Adult kids leaving the nest and moving far away....

[RhondaHonda]

Grandparents being close is a blessing. Growing up mine were in bike distance from our house and my parents had to drag me home from their house every night of the week. They gave up on weekends. I spent so much time there I had my own room. Grandfather had all the time in the world to keep me out of trouble either hunting, fishing or taking me to college football games. You are lucky if your kids can spend time with them.

My mom retired just so she could have more time to spend with grandkids and the youngest 2 love hanging with her after preschool or her coming over to swim with them, etc. My grandparents didn’t live close when I was a kid so I saw them hardly ever. It’s great that my kids have a good bond with our parents and that our parents are in positions to spend time with the kids. We use my mom maybe one night a month to babysit if we have an event or dinner to go to and she is adamant about us asking her before using a babysitter. It’s nice not having to go through finding and vetting babysitter.

 

[ArrestMeRedZ]

I've got the opposite problem. I move, and the offspring follow. All 3 of my kids moved to Vegas where we now live, all at times moving in with us. Finally had to tell them the house was closed to any returns over 35 years old. Trouble is, their stepmother is way too nice.
If any of them have to come back again I'm going to just give up the house and try and get my wife and I into the Witness Protection Program. I might just have to start dabbling in organized crime to make that option available.
If we ever get grandkids out of the mix, that will likely change my outlook.

 

[svtrit]

I guess I am lucky, but we also live in a state and town with a very high quality of life (except for the weather). Two of my three kids have settled into their hometown. Kid three only lives 2.5 hours away, but had a grandkid right before he left....which is a bummer for us.

My poor parents had to deal with me moving my family to CA, taking 2 Grandkids with me. I fled to a State near my home state about 15 years ago. We live 4.5 hours home, which provides autonomy for us, but an opportunity to stay in touch easily.

One of my kids has expressed wanting to move somewhere warmer, and I don't doubt he will. It means I get to travel more!!

 

[Shannow]

Slightly different...my kids are 19 and 17 over the next few months, and live less than 3 miles away as the crow flies.

Last spent time with them Christmas 2019 when they were 16 and 14, and last saw them in real life in July and august 2020 when I ran into them at the mall. Zero contact since, but I did see my son in a car last weekend.

 

[ZZman]

Slightly different...my kids are 19 and 17 over the next few months, and live less than 3 miles away as the crow flies.

Last spent time with them Christmas 2019 when they were 16 and 14, and last saw them in real life in July and august 2020 when I ran into them at the mall. Zero contact since, but I did see my son in a car last weekend.

 

[Jack Watts]

Our oldest daughter moved to Colorado years ago and is married and has a 3 year old son. Our youngest daughter just moved to Florida with her boyfriend. Both are now far away from their Michigan roots. I know they must grow and spread their wings, but I wish they wouldn't have flown out if State. It makes it hard to see them and help them if needed.

How about you guys and gals out there?

I want to give you some perspective from the kid-side of things, as I don't have kids. I'm sure it's hard that they've moved such a distance. I'm sure it was hard on both of my parents as well, RIP to both of them. I grew up in a dying rust belt town, and my parents advice--to all of us--was to get the h-e double hockey sticks out of there, and go to a place that makes you happy. My brothers moved a few hours away. I moved a few hours a away for a few years, and then cross country to the left coast.

Fast forward 30 years, and life has frankly turned out great for me. And I have a really hard time imagining it turning out the same if I hadn't moved.

Thing is, my parents always hid their disappointment that we were so far away, especially me. I knew it bummed them out, but I think they didn't want to be a downer to me and make me feel guilty, and they were also genuinely happy that I was living somewhere where I absolutely loved being. And my hometown wasn't that.

So, my advice: try to hide your disappointment from your kids, cherish the time you get with them, and be happy for their successes. They moved because you gave them the tools to do so and be successful, so treat that as it's own reward. Their success and happiness is your, too.

 

[1uz_4me]

My parents live in the middle of San Diego, I'm in north county, middle brother lives near the US/Mex border, & the youngest lives probably 10mi from our parents. We're all close where we can see each other on short notice.
Middle brother has no kids but visits our parents often. They also meet for dinner at least once a week. Before the pandemic, my kids (13 & 9) would usually spend 1, sometimes 2, Saturdays a month at my parents house per their request. Youngest brother has a herd of 4 kids. He & his wife try to dump their kids on anyone dumb enough to answer the phone, 90% of the time with short notice. Their 3rd kid has Leukemia, so since the start of the pandemic, he is at their (parents) house often when he's not feeling well (usually after treatment, but sometimes it's just a bad day for him). We stay at from the house unless my parents give notice to the youngest that we're visiting so he'll have to make alternative plans for a week or 2 following our visit. It's unfortunate but an accommodation we can all make for my nephew's benefit. When my parents can't watch their herd, they threaten to move to Utah . This happens almost weekly for over a decade now. The honest & his wife get even more upset when no one reacts to their threats.

 

[JTK]

...They moved because you gave them the tools to do so and be successful, so treat that as it's own reward. Their success and happiness is your, too.

That's exactly right IMO.

If you do you best as a parent, the stars align and you've been able to raise independent young adults, they should be able to spread their wings and fly. It's natures way.

As a parent I'm finding this more difficult than I ever imagined.

 

[wpod]

Those ungrateful little you know whats.

 

[Al]

Birds gotta learn to fly;

View attachment 82953

This

 

[UG_Passat]

Our oldest daughter moved to Colorado years ago and is married and has a 3 year old son. Our youngest daughter just moved to Florida with her boyfriend. Both are now far away from their Michigan roots. I know they must grow and spread their wings, but I wish they wouldn't have flown out if State. It makes it hard to see them and help them if needed.

How about you guys and gals out there?

The opposite happened to me. My parents retired and moved across the country.

I got a job near them, so if anything happens, I'm close by instead of being across the country

 

[wpod]

My daughter, is 29 years old and owns two houses as rentals and she lives at home which I don't mind but one day she was complaining about something and ! said you have 2 houses , move into one of them !!! I got the expected huh as she went to her bed room about 10 minutes later she said dad I am not moving out it is too expensive , Kids these days what can you do!

 

[wpod]

That's exactly right IMO.

If you do you best as a parent, the stars align and you've been able to raise independent young adults, they should be able to spread their wings and fly. It's natures way.

As a parent I'm finding this more difficult than I ever imagined.

Todays kids are different. I loved my parents and was blessed but when 18 I moved out because I thought I was a big boy and would conquer the world. In retrospect I never should have left my mommy and daddy !

 

[doitmyself]

I have the opposite problem. Nearing retirement, my adult son has seriously offered us to move in with him, and my wife is in favor of it! His house is suitable for a "parent's annex" and he would certainly appreciate mortgage payment assistance as well as my jack-of-all-trades skills.

I can hear it now........"Dad!!, it's past your bed time! or "How come you stayed out so late, old man!" or "please, I can hear "those activities" through the walls", LOL.

 

[Pablo]

I have the opposite problem. Nearing retirement, my adult son has seriously offered us to move in with him, and my wife is in favor of it! His house is suitable for a "parent's annex" and he would certainly appreciate mortgage payment assistance as well as my jack-of-all-trades skills.

I can hear it now........"Dad!!, it's past your bed time! or "How come you stayed out so late, old man!" or "please, I can hear "those activities" through the walls", LOL.

"Dad you drank all my beer!!!"

All the jokes in the old days about kids never calling the parents, the mom griping about it and such............my youngest calls us all the time 2-3 times a day sometimes. Wife doesn't mind, I don't care too much, but I'm busy, come on............................................

 

[Andrew1972]

Downfall of living in a massive country.

 

[Badgerstate]

Our oldest daughter moved to Colorado years ago and is married and has a 3 year old son. Our youngest daughter just moved to Florida with her boyfriend. Both are now far away from their Michigan roots. I know they must grow and spread their wings, but I wish they wouldn't have flown out if State. It makes it hard to see them and help them if needed.

How about you guys and gals out there?

I moved from Wisconsin to Ohio and now seldom ever see or talk to my family. Its not ideal but I had to live my life. Its certainly take a tool on my relationship from my family but it is what it is.
At the end of the day, you have to live your life and do what makes you happy.

 

[PandaBear]

There are 2 sides to every possibility. I never regret moving out to a college town for 4 years, it let me grew up for real and have some real opportunities that I wouldn't have had I stay at home during college. I also didn't regret moving out of their home after saving up for a few years, but the financial cost was quite high and I could never do it had I make little to no money after college. The "experience" is not worth it had I need to pay for my own like typical American college kids, the extra student loans and extra rent you need to pay means you can easily be 10 years behind the rest of your peer had you stay home instead if you are not in high paying field like engineering or medical.

These days I think many kids would likely end up with a more useful online degree (boot camp, accounting, etc) instead of 4 years of liberal art with no jobs in the future in a college town far far away. The kids are smarter and wouldn't make the same mistake boomer parents shove down the kids in millennial generation. GenX parents are likely more flexible of kids living at home after graduation or during college than the boomers.

 

[alarmguy]

I have the opposite problem. Nearing retirement, my adult son has seriously offered us to move in with him, and my wife is in favor of it! His house is suitable for a "parent's annex" and he would certainly appreciate mortgage payment assistance as well as my jack-of-all-trades skills.

I can hear it now........"Dad!!, it's past your bed time! or "How come you stayed out so late, old man!" or "please, I can hear "those activities" through the walls", LOL.

Its a good problem to have! You raised him well.

 

[ripcord]

If you don't want your kids to live far away, don't pay for them to attend an out of state college. Most all of my friends who have done this never had their kids move back.