dating/marriage

[Silver_civic]

Hello and thank you guys, and yeah; wrcsixeight, I have been following T56 post, and hope it works out someway for the good for his part. Yeah, women know how to get what they want also. This woman is a sports nut; which is good as I am too.


adam

we as men should be glad we dont lose half of our mechanical knowledge/know how during the first stages of love

 

[Barkleymut]

During the first stages of love there is only one thing that I remember working correctly.

 

[Al]

Married for 42 years. Marriage is great til you have kids. I highly recommend not having any. Get that ironed out first.

The happiest carefree days for us were early on in marriage when we had no kids and after they left.

Do little things for her when she doesn't expect it. Make important decisions together. Each partner needs to have their own turf.

 

[Volvo_ST1]

Originally Posted By: Al
Married for 42 years. Marriage is great til you have kids. I highly recommend not having any. Get that ironed out first.

The happiest carefree days for us were early on in marriage when we had no kids and after they left.


I hope your kids won't read this post.

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: Volvo_ST1

I hope your kids won't read this post.

I love them and the grandkids but facts are facts. When you are 65 and have 100% done the kid thing you may understand or maybe not.

 

[fdcg27]

I don't know whether you intended the insult,
but yeah, I met her in grad school, not grade school.
We both have graduate degrees.

 

[Silver_civic]

Hello and NO I did not in any way mean to insult you fdcg27, I just didnt read that right, so I apologize if I insulted you. Thanks for clarifying this.

adam

 

[rjundi]

Dated 4+ yrs, married 5+ yrs.

I think the most major change is children.

 

[FloatingBrick]

Quote:
You're better off with a new pick-up truck.

If I had not gotten married, I'd have bought a 97 'Vette.

Quote:
Usually, a sucessful marriage is a marriage of equals.

Saw a study a few years back that said successful marriages have a dominant and submissive - does not matter which gender in which role. Further, dominant does not mean mean and abusive, nor does submissive mean frail and mousey. It simply means that one partner is more predisposed to backing off. When partners are equal, there is too much stress from always having to resolve conflict.

From my marriages and observations, I see a lot of truth herein. My maternal grandmother completely dominated my grandfather and they were married 53 years. My mother and father are both dominant and didn't last more than a few years.

I've been married 15 years and although we have a lot of give 'n take in our relationship, the buck does stop with me.

In terms of length of courtship - we went on our first date on Dec. 18th and I proposed New Years Eve. We did, however, have a 1 1/2 year long engagement so that we could join a local parish and get established.

 

[crinkles]

Originally Posted By: Al
Married for 42 years. Marriage is great til you have kids. I highly recommend not having any. Get that ironed out first.

The happiest carefree days for us were early on in marriage when we had no kids and after they left.

Do little things for her when she doesn't expect it. Make important decisions together. Each partner needs to have their own turf.


+1 we had kids realtively early so we can ge tthem out of the house quick. we'll be 46 when the youngest is 18.

 

[Astro14]

Originally Posted By: javacontour
Take her on a canoe trip. If the two of you can paddle down a small river without killing one another or wanting to do so, then you will probably make a good match.

If not, a weekend canoe trip is cheaper than a marriage or a divorce.


Oh man...you are SO RIGHT...where were you 25 years ago???

 

[Pop_Rivit]

We've been married for 39 years-this summer it will be 40 years.

My wife is my best friend, my confidant, my life partner. If something were to happen to her I'd never marry nor again date. She's seen me at my best and worst, and I'm a better person because of her.

My wife has the warmest heart of anyone I know. She can be firm and a bit of a warrior when it comes to her professional life (she's a lawyer) but the side of her that I see is entirely different.

Whether it's out dancing or sitting on the porch swing holding hands she's the person that I love to spend time with.

There's nothing better than spending your life with the one person you love.

Originally Posted By: morris
before you get married sign an agreement for separating,


Prenuptual agreements are for those who are looking for an out even before they're married. If you think you have to sign one, then you're marrying the wrong person.

Originally Posted By: HM12460
You're better off with a new pick-up truck.


That's a sad, shallow view of something as wonderful as marriage.

 

[Patman]

I met my wife in September 97, proposed to her in September 99, got married in March 2000, we had a son in October 2001, and separated in December 2010.

Would I do it again? Definitely! Everything in life happens for a reason, the reason for our marriage was to produce our wonderful 9 year old son Alex. Even though I haven't been separated for very long, I've already started dating again and can't wait to find true love again. This time I can apply everything I learned from the first marriage to make the second one a lot more successful.

 

[Stewart Fan]

I met my wife when I was 19 and she was 21. On Septemeber 7th we'll have been married 15 years. Together 18 years.

I'll be 38 in August.

Its crazy to look back and realize we've been together 1/2 my life.

 

[The_Eric]

Wow! Lots of things that I strongly agree with and lots of parallelisms with our relationship.

We have been together for 14 years and counting. We started dating when I was a senior in high school and the story of our courtship (if it could be called that)is rather long and interesting, with a few plot twists, but suffice it to say, that we have not faltered and are still going strong. We are not married and do not intend to fix what is not broken.

She is 16yrs my senior and one [censored] of a woman. Very strong and opinionated. Not at all afraid to get her hands dirty or learn something new. While our interests couldn't be more different, we do think VERY much alike. We have very much the same views and opinions on many, many things and are ALWAYS there to lend a hand for the other. We are our own support group in many ways.

She is a wonderful woman and I look forward to many more years with her!

 

[TooManyWheels]

First read - This Review on Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay particularly points 6, 7 and 8.

I've been married thirty years, and I can tell you that the book reviewed and summarized in this article absolutely nails the essentials of staying together.

Then go to Amazon, buy the book itself, as well as the other 4 or 5 books of a similar nature which will pop up.

Also read the reviews for the book, The Five Languages of Love. See if the way she interacts with you corresponds to the way you need to be interacted with in order to feel special. This corresponds to the point in the Pavlina article - Does she serve you as an important resource in a way you care about?

 

[bradepb]

Married 30 years next year. Has it been worth it? kind of a toss up. Love my three kids but its also a toss up weather its worth it or not. Lots of good times but also lots af bad.

 

[Papa Bear]

Originally Posted By: bradepb
Married 30 years next year. Has it been worth it? kind of a toss up. Love my three kids but its also a toss up weather its worth it or not. Lots of good times but also lots af bad.


Sounds like a normal marriage to me. That's why the vows say "For better or worse, sick or well, rich or poor etc". Most of my bad times were where the situation fell short of my expectations.
I think the reason for all the divorces today is everyone expects too much.. the grass looks greener over there.

Recently, on our local TV, they were interviewing an old couple who had been married 75 years. The lady reporter asked the husband how he stayed happily (a subjective/relative term) married for that length of time... what was the secret. Without pausing, the man said "Honor your wedding vows".
I'm not saying that is the answer but it sure worked for that old couple.

 

[GROUCHO MARX]

There's no utopic recipe for marriage. No one can tell you what will work and what will not.

One things that is needed is a TOTAL commitment to each other as each of you will be tested in one way or another.

The thought of doing something that would hurt my spouse is unthinkable and I know she feels the same. The kind of person you are will determine the type of spouse you are. This goes for both of you.

It helps to have a sense of humor especially when one can laugh at oneself.

Marriage is a partnership. It doesn't succeed without effort. If you decide to marry, you have my best wishes and prayers for a lifelong partnership.

 

[onebigunion]

Lots of excellent points, the best being, IMO:

1. The canoe trip (or any other difficult, ptentially stressful activity - wallpapering, or taking a trip trying to read maps instead ofa GPS). A good indication of how fuutre stressufl and unexpected (and more serious) situations will go.

2. Examining the dynamics of what happens the first few times you have arguments or "fights".

3. Be very observant of your potential mother-in-law, ESPECIALLY how she interacts with your potential father in law.

4. I would add one more that I haven't seen - pay close attention to how your potential mate behaves towards others. If she's constantly critical of others or belittles people she views as beneath her - remember you're on a pedestal now but you won't always be.