Woman and her dog in front of her sod home 1910 in South Dakota

[PWMDMD]

People rise to challenges, but do the least they have to.

The youth today aren't weak, just not challenged in the same way they would have been 100 years ago. Neither are any of us middle agers. If we/them are, there will be an adjustment period but people will rise to meet them. But when your meets are met while vegetating, why would you try harder?

Is it not a choice to lead an "unchallenged life"? My life has been and is at times very challenging. Sometimes because of some challenge I've chosen to take on and sometimes just because life goes sideways sometimes. I'm not saying I'm "hard" but I have one hell of a work ethic and keep a strict adherence to my moral and ethical views. My goal is to provide for my family, teach my children how to be adults, give back to my community, learn about the world and universe around me, and hopefully leave the world and people around me just a little bit better than it would've been without me. My life may not be just about survival like it likely was for this woman in 1910 but there is still A LOT to "live up to" in modern times. Modern life has a whole lot of challenges. It is my observations that todays youth is not even attempting to rise to meet current day challenges and instead are choosing to remain mute in their parent's basements playing video games.

 

[Jetronic]

Because they aren't challenges for them. Why do like you if you're happy with what you've got, or get?

 

[PWMDMD]

Because they aren't challenges for them. Why do like you if you're happy with what you've got, or get?

Yes, and as I said that is a failure of my generation and parenting. My kids could live a very cushy life - I make a lot of money, we have a very stable, calm, loving home but my wife and I control how much cushion our kids feel under their asses and intentionally make their lives uncomfortable at times. Want money and want to drive a car? Awesome, sounds like you need a job kid. That's all I said. Two days later he had a job and he's had one since and that was 18 months ago.

 

[nickaluch]

Yes, and as I said that is a failure of my generation and parenting. My kids could live a very cushy life - I make a lot of money, we have a very stable, calm, loving home but my wife and I control how much cushion our kids feel under their asses and intentionally make their lives uncomfortable at times. Want money and want to drive a car? Awesome, sounds like you need a job kid. That's all I said. Two days later he had a job and he's had one since and that was 18 months ago.

As I tell my 3 daughters I'm not your friend I'm your father. My youngest daughter boyfriend drove from CT to Long island to pick her up for New years Eve to go back to CT. He never came inside to greet us or wish a happy New year. I called her told her put the phone on speaker. Told him you come to pick up my youngest daughter you come in to greet me and my wife.

 

[supton]

I don't have any answers - just observations as someone who treats children/teens under stressful situations and children/teens with special health care needs. Here are my observations over the past. 15 years:

1. As I've said before it seems like 75% of my 14-22 years olds (they graduate to general dentistry after college) have a diagnosis of anxiety/depression and are being medicated for these conditions. This has gone up significantly in the past 15 years. I find many parents of these kids go beyond due diligence of caring for their children and it's more like a Munchausen by proxy where they're weirdly excited to justify the diagnosis. Kids seem to have very poor coping skills.

2. The majority of kids/teens can't have a simple conversation event at 15. "Hey, Sally, how are you?" is answered more often than not with, "I don't know." *** does, "I don't know" mean? Parents usually do not say anything. If one of my kids gave that answer you can bet that would be an immediate correction.

3. I have 3 year olds with a mouth full cavities who need to go to the hospital for general anesthesia and when I ask the parents if they brush the kid's teeth their answer is, "He doesn't let me" to which I reply, "Your job is to make him/her do things that they don't like to do but are in their best interest. You're bigger than them, do what you need to do." This may seem harsh but remember these kids are going to the hospital for GA because these parents can't figure out how to make a 30 lbs kid comply. When I've already spoke to them 6 months before about going to bed with a bottle of milk and they're still doing it and the parents says, "Oh we tried taking it away but they cried." And???? This lack of parenting just gets worse as the kid gets older and there seems to be ZERO compliance with anything by the time they're 6.

4. In my areas very few teens have jobs. Most seem to live a life of video games and leisure and no responsibility. Almost universally, kids with jobs seem well ahead of their peers in terms of communication and maturity.

5. Hiring 18-25 year olds has been a poop show with ONE exception. No work ethic, entitled, almost always causing trouble immediately, doesn't accept training or constructive criticism and want to pretend like they all know everything.

I have no doubt it is MY generation that has failed these kids. Being friends with kids above all else. Lawnmower parents. None of these parenting styles does a kid any justice. My wife and I are very 1950's in our parenting. When they were little they did it because we said to do it and we won 100% of the battles. We insisted on politeness, manners, kindness, and we corrected them when they did not comply. As teens now they pretty much behave 100% of the time and when they don't it usually just requires a comment and they shapeup. My 17 year old has been working since he has been old enough to work and my 15 and 12 year olds will follow. He has learned invaluable skills already. The world is a harsh place and it seems few parents are preparing their children for that world. I guess it explains the number of 30 year olds still living at home. I've always viewed my job as a parent is to prepare little people to become big people who are capable of taking care of themselves so they can live a life of meaning.

Can't disagree with you.

1. Ironically my new PCP was all over the idea of putting me onto an anti-depressant. Instead I got my IBS med refilled, which has an anti-anxiety added, and I think I'm seeing the difference, after a couple of weeks. Maybe it's the internet poisoning our minds, maybe some stress relief / coping mechanism got lost along the way.

2. Know that too well. My daughter can be coaxed into conversation, my son not so much. But he's on the autism spectrum (my mother has wondered if I was not also). At best I can coax out of him "I have no opinion" about this or that. Only video games get something out of him. I've yet to find anything to interest him.

4. I screwed us over on this one, as I never really liked the 'burbs, the city less. Here you gotta have a car in order to have a job. I was so glad when my son passed his driver's test and could drive himself to McD's for work (which we had to push into). No crime, quiet life--apparently no opportunity for kids to be kids I guess. Maybe kids need a dirty block to live on, one with opportunities to find work?

5. At least you're finding people, I'm not, and I have an HR dept who's job in life it is to do this. Looking at some of the incoming kids, they seem ok, but as a rule they've passed a 4 year engineering course, it might be watered down today but maybe that alters my perception a bit. I have at times wondered about the "there is no stupid question" though, sometimes I wonder if googling something got too hard for this upcoming generation?

6. I'm pretty sure I failed my kids but at the same time I'm not sure I didn't just repeat what has been going on for generations. Dad works, mom's busy, kids are on their own. Either you find internal motivation and make your own path--or you don't, you find external motivation (of whatever peer pressure, pick your poison) or settle for demotivation, I guess.

 

[PWMDMD]

Can't disagree with you.

1. Ironically my new PCP was all over the idea of putting me onto an anti-depressant. Instead I got my IBS med refilled, which has an anti-anxiety added, and I think I'm seeing the difference, after a couple of weeks. Maybe it's the internet poisoning our minds, maybe some stress relief / coping mechanism got lost along the way.

2. Know that too well. My daughter can be coaxed into conversation, my son not so much. But he's on the autism spectrum (my mother has wondered if I was not also). At best I can coax out of him "I have no opinion" about this or that. Only video games get something out of him. I've yet to find anything to interest him.

4. I screwed us over on this one, as I never really liked the 'burbs, the city less. Here you gotta have a car in order to have a job. I was so glad when my son passed his driver's test and could drive himself to McD's for work (which we had to push into). No crime, quiet life--apparently no opportunity for kids to be kids I guess. Maybe kids need a dirty block to live on, one with opportunities to find work?

5. At least you're finding people, I'm not, and I have an HR dept who's job in life it is to do this. Looking at some of the incoming kids, they seem ok, but as a rule they've passed a 4 year engineering course, it might be watered down today but maybe that alters my perception a bit. I have at times wondered about the "there is no stupid question" though, sometimes I wonder if googling something got too hard for this upcoming generation?

6. I'm pretty sure I failed my kids but at the same time I'm not sure I didn't just repeat what has been going on for generations. Dad works, mom's busy, kids are on their own. Either you find internal motivation and make your own path--or you don't, you find external motivation (of whatever peer pressure, pick your poison) or settle for demotivation, I guess.

Approximately 25% of my patients are on the spectrum - as you know that can range from otherwise seemingly neurotypical kids with very minor issues to non-verbal and violent and everything in between. My comments were about otherwise healthy/neurotypical kids. All of my parents with kids on the spectrum get a pass as far as my judgement of what's happening at home as I know it can very difficult no matter how hard you try.

My parents were workaholics and my father an alcoholic. I was latchkey kid from second grade on with older siblings "around" but not really supervising me. My childhood was very different from my kids but some how I figuring it out. As absent as my parents were growing up they did a fairly good job of conveying that life is difficult and it up to ME to figure it out. Even with their "easier life" somehow my kids are figuring out.

All this said, I get it, kids come from the factory with their own issues and personalities and baggage and sometimes the best intentioned parents still get kids with "issues" (we all have issues). My comments are essentially a summary of the "average kid" I see these days. The average kid has poor coping skills. The average kid can't communicate. The average kid has a poor work ethic. The average kid is saddled with anxiety and depression. This is seemingly different from my childhood where some kids had anxiety/depression. Some kids had poor work ethic. Some kids had a difficult time communicating. Some kids had poor coping skills. Most of my friends were latchkey kids too and yet they are all productive members of society.

Who knows, maybe there's TOO much parental involvement and kids needs to thrown in the lake earlier to see if they can figure it out - sink or swim. For my teens I expect them to handle most of their issues. A recent example, a friend of my 17 yo backed into his parked car causing $1600 in damage. That means he contacted his friend parents to figure out what they want to do. He drove the car to get quotes. He scanned the quotes and sent them to the other parents. I'm here to help and guide him but I'm not doing it because the car is his responsibility and he needs to learn how to handle these it. He has done a wonderful job and I think he feels empowered by the process. I think most parents would've taken the reins in this case.

 

[chrlsful]

...He never came inside to greet us or wish a happy New year. I called her told her put the phone on speaker. Told him you come to pick up my youngest daughter you come in to greet me and my wife.

hopefully as an offer (welcoming) nota demand (forced control).
Who knows what went on between them B4 the visit
in this regard. Ja ask her?

 

[nickaluch]

My lates

hopefully as an offer (welcoming) nota demand (forced control).
Who knows what went on between them B4 the visit
in this regard. Ja ask her?

He apologized nothing happened between them . It's called lack of respect bad upbringing maybe or a mistake. I have zero tolerance for it. I did see him yesterday wished him a happy New year big hug.

 

[chrlsful]

"...Who knows what went on between them..." sorry, many say I write too short' (I have a buncha learning disabilities).
Meaning ta say "what conversation they had, agreements, decisions, etc - pre/pick up."

The way you wrote the response "You..., you..." sounds demanding, forced control.

 

[loneryder]

South Dakota 1910- sure makes it looks like almost all of us today are leaving a dramatically better quality of life when it comes to housing.

A woman and her dog stand in front of her sod home during wintertime. She doesn't look the happiest, but it could have been VERY cold and really bright with the sun shining on the snow. Or...just look at how desolate it is. Your home in the middle of nowhere. She could have had a husband or another relative living with her.

It was a tough way to live, many did & they survived. Others packed up and left. You definitely have to admire their grit and determination. I'm sure many times throughout the winter, the days got long in the sod home. Reading the same newspaper over and over. When a neighbor visited it was the highlight of the week or month for them.

It's hard for us to imagine.....

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A friend of mine was one of 12 children from ND. He played on a National Champ college hockey team around 1960. All the kids left except one who is still there. There are only 3 of them left alive.