Obviously we are in HUGE agreement on this simple requirement list.
I remember when I was car shopping in 2005. It was very important and I knew a lot about what I did NOT want. Just as important as what you do want...
Yeah, but you clearly have a drastically different preference for how your cars drive and handle. You've admitted it openly, this car (and thread) is not for you.
I can appreciate how your biases might cause you to not enjoy a car like the GTI, no matter how good it might be. If it doesn't have the basic characteristics you're looking for, then it doesn't matter if it's the best car ever.
But it is a great car, and it deserves all the praise it has received in the press. The same can be said for other turbo FWD sport-compacts, like Mazdaspeeds and Ford's ST line.