to have to pay off the motgage for her. He is worried that she might even get part of his retirement (he is an airline pilot). They have no kids and have only been married for a few years. He will loose almost everything he has.

Like people on this post have said it is best to go through a difficult time like a canue trip to see what it will be like when you have problems after you are married. Working out the details of the prenutual agreement might be the best premarriage test there is. If you are afraid to confront your future wife about it imagine what it will be like if you have a serious problem when you are married. It will be the same.

 

[JHZR2]

Originally Posted By: javacontour
Take her on a canoe trip. If the two of you can paddle down a small river without killing one another or wanting to do so, then you will probably make a good match.

If not, a weekend canoe trip is cheaper than a marriage or a divorce.


That's a great idea! Ive been married for over three years now. The key thing is that we are on the same team for everything. That is important. Sure we get upset at each other or disagree sometimes, but the greater relationship is strong because we are a team. Sometimes some things we do not match up eye to eye, but again, mutual respect, mutual servitude and mutual goals are key. Wanting to see each other happy is also key, yet being practical to keep each other constrained is also important.

 

[Pesca]

Yep, get a prenup, especially if you come in the relationship with not the same level of luggage.

That is what I did, and now that I am separating, at least I will keep the house and my money at the bank (Well, what is left of it).

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

If you divorced, you will see how expensive getting married is: You'd better stay single.